Chapter 17
Where do I go from here?
Noor sat in the window seat overlooking the garden. Wafeyy sat at her feet while she idly petted his head. Tears slipped down her reddened cheeks. The sun was rising slowly in the East. Miriam came up behind her and slipped her arms around Noor's shoulders and began to rock her slowly. Noor's body was wracked with sobs.
"Are you alright, a'Tfaalee? Shh, hush, baby. Shh." Miriam made the noises that came to her by habit. Rocking Noor and calming her like she had when the girl was small.
"Oh, Miriam, why? I didn't expect it to last for long and I didn't fool myself that my dream would come true. But all the same I hate it! Miram why did it have to happen this way?" Noor sobbed into the older woman's arms.
Miriam continued to rock her gently as the girl cried. "Hush, baby; it will be okay." It was a pity, Miriam thought. She was just beginning to like this young Crusader.
"So what happens now?" Noor asked her quietly. "What do I do?"
"You live, Noor. It does no good to mourn the past. The past and all it holds are dead for you. You live and you love and you go on. You are a Princess, Noor. It isn't easy and it isn't always glamorous. Occasionally it means giving up the things you want the most but it is the role Allah has chosen for you." Miriam stroked the girl's hair as her sobs subsided into soft tears.
Noor straightened her shoulders and stared into the sunrise. Miriam was right. Robin was dead to her. Summoning all of her strength Noor raised her chin. "It's alright Miriam. I'm ok. You'll see. In three months time I'll be fine." Noor shrugged her shoulders and wiped her eyes again. "Well maybe not that fine, but I'll survive anyhow."
Standing, Noor pushed her hair out of her eyes. "So where do we go from here?"
Miriam nodded sadly at Noor. "We go to Medina and you announce that you are bearing the Sultan's child. By the time you return to Jerusalem the Crusader will be forgotten or gone and you will live your life. For now you should take a hot bath and sleep though." Miriam smiled at Noor and tried to appear brave. It hurt her more than anyone could imagine watching the child suffer. Miriam had raised her since she was small and thought of her as if the girl were her own. She would endure an amazing amount of suffering to keep Noor from harm but somehow she couldn't take the pain for her now.
Noor nodded and walked into the bathing chamber. She sat in the hot water in a daze. She would go to Medina and when she returned Robin would be forgotten. One day he would go home to England and forget she had ever existed. He would make a life with the Marion he had told her of once. They had never existed, Noor told herself. Everything was an illusion. A touch of magic conjured by the magical bird in Salahadin's gilded cage.
Leaving the bath chamber Noor stood dumbly while the maids dried her and helped her into sleeping robes. When she had settled into bed the women had drawn the drapes and closed the door. Noor quietly sobbed herself to sleep.