Alex pulled up to Stabler's house early on the Saturday of the barbecue, Olivia was there, having arrived just before. For the last eight years whenever her partner needed help moving something heavy, she was his go to. Now, Kathy knew how she took her coffee, and there was a mug in the cabinet that Dickey painted in first grade that everyone knew was 'Livvy's mug'.
"Time to go earn your keep." Elliot joked when he saw the bright blue truck pull up behind his car.
Olivia finished her coffee quickly and followed Elliot out the front door. He was already chatting with the blonde who was dressed casually in the most Alex Cabot outfit Olivia had ever seen, a sinfully short pair of khaki shorts with a loose light blue button up, the sleeves rolled to the elbow.
"Ready to get this show on the road?" Alex smiled, her hair was up in a bun that Olivia could only describe as messy. Standing there, looking so vibrant and young, it was like Alex never left. Olivia was so preoccupied by the lawyer's casual appearance, she was only brought back when Elliot called out 'shotgun'.
"Hey!" Olivia protested, "What happened to being a gentleman?"
"Maybe if you weren't so busy drooling over Cabot, you would have called shotgun for yourself." He teased, lowly enough that he knew the blonde wouldn't be able to hear.
Olivia spent the ride to Lowes to pick up Elliot's new washer and dryer crammed in the back of the cab on Alex's truck. Her knees pulled up to her shoulders as she hung on. A particularly rough stop sent her nearly flying forward into Elliot's lap, and Alex chuckled, "Sorry, I know these things are supposed to seat five, but I can't see how."
"That's okay, Liv's used to fitting in tight spaces." Elliot smirked at his partner. She kicked the back of his seat.
When they got to the hardware store, Alex and Olivia waited at the truck, pulled up to the curb while Elliot went in to pick up the machines. Olivia realized that it was the first time she had been alone with the blonde since she had come back from the dead, she had no idea what to say.
Her fingers itched to reach out and pull Alex into her arms. She wanted to know if this woman standing before her was the same one that she had let go of three years ago. The same Alex that would always opt for ordering in over cooking because she burned the simplest of things. The same Alex who loved horror films, but still jumped at the scary bits. She couldn't ask these things of course, so she settled for the only thing she could think to say, "You know, usually big trucks are a sign of compensating for something."
Alex looked over at her, one famous eyebrow quirking up in amusement. She had a dangerous look in her eyes that Olivia recognized, "If I remember correctly, you never seemed to have any complaints about the size of my dick."
Olivia choked on air. Her cheeks colored deep red, and she was spluttering for a response to the ADA when Elliot came out, pushing the laundry machines on a large flat cart.
The two detectives loaded them into the back of Alex's truck with no injury and only minimal swearing. The blonde easily hopped into the bed, she made quick work of securing the washer and dryer with bright orange straps. Olivia noted how comfortable the action was, how practiced.
Prior to WITSEC, Olivia doubted that Alex had even known how to operate the ratchet straps she now tightened in moments. She remembered one evening being called by the blonde to come over and change the batteries in her smoke alarm because Alex couldn't get it to stop beeping and she didn't want to call her super.
When they got back to Elliots house, the barbeque was in full swing. He enlisted a few big guys from the precinct to help unload the washer and dryer, and Olivia didn't hesitate to take advantage of the opportunity to corner Alex against the street side of the cab of her truck once the men had taken the machines off.
Alex merely quirked an eyebrow at Olivia's invasion of her space.
"I- you just- what the hell am I supposed to- God Alex!" The normally eloquent detective spluttered out.
A smirk crawled across Alex's face, "What was that, Liv?"
"You can't just disappear for three years, waltz back into the land of the living like nothing's happened, not talk to me properly, then casually mention your dick!" Olivia finally managed to string together.
That was enough to wipe the smirk off Alex's face, an expression of guilt replacing it, "You're right. I'm sorry, Liv. I just didn't want to assume, I was gone for three years, I didn't know if you still felt the same way. I didn't even know if you were single."
Olivia considered her options, nearly every day since Alex had disappeared in the back of a black SUV, she had thought about when she would return. Throwing caution to the winds, Olivia took a breath and decided to lean in, "I still love you, Alex. I've loved you every damn day since you've been gone."
Tears sprung to the blonde's eyes even as a gentle smile graced her lips, "I love you too, Liv."
Olivia didn't hesitate in rocking forward, leaning up to press her lips to Alex's in a kiss. It started off slow and soft and full of all the emotion that had been pent up for the last three years. Before long it heated, Olivia pressing Alex against the door of the truck, their bodies melding together, hands roaming across the soft flesh that they had been denied for too long.
