Oublier de rever: chapter 2
Disclaimers & warnings see chapter one
this may get a little confusing, these next two chapters...idk, the xxxxxxx's are there to indicate a change in time or place, or both, but I'm not so sure if its like, obvious...and all the entries here aren't five years previous, the further you read, the closer to the present you get...I'm not good at explaining lmao...hope y'all enjoy this chapter!
Five years previously...
They had been working the series of break in-and shootings at a popular chain of jewelery stores. It had been an exhaustingly boring case, and Sara was just damn glad to have it solved...gave her and Griss more time to, ahem, be in each other's company...
She rolled over to face him. "Morning baby."
"Good afternoon more like."
She kissed him passionately on the lips. "So, no morning sex then?"
"We can change the time on the clocks." he had grinned at her, before shifting on top...
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She needed to ask him. This was their future...her future...
She was 29...it wasn't like she had nothing to support her financially, if he disagreed...
"Griss?"
"Mmmm?"
"Would you ever- would you ever have kids?"
"Sara- where has this come from?"
"It's just, you know, turning older, and stuff-"
"honey, you only turned 29 last week. It's not like you're old...yet..." he smirked as she rolled her eyes.
"Griss, be serious. Answer the question."
"To be honest Sara, I don't think kids would be such a...fantastic idea for me...for us..."
"But Griss, imagine, a kid with my nose and your eyes...or vice versa, but you have much nicer eyes than me..."
He had laughed. "We're both too selfish for kids...we work too much. And kids mean you don't have time for..." he bit her ear playfully.
"So, you don't want children?"
"Nope. Why? I didn't think that you did either."
"I-I don't."
She didn't. Well, not before. But she hadn't had her period for nearly three months, and the test was positive...she couldn't get an abortion...she couldn't get rid of her baby just because they had forgotten to use a rubber...she couldn't...
But he didn't want kids...she couldn't tell him, it would ruin everything...
Too late sweetie, the voice in her head told her. Cos it's already ruined
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The New York Crime Lab had replied in the affirmative. Of course, Ms. Sidle, someone of your expertise would be greatly valued here...we offer full support for families, yes, a job will still be available after the baby is born. How soon can we expect you?
You can expect me later this week.
She had spoken to her doctor...four months...
She was just so damn lucky that her bump didn't show...
Sara had handed her resignation to Ecklie, who had grinned in delight at the prospect of washing his of the insubordinate Sara, at least, she was insubordinate to him.
She had spent the last few days in a numb daze, packing her things up sneakily, spending her last night with Grissom, who was still unawares of everything, then writing the letter.
Writing that goddamned letter.
With every downward penstroke, her heart broke a little more.
But she knew it was for the best...she couldn't ruin his life.
If Ecklie or the sheriff found out about the relationship, Gil would be fired. Only the night-shift knew about them, despite the fact they had been together for almost two years...just after she arrived in Vegas.
No, this move was for the best...
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Griss,
First of all, I'm so sorry. More than you will ever know. This wouldn't have worked. You would have been fired, everyone would have detested me for getting the man who had put the crime lab up to number two on the ladder fired, and we would have resented each other...
We don't want the same things...I would have ruined it all for you...I can't do that, I love you too much. I'm sorry.
I love you more than you could ever imagine. Tell everyone at the lab that I'm sorry.
Yours, Sara
He had read it over again. It still tore at him, even though he had read it countless times...why had she left him? Why had she left the lab?
No point thinking about it Gil. He told himself. You're not getting her back now. She's gone.
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At six months, she was showing. Not massively, but enough to make the bump obvious on her slender frame. Her colleagues and friends wouldn't let her carry things and she had to buy a whole new wardrobe to accommodate her expanding waist-line.
She had talked things over with her supervisor- six months maternity, then she could come back on half-time for the next few years if she wanted...but Sara knew that she would be back full-time as soon as she could, her baby would have a nanny.
Her rather large apartment currently had cribs, carry-seats and other paraphernalia lying tumbled in bags in the living room, but she just couldn't be bothered putting it away in the baby's room, or in the cribs case, putting it together...
She missed Grissom.
