As we all sit down to dinner, I start to get extremely nervous, why did I tell Callie she could ask Lena in front of all of the others? I know I feel better once they all know but I'm terrified for their reaction. I'm assuming Stef already knows, and Mariana knows too, so that only leaves Callie, Jude and Jesus, I have no idea how he'll react. I guess it doesn't matter, we're not together anymore, he probably won't wait for me though. Whatever, I have to live with my mistakes.
"Where's Mariana?" Lena asks noticing she's the only one missing from the table.
"She's in her room with Emma, they're writing code," Jesus starts scarfing down his food, I'm trying not to look at him because all I wanna do is kiss him.
"Mariana!" Stef shouts up the stairs, "Time for Emma to go, it's dinner time," Moments later she comes stomping down the stairs.
"We have to get this done by tomorrow morning, it's important," She starts to storm off again.
"Mariana, get back here," She reluctantly turns around, "You're going to ask Emma to leave and you're going to have dinner with us as a family," This whole evening just got more intense.
Callie keeps staring at me all throughout dinner, she waits until Stef and Lena are done asking about school and stuff, everything goes quiet.
"Lena, can I ask you something?" I avoid eye contact with her, but I can feel her eyes burning through me.
"Sure honey,"
"Uh, Cressida says you know," She pauses to look back at me, but I stare down at my dinner, "She says you know her secret, and that I should ask you,"
"Callie, maybe you shouldn't-" Mariana says.
"It's fine," I say, still not looking up.
"Um, Cressida, are you sure you want this?" I just nod, "Okay, then I guess I'll tell you all," Now Jesus won't stop staring at me. Half of me wants to tell Lena not to say anything, but the other half knows that I'm much better off having the people around me know, "Cressida was convicted for manslaughter," All of them look at me, I still can't look any of them in the face, "She was trying to save herself and her birth mother from an awful situation, and it was her mother that lost her life, it was a mistake, that she regrets deeply. Right Cress?"
"Right?" I whisper, trying to fight back tears.
"You killed your mom?" I'm still not looking at him but I know Jesus is disgusted.
"Jesus!" Stef yells.
"What? You're the ones who invited her to live with us, how could you keep this from us?" He gets up slamming his plate down, "And how could you keep this from me?" He points at me, he shakes his head and storms out.
"Jesus, please!" I try to follow him, but Stef stops me at the bottom of the stairs.
"Let him cool down, sweetie," She wraps her arms around me. I turn back to face the others. They're all shocked, Mariana sits there unsure of how to help me.
"I'll talk to him," She says hesitantly and follows him up the stairs.
"Come on, let's finish dinner," I sit back down to eat.
"Well, I understand, I mean I don't know the whole story but if my moms trust you, then so do I," Brandon sort of pats me on the back, but it's reassuring.
"Yeah, me too," Jude smiles. I look to Callie, we were becoming friends, I hope she doesn't hate me.
"I'm a little lost, if I'm being honest, but yeah, I trust Stef and Lena's judgement,"
"Oh," I sigh with relief, "Thank God, I need to talk to Jesus," I get up.
"Cress," Brandon stops me, "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, it's fine," I go upstairs and I hear him and Mariana talking from outside.
"I don't get why you're so mad at her, yeah what she did was really dumb but it was a mistake and it was a long time ago, she's done time for it, don't punish her anymore," Mariana says.
"You don't get it Mariana, she lied to all of us, and so did moms,"
"I know, but she was terrified to tell all of you, that's why she asked mama to do it,"
"You knew about this as well? What the hell Mariana why didn't you tell me?" I peak through the crack in the door and see the fury in his face.
"Why do you care so much? You've known her like ten minutes and I've never seen you spend any time with her,"
"That's where you're wrong,"
"What does that mean?" I start to panic he's going to tell her, "Are you like, into her?"
"No, no of course not," I take a sigh of relief, "It's just, we were getting on really well and I feel like everyone's always keeping secrets from me,"
"Well that's your problem, your insecurity and you have to learn to live with that," Suddenly Mariana opens the door to me, they both see me standing here red faced, she walks past me.
