Chapter IV: The Clone Warrior

The planning session had ended with general acceptance of AP5's suggestion. They had broken up to prepare for the first stage of the mission, acquiring the shipping schedule from the imperial port facility on Lothal.

Ezra hadn't felt like helping. Vader had destroyed his light saber on Moraband, but he had managed to save his force crystal. Still, it would take time to build a new one. For now, a blaster hung at his hip and that was all he needed. He just wanted to get in the Ghost and go.

He knew the rebellion needed this mission to succeed, but that was not the source of the urgency he felt, the tightness in his chest. He was self-aware enough to know that he wanted to lash out, to punish those he held responsible for Kanan's injury and Ahsoka's death. He knew he wanted revenge… and he knew it was wrong. He had felt his master's blind eyes on him as he left the conference room, an expression of concern on his face. Did Kanan suspect the inner turmoil that consumed him?

The words of the nameless Sith's holocron echoed in his thoughts.

"You have anger, you have hate and you will use them… whether you want to or not…"

Was it true? Had the dark side claimed him already? Fear and doubt gnawed at his innards, dark feelings permeated by a broad desire to strike back at something, anything.

Despite all the time he had spent asleep since his return, none of it had been peaceful. He was exhausted.

Ezra wandered the complex aimlessly for some time before arriving at the main hangar bay. The shield doors were open and the afternoon sun streamed in. The natural light felt good. He walked outside, intending to find a convenient supply crate to sit on. The Ghost was parked a few hundred feet away.

He spied a few likely candidates and walked over only to see Rex sitting on one of them. He was servicing his rifle, a relic of the Clone War just as he, with a practiced hand. The padawan stopped, uncertain whether his approach had been spotted or not. He was about to turn away when Rex looked up.

"Hi Ezra," the veteran greeted, waving him over.

"Hi."

Ezra hadn't spoken much to the aging warrior since he had returned from Moraband. He had been angry at Rex's stoic acceptance of Ahsoka's fate. In truth, he knew he was still angry and that Rex knew it as well.

The memory of their return surfaced unbidden in his mind.

The crew of the Ghost stood frozen, their mouths hanging open in shock until Hera lurched forward and embraced Kanan, huge tears sliding down her smooth, green cheeks.

Kanan described the events on Moraband in a terse, bitter voice. He concluded with the loss of his eyesight in his fight against Maul and their deliverance from Darth Vader by Ahsoka. Neither of them had seen her die, but in all likelihood she was dead, either from the explosion or at the hands of the terrifying Sith lord.

The clone warrior stiffened as the story reached its end. His eyes shimmered, but no tears fell.

"She died well then," he said after a few moments.

Ezra's head jerked up, his eyes blazing.

"Is that all you can say? You're just going to accept it?"

Rex looked on the boy with sympathy.

"There's no other choice, Ezra."

"That's it? Really? Really!? She was your friend! Didn't her life mean anything to you!?"

"Ezra!" Sabine injected in horror, but he ignored her.

"It's all right," the clone replied calmly in the face of Sabine's shocked expression, then turning to address Ezra continued, "She was my friend, young Jedi… and much more. She fought with me in a war where my brothers fought and died by the millions," he looked away then, his expression distant and continued, "She stood with us shoulder to shoulder, day after day, battle after battle, with death tugging at our elbows."

The boy shook with emotion he could barely process.

"But, but… how can you just… accept it like that? I don't accept this! I'll never accept it! It isn't fair! Vader murdered her! We should have done something! I should have done something!" he cried, burying his face in his hands.

The young Jedi felt the Rex's hand on his shoulder.

"People die in war, kid, good people…" he paused briefly before continuing, his grizzled features taut, his countenance circumspect, "that's why wars are no good, no matter how just the cause may be."

Ezra's body tensed before he thrust the hand away and left his friends to deal with the loss on their own.

Rex put his weapon down on the crate and looked up at his visitor. He could see the accusation in the boy's eyes.

"You don't think I grieve for Ahsoka, is that it?" he began directly.

"Doesn't seem like it to me, no," the young Jedi replied, crossing his arms defensively across his chest.

Rex smiled wanly.

"I do, Ezra, more than you could possibly know."

"Then why are you smiling?" the younger man scoffed.

Rex looked away, his eyes sweeping the beautiful panorama before them and blew out a breath.

"Because, as badly as it hurts, the truth is I'm lucky I ever knew her at all… her and General Skywalker… to have shared this beautiful, terrible life with them."

Ezra looked down, considering what the clone warrior said with a doubtful expression.

"And you know, ever since the war ended, I've wondered… if I'd had a choice, or if I could go back now, would I choose a different path? If I could have had a peaceful life on some backwater planet far away from the war, would I have traded my friends for that?"

He looked back to the boy, his look suddenly intense and shook his head emphatically.

"No! Never, young master, not for any price! If I've lost so much… it's only because I had so much to begin with!"

The clone warrior's look softened as he concluded.

"Besides, Ezra, I can't help but think, maybe…" here he laughed softly and looked up once more to the setting sun, "just maybe… she's still alive out there somewhere."

A moment of silence stretched between them before the young Jedi replied.