Alex moaned when Olivia's fingers teased the bottom hem of her short khakis, and Olivia took advantage of the opportunity to slip her tongue into the blonde's mouth. They kissed like horny teenagers on the side of the road, not breaking apart until a loud whistle cracked through the air. They sprang apart to find Fin standing on the opposite side of the truck, smiling like a kid on Christmas, "Burgers are ready." He told them.
"Thanks." Olivia said, managing to blush and glare at the man all at the same time.
She rested her forehead against Alex's, bringing their bodies close once more. Now that they had reunited properly, she was reluctant to let go.
"I suppose we should join the party." Alex sighed regretfully.
"Do we have to?"
"Either that," Alex began, leaning in to whisper seductively in Olivia's ear, "or we could go back to your apartment and I could remind you of just how much you like my dick."
"God, don't tempt me."
The blonde smiled wickedly, it was a smile that Olivia recognized well. The same smile that used to bring her to her knees, could make her wet in moments. She found that even three years later, the look hadn't lost effectiveness.
"Okay, we'll stay for an hour. Have a burger, a couple of beers, and we'll go back to yours and make up for lost time."
"Deal." Olivia agreed, pressing one final kiss to Alex's lips before peeling their bodies apart. She took the lawyer's hand, reluctant to completely let Alex go.
…
Alex woke in the middle of the night, her right arm screaming out in pain, a cold sweat blanketing her body while her actual blankets twisted around her legs. Habitually, she groped with her left arm at her right shoulder, the only slickness she found was the light coat of sweat.
No blood.
She took one deep breath, she was sitting upright on a mattress, not laying in the middle of a road. Two breaths, her body was whole. Three breaths, she was, in fact, not in pain. Four breaths, around her was darkness, moonlight filtering in through cracked blinds, her alarm clock on the bedside table cast a red glow into the room. She was in Wisconsin, not Manhattan. She had not been shot.
That one was a lie. She had been shot, and she was running her fingers absently over the puckered scar on her shoulder as she continued breathing.
"Babe?" Jennifer's voice beside her was thick with sleep.
"Bad dream." Alex said before the blonde had a chance to ask. It wasn't a lie, not completely. It technically had been a bad dream, though it was just her reliving a bad memory.
"D'you want some tea?"
Alex chuckled, the younger woman was mostly asleep, she was in no state to be near a hot stove. All the same, Alex knew that if she said yes, Jennifer would be out of bed in a moment, "No, thank you though, dear."
"Come're." Jennifer demanded, opening her arms.
Alex dropped her hand from the scar on her shoulder. She used her oversized t shirt to wipe the sweat from her forehead and laid back down. She only hesitated a moment before relaxing into the warm body beside her. As much as she hated it, she couldn't help but compare this to the strong embrace she had gotten used to in her previous life.
Olivia was always the big spoon, though she was shorter than Alex. She would always lay down as close as possible, one arm over Alex's waist, the other folded up beneath her pillow. She would nuzzle her way right in close to the crook of Alex's neck. When she slept next to Olivia, Alex always woke up first. The detective was far from a peaceful sleeper, and most mornings, Alex would wake to an elbow or a knee embedded in her side somewhere.
Jennifer was a little spoon all the way. She would curl into Alex's side, her head on the taller woman's chest, and most nights she fell asleep half on top of Alex. It was a comfortable enough position, and Jennifer was so petite, the former ADA never complained about the soft reassuring weight of the woman. Most nights it helped keep Alex grounded, here in Wisconsin, her new life.
"G'night, Em." Jennifer breathed.
Emily. Emily Anderson, Alex repeated in her head. Emily Anderson, birthdate May 18, 1974, lives at 6958 E. County Line Road, works as a professor of law at the local college.
"Good night, darling." Alex murmured, pressing a kiss to the messy head of blonde hair resting on her chest. She knew it could be easy. So easy for her to fall in love with this woman, to invest herself fully in this life, but something kept her holding back. Something with brown eyes and a leather jacket.
…
Alex had been living in Wisconsin for nearly a year when a small girl named Joan Harper went missing. When you're in a small town, such a tragedy reaches everyone. By the eighteen hour mark of her disappearance the local police started asking for help, by all indications, Joan had been taken into the woods just beyond the river on the other side of the elementary school and they needed bodies to search before the sun went down.
Alex still couldn't believe she was living in a place small enough that her neighbor could knock on her door and say, "The youngest Harper girl's missing and they need people to search the woods." and Alex would know exactly what that sentence meant.
She called Jennifer and twenty minutes later they were standing in a large group on the edge of the forest getting briefed by the local sheriff. Alex had prosecuted dozens of rapists and child molesters, and there was something eerily similar about this, knowing that she was once again trying to rescue a helpless child, but this was also completely new.
