Chapter 7

I don't know what I was expecting when I walked into Ivan's kitchen. Maybe some really fancy shit, like the stuff you see in magazines. No matter the circumstances, Ivan's kitchen was not what I expected at all, and it made me feel really uncomfortable.

The kitchen was long and straight, longer than the bathroom I might add. (Which really Irritated me because that meant that the house was misshapen. How awful is that? Who wants to live in a misshapen house? Ivan does apparently.) The left side was basicly all counters, as was the right side, but a third of the way through the room they stopped. The right side held all the appliances, all except a fridge. After that the room opened up. That aria held the table.

I was surprised that the back wall didn't open up into a huge ass window like the bathroom did. Whatever. Beggars can't be choosers I suppose. I stumbled in clumsily and laid my Journal down on the gray marble.

"Well," I said taking a deep breath. "I might as well get started!"

The cabinets were made of a deep red-brown wood. The front surfaces had carvings of delicate leaves and vines, and then were coated in a glossy finish. Each knob was thickly covered in white paint, and then a sunflower was thickly painted over it in the middle. The floor was the same dark wood that was laid down in the living room area, and just as shiny.

There were cabinets lining the walls above too, and the wall space between the two was tiled with cream and tan tiles. At the very end of the counter was the bread box from my house. I could only hope it was filled with bread considering it was liable 'BREAD' in big black bold letters. On the right was the sink, stove, and dishwasher. Above the sink was a wide window with a white painted sill.

"That window would cool pie perfectly," I thought. "and making pie makes a big mess." I chuckled to myself darkly and continued looking around the room.

Above the stove was a huge stainless steel vent that went through the roof, and between the stove and the vent was a tiled mural of a field of sunflowers. Behind the sunflowers was a setting sun. How swanky. The stove was mostly white with black borders, as was the dish washer. There were a few jars scattered about here and there, as well as a well stocked spice rack near the stove.

I walked all the way down the length of the room to the very back wall looking for the fridge. It was no where to be found.

"Do you not have a fridge?" I asked aloud.

I circled the table and lifted up the white table cloth. The fridge had to be hiding somewhere. I moved all four of the wooden chairs around, picked up the vase in the center, and rounded back over to the sink.

"Where the fuck is the fridge!?" I yelled.

That's when I finally opened all the cabinets. There was Russian food stuff everywhere, and man oh man was there a lot of vodka. (There was some American food under the cabinet were the bread box was, but I was so upset about there not being a fridge that I didn't try to eat right away.)

I wobbled back over to the door, grabbed my journal off the counter, and then went all the way back to the table to tossed my journal on it.

I was in the midst of walking over to the stove when I tripped on a notch in the floor and fell flat on my face.

I grumbled angrily and slowly turned myself over to look at my toes. They were a little red, but fine nonetheless.

I leaned over myself and looked at the notch in the floor. The notch was connected to something that look suspiciously like a door. I really didn't want to open it. In the horror movies, the door disguised as a floor always lead to the crazy guy's torture chamber. I took a deep breath and told myself that I had to open it, not because I was curious, but because I would be able to run away if It really was a torture chamber.

I pulled the door open just a crack, and cold air slipped out. The door was heavy, but easily opened. It must have been used regularly. I took a deep breath and swung the door open all the way, completely surprised when I saw food. Ivan had a thing for things imbedded into the floor it seemed.

I looked the whole thing over. The fridge was at least arm deep, filled with dairy, fresh fruit and veggies. On the very top left hand side was a draw about a foot thick. I opened it and it swiftly rolled out over the fridge. It was the freezer. I had to admit, that was some cool shit.

I shut the draw and grabbed the carton of milk. The first thing I had to do was eat breakfast.

I closed the floor door and looked over that the bread box. The cereal was under that cabinet with all my American junk, so I scooted my booch over to the cabinet and grabbed it. No need to stand up that that, But getting the bowl would be a different story.

I tossed my box of Froot Loops up onto the counter, followed by the carton of milk, and slowly hauled myself up. Then I made my way over to the counter that held the bowls and grabbed one. I poured the cereal and milk in, then grabbed a spoon. I walked over to the table sat down and started eating. It never occurred to me how hungry I was until that moment.

After I stuffed myself pretty good I opened up my Journal and started to make my plan to ruin Ivans life.

"Okay," I said, placing my spoon into the bowl. "what is irritating and annoying." I pondered this for a while and then began to write.

Things that are really Irritating and annoying:

When people put dishes in the sink with food still in it.

When people eat in your bed and leave crumbs.

When people leave their laundry in the bathroom.

When people cook and don't clean up as they go.

When people put empty containers back.

When people move your stuff around.

When people touch your stuff.

When people look over your shoulder when you're doing stuff.

When people dog ear book pages.

When people overly insist on stuff.

When people only talk about themselves.

People who read out loud.

People who eat with their mouths open.

People who make weird noises when they eat.

When people leave discs out.

I couldn't really think of much more, but I knew there would be more when I got going, and surly this would be enough for now. I closed my journal and looked down at my bowl of milk.

"I'm sorry, but your a small price to pay for the journey back home." I said to it in my best English accent. After that, I got out of my chair and put the bowl one the counter. Let him see the milk!

But I did go put the milk carton back into the floor fridge.

I contemplated making a sandwich and eating it in Ivan's bed, but thought against it considering we would both be sleeping in it. I really had nothing better to do than snoop around. I already looked at all of Ivan's stuff in the bathroom, now I had to look at his stuff in the living room.

