A/N- Please review your thougts and enjoy the story!
Thinking back to what he bitterly said at the bar, Barney feels terrible because seeing Robin's face, thinking it'd be worth it to see some sort of emotion on her face, made the bile rise up to his throat. Oh, how his fingers had itched then, to hang on to her, and to brush across her sharp cheeks, brushing away the moisture. He shivers then, feeling wax poetic, and cursing a woman to be the cause. He'd banged her again, it's what he thought would help. To get Robin out of his system, for good.
Maybe it worked, he feverishly thinks to himself. Then Robin flashes her pearly whites and his stomach drops 10,000 feet. They're divorced now, and it's unawesome and feeling unawesome, he promised he'd always shake it off, and he couldn't now. Reason; they both played relationship chicken and it went too far, and pride butted in and he refused to bow out, tell her he was irrevocably in love with her and would probably be till he turned to ashes in a Gucci double breasted (mmmm) suit. But the problem still lies undealt with. In the dark of night, as his hands sweep across the marble, blindly reaching for the bottle of scotch, sometimes it niggles him, the thought, maybe Robin wasn't ever as invested in it as him. After all, she's a powerful, beautiful woman who wants to live and travel and he's, what, a suited dog who played house for three years and screwed it up.
Barney's never been one to be disillusioned by anything though.
When he was seven, his brother punched him in the arm and told him he couldn't shoot a good hoop. Little curly haired Barney, stayed up every night (he hated basketball, god) practicing. To prove someone wrong. At twenty-three, Ted said he couldn't nail every woman in the city and he'd done almost that. At 34, he heard from Patrice that Nora thought he wasn't capable of a real relationship. So he wooed her, swept her off of her feet.
Things were done, and points were proved, challenges accepted, for what? To run away from the first and only real thing in his life. Deep in thought, the clock turns to 3 am. Barney Stinson is too old to be kept awake by a woman when it doesn't involve sex.
Tossing on the slate grey sheets, he sleeps fitfully. Robin,Robin, Robin- The bottle lays untampered.
The next morning, sunlight and reality rear their ugly head. Barney decides it's not as much fun waking up with a headache and a dry mouth if you're not hungover. Avoiding the cupboard still storing some of Robin's old clothes, he checks his phone while pulling out a suit.
Suit steamed, coffee (with a bit of scotch, he wants to justify the headache) chugged, he heads out to work.
His phone pings.
Hey, it's Robin. New number. Brunch?
Brunch. He stands still, on the street, contemplating his next move. Brunch was normal, right? Divorced couples eat brunch together all the time and it's all really cool. Sighing and waving for a cab, he mourns Ranjit's absence, the driver being on vacation. Cabs were so, pedestrian, and Barney is no regular pedestrian. As he slides into the halted cab, his phone chimes again. Robin's sent three penguin emotes. He smirks softly, thinking back to her stuffed date at the museum. Shaking his head lightly in laughter, he texts back an affirmative answer. Fingers moving swiftly, he adds her number into his contact list.
R-train - No work?
B-nasty- nope. See ya there in 20.
He calls in sick to work.
As the rumble of the engine grinds his ears, Barney redoes his tie knot about seven times till he reaches his destination. When the cab driver stops, he hops out and tosses a few bills through the driver's window.
"I'm pretty sure that was a 100." Robin blithely chirps, startling him into an upright position. Barney pffts.
"Eh-" he flicks his wrist in disinterest."- come on, i'm starving."
They walk in, and Barney spots a table and sprints to it. Dragging a chair out for Robin seems awfully date-ish, so he forgoes it, and plops down heavily onto his chair. The sticky plastic menu sits on the table, and he catches Robin staring at it intently, avoiding his face.
"Yo, Scherbats, what's with the no eye contact?" He questions, eyebrow hoisted.
Maybe she's got a new man in her life, and she's dreaming about his abs or something, his inner voice bitterly interjects. He waggles his head, that'd be -. They've been divorced for only a month, Robin's a hottie, it could happen.
