Smith and Jones with Rose

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Now is: Bored out of skull (and proud of it! I'm DONE!!)

Now doing: Writing this, drinking a tall glass of cool Coke and eating the richest desert I can conjure up – which happens to be Drumstick ice cream mixed with Chocolate Chip Cheesecake (That happens to have an inch thick layer of pure milk chocolate on the top and bottom… MMMMMMM…)

Now listening to: Well, I WAS listening to Gravity by Delirious? but now I'm listening to Mood Rings by Relient K, which is an awesome song too. "And I'll contract some sort of a plan to help my fellow men" is classic. Ooh! Just changed to Get Down by Audio A!

This has been a Hubert24601 moment.

Anyway – the real reason you're here is:

SNFRG DYO KJGHQ WOPD LETB!

I mean –

SMITH AND JONES WITH ROSE!

Once again, lest we need to remind you… guess what? We're not stealing Raxacoricofallapatorious and Bubblez-Rocks-Your-Socks' idea – WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! I hope that's clear – coz I feel REALLY guilty at the fact that we're kind of following their idea… but making our own… you know, with Rose in general. So, anyway.

We don't need to repeat the vow, do we?

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We left our dynamic duo with their third wheel on the balcony – just in case you missed it – and that is where we will continue to leave them until some plot happens.

Meanwhile – while the dynamic duo (and their third wheel –coughs- MARTHA –coughs-) were standing admiring the view of tons of aliens marching onwards towards the Royal Elope – I mean HOPE – Hospital – Doctor Stoker was standing in his office, gazing out the window with his trusty binoculars.

Suddenly Florence Finnegan – the salt deficient lady – entered the office, now dressed in her dressing gown. She spoke with an elderly voice, frail and weak. "Mr. Stoker?" He turned to look at her inquisitively. "I'm sorry, I didn't know who else to ask, but can you help me?"

"I think we've gone beyond aspirin," said Mr. Stoker ruefully, "Miss… ah…"

"Finnegan," prompted Florence.

"What are names now when something unnameable is marching towards us across the moon??" he asked, gesturing to the window. "Two more years, I thought," began Mr. Stoker ruefully, a far away look in his eyes. "Two more years and then retire to Florida, but there is Florida, in the sky, I can see it. My daughter – she's still in University – I'm never gonna see her again."

"You got that right, pooch," said Florence suddenly, voice changing, almost hysterically funny.

"What?" Stoker blinked.

"I mean…" Her voice returned to normal, "But I need your help, Mr. Stoker."

Mr. Stoker gazed at her, completely weirded out. Where had THAT voice come from?

"Uh…I can't do anything."

"Oh, I think you can." She laughed evilly.

"Oh, okay," replied Stoker, relaxing. "What?"

Two guys dressed in black leather and wearing motorcycle helmets entered behind her.

"Wait a minute… didn't I see one of you at the football match Saturday?"

One nodded. The other made a thumbs up sign.

"Anyway, what do you two want?" asked Mr. Stoker. "It's a bit late to sign for anything."

Florence smiled demurely at him. "These are my lovely boys." She turned to Stoker, who was staring at them all. "I prefer not to get my hands… dirty."

"I'm sorry?" he asked.

"You see, there are… great tests to come, and terrible deeds – some of them my own. But if I am to survive this, I need you."

Now she was just speaking in riddles.

"Mad woman," muttered Stoker. "What are you talking about?"

"Blood. Specifically yours." Florence snapped her fingers and the creatures now identified as Slabs went forward and grabbed Stoker. "What are you doing? What are you doing? Well, let go of me, what the heck – let go!"

"You see," said Florence quietly, but now with a small smile, "I was only salt deficient because I am so very goood at absorbing it. Now I need fire in my veins." She leaned closer, grinning wickedly now. "And who better than a consultant, with blood full of salty fats and vintage wines and all those Michelin star sauces!!" She licked her lips.

"Who are you??" asked Stoker, staring at her with a disgusted and horrified expression on his face.

