My eyes feel almost like they're glued together as I try to peel them open, the lights above me shine brightly in my eyes. For a split second, I think maybe I didn't make it, and this is heaven, but the beeping of hospital machines reminds me I am not that lucky.
"She's awake," A lady comes to my bedside, a nurse, "Hi, sweetie,"
"It was my fault, I didn't look when I crossed," My voice sounds so croaky.
"Don't you worry about that, you just count yourself lucky okay, do you want me to get one of your moms?" She asks. I feel confused, forgetting that I was fostered last week, they're not my parents, but I nod anyway. She walks out and I look down at my body, I'm covered in cuts and bruises and my ankle is all wrapped up. For a moment I'm terrified I might be paralyzed, so I try my hardest to wiggle my toes and move my legs, luckily I can, they just feel a little numb and tired.
"Hey, sweetie, how ya feeling?" Lena says, as she and Stef come and stand either side of my bed.
"Just really tired, sorry about this," I laugh, "I guess trouble just follows me,"
"You could say that again, it's okay love, we're just glad you're okay," Stef says, "Oh you're legs are moving, that's great!"
"Were they not moving before?"
"They were the first few days, and then they were completely unresponsive," She touches my leg just above my bandage.
"Few days?" I feel a little disoriented, "How long have been out?"
"You've been in and out for about a week, you don't remember being awake the past few days?" I shake my head, "You were up eating toast, talking nonsense, AJ's got a video of you, it's pretty funny actually," Lena laughs.
"AJ, is he here?"
"He's been here all week, Mike took him home, he was exhausted. Ty was here too," Stef says it quietly as if the quieter she talks the less angry it will make me, but I keep my cool.
"How? He's in prison?"
"He had a temporary compassionate release," Compassionate is the last word I would use to describe him, "It doesn't matter about him, Mariana and Jesus are still here, you want me to get them?" Stef asks me, I nod, and she leaves me alone with Lena.
"I'm so glad you're okay sweetie, you scared the crap out of me," She strokes my hair, "The doctor said once you're a little less groggy you'll be good to come home, it's only your ankle that's sprained,"
"That's good I guess, it could have been a lot worse, I'll pay you back for the hospital bills when I get a job,"
"Don't worry about that right now sweetie, come on, I'll sit you up," She pushes the button on the side of my bed and I move so I'm sitting upright.
"Hey!" Mariana and Jesus come in.
"Alright, I'm just going to get some coffee," Lena says and leaves.
"Hey, how are you?" Mariana asks me, I feel Jesus' hand secretly slip under my blanket to hold mine, I squeeze it.
"I'm fine, just tired and sore, apparently I'm really lucky,"
"Yeah you are, they said if you had hit your head you might have had brain damage or something," Jesus said, I can feel his gigantic hand stroke mine.
"Mariana, do you think you get me some water? My mouth is so dry,"
"Sure, I'll be right back," Jesus and I both watch patiently as she closes the door behind her, the second it closes we both turn to each other and we kiss.
"I'm so glad you're okay, I thought I'd lost you, it made me realize that I can't make you be with me, life is short and you have to do what's best for you,"
"No, you're right about life being short, I like you a lot Jesus and I don't know how long I'll be around so I want to make the most of my time with you, but there are things you need to know, I've done some pretty bad-"
"What's going on?" We turn to the door and AJ is standing there staring at us, I quickly drop Jesus' hands and try to act normal.
"Nothing we just-"
"Jesus, I think you just go," He says, neither of us argue back. AJ slams the door behind Jesus, "What the hell are you doing? I thought you wanted to be fostered, for your future, Cress, you can't do this." He sits on the edge of my bed and I sit up to face him.
"AJ, I can't help it, I've been fighting this and trying to figure out what to do, but I really like him and I can see a future with him,"
"If Stef and Lena found out about this-"
"They won't, please AJ, don't tell anyone, I'm not gonna be living with them for that long, and it's not like I'm actually related to any of them," He looks at me, he sees that I need this.
"Fine, but you've gotta be careful, that could have been anyone standing in that doorway, you're lucky it was me," He's still so mad, he just walks out. He ignored Mariana as he passes her in the hall, she comes in smiling with a cup of water, but her smile fades when she sees me.
"What was all that about?" She hands me the cup, "Was it what you told me last week?"
"No, it was something else, but I still have to tell him that, but if he was mad at me for this other thing he's gonna freak out if I tell him about mom,"
"Yeah but he's your family, nothing comes between that,"
"I don't know, he's really angry,"
"Hey, Mariana," We look to the door and there's another visitor, it's the boy from the photos, Brandon.
"Brandon," She hugs him, "What are you doing here?"
"Uh, moms told me what was going on and I just wanted to come back and check on you guys. Hi," He turns to me, "I'm Brandon," I shake his hand.
"I'm Cressida, you're replacement," I joke.
"It's nice to meet you, sorry about the accident. Mariana, moms said to tell you to meet them outside, they're waiting for you and Jesus, they have to get to work and you've got school,"
"What about Cressida? She can't stay here alone, that's so sad,"
"I'm gonna stay if that's cool?" He asks me.
"Yeah, whatever," I smile.
"Ugh fine, I'll see you later Cress," Mariana hugs me.
Brandon pulls up a chair next to me and kind of awkwardly looks around, he's a cool guy, I mean he has a good sense of fashion and his hair isn't tragic. He seems nice too, and I already know he's talented.
I go back to thinking about my feelings for Jesus, I know the guilt will eat me, but I've made my choice now. If I can just tell him and AJ what I did, maybe some of the guilt will fade away, but I might lose them both. I just know I have to at least one thing right in my life.
"You okay? You look a little... troubled," Brandon says.
"Yeah, just dealing with a moral dilemma," I laugh.
"You wanna tell me about it, I've had my fair share,"
"I guess, well basically, I'm seeing someone, and he's awesome he's great, we work so well together, the only thing is, the relationship can't be, it's wrong, and if people found out we would both get in a lot of trouble," I basically tell him the exact situation without using any names, "I like him a lot and I don't want him to get in trouble, but I feel without purpose if I don't have him, and he says he feels the same,"
"I've been there... like literally, that exact thing happened to me,"
"Really? With who?" He seems like such a good boy.
"Callie," He laughs, I'm in pure shock, "Yeah I know, it seems so gross now, she's my sister. It happened before she was adopted though,"
"Did anyone find out?"
"Yeah, everyone did, I had to move out, and then she had to move out, and then my mom got a restraining order from her, it was a huge mess,"
"So that's what'll happen to- to my boyfriend,"
"How do you know it'll be that bad? Who is it?" I give him one sorrowful look and he figures it out, "Cressida, you can't, you can't date Jesus, just wait until you're not fostered anymore, when you age out of the system, trust me you don't want to get into this, and you don't want to end up back in another group home, and Jesus will get in so much trouble! I know we just met and I can't really tell you what to do with your life, but I have to look out for Jesus,"
"I know, but... I think, I don't know, but I think I love him," He doesn't respond, "You won't tell anyone will you?"
"No, I won't, but I really think you should end it, if Jesus feels the same way about you, he'll wait for you," He looks me in the eyes, "You have to be smart about this, this isn't just about the two of you, this could mess up the whole family,"