First, I'd like to thank the guys at Spacebattles. Without them and their critics, I would have screwed up in this chapter. Now, to the usual notes.

The main theme of this story is that the main difference between Deathmask and the canonical Legendary Heroes, including Naofumi (ESPECIALLY Naofumi. That guy has issues), is that Deathmask is a hero with actual combat experience and training that started early enough he was a Gold Saint at TEN. Poor Deathmask is going to feel surrounded by idiots…

Chapter 2: Children of the Everpregnant Mother

As they reached their room, Deathmask immediately talked to the other three "heroes": "Why those little grins?"

"Well, you know… The game." Ren replied.

Deathmask did not like it. At all. "What game?"

"Brave Star Online, the VRMMO."

"VRMMO? But that's just science fiction!" Motoyasu replied.

Discussion ensued, discussion that ended when Deathmask got annoyed enough to explain what he had deduced: "It is obvious that we come from similar but different worlds at different points in the timeline, ranging from my 1981 to some moment in the 2050s. And that you have loads of experience with games suspiciously similar to this very situation."

"Yes, but what about you?" Itsuki asked.

"Someone pestered me to make an RPG out of a book about this. Also, I fear you're acting like children of the Everpregnant Mother."

"That sounded like an insult…" Motoyasu stated.

"No, that would have been if I said you WERE. But worry not: I may know little of this place, but I have experience with monsters and the likes." As he said that he game them a small demonstration of his abilities by punching through the wall-and, not incidentally at all, the head of a servant that was eavesdropping on them, servant he disintegrated with a casual burst of Cosmo, before repairing the whole thing with telekinesis. "So, I propose an exchange: you answer my questions, and I'll give you some advice on what to do.

After exchanging a look, the three gamers agreed, and answered Deathmask's questions.

"Now, my advice to you." Deathmask said. "First thing, beware the princess: the book I read mentioned her as nothing but trouble, seducing the heroes to try and put them against each other for no explained reason.

"Second, listen to your more experienced party members, they have actual experience here.

"Third, don't count on anything like divine protection. I know how it works, they provide the tools, and sometimes training, and then throw you into the fire." he decided to leave out the amazing amount of training, and the tools for non-combat situations, that Athena saw fit to grant her Saints, as it would ruin his point to the unexperienced guys-assuming they believed him in the first place. "And the tools here are these Legendary Weapons.

"Fourth, clean up your kills. You don't know what could happen if you leave a body around.

"Five, wearing no helmet when you can do so isn't heroic, it's stupid. And no horns, that's a series of misunderstandings too long to explain and the Vikings weren't stupid enough to wear them. In fact, listen to the armorer when you get equipment.

"Six, knives are indispensable tools. Get good ones and learn how to use them.

"Finally, you better find out the international politics of this world."

"International politics?" Ren asked. "But the games-"

"Only had a single nation, I know. But here money has perfectly stable rates between gold, silver and copper coins, and there's little reason for that in the face of changing metal prices other than a monetary union to facilitate trade. Hope they put in more checks than the last attempt on Earth…"

"Excellent." Deathmask whispered to himself. As soon as the other three had gone to sleep, the Gold Saint had checked if the local afterlife had an entrance akin to his world's Yomotsu Hisaraka… And found it. His favorite attack would work-and he also had his long-distance transportation available. Oh, the fun and potential abuse… "Control yourself, Cancer Saint, you're bound to Sacred Hospitality for now…"

The following day Deathmask and the three other Heroes went to the throne room to receive their party members. And just as the king announced the party members would choose their Heroes, Deathmask made his announcement: "I'm going out alone."

"What?" the king asked as he recovered from the surprise.

"I have rather particular methods that will likely not work well with those of already experienced adventurers, and I can't exactly ask them to forget all they know, so I'm going out alone." Left unsaid was that Deathmask didn't trust them at all, so he wouldn't give a potential backstabber the excuse to follow him. "Maybe I'll pick up someone I can train my way from ground up…"

"Are you sure, great Hero? Not even a guide?" a young woman among the adventurers asked.

Deathmask looked at her-and immediately realized there WAS a backstabber who had planned to enter his party, and it was none else than the princess-only her would have that body type and try to join a party. And he could have some fun at her.

"I am sure, young lady." he said. "But why are you here? Won't your parents be worried?"

