"So there is this kid, barely out of his diapers, right, he is standing before a cadaver for the first time and what does he do? Holds the scalpel backwards, cutting his own palm open instead of the dead guy's chest! Then, he is wailing like some dying animal and the sound is both haunting and hilarious." McCoy finished his tale, earning a pat on the back from Jim.
"I think you managed to terrify and cause everyone on the table to lose their breakfast, Len," Jim commented lightly as he sipped his coffee. It was the morning of their fourth day. They were seated at a table overlooking the ocean, enjoying each others company with coffees in hand. The other passengers on the same table nodded in agreement but it only made Leonard smile brighter. It was a sight that caused both Jim's chest to swell and his throat to tighten. "It's a nice change to see you happy in the morning."
"It's a nice change to feel happy, Jim," Leonard responded and Jim's heart broke into little pieces, taking away what little joy he felt. "My mind feels free today. It's been eradicated of overflowing thoughts and painful aches. I must have gotten a perfect night's sleep."
"Yeah, you must have." Jim was a total bastard. He was sure of it now. When he gazed at Bones and saw a man whose smile wasn't bitter, he didn't recognise it. The stranger who held his body straight without the burdens of the world placed on his shoulders, without the pain of the past dragging him down. He stared at him and saw a different man staring back through hazel eyes.
He hated it but there was nothing he could do. He couldn't remind him of them, of Enterprise. Not yet. All that was left to do was to accompany the man and keep an eye on him. He still had his captainly duties so even those few precious moments were cut short, and shared with the rest of crew who were similarly both distraught and glad to see the doctor content, even happy. Jim tried not to say that word, in case he jinxed it but that's what Bones was at that moment, happy. No one could deny it.
As Leonard was lost in telling yet another story about his lectures in Liverpool, Jim began formulating a faster but safer method of helping Bones out. They were quickly running out of time. The voyage was only going to last ten days. Reach the end and they were done for. Enterprise would have to leave without her senior officers.
God, damn this place!
It wasn't meant to be real. Not fully. Not at first. But here they were, in a world solely created for the weak mind where the dangers could prove to be lethal. Their existence as well as their conscious mind were very much real and just as easily affected by their surroundings. But it was only ever meant to be a simulation and never meant to be anything more.
Jim recalled the moment when his first officer, accompanied by Uhura and colonist scientists, had informed him of what had befallen on Bones. He recalled in great detail the way Spock's furrowed brows twitched and how Uhura's mostly distinguished posture was on the verge of breaking down as they assessed the situation. Well, it was mostly Spock who had done the talking while Jim, knuckles white from tightly holding onto his communicator, had to summon all his inner will in order to maintain control over his impulses.
It was his fault. He hadn't heeded to Bones' pleadings and fended off his worry with a knowing smirk and encouraging few words. He didn't even remember what he had said to him; something generic, like it was any other mission and not potentially Leonard McCoy's last one. He was disgusted with himself for it but regardless of the intensity of his self-hatred for his mistake, it was nothing compared to the regret he felt.
He is gone, Jim. Uhura had whispered with a trembling voice, The transportation was not completed in time. His body never made it down to the ground.
The heavy disturbance in the area, combined with the unexpected malfunction on the ship interfered with Dr McCoy's teleportation. He would not have felt it. Spock had added, which had not helped calm Jim down. The colonists blamed the Enterprise for the tragic and unforeseen event. The mystery of why or how the ship broke down remained unsolved even as Scotty stood his ground for as long as he could and defended his best girl.
Inspections on both the ship and on the ground were done, results were compiled and conclusions were drawn all the while Jim left the helm to Spock and deemed himself emotionally compromised. The words leaving a taste of ash in his mouth as he half-heartedly muttered them.
It wasn't until the end of the week that the storm had calmed and all hope was lost that Spock turned up in his cabin with something resembling of good news. They, Spock and the rest of the crew might have found a way to bring Dr McCoy back. With a heavy heart too fragile to hold on to false hope, Jim had reluctantly accepted to hear their suggestions. It turned out, it was a good decision. He wasn't entirely sure who it was, maybe Scotty or Chekov, he was far too much lost at the bottom of a bottle by then, but someone had discovered that the sketchy colonists who had been far too quick to point their fingers and blame the Enterprise, were actively working on their new technology. A technology which involved gathering the remains and the body signature of the last person who had used the transportation pod, and then reassembling the person back into one piece.
Jim had been furious when this information had reached him and he had stormed out of his room, uncaring of his grim looks, complete with the unwashed uniform set he was wearing and an unflattering beard which had overgrown its welcome. When he had faced the scientists and simply threatened them with cutting off their supply import from the federation, they had been kind enough to confess both messing with the Enterprise's inner working and working with their new guinea pig. Jim nearly shot their team leader in the head had it not been for Uhura's and Spock's combined efforts.
