VI. Things Left Unsaid
March 18: Morning
"Haaaaa…"
Corrin roused with a smile and overbearing warmth in his chest. Distracting warmth, actually. Everything seemed like a daze. (His congestion might have been a part of that, but that was neither here nor there.) Well, it was a welcome feeling after so many weeks of the opposite. After all, yesterday had been quite productive:
One. Felicia had found the proposal, untouched from the spot at which Corrin had left it. Though, now, he found its security trivial to him… It seemed like a concern of yesteryear. After everything, he was not surprised to hear of its safety, though he supposed it was good that no one need start the thing from scratch.
Two. He felt closer to his siblings than he had been in a while; indeed, they visited him not long after he awoke to express their enthusiasm about his wellness. Deeming him well enough to leave the infirmary, Sakura walked him to his room to prepare for his day, offering him her arm and a lighthearted lecture about how he needs to be sure to take it easy today, okay? "Drink lots of water, Big Brother."
Three. Honesty. He knew that the things left unsaid had yet to be directly addressed, certainly not in words, but… now, more than yesterday, more than ever, Corrin knew something.
"Xander and I were both sure the two of you would end up together."
Camilla knew. It had taken him so long, but Corrin finally picked up the pieces.
"So that means… You and I have a secret from everyone!"
Gods, it was so obvious.
Corrin wanted to laugh, to lose himself to mirth, but for now he was forced to settle with a light chuckle. For no reason in particular—probably peer pressure—Sakura giggled too, characteristically nervous.
"I'll leave you right here," said Sakura cheerfully once they arrived at his bedroom. "Have a good day, Big Brother. Let me know if you feel worse, okay? I'll be around the infirmary most of the day anyway."
"You sound like Felicia," Corrin said, snickering. "A-Anyway, I'll, haha, I'll do that." While his sister departed (with a smile and a wave), Corrin reached for the knob. Felicia was already inside, folding laundry, and she glanced over her shoulder as he opened the door.
She broke into a wide grin, which Corrin mirrored. "Good morning, Corrin!"
"This seems backwards," Corrin said, leaning against the door frame. "Usually you're the one walking in on me." He gestured at the door; "Should I do your little knock?"
Felicia mock-pouted. "No way, get your own!"
Corrin laughed, and he closed the door behind him. "Good morning, Felicia." He strode over to his bed; to Felicia's surprise, the prince immediately flopped face-first onto the mattress.
"Goodness, you're light on your feet this morning," she mused. "Did Lady Sakura give you some painkillers? Hahaha."
"Heheh. No, no, I'm just…" He rolled onto his back. "Just, good things happening lately. Had a surprise visitor in the infirmary last night."
"A visitor…?" Felicia hesitated. "Who could've visited you? I tried, but Princess Sakura was too vigilant."
"Guess she was sneakier."
"She." The maid stared at him. "You don't mean her?"
"Her, yep," Corrin giggled. "Gods, I really needed to see her. She always knows just the right time to… to show up."
Felicia smiled. She couldn't help it, really. Corrin looked so happy. He was just sprawled on his bed, wearing a dumb grin.
"You really like this girl, huh," she murmured.
Corrin nodded. "Yeah." His cheer was relaxing into contentment. "I think…" He looked over at Felicia. "I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her."
Felicia's eyebrows rose, and despite herself, her own smile twitched slightly in response. "…Is that so?"
Corrin's glazed eyes returned to the ceiling. "No, no… I'm absolutely sure I'm in love with her." He closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I've known… for a long time, I think. I've just been holding myself back…" His eyebrows furrowed, and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. "…Why? Why haven't I just… admitted it? For all this time…?"
"All this… time?" Felicia murmured. Her smile began to fade.
"I've known her for so long," Corrin whispered. "Since I was a child. And I've loved her… forever. So why haven't I just…?"
Dread crept into Felicia's chest. An indescribable pain, a pain she'd only felt once before, stabbed at her; suddenly, finally, all was clear. "…Oh."
The room was deathly quiet for far too long.
Felicia ventured into the silence, trying for a peppy tone and only halfway succeeding. "I think I know who you're talking about, then."
Corrin didn't mind. He was so tired, so beaten, he couldn't begin to care who knew anymore.
"…It's Princess Elise, isn't it."
Corrin didn't answer, but, just like the other day, his smile gave him away. Of course Felicia would know, too. She was there.
Felicia rocked back and forth on her feet, trying to keep herself composed while her mind was racing. Tact is everything. "So… you haven't told her? Do you think you've just been, um… repressing those feelings?"
"Repressing…" Corrin's eyes opened. "Repressing… Yes, that must be it. Right? Since the end of the war, I've been so—so—busy. So much work, stress… I've forgotten so much."