"Oh, I'm a survivor, Mr Stoker, at any cost." She backed away from him and looked into her purse, finding the item easily. It was a bendy straw – you know, the type they have for kids. "Look!" Florence beamed. "I even brought a straw!" she told him cheerfully.

Mr Stoker screamed as Florence advanced.

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Back down the hall, the Judoon had entered the hospital en masse. Some people watched, some screamed, some ran away, some tried to hide. The chief Judoon removed his helmet and much to the surprise of everyone there, he looked like a giant rhino in a space suit.

The Judoon spoke in his language, and since there was no translator available, the people were lost to whatever was said. Morgenstern tried to take charge.

"We are citizens of planet Earth. We welcome you in peace." The chief pushed Morgenstern up against the wall, scaring the young man rather badly. The rhino shone a blue light on his face. Morgenstern began to babble, "Please don't hurt me, I was just trying to help – I'm sorry, don't hurt me, please don't hurt me." Suddenly the rhino pressed a button somewhere on his suit and plays the message backwards.

"Language assimilated. Designation Earth English. You will be catalogued." He shined another blue light in Morgenstern's face and suddenly grabbed his hand and marked a large X in black, like a sticker for a pass or something. "Category: human. Catalogue all suspects." All the Judoon started to shine the little blue lights on people, check their species and then marked the right hand of each with a cross, saying 'human' as they did so.

Unbeknownst to everyone, the Doctor, Rose and Martha were watching all of this from behind some potted plants a floor above. The Doctor grinned and nudged Rose repeatedly until she looked at where he was looking. "Oh, look down there, they've got a little shop – I like the little shop!" Rose giggled and rested her head against his shoulder, taking a moment to inhale his scent.

"Still do?" she asked him, grinning.

"'Course." He kissed her the top of her head.

Martha interrupted them, envy written all over her face. "Never mind that!" she hissed. "What are Judoon??"

The Doctor rubbed Rose's back, unable to get enough of their closeness. "Oh," he said almost absently, "Galactic police. Well, police for hire. More like interplanetary thugs."

"And they brought us to the moon?" asked Rose, innocently playing with the hairs on the back of the Doctor's neck. He turned to smile at her as he quickly leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek.

"Neutral territory. According to the galactic law, they've got no jurisdiction over the Earth, and they isolated us. That rain? Lightening? That was them, using an H2O scoop."

"What's that about galactic law?" butted in Martha, eager to be a part of their conversation. "Where'd you get that from? If they're police, are we under arrest? Are we trespassing on the moon or something?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," interrupted Rose with a thinking frown. "It's not that we're trespassing, is it, Doctor? They're looking for something – someone. A species. They said 'Catalogue'. They're making a catalogue."

The Doctor grinned at Rose before giving her a little hug. "I'm so glad I met you, Rose Tyler."

"Ditto!" squealed Rose as he began to tickle her.

"What of?" asked Martha, feeling like the third person on a date. These two were obviously pretty close.

The Doctor sobered as he stopped tickling Rose and Rose stopped giggling almost instantly.

"Non-humans, which is very bad news for me."

Rose nodded sympathetically as she cuddled against his shoulder, remembering the words she had spoken underground in Utah. 'Someone's collecting aliens. Guess that makes you exhibit A.' "We'd better run, then," was all she said now.

Martha just stared at him as he nodded.

"Why – oh, you're kidding me." The Doctor finally glanced over at her with a raised eyebrow. "Don't be ridiculous." He continued to look at her with the same expression. "Stop looking at me like that." Rose burst into laughter.

"It's hard for me when he does that too," she assured Martha. "I get very weirded out very fast." The two girls shared a small smile.

"Come on, then," said the Doctor as he and Rose sprinted to their feet and started off the corridor. Just then Swales came running down the same one.

"Martha," she gasped out. "We need you to help with controlling the patients. These things aren't doing any harm, but if someone hits one, or accidentally kicks one, they get fried! Please, we need you." Her eyes pleaded with Martha's.