I wasn't sure where to start. Ivan's bedroom and living room were both the same, which meant I might be able to get some dirt on him, but looking around… Everything was in Russian. I went over the the book case and flipped through a few books, making sure to dog ear them. At any rate, it looked like Ivan had more dirt on me than I could ever get on him.

I looked through Ivan's dresser after that, but it had more of my cloths in it than his. I walked over to his bed. If I had porn, I would hide it under my bed. The only problem was that you couldn't really get under the bed. There was just more draws. I sat down in defeat. I guess I was just going to have to be annoying.

With a big sigh I got up and walked to the T.V. I guess I would have to play a game or watch a movie until Ivan got back from watching little boys take baths. Quite suddenly it struck me that I had Xbox live, and that I could contact my brother Mattie!

I turned the T.V on and booted the game system up, only to be met with a connection error. My hope was short lived. Ivan didn't have internet. He wasn't stupid. He knew that I would cry to my family and tell them where I was.

Suddenly I didn't feel like playing a video game anymore. It was much too interactive. I needed to watch a mind numbing movie. I threw in a documentary recounting all the theories about how they thought king Tut died, and soon I was on the verge of sleep.

A click from the door shutting woke me up, and I looked over to see Ivan taking his boots off.

He looked really tired, and his hair was damp with sweat.

"Hey." I said to him.

He looked up rather surprised to see me there, but his replay didn't take long.

"Hello." He said back.

"I was just watching some educational shit." I said while pointing at the screen.

He laughed a little and started to take his long tan coat off. "That is good."

I watched him for a moment, but then got up and walked toward him.

"You know," I said as discreetly as I could. "my birthdays coming up and I think it would be really great if I had a cake."

He laughed a little and looked down at me. "You're too old for a cake."

"No one's too old for a cake Ivan!" I said, picking up his long scarf and petting it between my fingers while it was still around his neck. Ivan smiled and touched my cheek with his hand.

"If you insist." He said, stroking my cheek. I laughed and dropped the scarf.

"Now I know it's kinda short notice but my birthdays July fourth, and since I don't get to go to my uncles ranch and watch things get blown up, I'd at least like to have a cake!"

Ivan chuckled and pulled off his gloves and leaned his face closer to mine. His breath hit my cheeks and I couldn't help but feel a little happier. I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my chest to his. He took a few steps forward and pushed me back over the couch's arm rest.

I looked up at him as he pulled his scarf off and wound it around his hand into a ball. Then he place it in his jacket pocket and sat next to me on the couch.

"I'm afraid i've got some bad news," He said, leaning over me and pressing his lips to my neck. His warm breath tickled, but I didn't mind it very much. "but I'm sure I can make you feel better. Besides, you can have your cake and eat it too." I felt his warm lips move as they started to kiss up my neck and under my jaw. I could feel my body getting hotter, and I trailed my hand down his toned arm.

He licked my neck and I let out a soft moan. I felt Ivan chuckle against my skin. My mind was easy to distract it seemed. I trailed my arm a little lower and felt scratches there.

"I-Ivan, what happened?"

He pulled away just a bit. "Nothing for you to worry about." He said and started to kiss my neck again. Thats when he started to move his hand over my chest, and I got really hot.

"I-Ivan!" I said again, squirming under his touch. "W-What bad news?" I placed my hand over his to make him stop.

"You're so cute." He said chuckling. "Your face looks good when you blush. I really like it when you move around too."

"Ivan!"

"Well," He said, kissing my neck again. "Tell me how many candles to put on top, and then maybe I'll tell you." He moved his hand lover over my stomach.

"F-fifteen!" I shouted, moving closer to the edge of the couch.

Ivan stopped immediately and then pulled away from me.

"Don't… Candles represent the age you're turing?"

"Ya, I'll be turning fifteen!" I said moving away from him.

"That means… You're fourteen."

"Yea.."

Ivan looked at me for a really long time before saying, "You don't look fourteen."

"I know… What's the bad news."

Ivan smiled a bit.

"Well now there's more bad news. It turns out that I've been touching a little gay boy. The other bad news is that your birthday's already passed."

I shot up straight. "What?" I yelled. "My birthdays already passed? I'm already fifteen?"

Ivan looked at his hands in his laps. "Yes," He said before turning back to me. "but now I don't feel so bad for touching you." He pushed me back down and kissed my lips. I tried to yell, but when I opened my mouth he entered it. I didn't know what I was doing, I'd never kissed before, but I was tempted to bite his tongue… Until he put his knee between my legs.

He broke away for a breath and I quickly covered my mouth with my hands.

"That was my first kiss, you ass!"

"It looks like you're going to have a lot of first in a short amount of time." He said, his accent thick with every word.

"My family thinks I'm dead!" I screamed.

He pulled my hands from my mouth. "Oh, it's far more complicated than that, and I encourage you to forget about it for now. They know you're okay, that's all that matters."

I turned onto my stomach and crawled off the couch. I was surprised that he didn't pull me back, but was even more surprised to look back and see a gentle amused smile on his face. I thought about the list I made earlier and how I could use it now to irritate him.

"I say we have my birthday party right now! Cake, explosions, gifts, food, and movies. I overly insist that we do all of that within the next 24 hours!"

He laughed again. "Okay. Lets do that."