"I see…"
Felicia was brimming with questions, but every one of them tasted bitter on her tongue. She didn't dare address them. Gods, this changed everything.
"W-Well… um…" Felicia forced her attention onto the unfolded clothes before her. "Be, be sure to get dressed, milord. Don't want to keep your—your siblings waiting." She cleared her throat.
Corrin's oblivious smile hadn't waned. "Right, right…"
March 18: Breakfast
The same stupid smile had been plastered on Corrin's face all morning. He couldn't even fathom why. Everything was just so dreamlike today. Well, he couldn't complain.
In the gardens, Ryoma informed him that—as Corrin had surmised—Hinoka and Camilla would adopt the remainder of Corrin's speech together, promising to have it completed by tonight; wellness permitting, Corrin would still be the one to present it to the Nohrian Advisory Board tomorrow morning. Corrin requested the princesses not edit anything Corrin had already finished.
Breakfast was relatively uneventful, though Corrin was amused by the care with which his siblings watched him eat. They seemed eager to ensure he downed every last bite of his protein-laden meal; he supposed that, while it felt like coddling, he had earned their distrust when it came to eating. They seemed united in their concern for him, which was a pleasant change of pace.
When breakfast was done, Camilla, Hinoka, and Ryoma bid Corrin a farewell. He felt a somber pang at last; he couldn't help but feel left out, but there was nothing to be done. They had to work. He did offer to take their empty food trays for them, since he wasn't busy anyway, which they agreed to with smiles and friendly farewells.
Wandering the castle was odd at this time of day. No: correction, not just odd—jarring. A day off? He hadn't had one of these since the end of the war.
No: correction, he hadn't let himself have one. When idle, his mind tended to wander to… uncomfortable places. Places he was—what was Felicia's word?—repressing at the moment. He was in too good of a mood to think about that nonsense.
Assuring himself he had his Dragonstone—Felicia would likely have a reprimand waiting for him should he forget it—Corrin headed outside the fort. The sun was bright and high. He hadn't been outside to enjoy it before sunset in quite a long time.
Habit still kicked in. Even knowing that Elise would not be there this early in the day, Corrin's feet took him to the same old oak atop the hill.
He admired the tree. He'd always thought of it as having an autumn hue thanks to the setting sun, but spring was nigh, and in broad daylight it showed; the tree was a vibrant, healthy green. Corrin smiled as he placed his hand against the cool bark.
"Corrin."
Corrin turned toward the voice, his heart rising. "…Elise?"
"I'm afraid not, brother."
Corrin blinked, almost disbelieving, as he beheld Nohr's regal king striding closer.
"Good morning, Corrin," said Xander, smiling widely. "It's been some time."
"I-It has," Corrin muttered numbly. "Why—I mean, how are you here?"
"I couldn't wait." Xander placed his firm hand on the prince's shoulder. "I understand the meeting is tomorrow, but I had to see you again, Corrin. I stole away to catch you while neither of us were busy."
"I guess you heard about me being sick, then…"
"Word travels quickly, brother. But we could choose to see this as an opportunity, could we not? We would not have this time together were you well."
"…You're right about that." Corrin glanced around awkwardly. "W-Well, take a seat, I guess." He gestured at the grassy hilltop.
Xander seated himself next to the tree, and Corrin next to him.
Corrin spied the fort in the distance. "It looks completely different in the sunlight…"
"It's beautiful, in a way," Xander mused. "You know, this fort was chosen due to its proximity to the border, lying within Nohrian land. It has long been a lookout point, a base from which we Nohrians may watch our Hoshidan neighbors from afar." He shook his head… "…While in the past the distant looks were of envy and hatred, I aspire for a future where those looks are trivial. A simple glance toward a friend."
"Poetic," Corrin chuckled. "But I absolutely agree. I'm tired of the fighting… no, the infighting. It feels like everyone is family in the same household, yet they won't get along because they were raised in different rooms."
"Well, to you, they are all family," Xander noted. "Hoshido and Nohr alike. You have a unique perspective that the rest of us do not, and that is why you were chosen to mediate."
Corrin shook his head; his eyes were still distant, watching the fort. "That means it's up to me to make everyone get along. I'm the only one with incentive. I'm sure Hinoka would be thrilled to never have to speak to Camilla again, and vice versa, but I couldn't cut either of them out of my life."
"You'll find a way to, I'm certain." When Corrin glanced at his older brother, Xander had a reassuring smile waiting for him. "Corrin, you've managed to bring peace to an endless war without the butchering of either nation. I think you can make their peoples get along." He nudged the prince. "They have you, remember, to unite them. You were born with that destiny."
Corrin shook his head, smiling. "Gods, Xander. You're quite a wordsmith."