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How long had she been gone? Seven, maybe eight, months? But he still thought about her all the time...she was all he could think about...
He still had the photos that she had so lovingly framed, and put up all over his townhouse when she moved in...he had kept the bits and pieces she had left behind...the leatherbound copy of Jane Eyre, several other books, her toothbrush and hairbrush in the bathroom, and a camisole that still vaguely smelt of her perfume...when he was feeling particularly self-pitying and morose, he would hold it to his nose and inhale...
Eight months gone, and he was still smelling her fucking clothes, hoping that the tiny perfume particles might mutate in the air, and somehow miraculously turn into Sara.
He hated being without her...after years, he finally got his shit together and told her he loved her, only for her to move away a year later.
Why? How could she?
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"It's a girl!" the nurse had beamed at her. "Do you want to hold her?"
Um, duh. After three hours of utter agony, who wouldn't want a reward, however small and pruney that reward may be?
She held the baby in her arms.
"Do we have a name?"
She hadn't thought of any. But it just leapt into her head. "Melodie. She's called Melodie."
"Melodie. Wow, that's pretty. Melodie Sidle. Sounds like an actress's name." the nurse had winked at her before whisking the baby away, and Sara had fallen into an exhausted sleep.
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She had been gone for ten months...Greg had received several short emails during the first few months, but after the fifth month, she had just...not got in touch...he supposed she must be busy with her new job, and all...
Her leaving still stung like a papercut, though...
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"Welcome back Sar! How's baby? Her fellow CSI's were asking the second she stepped back into the New York crime lab.
She had laughed, relaxing under the camaraderie that ran through the lab. "Melodie's good thanks...the nanny says she's the best-behaved baby she ever did meet!"
"Definitely not your child." Detective John Munch said from behind her as he entered the lab.
"John!"
"Nice to see you back Sara." He had embraced her. John was possibly Sara's best friend in New York, a cross between best friend and father figure. He had already came by the apartment and met Melodie several times, but Sara was happy to see him again.
"I'm glad to be back. Urgh she's cute and all- but I swear to god, you think criminals are bad, try sleeping with a screaming baby in the apartment."
"I thought she was a good baby?" he had smirked.
"Yeah, now she is. But before Elise," Sara referred to the nanny "I thought my head would split!"
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The months, then years, passed, he really thought it would start to hurt less...
But numbness crept in, and the pain mutated into something simialr to frostbite, numb, but somehow still agony...
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She had got Melodie enrolled in a prestigious nursery school, after a colleague at the lab had pulled a few strings for her. At nearly three years old, Melodie was adorable, she was curious about everything, and was obviously pretty smart. Not to mention that she was a beautiful child.
Her godfather, John, had said to Sara many times, although he was more than slightly biased...he doted on the child, and seeing as his daughter had now grown up and moved away from New York, he saw Melodie as a cross between daughter and Grandaughter.
Sara had been working at the lab without a hitch for three years after she had Melodie, without a hitch. No problems, the occasional date, occasional sex, nothing particularly emotional...She couldn't feel anything for anyone in the same way that she did for Gil.
And she was fine with that...even though sometimes she missed him so much, she was convinced her heart was ripping.
But looking into Melodie's sparkling blue eyes sometimes helped velcro the rip together...
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He hadn't dated in the three years that Sara had left, Catherine Willows realized as she looked at Grissom hunched over a case file. In fact, it was nearly four years. Nearly four whole years. When Sara had first left, Cath had been concerned for the brunette. Concern had turned to confusion, had turned to pissed off-ness, had turned to sheer anger for the woman who had hurt Gil Grissom so badly. Of course, he was probably partly to blame for whatever had made Sara leave, but come on, everyone knew Grissom said things he didn't mean...and didn't say things he meant...
But, the thing was, Gil had said he had no idea why she left...
It was like Sara Sidle had just...vanished for no reason...
Of course, not vanished...Cath knew that she was down in New York, she was good friends with Melinda Warner, a New York coroner, who had met Sara more than a few times, and had mentioned it to Catherine in passing.
She hadn't told Grissom, but somehow, he knew Sara was in New York.
But he didn't want to see her.
And Cath was just relieved that he was going to stay away from her...