"That's a pipe dream, Rex. You weren't there. You didn't see what we saw… You didn't see Vader…"

"You're right, I didn't," the clone warrior admitted, "but I did see Ahsoka and General Skywalker get out of a hundred death traps that would have killed anyone else – even Jedi Masters."

"Hoping she's alive won't make it true," Ezra contradicted flatly, "Aren't you supposed to be the realist here? The veteran who's seen it all? Why are you lying to yourself, Rex? Why are you lying to me?"

Rex's countenance fell at this, his features hardening. He stood up and put his hands on his hips.

"I am a realist, kid, and while I don't think anyone has ever seen it all, I've sure seen a lot in my time – a lot more than you – and I hope you never see some of the things I have. All I'm saying is you didn't actually see her body did you?"

Ezra looked at the ground, suddenly ashamed but uncertain why.

"Did you?" the clone repeated.

"No."

"Then you don't know she's dead, kid. You're assuming she's dead."

The young Jedi ran his hand through his hair.

"Yes, but… you don't know Vader… the Sith have power, Rex, power you can't imagine…"

"Oh, can't I? Darth Vader isn't the first Sith to curse the galaxy, you know."

Ezra raised his head to meet the older man's gaze.

"You've… faced the Sith before?"

The older man crossed his arms and cocked his head slightly.

"Well, not directly," he admitted, "but I have seen Sith in action many times."

Rex observed the boy's skeptical expression and continued.

"Didn't you know the Sith fought in the Clone War, just like the Jedi?"

"What? No way! You mean… Vader fought in the Clone War?"

"No, he appeared after."

"The Emperor then? Did the Emperor ever fight?"

"Back then he was called the Chancellor," the clone replied with more than a trace of bitterness, scratching his chin, "And no, I don't think he ever did. He was too smart for that."

"Then who?"

Rex laughed and shook his head in an expression of disbelief.

"Well, I guess nobody teaches history these days. Time was everyone knew their names – and was afraid of them. You've never heard of Count Dooku then, have you?"

Ezra looked slightly abashed.

"I think I've heard that name… somewhere."

"Well, of course you have!" the clone admonished with mock severity, "Count Dooku was the leader of the Separatists and a powerful Sith Lord. Then there was his apprentice, a Dathomirian woman named Asajj Ventress who, I was told, was a witch and a very deadly assassin."

The young Jedi's fist clenched and his countenance hardened. The words of the Sith holocron rang once more in his head. He tried to ignore it, but failed.

"Find a teacher…"

He swallowed hard, the questions spilling from his mouth like vomit, rancid and acidic.

"What happened to them? Are they alive?"

"Good heavens, no, or at least Count Dooku certainly isn't. General Skywalker killed him at the Battle of Coruscant near the end of the war."

Ezra sat down heavily on the crate.

"I wish he were here."

"General Skywalker?" the clone sighed in agreement, "Me too, kid, I'd give my right arm and both my blasters to see him alive again, but he's gone. So is Commander Tano, at least for the time being. For now, it's just you and me."

Ezra sighed.

"Now you're the realist."

The clone smiled.

"Yep."

"I just… I miss Ahsoka."

He intended to say more, but his mouth clicked shut.

She always seemed to know what to do… like Master Yoda… will I ever speak to him again?

Fear gripped his heart in a cold vice.

I can't! He'll know what I've done!

A pained look passed over Rex's face as he reflected on the boy's grief.

"I do too, Ezra… more than you'll ever know," he laid his rifle gently across his lap and continued, "I know what I said when you first came back, but… she wasn't just a fellow soldier or comrade to me… if I… if I could have chosen a little sister, it would have been her. I always thought she'd outlive me… ships and stars, I hoped she'd outlive me…"

The padawan could see the pain in the elder warrior's eyes. Once again tears welled, but Rex's iron discipline would not allow them to be shed. Surely that pain had been there when he'd so stoically accepted her death when they had first returned. Why hadn't he seen it before?

The young Jedi looked down in shame at the metal floor of the landing bay.

"I'm sorry, Rex. I know you cared about her too, I just… I just didn't understand your reaction, I guess."

The clone warrior looked on the younger man with sympathy.

"That's all right, Ezra. You've been through a lot. More than anyone should in a lifetime, let alone someone your age. I know you don't want to lose anyone else."

The boy looked up to see understanding in the older man's eyes.

"Thanks, Rex… and you're right, I don't want to lose anyone ever again!" he put his hands on the clone warrior's shoulder, "Including you! And I'm going to get stronger so I can protect you all. I promise!"

Rex smiled.

"That's the spirit."

"Guess I'd better go help get us ready to head back to Lothal."

Kanan's apprentice dropped his hand, turned and began walking back into the hanger. The older man watched as Ezra turned sharply to address his friend once more, his expression earnest.

"You know, I wish… I wish I'd been there with you… with her… I'd have been proud to fight alongside you both… for the Republic."

Rex smiled broadly this time, his chest swelling with pride. He strode forward and put his both hands on the young Jedi's shoulders.

"We are fighting for the Republic, Ezra, right now, you and me. As long as we live, the Republic will never die. Don't forget that."

Ezra smiled weakly, suddenly finding himself hoping something was true, but terrified in his heart that it wasn't. He nodded once and retreated the way he had come.