"You think so? Heh."
After that, they were both quiet. The breeze, Corrin found, was lovely; he closed his eyes to feel it against his skin.
"…For an ill man, Corrin, your spirits seem high. Why is that?"
Corrin grew a reflexive smile. "Well… it's that you and Camilla were right, is all."
"We were right?" Though it took him a moment to understand, Xander soon smiled as well. "Ah… I see."
"Honestly, it makes me happy," Corrin murmured. "I keep thinking, thinking about conversations we've ever had, and it just makes me more and more sure."
"Of course you're sure," said Xander. "You're right. Elise could not keep such a secret from her siblings. We always knew."
"You should've—" But Corrin realized his tone was growing confrontational, so he breathed evenly and tried again, much calmer. "…You should have told me. You, or Leo, or Camilla."
"I know. There is much I should have done." Xander sighed. "…You and Elise… If I have one regret, it is my treatment of the two of you. You deserved much better from your elder brother."
Elise's words came to Corrin immediately: "You can't change the past."
"You are right about that. I suppose all we can do is change the future, and you have proven to be quite adept at that, brother."
"Tomorrow is the next big step," Corrin declared. "They're just trade agreements—the most mundane possible thing—but it's going to change things between our nations forever. I'm sure of it."
"Seems you have a way with words yourself," said Xander, standing. He offered a hand for Corrin to shake, which the prince did as soon as he regained his feet. "Then, I shall see you tomorrow morning, won't I?"
"I'd certainly hope so, Big Brother."
Xander started to turn away, but he paused, glancing at Corrin with a sly grin. "…And, don't tell anyone I sneaked all the way out here, all right? I would rather avoid a scolding if I could."
Corrin laughed. "Of course, Xander. See you."
"Farewell, brother."
While Xander walked away, new resolve entered the young prince.
Tonight. Tonight is the night.
I am going to open my heart to Elise.
March 18: Late Afternoon
Ordinarily, Corrin left at this time to meet Elise under the oak on the hilltop. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest. He had no idea what he was going to say, and just the thought of the conversation filled him with dread.
However, his lunch with Felicia had been relatively early today—seeing the lunchroom filled with people while he was there had proven to be a unique experience—so Felicia had insisted they grab another, smaller meal before the day was done, which Corrin obliged. Instead of leaving the fort as usual, he went to the gardens, where Felicia had told him she had food waiting for him.
As he arrived, she offered him a full smile and gestured at the seat across from her, where, sure enough, a plateful of food awaited. Corrin slid into the chair and dug in.
He couldn't deny that something about Felicia was a little off. She was always friendly, but today something about her kindness seemed different… he would have suspected condescension if he wasn't referring to Felicia. "Walking on eggshells," perhaps?
He had wondered why she would ask him to share another meal, since Sakura had only prescribed two a day, and Felicia certainly seemed like she had something on the tip of her tongue. It was very odd. And, given the place his mind had been in all day, he couldn't help but wonder if… well, he never entertained the thought directly, but on some level… he had to wonder if this was going to be some kind of love confession.
Seemed ridiculous… didn't it? That Felicia would take a step like that. He and Felicia had spoken yesterday about Sakura's lack of confidence, but Felicia was the same way. She wouldn't be so forward.
Corrin tried to repress those musings, and chat remained casual throughout the brief meal. The gardens were quiet and productive to the lighthearted atmosphere. His mind frequently wandered to Elise, reflecting on what he would say.
Until, when his tray was clear and their conversation lulled, Corrin placed his hands on the table and slowly stood. "This was nice," he said cheerfully. "But I don't want to keep Elise waiting."
Elise. Speaking her name aloud sent tingles through his body. Spiting the taboo.
Felicia's smile had died, and she seemed to be casting about for an excuse to speak.
"So I'll see you later, okay?"
Her chance was slipping away. Grasping at it, she finally took a leap.
"It's not healthy to pretend," said Felicia abruptly.
Corrin paused, confused. After brief deliberation, he slipped back into his seat. "…What?"
"You shouldn't…" Felicia closed her mouth, her eyes darting away as she gathered her words. "L-Lying to me is one thing… and I totally understand why you would! Don't get me wrong there, heheh. You, uh, you don't have to tell me everything. Or—anything, really."
At that moment, Corrin picked up on the pity filling Felicia's eyes.
"But don't lie to yourself, okay?" Felicia reached over the table to touch his fingers; he absently adjusted his hand over hers. "You—You deserve better than that, Corrin. If you keep telling yourself that things are a way that they aren't, then… you'll believe it. And, and then I think you'll get hurt."
Corrin found it hard to meet her eye.
