How to suicide - chapter 4
This time I thought it would be easier to put an end to my life if I hung myself again so I did that...

So I went online and I ordered a big thin rope and it came the next day because I clicked next day delivery...yeah...and I made the noose. Drilled holes into the ceiling so I could tie it up that way. I did it upstairs so I went into the attic and tied it off up there...went back into my bedroom. Said goodbye to Tess...my dog. Her name was Tess...and I clicked the chair and I was hanging again...then the ceiling decided I was to heavy and fell through... That was fucking disappointing to be real with you...I wanted to die..but once again...I didn't..

So yeah. That was my second attempt at suicide and it didn't go well. So after that I decided that hanging was not the best way for me to die...and that's why the next time I tried I overdosed on sleeping pills...I'll tell that part of the story later...for now im gonna just talk about random stuff I wanna because why not..

So I'm really close to moving to live with my girlfriend. She's older than me and has kids but I don't mind...I always wanted kids and age doesn't matter because she may be older than me but...I love her..so that doesn't really matter. If she was underage then it would matter but she's not so it don't matter much if she's older than me...and I'm gonna help her raise her kids and I told her I'd be with her forever because that's what I want...she wants it too. But she doesn't trust me all the time..that's okay. When we are old and grey she'll remember I promised her I'd be around forever and maybe she will trust me more then...also we are gonna have amazing sex...that's really cool. And I don't know if she's gonna read this but even if she doesn't she knows I do love her...so much. And she's literally perfect for me...she's just everything I've ever wanted. She makes me happy everyday and I need to be happy for once in my life...I have a problem where I faint a lot too so she said she'll make sure I'm OK when I faint ...I know she loves me...and that alone makes me happy... I know she's my soul mate...she just is. She's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the lasted thing I think about before I pass out every night because I stay up all hours talking to her...I dream about being with her...she's just always on my mind. And I don't want her to not be on my mind...also...she has the most amazing smile ever... When she smiles really big and shows her perfect teeth it just makes me smile because she is so beautiful. And she looks so pretty without make up...and she looks good with make up...I think she looks better without it. To be honest... I love her..more than anything...damn I even love her kids. They aren't mine but they are good kids...and I never been a father before but I think with her help I could be a good dad...I know I may seem like a bit of a dick... but in real life I'm not...I just call you guys fuckers because I don't give a shit what your real name is..

Anyway... I think I spoke about my girlfriend enough for now...so I'm just gonna talk about other stuff for another chapter...