Crushing Gravity
Chapter 23
"So," Lyla says, fiddling with the hem of her shirt like I always remember her doing. She pulls her feet up on my bed, tucking them under her. She stares out my bedroom door like she could see down the hall to the small light illuminating the bathroom. "Girlfriend, huh?"
The awkwardness is so tangible that I can taste it, so I stare down at the set of clothes piled on my sister's lap as we wait for my girlfriend to get out of the shower. She had been kind enough to allow Leah to go first since they are both spending the night.
Mrs. Fuller offered Lyla the couch instead of driving back to Forks and searching for a motel- if they even have one.
"Yeah," I answer with a blush. I'm still embarrassed about crying all over her, and she's embarrassed that I'm embarrassed.
She turns her head to face me, a deep sadness and longing simmering in her familiar eyes.
"God, I missed so much. What else happened with out me? Who took you to get feminine products the first time you had your period; who taught you how to drive; have you had your first time yet? Who was your first date, or your first kiss?"
A slow burn works its way up my neck, centering in my cheeks and pulsing in my temple.
"Lyla," I protest, drawing further away on my bed.
"Oh, come on, Baby Girl, who was it? I really want to know." She sets her hand overtop mine and it's cooler than I'm used to.
"Leah," I answer reluctantly. "She was my first kiss and first date."
"Really?" She smiles, cooing at me. "Awe, that's so cute! Do you love her?"
I feel awkward again, the conversation feeling something like gossip with a stranger. Lyla is a stranger to me. I don't know her anymore and she doesn't know me. But that's what she's trying to do now, isn't it? Get to know me again? That's what she said she was here for.
It just feels a little fast, I guess. I thought that I hated her not two hours ago.
"I love her," I say, looking down at the hand resting on mine. It feels weird that it's not Leah. She's the only one allowed to touch me... But Lyla used to touch me, hug me, patch me up all the time. She was the most important thing to me after mom was killed.
She's not anymore.
"She is everything to me," I admit in a low voice that seems to be loaded with meaning, even to me.
Lyla studies me in silence until there is a short rap on the open door.
"Bathroom's open," Leah says glancing at my older lookalike before all her attention is on me.
"Right," Lyla says, standing and gathering her pile of borrowed clothes. She hesitates at the door with a wavering look back. "Goodnight Sammy."
"Night," I respond.
She closes the door behind her, leaving just me sitting on the bed and Leah lingering by the light switch.
I get the feeling that I'm about to have another gossip session with the person we were just talking about, about the person I was talking about her with. But then Leah flips off the light, sending the room in a darkness that is impossible to see in.
Springs groan as the bed dips with added weight. I shuffle blindly as blankets are pulled back, and I'm soon slipping into the covers next to a heated body. Our feet slide together until we finally settle in a comfortable embrace.
Leah's damp hair is slightly annoying so I slide lower on the bed, resting my head on her chest instead of the pillow, and her fingers trace soothing circles on my bare arms.
I have taken to wearing less to bed whenever she stays over, because if I don't, I always wake up overheated and sweating in the middle of the night. Leah's wolf blood makes in impossible to wear layers when we cuddle, but I've gotten better at being around her like this.
"So that's your sister?" She asks the ceiling.
"Uh huh," I sigh and nuzzle my nose into her chest. She shivers.
"Okay." And that's it. Straining my eyes in the darkness, I can see the glint of the window. I wait for her to say more, staring at it until my eyes grow heavy and I'm reminded of my few not-so-nonalcoholic drinks tonight. I drift off to a deep, dreamless, sleep.
...
My come to consciousness is a sudden and painful thing. The change is so quick, that I at first don't realize that I'm actually awake, or rather, had been asleep.
I snap to an upright position, chest heaving in panic and eyes strained wide to take in as much detail as possible in the dimly lit room. After a few shaky breaths, my shoulders slump as my mind processes that what I had been experiencing wasn't really happening. That it was just one of my various night terrors.
Before I can relax for long, my heart once again leaps into my throat as a shadowed silhouette moves from my peripheral.
"Easy," the tired voice says before I can do more than suck in a sharp breath. "You were making noises again. You were dreaming."
I relax again at my foster brother's familiar voice.
"Sorry Brady," I sigh, wiping sweat from my forehead.
"It's fine," he yawns. "You want to talk about it?"
I open my mouth to deny the offer like I always have, but this time I hesitate.
"No," I finally say. "No, I'm fine now. Thank you for waking me."
"Yeah, yeah, sure." He doesn't get up and leave, though, like he normally does, even though the first day of school is in the morning. He settles down on the end of the bed, making me have to fold my feet or be sat on.
"How are things going with Leah by the way? She's been acting...different with you. Is everything okay? She won't think anything about it while she's shifted."
I'm both embarrassed, and annoyed. Ever since she found out what happened to me in the past, she acts like she's walking on eggshells.