"I don't want you to get hurt, milord," Felicia whispered, and her hand crept away. "Please think about yourself, and… stop pretending. Be honest. If not to me, if not to… her, then to yourself, at the very least."
At that, she gently lifted her empty food tray and excused herself, leaving Corrin alone with her words.
She was right. She was motivating him, erasing his doubt.
Stop pretending.
Dammit, he WILL. It was about time he started being honest.
March 18: Evening
He had never been so nervous before. The trend of the day seemed to be "overwhelmed with emotion," and now, as Corrin's lead feet dragged him toward the same old hilltop, he found himself barraged on all fronts by feelings he couldn't begin to parse. Eagerness, expectation, dread, fear… guilt. Things left unsaid, but not for much longer.
"Hi, Corrin! How are you feeling?"
Corrin offered her a frail smile and an affirmative platitude, but little else more. He couldn't do it. He couldn't. A part of him thought, was certain, that Felicia's advice would be for nothing. His legs were weak, and so was his resolve. Open your heart, Corrin. He couldn't.
"…Want to play for a while?" Corrin murmured.
"Sounds great!"
She took him by the hand.
The evening whiled away uneventfully. It was like nothing had changed since two days ago. Like Corrin's entire perception of reality hadn't been upturned. The only exception was that they weren't distracted with talk of Corrin's speech anymore, which was… welcome, yeah.
Corrin was fully committed to flaking on his earlier promise (paradoxical as that was). He knew he would get hurt if he didn't. Something in him wondered if the opposite would hurt, too, but he tried shutting that thought down, to no success. By the time the sun had vanished past the horizon, it had become an itch in his mind, consuming his thoughts.
I need to. I NEED to do it. I have to be honest.
He was shivering with anxiety, but Elise's hand lay over his, stilling him. "It's late," the princess whispered. "How about I walk you back to your room?"
"Y…Yeah." Corrin nodded hesitantly, and Elise gave him a small, reassuring smile.
They returned to the fort in relative silence. Corrin's head swam the whole walk. He had hoped that exercising would divert his attention away from the things left unsaid. Gods, he couldn't have been more wrong.
Corrin found himself standing in front of his bedroom door, unable to remember much of the trip there. Elise gestured for Corrin to enter, which, numbly, he did. He entered his dim room, lit a few lamps, and sat on his bed.
His eyes gradually focused over the course of a few moments, and—Elise was there. She was sitting in a chair opposite Corrin's bed, watching him expectantly, a tiny smile adorning her expression.
"So," Elise began. "I guess… you have something to say?"
"Yeah…" Corrin shook his head. Out with it. Open your heart. You know how she feels. "Elise. I'm in love with you." He tensed. "I've—I've always been in love with you."
Her expression didn't change. The same, peaceful smile.
"…And, you were always in love with me, too. Weren't you?"
The room was deathly quiet. Corrin was shivering with dread, fear, anticipation.
But—
Guilt?
…No, it was… fading…
Fading away.
"Of course, Corrin."
Elise's quiet response pierced the silence, and Corrin found himself short on breath as if drowning.
"I feel like I've always known," Corrin murmured. "All the pieces were there…"
"Well, you figured it all out on your own, huh?" Elise giggled. "Corrin, I'm so happy for you! Look at you, opening your heart!"
"We should have been together." Corrin shook his head. "We should always have been together."
"Corrin…" She left her chair to sit by Corrin on the bed instead. She rested her head on his shoulder and rubbed his back. "C'mon, now. Don't be like that." She grinned up at him. "Remember, you can't change the past. You can only make sure that the future is better!"
"The future won't be better!" Corrin snapped, but her arm squeezed around him, soothing. Though a burst of anger had overtaken him, he quickly deflated under Elise's touch. The emotions rocking him were no longer hostile, but—
He was in love with Elise. She was in love with him. The truth was free.
The truth…
The heavy weight of honesty impacted Corrin, and at last, he could see through the cracks. He had known this would happen, but—it hurt, and he didn't know why.
"Gah," Corrin gasped. He could hardly breathe. Hot liquid was pooling at the edge of his eyes. "G-Gods—why? Why did it have to b-be like…" He shook his head vehemently.
"Shhh," Elise cooed. "Corrin, it'll be fine…"
"No it won't!" Corrin's voice was tinted with pain. "Elise—I've—for so long, since the war ended, I…"
"I know, sweetie…"
She eased Corrin onto his back. Elise crawled along, lying beside him and cradling his head. She continued humming peacefully as Corrin shook with broken gasps.
"Elise," Corrin groaned. He shook his head again; tears ran down his cheeks. "I've—I've been keeping myself so busy, to forget. Since, s-since the war, I can't—stop thinking, about you, about Xander, about Azura… If I don't have something to—to take my mind off—to repress—then, I, I lose myself…"
Elise stroked his hair comfortingly. She wore the same reassuring smile.