"Jesus, let me explain,"
"I don't wanna hear it," He tries to shut the door on me but I'm strong enough to push past him, "I'm serious, get out,"
"Please, just listen to me for a second," He looks at me, I feel like I've broken his heart.
"Fine, you have 30 seconds,"
"My moms boyfriend was awful, he used to beat the crap out of me and my mom, I was trying to hurt him, there was no other way, he told my teachers I was a compulsive liar and the copes thought the same thing, I had no one to turn to, it was my only option,"
"This doesn't explain why you killed your own mother, you complain about being a foster kid but it's your own fault!"
"I was trying to kill him!" I scream, "I know it's awful and I would have gone to Juvie anyway, but I had to do something to help my mom, he would have killed her, but my mom ended being the one in the kitchen, I was trying to gas him, but I had headphones so I couldn't hear any struggling, I waited until I heard him go into the kitchen, I didn't check, it wasn't him,"
"Your 30 seconds are up, get out," He pushes me hard out into the hall and slams the door, I fall face first on the floor.
"Oh my God, Cressida," Mariana and Callie rush over to me and help me up.
"What is going on up there?" Stef comes up the stairs and sees me grasping my ankle in pain, "Is your ankle acting up?"
"No, Jes-"
"Yeah," I stop Mariana, I don't wanna get Jesus in trouble for pushing me, "I just rolled on it, it's fine,"
"Alright well let's get you sitting down," She tries to help me into our room but we're stopped when she sees the papers everywhere, "Oh for Godsake, come on," She and Callie help me down the stairs to our make shift beds. Callie and I end up crashing early for the night, but we don't sleep we talk more, she asks me more questions about my story but I tell her it's really hard to talk about, and that one day I will tell her, just not yet.
"So... Are you going to tell AJ?" She asks me, she says it delicatley trying to protect my feelings.
"I don't know, if Jesus reacted like that, how will AJ react?"
"It's just that even Mike knows, and now everyone knows, I think he'll even madder knowing he was the last one to find out, even Ty knows, I just can't face it. God I'm so weak," I sit up.
"You're not weak, look at what happened today, you're still standing strong, yeah you're a little scared but you got through it, and that's what matters, I think you can tell him and get through it," She basically says all the things Mariana said to me. I really do feel loved in this house.
"I really thought you'd all hate me and have Stef and Lena kick me out,"
"No of course not, and even if we weren't cool with it we still wouldn't get a say in whether or not you stay, either way, you have to put up with us for a while," She laughs.
"Are you kidding? You guys are the ones putting up with me, you lost your bed, there's hardly any hot water in the mornings, if you hadn't of been sleeping on that fold out bed, then Mariana wouldn't have to spread her coding out everywhere, and if I wasn't here none of that crap with Jesus would have happened,"
"We're glad that you're here, well maybe not Jesus but the rest of us are. You know, I don't get why Jesus is so mad, it's like he's taking it all personally, you guys went on one date like two weeks ago, it's not like it was anything serious,"
"Callie there's something else you need to know," I avoid eye contact again, my only tactic for surviving these days, "Brandon had already told me about the two of you before you did,"
"He did?" She seems confused but not mad, "Why?"
"He was giving me advice about something, about someone," I look her in the eye, so I don't have to say it.
"Oh, God, Cressida," She buries her face in her hands.
"We ended it though, before today, we knew it was stupid and we couldn't live with the guilt, but that's why he's so angry with me, because I kept it from him, please don't be mad Callie,"
"I'm not mad, I'm just surprised, but I'm glad you ended it, but what are you going to know? Moms will start to figure he's not mad for the reasons he says he is, then what?"
"I just need to get him to understand why I couldn't tell him, then your moms won't need to know anything, you're not going to say anything are you?"
"No, no of course not, just don't fall for him harder, keep your distance, I'll talk to him for you,"
"Thank you," She hugs me tight and strokes my hair.
"It's okay, now, let's get some sleep."