"I am Myne, an adventurer that wants to help save his kingdom."

"No, seriously, why are you here?"

"I don't understand."

"You don't have the muscle tone of an experienced adventurer-or even a beginner. And that armor, let's call it this way, is made more for sex appeal than actual job, something any armorer would have pointed out to a beginner. Honestly, you look more like a little spoiled girl or a working girl than anything." Deathmask noticed that many servants and adventurers were torn between being scandalized and laugh at his words-the princess, who had not noticed she had just being called a prostitute, must have been really popular. The king, on the other hand, was making a superhuman effort to hide his rage at what he had just called his daughter, and the other Heroes were scandalized. Especially Motoyasu.

It had not taken much to Deathmask to first procure a cloak and then track down the best blacksmith of the capital, and this Elhart definitely knew what he was doing: not only he was clearly a retired adventurer, his works were clearly excellent. He was no armorer, and Athena despised normal weapons as a useless distraction for her chosen Saints, but the non-combat part of his training still gave him enough knowledge to recognize the quality of the swords and tools, mail armor in 6-1 pattern (that he expected to be more expensive than the 4-1 pattern mail nearby), scale and plate armor, and pretty much everything was offered in metals that ranged from simple steel of surprisingly good quality for the local technological level (crucible steel? Who knew, he was no armorer) to enchanted steel and even orichalcum precursor. Still, he knew what to get.

"For now I'll need a shirt of mail with hood, mail pants, and a ridge helmet, ready for modification with cheek guards." he said. "Also, a whetstone."

"No knife?" the blacksmith asked.

In lieu of an answer, Deathmask produced the three utility knives he had on himself when he had been summoned: the standard steel piece that any knife-trained Sanctuary personnel (thus including the Saints) had to keep on themselves or within reach at all times, the custom piece he had bought recently from one of the Sanctuary's blacksmiths, and the orichalcum knife made by a past Sculptor Saint he had inherited from his master.

"A veteran, I see." Elhart commented as he grabbed his customer's choices. "I take the summon didn't let you take the rest of your gear?"

"Exactly. You should see my actual armor, many armorers would give their firstborn for a chance to analyze it." Deathmask confirmed as he took the whetstone-and, noticing the Shield reacting, put it on the Sacred Weapon, letting it absorb it.

"What did just happen?"

"This Shield isn't that good at destroying enemies and keeps me from fighting with weapons, but has quite the potential for support and protection."

The blacksmith gave him an appraisal look, then made a comment: "Too bad for the weapons, that would have given the monsters a sporting chance."

Deathmask was about to reply when the door opened and a familiar voice made itself heard: "YOU!"

"I think I'll need to pay before our spoiled girl makes something that forces the Spear Hero to commit suicide by Shield Hero." Deathmask said to the blacksmith as Motoyasu and his party kept Myne from jumping at him-apparently someone had explained her what he had called her.

After paying, Deathmask left to procure the rest of the supplies-and then deal with the usual problem of such societies.

"Drop all your money and jewels, and you might survive!" the bandit leader told the cloaked wanderer. Not that they actually planned to spare him, but giving them hope and then destroying it was way funnier.

"I have a better proposal: you bandits tell me where your loot is and I won't torture you before dragging you to the closest guards."

The bandits laughed. An idiot, but a funny one. Then one of them stabbed the wanderer-and found his own dagger exactly where he had tried to hit him.

"What?" he said before falling down in pain and lost blood.

The guys with the crossbows shot at the not-so-funny idiot, but the arrows stopped mid-air, reversed course and flew back at them. Then they saw a shine of gold, and the wanderer, who now revealed that his left arm carried a small round shield that seemed made out of orange balloon skin, started laughing an evil laugh that they would NEVER forget, just as SOMETHING pushed them on their knees and started causing horrific pain.

"The Shield Hero repeats now his question: where is your loot?" the wanderer said.

As he arrived to the inn Deathmask felt satisfied for this first day on the new job. Then he saw Ren's party (and that Ren was wearing a jack of plates with an outer chest plate and a ridge helmet no different from his own), and decided to join them for the night. Considering all the stories about wicked women trying to take revenge for being foiled he had grown up with and that he had called Myne a prostitute in public, he needed witnesses to confirm that what he'd do to her expected assassins was self defense.

"Why should we let you mooch off?" the one woman in the party demanded to know.