Corrin couldn't help but laugh without a trace of humor. "Gods, and I have n-no one to b-blame but myself. Everything that's h-happened is entirely my fault." He looked up at her; eyes bleary with tears, he could barely even see her. "…Why?"
"Why what, Corrin?" she whispered soothingly.
"Why didn't I… pick you? I knew! Even th-then, I knew, so why didn't I?!"
Elise laughed lightly, quieting Corrin's self-directed indignation. "Oh, come on, Corrin… that's not fair to yourself. You made that choice based on an ideal." She pressed her cheek into his hair. "You believed in Hoshido. What you did, you did because you thought it was right! It was always bigger than just me." She shrugged. "From there… it was all fate."
"How can you talk about fate when you say you want me to make a better future?!"
Elise shook her head. "I meant what I said, Corrin! Our pasts can't be changed. What happened, happened. That, I think, is what we mean when we talk about our 'fates.' But there's so much more to do! So much more you can do! You can seize your future, and make that fate your own, Corrin! I've always believed in you. You KNOW that!"
Corrin did not have an immediate response. He tried—unsuccessfully—to rein in his breathing, to try to stop crying.
"H-How…?" He sniffed. "…I always thought, deep down, that you'd always be by my side, Elise. How can I go on, how can I change anything, if it's not for you?"
Elise clicked her tongue playfully. "So cynical! Corrin, you don't need me to tell you that there's so much more to live for. And more importantly…" She hugged him tightly. "You know I'll never leave you, not really."
He knew, he knew it wouldn't last, but, as he clung to what remained of this fantasy, a fiery impulse shot through Corrin, bringing words to him unbidden: "S-Stay the night, Elise… Please." He choked back a sob. "Please…"
A pause. Elise seemed to be mulling over the suggestion, still wearing the same smile. Her fingers ran through his hair, raising goose bumps on his skin.
"I can't be with you like this, not forever," she whispered into his ear. "But… I can promise you the one night."
Tears streamed from Corrin's eyes, and he let loose his agony with incoherent sobs, the guilt and the dread and the truth all collapsing onto him in one fell blow. "E-Elise," he gasped: the only word he could summon. "Elise…"
Elise held him tightly, allowing him to cry himself to sleep.
"It'll be okay. I promise. I'll never really leave you, never ever. So let it all out, okay…?"
March 19: Morning
Knock-knock-knock.
The sound pulled Corrin from slumber. His thoughts uncollected, he blearily reached around, mumbling her name with a hoarse throat: "Elise…?"
But as he sat up, grogginess fading into reality, he found that his room was empty.
Obviously.
Of course she wouldn't be here.
He knew that.
Knock-knock-knock. A voice that wasn't Felicia's accompanied the knock that wasn't Felicia's: "Corrin?"
Corrin coughed raggedly, forcing last night's phlegm and tears from his throat. "Come in."
The door opened enough to allow Camilla's violet hair through. "Good morning, dear." She noted his red eyes, limp posture, and vacant look; "…How are you feeling?"
Corrin didn't feel much. The agony was gone, even the guilt, but what was left was… hollow.
He couldn't meet his sister's eye. "I had a dream about Elise." His voice was empty.
Camilla winced, sobering. "Oh… I'm so sorry, Corrin."
"It's okay." Corrin eased himself out of his bed; moving his legs took effort. He felt drained, void of energy.
"Today is the day," Camilla attempted quietly. "Leo and the Advisory Board will arrive later this morning to hear the presentation you've worked on. …Do you feel well enough?"
Corrin paused, assessing himself. "I don't feel sick."
"That's… good! Yes, that's good." Camilla clasped her hands together, forcing a smile. "So, get dressed… into something new," she noticed that he had gone to bed in yesterday's clothes, "…and fetch yourself some breakfast. Hinoka will have the speech ready for you when you arrive at the auditorium."
"Sure."
Camilla hesitated in the doorway, watching Corrin slowly gain his feet. "…I'm so sorry I'll be busy," she murmured. "I won't be able to join you for breakfast, and I imagine the others can't either—"
"It's fine," Corrin interrupted. There was no venom to his voice, nor impatience. "I promise I will eat." His lack of presence was disturbing.
"…If… you say so," Camilla replied, and she closed the door.
March 19: Breakfast
Everybody was busy, even Felicia. Everyone was packing, preparing for today to be over. More than two-thirds of the fort would be evacuating once this meeting was done—scattering to the winds—and certainly, Corrin couldn't blame them for their eagerness to leave. They'd been stuck here for the better part of two weeks just to work. Work, and bicker with their neighbors across the border. Corrin didn't know what he'd do once his work here was done, but he knew he'd be just as ready to leave as them…
He forced the tasteless oatmeal down, mentally reciting the speech he'd memorized almost entirely by heart. He didn't need to—he'd have the whole thing in front of him; he didn't need to memorize a word of it—but for now, mentally reciting what excerpts he knew kept his mind occupied. If there was one thing he didn't want to do right now, it was think.