Martha turned to look at the Doctor and Rose, but the Doctor was already walking quickly down the corridor – and much to Martha's surprise, Rose was standing there, waiting for her.

'I can't' she mouthed to Swales. Without another word, she charged off down the hall towards the Doctor and Rose. Rose grabbed her hand and arm and ran, towing Martha along with her.

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The Doctor was already at the computer by the time Rose and Martha reached the room, gasping for breath. He didn't even turn around. "Okay, Martha, Rose – "

"They've reached the third floor," panted Martha.

"What can we do, Doctor?" asked Rose immediately.

The Doctor gave wide grin until he focused on his task. "Go on the other computer Rose – I assume your Torchwood work has made you a hacker?" He raised an eyebrow at her. Rose grinned and sat down on the other computer, typing furiously. "Oh, this computer! The Judoon must have it locked down – Judoon platoon on the moon." Rose giggled before she could stop herself and Martha just stared. The Doctor went on. "Anything over there yet, Rose?" At the shake of her head he sighed. "Cause I was just travelling past, I swear – I was just wandering, I wasn't looking for trouble, honestly, I wasn't – "

"Doctor," interrupted Rose.

"Yeah?" He calmed down some.

"You're sounding like a five year old who's just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar."

He stopped at that and looked at both of with an incredulous light in his eyes. "Really?" Martha nodded with a little smile on her face.

"Yeah. An adorable one, though, 'specially with your hair ruffled like that," said Rose with a grin as she continued to type and click without looking up.

The Doctor grinned back as he continued, speaking too fast for anyone to understand him but Rose. "I noticed the plasma coils – I mentioned those before?" At Rose's quick nod he continued, full speed. " – I thought it was going on inside – turns out that those plasma coils were actually the Judoon up above." He was clicking furiously at the other computer.

"They're looking for something that looks like human but isn't," realized Martha.

"Like me!" said the Doctor with a grin. His grin faded when he saw the look on Rose's face – listening and typing at the same time – he had no clue she was such a great multi-tasker. "But not me," he said softly. "I was desperate after losing you, but not so desperate as to let go of everything I stand for. Pretty close though," he added, as if it was an afterthought.

"What is that thing?" asked Martha, pointing to his sonic screwdriver and once more breaking up a tender moment. She didn't need someone crying over her.

"Sonic Screwdriver," said the Doctor and Rose together without turning around or looking up, each immersed in what they were doing.

"Well, if you're not going to answer me properly!" exclaimed Martha.

Rose sighed and gave up on the explanation, brow furrowed as she glanced at the readings on the screen quickly.

"No, really, it is. It's a screwdriver, and it's sonic. Look." He held it up behind him so that Martha could take a good look.

"What else you got?" joked Martha, "a laser spanner?"

"Actually, he did – but it was stolen by Emily Pankhurst," explained Rose, not glancing up.

"Cheeky woman," agreed the Doctor.

The room was silent for a few moments.

"Anyway – " The Doctor twirled around once and began furiously punching the keys. "If the Judoon declare the hospital is guilty of harbouring a fugitive, they'll sentence it to execution."

Rose was horrified. "All of us?"

"Oh yes." The Doctor's mouth was set in a grim line and Rose typed even faster than before. "So, if I can find this thing first – OH! Just that they're thick! Judoon are thick! They are completely thick! They wiped the records. Oh, that's clever!"

"What we looking for then?" asked Martha, still somewhat confused.

"I don't know." His frustration was a rarity to Rose. "Any patient admitted last week with unusual symptoms – maybe there's a back-up."

"I'm on it," promised Rose.

"Just keep working, guys," Martha said firmly. "I'll go ask Mr. Stoker, he might know." She ran out the door and raced down the corridor. "Mr. Stoker?" she asked, knocking on the open door. Martha saw two feet sticking out from behind the desk. She walked closer, and then watched in horror as Florence Finnegan and the two Slabs rose. Florence had a straw in her hand.

