Chapter 4

Season 4

It was finally over. No more dead pool, no more schemes from Kate and Peter. Everything could finally go back to normal and the pack could simply enjoy the rest of their Junior year. She knew that her hopes were probably for nothing, things were never quiet in Beacon Hills anymore.

Lydia waited with baited breath for the rest of the pack to return. They had called her and informed her of what had happened. How Kate and Peter turned Scott into a Berserker with the intent of having the pack kill him, how they thought Derek died, only for him to come back with the ability to completely shapeshift into a wolf., and of how Derek and Braeden didn't come back with them, both deciding that they needed to move on and they couldn't do that by staying in Beacon Hills.

Still, this didn't placate her. She had felt it, she knew that someone was trying to kill Scott and she wouldn't be content until she saw him with her own eyes. The pack needed their Alpha, she needed her Alpha. If it wasn't for Scott, she wasn't entirely sure that she would've made it through Allison's funeral and the trying weeks afterwards. He had been the lifeline that Allison once was and the prospect of him dying made her just as scared as when she predicted Allison's death. She lamented the fact that they could never seem to catch a break, that there was always some supernatural plot that threatened to derail their lives seemingly every other day.

Her breath caught when she saw the van pull up to the High School, the phone call to her had been brief since they were all exhausted after the day's events, and she was anxious to see what shape everyone would return in. She was only breath again once she saw Scott and Kira emerge from the back. Without any thought further, she sprinted forward as fast as she could and embraced the two of them, ecstatic that they both made it back in one piece.

"Oh, thank god. When I woke up after the Berserker attacked me, I knew that they were after you, but I couldn't do anything."

Scott squeezed her arm a little tighter. "It's okay Lydia. We're fine. We don't have to worry about Peter or Kate." He pulled back and gave her what she assumed was an attempted at a reassuring smile, but something seemed off about him. Evidently, Scott didn't make it out of Mexico as unscathed as he appeared.

Deciding that they all needed to relax, the pack rendezvoused at Scott's and were content to just sit in each other's presence for what felt like hours. They all felt a little numb from all that they had to contend with the past few weeks, thankful that despite great odds, they all made it out in one piece. The physical injuries would heal, but the mental toll that recent events took would take much longer to heal. Lydia knew this all too well, having grown accustomed to having to deal with the emotional and mental damage that their adventures had on one's psyche.

Lydia found herself repeatedly glancing over at Scott and Kira, feeling that if she looked away for too long of a time, she would realize that this was all just in her head and realize that two of her pack mates had died and she had failed to save them. A few times, Scott caught her staring and would give her a smile and would mouth 'we're okay' at her, but the feeling had been so real, so intense that she wanted to make sure. The last time the whispers had been that loud, was with Allison, and Lydia didn't want to go through that again. Still, she checked every now and then despite herself, and couldn't shake the feeling that not everything was as fine as the True Alpha tried to convey.

Slowly, everyone began going their separate ways; Stiles and Malia going to see his dad at the station, Kira to visit her mom in the hospital, and Liam to go and try to give some explanation to Mason, though everyone told him to tell him the truth, leaving just her and Scott at his house. She was about to leave herself, needing to go placate her mother who was texting her nonstop asking why she hadn't responded to her. She stopped to look at Scott one last time, one final assurance that they had all made it, when she noticed that he seemed pensive. He was hunched over, looking intently at his hands, as if waiting for something to happen.

"You okay, Scott?"

"Yeah, totally. I'm just…trying to come to terms with what happened."

She knew that he was only telling her half the truth and that most people would've bought his deflection, but she knew him, nowhere near as well as Stiles, but she definitely knew him better than the others, and she could tell that something about what had happened had shaken him to the core.

Without a second thought, she dropped her bag on the floor by the door and sit down next to him on the couch. She wasn't sure what she was trying to accomplish. Even though, she figured that talking about it would help, she wasn't going to force him to do it. Eventually, Scott took a deep breath in, steeling himself for whatever admission he had, though his eyes remained locked in front of him.