Yet, he couldn't resist. Visions of Elise's smiling face hovered in his periphery, just out of reach, fainter than they had ever been.
He choked down another vapid spoonful of oatmeal.
I feel fine. Swallowing hurt his sore throat, but he was certain that this was no longer a symptom of illness, merely being a holdover from last night's tears. No, he was in perfect health, he knew. The urge to cough had vanished. No sniffing, no headache—especially once he had had some water to replace what he'd cried out yesterday. He was the picture of health.
He stirred his oatmeal absently. It was self-inflicted. It was all my own doing.
I've been taking up all this work to keep my thoughts from Elise, from everyone I've lost… And when that stress became too much for me to bear alone, I manufactured a delusion to lighten the load. But that only made things worse. By lying to myself, deluding myself, I was feeding into the stress, making it even more potent…
But…
Ah, gods, it was worth it.
To spend another moment with Elise…
That option was forever closed to him, now. He had grieved. He was still grieving. He would never be able to delude himself that convincingly ever again. With this closure—as painful, as meaningless, as EMPTY as it all felt—he was forced to accept the truth.
He had opened his heart. He did what he had to do.
These consequences should have been expected. Was it not the end goal, really?
He finished his breakfast, silently…
Alone.
…
Typical.
March 19: Late Morning
Corrin was barely conscious as he mechanically delivered the speech to the otherwise-silent auditorium. The pages were spread out before him on the podium; he read from them verbatim, not hearing the words rolling from his lips.
His Highness King Leo sat at the forefront of Corrin's dimly-lit audience, propping his cheek upon his fist but still clearly invested in the monotony. His father's crown adorned his head…
Takumi sat by the king's side, seeming more interested in staring at Corrin than listening. Perhaps he was analyzing Corrin's dead expression. Corrin didn't have the energy to give it any thought.
The horde of scribbling pens from the audience beyond was deafening…
March 19: Afternoon
It was so anticlimactic. So much stress over an hour-long speech and some resulting discussion between Hoshido and Nohr; while it had been surprisingly civil, Corrin couldn't force himself to listen. His mind had rested blankly, thinking of nothing as he sat amongst the crowd and waited for it to end.
Takumi had encouraged Corrin to adjourn early, which Leo had quickly agreed to; they had evidently received word of Corrin's poor health of late, and insisted he reach the mess hall to have lunch. Thus Corrin found himself, again, eating alone in the nearly-barren hall, stuffing bite after tasteless bite of whatever the hell this food was into his mouth.
"Do you ever wonder if what you've done REALLY matters?"
If this had all been important after all, it wasn't immediately apparent. Perhaps Nohr's leadership wouldn't take a shine to the proposal. Perhaps—Corrin almost laughed—perhaps they would simply discard it, deem it disagreeable enough so as to be worthless. Wouldn't that be funny? Oh, Corrin's stomach turned at the very prospect.
What was it all for? …To help him forget… In the end, that's all this was. He wasn't out to change the world. He was out to distract himself, to stop thinking. If he thought for too long, allowed Xander and Elise to not be alive, then he would surely be suffocated by grief.
That's all it was…
He stopped his hand, another slab of unappealing food adorning his fork, and he dropped it. He couldn't stomach another bite.
March 19: Late Afternoon
From there, he had returned to the auditorium to see the discussions through to the end. He paid no attention. Just sat, waited. He mused that he could have just stayed in the mess hall.
Mundane hours whiled away, and the room had adjourned before Corrin knew it. He found that he didn't care what consensus had been reached. He simply disappeared through a back exit when the rest stood to leave.
Felicia had lain in wait outside, immediately singling Corrin out as he exited. She offered food—"And company, if you're okay with watching me do dishes while you eat? It's the least I could do for leaving you alone during lunch today."
Corrin agreed—initially as a platitude, but soon realizing that, yes, he was very hungry. He'd barely touched his lunch, he recalled.
The kitchens were devoid of seating, so Corrin leaned against a counter while he ate, standing next to Felicia as she scrubbed dish after dish in the sink. For a long time, they were peaceful. Even idle chitchat fell by the wayside in favor of pleasant company.
Corrin knew that the bowl in his hands contained the same food he'd eaten at lunch, but for some reason, it tasted better now. He wolfed it down with little restraint.