"Kill her!" screamed Florence, and Martha ran from the room as fast as she could. She ran almost straight into Rose.

"We've restored the back-up," Rose told her. The Doctor was standing next to her, grinning and holding her hand.

"And I've found her," panted Martha.

The Doctor's grin fell. "You what?" he asked, and then before Martha could answer, he saw the Slabs and grabbed both of their hands. "Run!" he shouted, and the three of them ran, the Slabs chasing them.

They ran, then ran some more. Ran down the corridor, and then down another like a maze, twisting this way and that, followed by the Slabs. They began to run down the stairs, then a second flight, but they met the Judoon who were on their way up. They dodged them by running through a doorway on the fourth floor. They ran through a few more corridors, trying to buy themselves more time. The Doctor suddenly pulled Rose and Martha into the radiology room, where the Doctor closed and locked the door – right in the face of a Slab before it could get through. "When I say 'now', Rose - press the button."

"What do I do?" asked Martha, but the Doctor had no time to answer her.

Rose ran into the small room where she would be safe. Which one, which one? She knew what the Doctor was going to do – zap the guy with radiation – it was pretty obvious. She just didn't know what to press. "Do you know this stuff?" asked Rose. "Radiation button or something… anything…" Martha took one thorough glance around and grabbed the Operator's Manuel off the shelf. She skimmed through it quickly, looking for anything… anything…

Rose glanced down and there were labels. Under the big, threatening, yellow button it read, "ZAP". Rose rolled her eyes. How easy was that?

Meanwhile the Doctor was busy somewhere else. In the main room he had his sonic screwdriver out and was using it on the x-ray machine. Just then, the Slab broke down the door.

"Now!"

Rose slammed down the big yellow button.

The Doctor zapped the Slab with radiation, along with receiving some cool effects of death that reminded him of Dalek killing – otherwise known as the 'skeleton effect'. The Slab fell to the ground, dead.

"What did you do?" asked Martha, staring at the creature in amazement.

"How much did you increase the radiation by?" Rose called from the little room with glass walls she was in.

"Increased the radiation by five thousand percent. Killed him dead." His voice was cheerless, lifeless, but then he gave Rose his wild, beaming grin and all was right with the world again.

"But isn't that likely to kill you?" Martha wanted to know.

"Nah, it's only radiation," explained the Doctor. "We used to play with roentgen bricks in the nursery. It's safe for you to come out, Rose and Martha, I've absorbed it all. All I need to do is expel it."

Rose grinned back, remembering the last time this had happened. Martha followed silently.

"Is it gonna come out in your trouser pocket again?" she teased him, laughing.

"Hope not!" replied the Doctor cheerfully.

The Doctor started bouncing and hopping, much to Rose's delight. "Hmm… If I can concentrate I can shake the radiation out of my body and into one spot."

"Yes, Doctor, we've gone through this before," said Rose with a chuckle as she and Martha both watched him do his little dance.

"Aha! It's in my left shoe." There was an unmistakable gleam of accomplishment in his eyes. "Here we go," he began to murmur, "here we go, easy does it…" He shook his foot violently. "Out, out, out, out, out. Out, out, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah." Rose began to laugh harder as he continued. "It is, it is, it is, it is, it is hot. Ah – hold on." He threw his shoe into the yellow dustbin with a bang. "Done!" He grinned again at his audience.

Rose smiled back, then frowned at his feet. "Doctor, you really should – "

"Yeah, don't tell me, I look daft with one shoe." Before Rose could say another word he removed and chucked the other shoe into the dustbin as well. "Barefoot on the moon!" he said with a click of his teeth, his grin very geeky.

"Stop grinning," Rose told him. "Your face'll split in two. Before we continue, I want to match." She slipped out of her shoes and socks and welcomed the cold floor against her feet. She tossed them to the Doctor who was holding out his hands and he tossed them into the dustbin.

Martha stared at them for a moment. "You're completely mad – the pair of you!!"