"For the last couple weeks, I feel like something has been changing with me. At first, I thought it was just because I turned Liam and I convinced myself that was it… until the day we were infected at the school." He finally turned to face her, his expression unreadable, though it did little to hide the turmoil in his eyes. Closing them for a second, when he opened them his eyes were red, but what really caught her eyes were the extra fangs that now lined his mouth. "And then the whole thing with Kate and the Berserker and-"

"And now you think that means that you're a monster?" He looked away from her again, not wanting to her see the shame in his eyes. She was once again couldn't help but admire yet be equally frustrated by his tendency to hold everything, his undying need to be strong for the rest of the pack. "You know that's not true Scott."

"But that isn't everything," his tone was pleading, the look in his eyes trying to force her to understand. With a calming breath, he continued. "When we faked my death, I kept having these visions. Actually," his eyes drifted to the floor, as if he was ashamed to admit to his own weakness, "they were more like nightmares. In the first one, Liam was trying to convince me that the only way to stop the dead pool, was to kill all the assassins. The second one, had him trying to convince me to embrace the fact that I was becoming more of a werewolf, more of a monster, and in the third one, the Mute had me kill Liam, but that wasn't even the worst part." His voice was rising with each admission. "The worst part is, that I remember liking it. I wanted to kill him. Then the night that we stopped the dead pool, one hunter was about to kill Brett's sister, and when I stopped him…I nearly tore the guy apart." His breaths were labored now and Lydia's heart went out to him. He was keeping all of this bottled up and somehow, no one had noticed how he was struggling with this.

"Do you remember the night, when we were trapped in the school and the Alpha was after us." Lydia nodded her head, remembering back to when she had believed that Derek Hale was the one trying to kill them and how Scott had locked them in the classroom for their own safety. "I never told you the whole story. That night, Peter forced me to turn against my will and controlled me. He wanted me to kill all four of you."

"But you didn't Scott-"

"-But I wanted to!" His shout startled her, and seeing her visibly recoil from him, caused Scott's shoulders to sag even further than they already had.

"Maybe Satomi was right. We are just violent creatures waiting to lash out. Maybe I am just a monster."

Lydia moved from her seat to kneel in front of him. "Look at me Scott," her hands went to the side of his head, forcing him to look at her, "I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Meredith. Not all monsters do monstrous things."

"But you weren't there Lydia. You didn't see the fear in the guy's eyes, as I nearly clawed his chest open. You didn't see how I nearly killed Kira and how I attacked the rest of our friends."

"Would a monster be torturing himself, worried about when he's going to lash out and kill someone? Would a monster do everything in his power to save everyone, no matter who they are? Would a monster be tortured by hunters, just so that someone he cares about doesn't get electrocuted to death?"

She saw the tension leave his frame and the turmoil leave his eyes, signaling that Lydia's impassioned speech had gotten through to him. "What was it that Derek told you? You're a predator, not a killer. You're not a monster destined to violence Scott. Remember, you are your own anchor. You are the only one who can protect Beacon Hills. You are the best thing all of us have got." Before she knew it, Scott quickly wrapped her up in a hug, one she happily returned.

"Thank you, Lydia. I'm glad I have you around to talk some sense into me."

"Of course, I am. You don't think I could sit around and let you take advice from Stiles all the time, would I?" The obvious lilt in her voice caused him to burst out laughing, her not too far behind. Lydia knew that in a world where most people with power use it to against those without, they were lucky that they had someone like Scott McCall to stand up for them.

AN

This was undoubtedly, the hardest chapter to write. I knew that I wanted to include all of the subplot involving Scott growing fangs and becoming more of a werewolf but I also wanted to include the torture scene from earlier in the season. Trying to find a way to bring up these things cohesively was hard, but I think I may have pulled it off.

In my head, I view Scott like Harry Potter, in the way that they both would most likely internalize everything, and try to keep their burdens away from everyone else, so to me, Scott keeping the truth about "Night School" from Lydia isn't that far-fetched.