She knew everything that the sheriff was telling them, she knew that most kidnappings were perpetrated by someone the victim knows. She also knew what the sheriff wasn't saying, that after the first twenty four hours the chance of finding the victim alive drops drastically.
Alex and Jen joined a search team comprised of middle aged adults, parents who recognized Jennifer from the middle school where she teaches. They headed East and fanned out in a line before painstakingly picking through the woods. It was an hour and twenty minutes later that a man to the left of Alex shouted, "I found her!"
Only a few of the volunteers were within earshot and they converged on him, "Hey Joan, nobody's going to hurt you anymore." He said gently.
Alex heard the little girl screech and recalled everything she had learned from years of watching the SVU detectives work, watching Olivia handle the youngest victims with such compassion. She recognized that the girl was probably kidnapped by a man and now the large imposing form of the volunteer who had found her was doing nothing to reassure her.
"May I?" She asked, not waiting for a reply before stepping in front of him.
Joan was curled against the roots of a tree, she had leaves and twigs in her hair and dirt on her face through which fresh tear tracks were clear. The sight broke Alex's heart.
"Hi Joan." She whispered, "My name's Emily, I'm going to take you back to your mommy now, okay?"
The girl reluctantly nodded. Alex extended her arms, and the girl climbed into them. The blonde stood, lifting Joan easily onto her hip. The man who had found her was on the phone to the sheriff, and the search party followed Alex's trail out of the woods.
Joan clung tightly to Alex's coat, her head buried against her chest. When they broke the treeline, a massive crowd awaited them, Joan's mother at the front. Alex passed the child off quickly, watching the reunion with something like hope in her eyes. An ambulance was standing by while Joan's mother cried and thanked Alex profusely, "Thank you for bringing her back to me!"
"It wasn't-"
"You found her. I thought my baby was dead." The woman cried.
Alex just nodded, the situation didn't hit her until that night. She was settled on her living room couch, her feet tucked up beneath her, a glass of wine in her hand and a student's essay in her lap. Her mind was back on the search she had been a part of earlier in the evening. On how devastated Joan's mother had been before the search began.
When Alex went into protective custody, she had to fight to be able to tell Elliot and Olivia that she was still alive. She wasn't even able to tell her family that she wasn't being buried. It wasn't something she ever thought about until that woman's words.
Her mother thought she was dead.
For the first time since she had arrived in Wisconsin a year ago, Alex let herself cry. Big ugly tears the dripped from her chin onto the essay she was supposed to be grading. She cried herself out until she couldn't cry anymore, she cried until she was gasping for breath, and her eyes were red. For the first time in fourteen years, she desperately missed her mother. She hadn't felt that way since her first year of college when she was drowning in doubt of her ability to stack up to her ivy league peers.
Her mother thought she was dead and Alex was stuck in Wisconsin, pretending to be Emily.
…
Olivia stared at the living room of Alex's apartment. Her coat was still hung on the doorknob of the closet, a pair of heels were in the entryway, a book lying dogeared on the coffee table. It looked like Alex could come home at any moment. But she wouldn't because she was dead.
Her funeral was in two days and Alex's mother had asked Olivia to pack up the apartment because she couldn't make it down from Connecticut until the service.
She couldn't start there in the living room, there were too many memories. She could see Alex curled in the corner of the couch wearing pajama shorts and a stolen NYPD t shirt, reading case files with her glasses sitting low on her nose. She could see them cuddled together watching television, eating takeout while sitting on the floor around the coffee table, making out like teenagers on the plush carpeting in front of the fake fireplace.
She couldn't start in the kitchen where she had watched Alex burn too many meals, and she couldn't start in her bedroom where she had spent countless nights falling asleep with Alex safely in her arms. She decided to go for Alex's home office.
It was a smaller second bedroom with a desk, couch, file cabinets and built in book shelves. She started with the books. They were leather bound law journals, and Olivia was careful. She packed them all away into cardboard boxes before moving onto the desk where she stopped short. Framed in the corner was a photograph of the two of them together. It was taken at a station holiday party where they had just been caught under the mistletoe. The picture was snapped right after they had broken apart from the kiss, Olivia's arms were still around Alex's waist, her arms around the detective's shoulders, they were looking at each other wearing matching grins.
Olivia stared at the picture for a long moment, she didn't know if had been minutes or hours that she stood there, looking at the happiness that she almost had immortalized on paper.
She left the apartment. She would come back and finish later, she couldn't bring herself to do it now.
A/N- Thanks for reading and reviewing.