She's always been gentle with me, but now she's acting like one, firm poke will have me come apart like wet tissue paper. She's not as confident in touching me and she doesn't kiss me as much, or it's just a little peck when she does. Sure she kisses back when I initiate a kiss, and willingly allows it to deepen when I do that to, but it almost makes me feel like a slut when I try to get her to kiss me for real.
After everything that I've been through, does it make me a slut if I still want to be close to her? If I still want her to touch me, just a little, and kiss me until my head is spinning?
No, no, I know that it's doesn't, and I've read things that someone like me might feel that way. I know it's just my insecurities, but... I hate that feeling I get every time she pulls away and her eyes show hesitance, uncertainty, and sadness. She looks at me like I'm broken.
And I hate that it's true. That she can see it now.
"Sam?"
"What?" I blink at Brady, dragging my eyes up from my lap.
"Is everything okay?" He asks again, and I'm reminded of his original question that led to my line of thinking.
"Yeah, yeah. It's just that she found out something about me, and she doesn't really know how she's supposed to act. She's coming with me to California for Christmas break though. Lyla asked me to visit."
"I did hear about that," he nods his head, looking just a little bit more awake as he folds his legs to sit crisscross. "So you forgave her?"
"No, well, maybe. I guess." He starts to smile and I scowl at him. "I didn't know, okay? For the longest time I always pictured her coming to save me from the system and asking me to go live with her again, but now I know that she was the reason I was in the system to begin with. I still love her, but I kind of hate her too now that she's actually here and wants me to live with her. It's like a warped version of my fantasy."
He frowns, becoming a little upset. "She wants you to move to California? Are you going to do it?"
"I don't know," I admit, slightly taken aback by how offended he seems of the idea. "Maybe eventually, but not this year. We're not close enough for that and..." I blush. "I kind of like it here."
Brady shifts on the bed, causing me to subconsciously move as well, scooting back to lean against the wall.
"Well, if you did leave, Leah would no doubt follow. She wouldn't be able to let you go even if she wanted to. Not unless you told her that you didn't want her, but she wouldn't be able to survive that."
I shift awkwardly. Isn't that one of those things he's supposed to keep a secret?
"Why does she like me," I ask, staring closely at his expression. "Has she ever told you why?"
It's because of my scrutiny that I catch the sudden tensing in his jaw and the slight shift of his eyes darting away.
"Er, well, see, I'm not supposed to tell you that. It's kind of complicated."
Complicated. I hate that word even though it sums up my entire life.
"Fine," I huff, "what ever."
He grins cheekily at me, once again shifting from his spot.
"Awe, come on, Sammy, lighten up; I really can't tell you!"
I bristle at the name coming from him and my fist snaps out to punch his chest as hard as I can. He laughs, moving as he rubs his peck.
"Fine, fine, not Sammy then. Then what else can I call you?"
"Sam," I deadpan.
"But there's already a Sam in our group."
"Then call me Honey like Emily does." I regret the sarcastic comment even as it's leaving my mouth, because I know that he just might do it. Then another thought makes a sly smile form. "But if you do, Leah might bite you."
Brady's humor vanishes, replaced with haunted eyes as he rubs his shoulder where she tore into him not to long ago for jumping out of the trees and trying to scare me in wolf form.
When the fright caused me fall and scrape my palms, Wolfe over-reacted just the littlest bit. It was all very sweet though, or it would have been if her muzzle weren't smeared with blood.
I snicker at his expression, and he allows his own slight smile in response before he leans forward off the wall to stand up.
I startle when I realize that our arms have been brushing for the past half hour that we've been talking. He had been sitting right next to me, touching me, and I didn't even really notice until he moved away.
He's been touching me for so long, and I was okay with it.
"So, are you feeling a little better?" He asks, looking down at me from his spot I hadn't even realized he'd moved in to. "Do you think you could get some more sleep before school?"
I nod somewhat numbly, confused about why, even now that I'm aware of it, there is no panic in his closeness. He reaches out and gently muses my already out of place hair.
"Get some rest then," he suggests softly with another yawn as he stands and makes his way to the door. "I'll see you in a few hours."
"Okay," I tell the closed door, and after staring at it for a full minute, I realize just how tired I actually am.
I lay back in my blankets, pulling them up to my chin as I silently ponder the strange feeling of peace when I know I've just had one of my bad dreams.
I close my eyes and slip into unconsciousness once more.
A/N: So, I realized that I might have too many Leah/Sam moments so there's some Brady love in there for you. If you are fine with all the mushiness, stay tuned for the next chapter where Leah and Sam have another much needed talk.
Is this story too long? I'm currently writing chapter 28 on my phone and I don't know how much longer till the end. Usually when I think of something big to happen in a chapter, it usually stretches into two.
Anyway, let me know what you think!
~Silver~