Robin blinks, as if just surfacing to reality and gives him a half hearted smile. His stomach sinks a little. She's wearing mascara, he notices the little black marks left above her lashes just near her eyebrows. According to Lily, Robin has not worn any makeup, for say, a month so far.
"Sorry, i'm just, distracted, i guess, so, um, do you wanna order?" She licks her lips, and sits straight, as if steeling herself.
He grunts. "You're pretty quiet for someone who made me play hooky to eat pancakes with you." Folds his arms and gives her a challenging look.
"I thought you said you didn't have work?"
"I lied. Jeez Robin, don't you know me at all?"
Robin sighs, tearing a sugar packet and pouring it onto the table cloth and pushing her finger around. Now for an insensitive man, Barney can be surprisingly perceptive when it comes to Robin. Her habit of fiddling with the nearest object when she's nervous doesn't slip by him. It doesn't now either. His mind all but takes the thought and sprints with it. Maybe she's going to tell him she's pregnant. What? That doesn't even make sense, it wouldn't be his. Maybe that's why she was nervous. Or maybe she killed someone. Wait, what? Why would Robin kill anybody? Was he going nuts-
"So-" she begins, puffing a bit of air out, ruffling her bangs. That draws his attention back to the table, which was rattling intensely now. So he's a leg shaker when he's nervous. Robin halts the table by grabbing onto the sides and glaring at him.
Her jaw's barely open when the annoyingly perky waitress comes over to take their order. He wants to snap at, he squints at her neon pink name tag, Jenny, but she's too nice and perky's a good description because she isn't wearing a bra and Barney like. She reads out the specials, and he stares at her boobs, partly because they're there and partly because he wants to forget that he's sitting across from his ex wife.
"What would the lovely couple like today?" Neon name tag Jenny croons, and both of them cough at the same moment.
"We're um, not a couple." Robin chuckles, handing her the menu. She quickly rattles out the order. Worse than sixteen no's? Probably right up there with it.
"One pancake with extra maple syrup and one-" she glances at him "- whole wheat bagel with low fat cream cheese."
The bubbly feeling comes back up again, fizzing and popping. Robin remembers. But then again, it's only natural right? They were married for three years. And friends for ten years before that.
He needs to stop overreacting over every little thing. Oh god, she's smiling, her lips are moving, say something Barnacle.
"Bagels are good!" He bursts out.
Nice job. He curses inwardly, and sticks a finger in his ear.
Robin stares at him, flummoxed.
"Barney, are you having a stroke?" She questions, concerned, her eyebrows knitting together.
"Nahhh. Pfft. I gotta pee." He announces, practically racing to the bathroom.
Barney's palms are sweaty. It's unsanitary and weird and rare, he thinks, as he uses about three paper towels to get it cleaned. The soap he uses smells like lavender, and his eyes flutter closed, inhaling it. It reminds him of Robin's soothing balm she put on her temples whenever she was stressed from work. He still has two containers of it at home and a pump at work. Not that that means anything. He scrubs his hands clean and lays them on the speckled wet marble of the sink, staring himself in the mirror.
"Get yourself together, Barnacle. You're divorced, and you're going to be-" he hesitates, settling on,"- bros again. Its in the bro code. And you're going to forget about Robin as anything more than a bro because she asked for a divorce because she's more awesome than you."
It's not exactly a pep talk, but it's loud and he says it with anger, and it serves as motivation to put the mask back on. To be Barney Stinson again. There's no way he can reinvent himself again and again every time a scotch drinking, cigar smoking, gun toting, laser tag playing, awesome woman comes and snatches and twists everything in his world upside down. Okay, maybe he was being too specific.
"Sorry, man." Someone suddenly says, patting his back. The man's tall, holy crap really tall, and blonde, and he's got a really long overcoat on.
"Um-" he feels awkward.
The man laughs. "You're weren't exactly talking in your head, eh?"