"The bounties of four bandit gangs say I'm no moocher." Deathmask replied, as, even with his long-term plan to screw over anyone trying to screw HIM over had him give the loot to the guards, he still had made off with two thousand silver coins, one of which he had exchanged for copper in case he needed small change and a couple hundreds he had exchanged for gold in case he had to show off. Such as right now. "And I'd like to pass the night with you, I expect a certain idiot sending me some assassins, and I want witnesses for when I kill them. Tomorrow I'll leave."

"If it's just for tonight, I see no problem." Ren said.

It had been a good night preceded by an interesting evening. According to Ren's party, that world's main religion worshiped the Legendary Heroes-but Melromarc, a country racist toward demihumans, was the seat of the Church of the Three Heroes, a splinter denomination that worshiped the Sword, Spear and Bow Heroes and considered the Shield Hero the devil due the first one having a preference for demihumans. Deathmask had a lot of fun with the face of Ren's female companion, a member of the Church, when he pointed out that their hostility just made the Shield Heroes turn to the demihumans, just as with her tears after he had dissected her arguments. Conversely, the nearby demihuman-majority Silt Welt mostly worshiped the Shield Hero. That explained why so many mistrusted him the moment they saw the Shield.

Then, on the morning, as he was carving himself a wooden frisbee, some people in the uniform of the castle guards arrived with urgent news for Ren-and tried to arrest Deathmask as an attempted rapist. Keyword-attempted.

"Seriously, you fakers should try and come up with better lies." Deathmask said as he lifted their battered leader from his neck.

"Wait, I know him-he really is a castle guard." the knight of the party said.

"So, a corrupt guard. Even worse."

"And this scroll actually bears the king's seal."

That convinced Deathmask to let the guard drop, electing instead to read the scroll. Then, as he couldn't read the local language, had the knight read it out, confirming that they did have orders from the king to arrest Deathmask for an attempted rape he would have committed the previous night.

"But-it's impossible, I kept an eye on him all night!" the churchgoer shouted.

"Then I DID need witnesses." Deathmask said. "You guards, stand up now! We're going to the castle and hear who dares to falsely accuse a Hero, and why. And none of you is going to tell around about my whereabouts this last night unless I ask you, we don't know who is on this plot."

And with that, Deathmask, feeling insulted for a child of the Everpregnant Mother accusing him of such a crime-a sign of mental weakness, in his book-led the guards and Ren's party back to the castle.

Author note

This chapter's title is a reference to an Italian proverb: "The mother of idiots is always pregnant".

Why, yes, Deathmask can use some powerful telekinesis. Enough to throw poor Shunrei off a cliff while he was near the Hellmouth.

Deathmask's opinion on divine protection is based on countless examples in the Greek myth, where heroes only got tools but had to do the job by themselves (see Odysseus dealing with her wife's suitors: he had Zeus and Athena's protection AND orders from them to slaughter them all, and all he got was the ability to shift into an old man and the names of a couple loyal servants. Not that he needed more), and his own experience, where Athena's protection gave HIM a Gold Cloth, a fancy house, and a terrifying training that made him incredibly powerful.

As I said, I'm going mostly with the Italian dub of Saint Seiya. Where, aside from all the bits where Saints showed advanced knowledge of the most unexpected subjects inherited from the original, Seiya, of all people, could quote the Divine Comedy from memory at a very appropriate moment, and even the lowest mook spoke in a rather educated manner. Apparently, Athena wants her soldiers to know a lot of things.

Of all Saint Seiya characters, Deathmask is one of the few who NEVER loses his helmet.

Deathmask's referring to the Latin Monetary Union, where a number of states minted their gold and silver coins to the same standard to facilitate trade, going on from 1865 to 1927 (even if was already inactive before formal disbandment). It failed in the face of changing prices of metals and insufficient precautions against human nature, with World War I making it effectively defunct until the member states could be bothered to finish it off.

Seriously, ever wondered why Athena, goddess of warfare, despises weapons in Saint Seiya? Doesn't make much sense… Unless, of course, they're worse than useless for her Saints. After all, Marin is an excellent swordswoman (and used it to train Seiya), any Saint who find themselves wielding a weapon show excellent skills with it, and Athena herself wields a weapon…

The jack of plates is a type of European armor made of two layers of heavy cloth with small iron plates sewn between the layers.