Rose and the Doctor looked at each other. "You know –" began Rose.

" – She's right," agreed the Doctor.

They both turned to Martha and grinned as they said enthusiastically together, "Yeah!"

Martha's jaw dropped. Then she asked, "So what is that thing? And where's it from? The planet Zovirax?"

"Can't you do anything besides asking questions?!" asked the Doctor, getting slightly peeved.

"Doctor, be nice," hissed Rose, elbowing him in the ribs.

"It's just a Slab," explained the Doctor, rubbing the sore spot. "They're called 'Slabs'. Basic slave drones, see? Solid leather, all the way through. Someone has one heck of a fetish," he remarked, running his hand through his hair, making it more ruffled than it already was.

"You mean, besides you?" asked Rose, smiling sweetly up at him. The Doctor growled playfully as his fingers tickled her armpits. "Doctor! STOP!" He did so, and winked.

"Great to 'ave you back, Shiver."

"Great to be here, Shake," replied Rose with an answering wink and a chuckle.

"Right, so, it came with that woman, Mrs. Finnegan. It was working with her – just like a servant," explained Martha.

The Doctor took what remained of his sonic screwdriver out of the x-ray machine, face crestfallen. "My sonic screwdriver." he said.

Rose patted him sympathetically on the shoulder. "You'll get over it."

"She was one of the patients, but – " began Martha.

"My sonic screwdriver!" he said again, and Rose giggled.

"Oh Doctor, I know how much you loved it and all…" Rose gently took the astounded Time Lord in her arms and hugged him.

"She had a straw like some kind of a vampire – " continued Martha.

"I loved my sonic screwdriver!"

"Doctor!" cried Martha, more than just annoyed that no one was listening to her.

"Sorry." He tossed it away, and Rose winced at the sound of shattering metal. He turned to Martha as if nothing had happened and smiled. "You called me 'Doctor'."

"Think it's growin' on her," murmured Rose.

"Anyway! Mrs. Finnegan is the alien the Judoon are after – she was drinking Mr. Stoker's blood," repeated Martha.

"Hmm," the Doctor mused. "Funny time to be taking a snack."

"Ugh, Doctor," protested Rose, wrinkling her nose.

"You'd think she'd be hiding, though. Unless… no-oo… Yes! That's it, wait a minute! Shape-changer! Internal shape-changer. She wasn't drinking blood, she was assimilating!"

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Florence walked into a corridor, wiping her lips with a napkin. The Judoon approached the group of people in the same corridor.

"Prepare to be catalogued." They started with people at the one end, cataloguing and then saying "Human." Finally they came to Florence and shined the blue light on her.

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The Doctor was still speaking. "If she can assimilate Stoker's blood, mimic the morphology, she can register as human. We've got to find her and show the Judoon – " He grabbed Rose by the hand and gave it a squeeze as Martha also latched onto Rose. "Come on!" The three of them ran out of the room as fast as they could.

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The Judoon shone the blue light at Florence Finnegan. "Human," he declared at last. He marked her right hand with a black cross and continued on. Florence raised her hand and looked at it with a smug smile.

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A/N: One more chapter, I think. We should really try to make it in groups of eights… you know, eight pages a chapter… hmmm… I'll get it done tomorrow!!

Oh, and might I say it for myself and YellowRose included, THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the wonderful reviews so far! My cohort tells me there's something like 18 – at least when I wrote this – and I appreciate that all of my efforts for writing this five hours a day isn't wasted!! Oh wow, you're SO amazing. You have been ABSOLUTELY fantastic and it eggs me on to get through this transcript just when I don't want to hear the words 'radiation' and 'Judoon' and 'Stoker' anymore!

Believe me when I say this – that YellowRose and I are so grateful to you guys and I mean… your dedication is something of itself. This is like, eight pages a chapter here we're talking about. Talk about heavy reading! And it's mostly script from the episode! So thanks for sticking with us through this – and hopefully it will get better if you think it's a load of llama spit.