"Are you finished with that dish?" Felicia asked. Bemused at the break in the silence, Corrin nodded, and he handed the bowl to her. She immediately took to cleaning it with practiced care.
There was something about her, Corrin realized. Something in her… aura, her mien, that told Corrin that she knew, somehow, what had transpired last night. Maybe his demeanor gave it away, his absence of emotion.
She'd known all along, but she didn't take shattering his fantasy into her own hands. Let him come to terms with reality on his own. Corrin softly cleared his throat, preparing to take his own turn at piercing the quiet. "…Thank you, for… humoring me."
Felicia paused for a moment, but only a moment. Without replying, without even a change of expression or a movement of her gaze, she returned to scrubbing his bowl clean. And so, silence returned.
Corrin leaned against the counter, letting out a breath. He was done eating. He could just leave. But he didn't have anything to do. Anywhere to go. Might as well stay. Felicia's good company.
Felicia placed the dripping bowl on the rack with the others, and she pulled a different teacup from the unclean stack. She took to cleaning that cup as well, using a damp towel to wipe it down with care.
"I'm gonna be totally honest with you, Corrin." Felicia glanced over at him, noticing his eyebrow was raised curiously at her second intrusion on the silence. "I think love—well, ROMANTIC love—is overrated."
Corrin blinked. "What?"
Felicia smiled slightly, a sad look to her, as she returned her attention to the teacup in her hands. "I'm just saying… there's more to life than that, y'know? You don't HAVE to have a girlfriend. You don't even HAVE to get married… ever. Not if you don't want to."
Corrin couldn't help but feel that her words were pointed. Feeling an ache in his heart, he started to form a dissenting response, but she kept talking.
"Sometimes, just companionship is enough, you know?" Her voice was quiet. She seemed very firm in not looking at him. "Sometimes just… being with someone is enough. It doesn't have to be love, not like that." She paused, tightly gripping the cup. "…Your feelings are for… her. Even now, even after…" Her voice was quivering. "S-So, you might not ever feel that way about anyone else again. And, I understand that that's… probably the case." Taking a breath, she continued to wipe down the teacup. "But companionship… That can be enough, I think. Being with the person you lo—er… being with someone at all, I mean. …Sometimes, you really don't need anything more than not being alone."
Corrin was at a loss for words.
"And you aren't alone, okay? You'll never be alone." She finally looked at him, long enough to give a teasing wink. "I won't let you be alone! You're stuck with me 'til you die, milord, like it or not."
Her attempt at levity succeeded in drawing a little smile from the prince. Felicia seemed pleased with her victory, but she hesitated. Carefully setting the half-washed teacup aside, Felicia turned around to face Corrin.
"Milord," Felicia began quietly, wringing her hands, "I… I've told you, before, that serving you is my joy. I, um, I love working for you. And you always appreciated my help, even when I was incompetent…"
"You're not…" Corrin began, but he trailed off, eyes drifting over the massive stack of cleaned dishes, sparkling and in flawless condition.
Felicia noticed the motion of his eyes, and laughed. "Yeah, I, I'm much better," she said weakly. "I haven't dropped a plate in months. And, it's thanks to you, Corrin."
His eyebrows furrowed. "But I haven't…"
"Serving you IS my joy, milord," Felicia murmured. "It's also… my life, really. And I have to apologize. Corrin, you've, you've been like a crutch for me. Something to… keep me sane." She chuckled again, with even less energy; "I still hear her voice every now and again. Sometimes—when I'm alone, when I'm cleaning or doing some other mundane thing—I can almost feel Flora right there, working right alongside me, like nothing's changed. And—and when I'm about to make a mistake, I hear her correcting me before I even do it. Without you—without someone real, someone I care about just as much, right here in front of me—"
Her hands fidgeted, as if wanting to touch Corrin, ascertain his corporeality. But she meekly withdrew her twitching fingers. "…Without you, I think I'd do the exact same thing," she whispered. "I cling to you because, if I didn't, I'd pretend she was real, too. I'd hand myself over to fantasy."
Corrin felt the blow of her words strike color into his world. "Oh… Oh, gods, Felicia…"
"Please don't feel bad." She smiled for him. "Corrin, you let me in on your dream. Me, and only me. I was the only one who knew about Elise, right? …I'm a bit flattered, milord."
"I've been so absorbed in myself," Corrin murmured. "I should have noticed…"
"In this case, I think it's okay," Felicia answered. "I think… you can be forgiven for grieving."
"Felicia…" Corrin moved closer, arms outstretched, and he enveloped the maid in a tight hug. "Gods, Felicia… I don't deserve you."
"Aha, there you go again," Felicia teased in spite of the tears welling in her eyes; she reciprocated the hug and nestled her chin onto his shoulder. "Y-You aren't the only damaged one here, Corrin."