After all, Sara must've had a good reason for leaving Vegas so suddenly and without notice... it must've been a fucking amazing reason...
Catherine had seen how much Sara had loved Grissom, she had seen how they were to each other. Something seriously big must've mad her leave...something that would have hurt Grissom...
And nobody, least of all Catherine, his closest friend, could stand seeing Grissom get hurt...
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It was Melodie's third birthday party. Her baby was getting so grown up, she was now oficially a toddler. Sara smiled as the little girl squirmed in John's lap, before she turned to Melinda and told her "today, I will be three. Because I'm is old."
"I am old, sweetie." Sara corrected absentmindedly, as the rest of her friends rolled their eyes. "Today, I am three. Because I am old."
"Geez Sara, she's only just turned three, she can't be spelling champ for at least another two years minimum."
"Spelling champ? I think not Dani," Sara told her friend, "Melodie's going to be a physicist."
They all laughed as Melodie wrinkled up her little button nose- "Mummy, I be driving a tractor. Or I'll be Dora."
"Dora?" John hadn't watched kids t.v. In a long time.
"Dora the Explorer. God, John, keep up!" Detective Stuart Mellroe told him, smirking. John's colleague was always smirking.
Melodie stretched out her arms from John to her mom, and Sara lifted her.
"Someone's tired. Home and bed, baby"
"Mommy...I wan' more cake..."
"I think two slices were enough, don't you?" Sara asked her daughter, before hoisting her onto one hip to carry her out to the car.
"Say thank you for all your presents."
"Thank yous for all my persents."
"You, not yous. And not-"
"Sara, stop!" they were laughing at her attempts to correct her daughters grammar. She smiled-
"Seriously guys, thanks for all this. It was sweet of you."
Dani slid out her seat ans gave Sara an awkward one-armed hug, so's not to wake-up a sleeping Melodie. "Aww Sar, we wanted to. She had fun." they looked at Melodie who was currently drooling on Sara's sweater.
After bidding them goodbyes and insisting to Stuart she didn't need an escort to her car, she carried Melodie out the restaurant. The rest of the night was uneventful- getting a small sleeping child into bed proved no problem for Sara- she had a lot of practice.
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"So, it was his mom?" Sara asked the handsome cop who had been working the Aimes case, where a mother had smothered her child as he slept...it had more than pulled emotional triggers for Sara.
"Yeah, the fibers you found in the mouth and the blanket you matched it to- that was the case breaker."
"thanks." she smiled at him, with a small blush across her cheeks. "I can't believe anyone could do that to their baby."
"I know...something wrong in the head. She's been put in psych for evaluation."
"What about hubby?"
"He told us, quite straight-facedly, that she was going to rot in hell."
"Oh. Nice." Chris walked her to the exit of the lab, he had been over speaking to Melinda, so he'd dropped in to see her...Sara was slightly confused, but maybe since they'd worked together on this case-
"...Sara? Would you?"
"Uh-sorry? I tend to zone off." she smiled at him.
"Would you like to come out with me sometime? Like, on a date?"
"Oh. Oh-um-yeah-sure, that would be nice"
"So...can I have your number?"
"Oh...um...here..." she keyed into into the cellphone he was holding out towards her. "My daughter still sleeps in the afternoon, so maybe you could call in the evening?"
"You have a daughter?" For her, his reaction to her answer was the make-or-break.
"Yes, she's nearly four. Her name's Melodie."
"Oh. I have a daughter and a son. Divorced. They live in Tenessee now."
"Wow. Far away, huh?" she probed gently
"Yeah, um, my ex-wife, she grew up there... moved back to her parents...I haven't seen 'em for six years."
Sara put her hand on his arm, trying to convey sympathy without being patronizing. "That sucks. I don't keep in contact with Melodie's dad either."
They stood like that for several seconds, before she looked away. "Um. So. Um. Yeah. I'll talk to you later, I guess."
"Okay. Bye Sara."
"Bye Chris."
She felt happier than she had in a while...so, he may not be the prince charming she was looking for, the only one able to fill that spot was Gil, but he was a pretty damn good consolation prize...he was like Duke handsome, or something...
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