Crushing Gravity
Chapter 12
I spend all of Sunday locked in my room. Mrs. Fuller comes knocking for lunch, but I ignore her, and Brady knocks an average of five times. He asks to talk; he asks me what happened; he threatens to break down the door; he calls me a baby throwing a tantrum.
I ignore him, even though it's really hard. I've got no control over my emotions, so I take my medication.
And then I take it again when the sun is long set, and again when it's risen and time for school.
I get ready calmly, and when Brady's face shows surprise as I open my door just as he's about to knock, I blink slowly at him, and tell him to hurry up. I'm already ready to go.
Because I had come to a decision. A selfish one. I would pretend all this weekend was a dream. Nothing changed and nothing new or odd happened. My friend did not kiss me. She told me she was a giant wolf, and then she walked me home and we parted ways.
It's believable. I almost believe it.
Except I still remember her warm lips, so gentle. I remember her hands, capturing, but not restraining. And I remember her crying for me, because my reaction hurt her.
She expected me to freak out about the wolf thing, that's the obvious one to freak about, but I reacted so well and how was she to know I would react the way I did about her kiss.
I should have stayed, told her calmly that I wasn't looking for something like that. But no, like Brady said, I threw a tantrum.
So I'm going to go a little more and pretend it didn't happen. Everything will stay the same. It doesn't.
Jacob does not pick us up today. His shiny black car rolls up, but Leah is behind the wheel, worrying her bottom lip into a bloody mess. She licks it and turns to me with nervousness across her entire face.
I watch as it heals before my eyes, returning to the smooth that it always was, the smooth lips that I remember caressing mine.
I quickly look back up to her eyes, suddenly feeling flustered, and get into the passenger seat.
"Does that healing thing have something to do with you being wolf?" I ask as she opens her mouth to say something. I watch her curiously as she tilts her head in confusion. She was expecting something else.
"Yes," she answers slowly. "We heal super fast. We also run at 108 degrees which is why I'm so hot to you." She reaches out, placing the back of her hand against my cheek, before flushing and snatching it back. "Sorry," she stammers.
She wouldn't have thought anything of it before, touching my cheek, if she hadn't kissed me, and I can tell she thinks that it's a mistake.
"What else is there?" I ask, ignoring her apology. Brady finally gets into the back seat, without complaint.
"Besides turning into I giant wolf?" She laughs. "We are really fast and strong. We are tougher than humans."
"I know," I grimace, rubbing my knuckles. "You all hurt to punch."
"You should stop hitting werewolves then," she scolds. "They are really easy to anger."
I falter, my playful attitude dropping.
Easy to anger is never good, even on a human. But humans, compared to giant wolves, would be so much easier to defend against. How far would a wolf go, if I were to anger it badly enough?
"Hey- I- I would never hurt you." She says, seeming to catch my thoughts. "You know that right?"
"Yeah," I say. I know she would never hurt me.
"And no one else in the pack would dare."
"Yeah," I repeat, less sure.
"Seriously," she leans across the seat, laying a hand on my knee. I flash back to the other night. Her face is close again, close enough to see the gold, and it's not uncomfortable. "I would never let anyone hurt you."
I don't know how to respond to that.
"Yeah," Brady says from the back seat. Leah pulls away fast, glaring at the younger boy. "You would literally kill anyone if they did, or even tried."
I smile as she growls at him in that wolfy way of hers.
"Thanks, Wolfe," I grin, and she immediately stops growling. She stares at me for several seconds before blushing and facing front.
She finally starts to drive.
When we get to school, we part ways with Leah looking confused and lost again. She didn't expect things to be normal the next time she saw me, but I'm good at this: pretending something didn't happen.
In my classes, it's odd that I'm able to focus. My mind and attention are slow, but I don't fidget or get distracted by something out the window. I don't even feel like I'm really there.
"You seem...different," Leah tells me at lunch, hesitantly.
"I took my medicine for my ADHD this morning. I normally don't."
"Oh," she falls quiet, tearing up a string of grass growing from a crack in the concrete.
We are where we were the time she confronted me about being my friend; it's where we've been eating since, and the days are growing warmer, if not any less wet.
Exams are only a week away. It's really amazing how it's already been three months.
"So," she hesitates. "... I'm sorry; what's going on? I don't understand."
I sigh heavily, placing my lunch to the side. We had only made it half a day.
"Look... I'm sorry about how I reacted last night. It was really childish of me and I shouldn't have run away."
She fiddles with the string of grass, ripping it to pieces. "Why did you?"
"You surprised me, okay? And I was scared. I'd never even thought of anyone that way before so I never would have even thought that you would...like me like that. You can't like me like that." I stare at her hard wanting her to face me so she can see my seriousness.
She does look at me, and her gaze stuns me.
"But I do."
"Well, stop," I beg. "Just stop liking me."
"I can't."
"Why not?" I ask. "Turn it off; just stop. Don't like me."
She looks baffled, like I'm not understanding something so simple when it should be the other way around.
"You really haven't liked anyone before, have you?"
Now I'm confused. "I just said that."
"Sam, you can't control who you like or fall in love with," she says slowly. "I can't control how I feel about you, I just feel it."
I feel shaken; my hands are shaking. Why couldn't we just pretend? She said we could pretend.
I can't meet her eyes anymore, looking down into my lap. My hands become absolutely still. "I can't...like you like that. I thought we were just friends; I didn't know. I'm sorry that you might be hurting."
She reaches out and picks up my hand. Her warm fingers caress my knuckles and trace my palms, and I don't feel like shaking her off. It's strange, but I like it when she holds my hand.
"If all you want is a friend, then that's what I'll be. But if you ever do want something more..."
"Thanks," I smile at our hands. Everything will be okay after all. Nothing has to change.
I stand up as the bell rings, letting her hand go so I could collect my half eaten lunch.
It feels different now, when she grabs my hand back up as we walk down the hall, now that I know of her feelings. I'm not sure how it is different.
There is just a squirming feeling in my belly like when I'm about to throw up, except it doesn't feel like I'm going to throw up and I don't feel sick. Well, a little hot in the head; maybe I am coming down with something.
"Are you coming over today?" I ask before she can leave me at the doors to the girls' locker room.
She gives me a regretful look. "I've got patrol today."
"That's when you run around as Wolfe?" I ask starting to smile. "So you'll just meet me in the woods then?"
She laughs, well, snorts.
"Yeah."
"Cool," I grin and turn into the locker room so I get out of the doorway.
A/N: Aaaand we're getting somewhere! Please review and let me know your thoughts!
~Silver~