"Hahh…" Corrin was panting, willing tears forward. Gods, he wasn't alone. He was never alone.
It was so obvious. Of course Camilla would get the impression she did of him and Felicia. It was because they were the same.
And, judging by the shuddering of Corrin's aching chest, perhaps there was truth to Camilla's assertion, after all…
"W-Well…" Felicia patted Corrin on the back. "I think that's about long enough, right…?"
Corrin slowly pulled away from Felicia, confused. "What do you mean?"
Felicia brushed tears from her eyes. "Sorry, but… I miiight have fibbed a little earlier. I said I was just giving you a meal—and I was!—but um, your siblings also asked me to occupy you for a while."
Corrin blinked. Felicia was gesturing behind him, so he turned.
In the entrance to the kitchens, Camilla leaned against the doorframe, smiling widely for Corrin. She stepped aside to allow Corrin a better view: just outside the door stood…
…Everyone. Ryoma, Hinoka, Takumi, Sakura, Leo… All wore the exact same smile, expectantly watching Corrin.
"It seems we all have a bit of free time," Camilla offered. "Would you like to spend this evening together?" She gestured at everyone. "…As a family?"
Corrin had nothing to say. The same blunt attack of emotions from the other day assaulted his senses yet again.
"You know," said Leo, "there's a lovely hill not too far from this fort that overlooks most of the area. A lonely oak sits atop it. It's rather picturesque, or so I hear."
"What do you say, brother?" Takumi asked.
No words had yet arrived to Corrin, but they could see in his stunned expression the impact their offer had had on him.
Corrin slowly, numbly turned around to face Felicia. She wore the same smile as the rest when she said, "Go on, now."
Corrin nodded without a word, and he moved toward his siblings on sluggish feet.
Content, Felicia turned to the sink and picked up where she had left off. For a moment, she was at peace.
When, suddenly, she was spun around and being pulled into an intense embrace. It took her a moment to even realize that it was Corrin she was hugging.
"Th… Thank you, Felicia," Corrin gasped. "For… everything."
Felicia couldn't help but laugh. In front of his siblings and everything. "O-Of course, milord."
"Corrin," he insisted.
"…Corrin." She smiled widely, hugging him tighter. Under her breath, she whispered, "Maybe you could make it up to me over some drinks?"
"Absolutely. Anytime." This time, it was completely intentional when Corrin pressed his lips, very briefly, against her cheek. She exhaled sharply at his boldness.
At that, Corrin released her. Both were flushed red and on the verge of tears, and seemingly in unison they turned away from each other, back to what they had to do.
Felicia couldn't bear to turn around until the door had shut behind them. When it did, she set the teacup down and leaned against the sink, trembling and breathless with anticipation.
Did you see that, Flora…? Things are going to get better. I knew they would.
March 19: Evening
"To Hoshido." From his position seated closest to the oak, Leo raised his glass.
Ryoma grinned, meeting Leo's eye and raising his glass as well. "To Nohr."
"You brought wine all the way out here?" Corrin asked, bemused.
"Yes," said Leo with a chuckle, handing the prince another glass. "Pilfered it from Castle Krakenburg's cellar before I came."
Corrin took the glass, and he let Hinoka fill it with violet liquid. No: lavender. Lavender…
And now that he had his glass in hand, he noticed all of his siblings, from both sides of the continent, were watching him, glasses aloft, waiting for him to speak.
His whole family…
"To… family," Corrin added slowly, and he received warm responses of "To family!" before both sides, seven royals, toasted.
As he lowered his glass, Corrin couldn't shake his gaze from the wine. The color was intoxicating. In it, he could see—
"She didn't like much alcohol," Leo murmured, interrupting his thoughts. "I recall she found it "almost as awful as tea." Isn't that right, Camilla?"
The princess chuckled quietly. "Hoho. Yes, assuredly. But this wine was the exception, wasn't it?"
"Indeed." Leo swirled his glass. "I recall she held this one drink above all others—not just tolerating it, but adoring it. Didn't she say it alone could make an alcoholic of her?"
"Yes, she did. How… appropriate the color is, I've always thought."
All eyes turned to Leo as he raised his glass again. Fixing his eyes onto Corrin, lowering his voice to a solemn tone, he declared, "To Elise. Happy birthday, dear sister. We wish you could be here."
"To Elise," came the echoes, and all toasted.
But Corrin paused, eyes drifting to the oak towering overhead. "…To Elise," Corrin murmured, raising his glass. The others were smiling, laughing, as conversation began to flow. Hoshido and Nohr alike. "You would have loved to see this."
He glanced down at the fizzling drink. "Maybe I have changed the world for the better."
Corrin tilted his head back and let the alcohol race down.