Barney twists his features in disgust. A canadian, just what he needs right now. The man opens his mouth, maybe to say something else, or introduce himself.
"Hey look bro, i've had friendships start at urinals, but this aint about to be one. Stinson out."
He flashes a peace sign at the confused stranger and exits, limbs heavy. He can hear Robin's heels tapping the floor, in irritation maybe, he doesn't know how long he's been in the bathroom.
"What, were you nailing someone in there?" Robin murmurs, when he sits down. Maybe he only imagines the strain of her voice. His bagel's a little cold now, but he bites a huge chunk out of it, sans cream cheese. Robin quirks an eyebrow.
"Still no carbs, Mr. Diets are for girls but i diet anyway?" She teases, and he grins, and she laughs at a poppy seed stuck between his front teeth. They laugh, and he doesn't forget that she wanted to tell him something, but she does, so they let it go. He complains about work, and she boasts about hers. They make plans for laser tag, and he manages to sneak a bit of scotch into her coffee from his secret flask, and she slaps his arm two minutes later, still sipping the coffee.
"Hey, um-" Robin starts.
She's nursing a second round of coffee, and he's picking apart a piece of his second bagel. It's blindly obvious she wants to say something he might not like. His breath picks up again.
"Are you bringing a date to Lily and Marshall's dinner?"
Okay, that was unexpected.
"Lily wanted me to ask." She clarifies. Barney highly doubts that's the case.
He maybe wants to let her dangle a bit. He leans back casually, and the chair creaks a little.
"Maybe." He says, making a face that was supposed to signify, 'who cares'.Surprisingly enough, Robin looks almost relieved, and she lets a little sigh out.
"Good, okay good." She mutters, softly enough that if he wasn't paying attention, he wouldnt even hear it. It stings a little, that there's no jealousy. Maybe not just a little, but that's up for debate.
But a man's gotta know. "Would it," he gulps," be awkward, if i brought someone?"
"Huh, i guess not. But remember, we've got room for ONE more. So if you're planning to bang twins again, plan it for another day." She chides him, stifling a laugh. He rolls his eyes. Sighs in relief. If Robin thinks he was going to get a bimbo, all was well. He remembers Robin telling him once.
2014
"You know, i know your countless parade of chicks don't mean anything."
She's laying by his side now, lazily stroking for biceps. His arm is curled under her, palm kneading one of her breasts, a classic after sex position. His arm's always a little sore after, but atleast he gets to fondle Amelia and Lacey. Still in a post haze, he hums.
"It just, kinda sucked. But i know they didn't mean anything. That's why it never bothered me."
"That much," gets lost in his skin as she burrows further into his cocoon of warmth. His laugh rumbles through his body and she feels it.
"Come on Scherbatsky, you know i held a torch for you and only you while the other ladies held my torch. WHAT UP!" And if she were anyone else she'd slap him, but she's Robin Stinson-Scherbatsky and she high fives him anyway. His wife is awesome.
2016
They talk for about an hour more, and everything goes smooth. No one brings up dates anymore. The check comes, and while they're doing the check dance it feels an awful lot like a date again, until he surrenders, and she grabs it. Smirks at him, and pulls out her wallet. He doesn't let on that he did it on purpose because he knows how much Robin loves being her own independent woman.
As he's walking out, he feels Robin's figure fall slower and slower in her pace. Barney turns, just in time to see the really tall canadian dude, and hear Robin exclaim, "Dan?" with a soft smile. His throat does a weird closing up thing.
"You two know each other? Boy, canada is a small world." He quips, and Robin slips her coat on, smiling awkwardly at him.
"Bathroom guy!" Canadian dude who now has a name, points at him. Dan. What a lame name. Robin raises a brow in question, but doesnt push to know the story of the nickname.
"Um, Dan and I are sort of- seeing each other." Robin says, brushing her fingers across his wrist. His vision blurs a bit, and the walls feel an awful lot like they're closing in. Fuck.