It had been Scotty who had suggested letting them do just that; attempt to bring McCoy back from almost nothingness. They had nothing to lose if they failed and a great deal to gain if they succeeded so Jim had chosen to bring him back with the colony's technology. The idea to keep McCoy's mind active and preserve its sanity was to be done with having McCoy in a simulation while his body was put together and his mind recovered from the heavy trauma he sustained. He had believed the remaining good people of the colony when they argued that they had the means to put his friend back together. Almost from scratch, with using whatever cells and DNA were left in the transportation device. They were going to put him together like the way he was before but also, he would be brand new. Like he never died at all.
It was never that easy though, and as such, they were on a time limit. Four days down; six days left until the reanimation device would reach maximum capacity and shut off. They had to get out before then or sane or not, McCoy and everyone hooked up to the simulation would be trapped there for the rest of their lives.
He had wanted to help. He hadn't known the procedure was only theoretical, that it hadn't been properly tested yet. He hadn't known that Bones would be trapped in it. Unable to remember, unable to return back home. It all had gone to shit so fast, that they didn't see it coming at all. Now, it was up to them to save their friend and it wasn't going well enough.
He wished for a whisky instead of a coffee. He wished it all was a horrible nightmare and he woke up from it kicking and screaming. So that, he would have an excuse to bother Bones in his own quarters and curl around him like he did in the academy while hiding his emotions behind a blank smiley mask. Bones would scoff at him, call him names but more importantly he would see through the facade and lift his duvet for Jim to join. Then they would wake up and resume their day as if it were any other day.
A simple touch on his wrist brought all of it back. It took everything in Jim to surpass a sob. Jim could still notice the shift in Leonard's moods quicker than everyone else. It was in small ways that McCoy's fear overshadowed his stubbornness, like how he would gaze at the stars for a moment too long or how he would worry the glass clasped tightly in his palm. Or as in this case, with his grip on Jim's wrist growing stronger with each second that passes in silence.
"Is something the matter?"
"No, nothing," he answered, his throat dry and tongue stilled with all the heavy words that he couldn't voice. If only they had managed to locate McCoy before the colonials began repairing a mind they did not understand. The scientists had spent a year in the simulation, one week in the real world, fixing his characteristical and professional aspects, figured they had enough time. They didn't. The storm, like it had fucked up Bones' transportation, also messed up the reanimation device, overloading it.
If something could go wrong, it will go wrong as long as you are in the Enterprise, Jim mused darkly and downed his coffee. The hot beverage burned its way down its throat. The pain rooted him, dragging his delusional ass back to reality. They didn't have time to allow Leonard to recall his name without a forceful trigger, they weren't going to be able to put his mind back in order in time. Unlike, his reassuring words to Uhura, Jim was scared and he hoped, that at least they would be able to put his molecules back together and heal him physically. Memories... Well as long as Bones was alive and healthy, they could always generate new ones.
"Cut the crap, Jim. This isn't the face of someone who has no problems," Leonard tried again. It was effective in getting him to face Len.
"Sorry," Jim replied and reached out to hold Bones' hand, covering it with his own. An affectionate squeeze that was meant to soothe them both but it wasn't what happened. Leonard pulled his hand away as if he had been burned, stunning Jim. "Ah, sorry, again. I was thinking of better times, old friends and family, you know. For a second, I mistook you for someone else."
"It's alright," Leonard answered "I overreacted. It's not usual for people to get touchy feely with each other around here."
"Yes, I noticed. It's a damn shame if you ask me." If he sounded wistful, it was worth it after seeing Bones' amazed expression. They were slowly getting on the same page. Though Jim wouldn't hold his breath, not after Spock's mind meld.
"So," Leonard cleared his throat, shaking off the awkwardness he felt and changed the subject smoothly "Where have you been of late? You were gone for solid two days. Did you get a complaint or something?"
"No, nothing like that. I visited the lower decks, met the good people downstairs."
"You mean the passengers with the third class passes?" Leonard asked. Jim was glad there was no judgement or condemnation in his tone. Healing the mind was one thing, curing classism was another.
"Yeah, and let me tell you. They know how to party. Cheap booze, loud music, laughter all around. Most of them are really nice folks too. Some gave me the stink eye for joining them but it wasn't ill intended, not for long." The lie wasn't that off, he had joined their dinner the night before. His priority had been to stick around Len but Spock and Uhura were strictly against hanging around the doctor too much in case it bore disastrous results such as overworking Leonard's mind.
"You are a different breed of a captain, Jim but I ain't complaining" Leonard smirked and the flash of white teeth overturned Jim's stomach, "What do you got planned for tonight, after your shift; going to visit downstairs or upstairs?"
"Choosing between a wild party and you is a most difficult task, Len," he said pulling it together. He switched on his charm, falling into his old habits "Unless you desire my presence by your side of course."
Leonard snorted loudly but he wasn't ashamed of a bit of flirting when they were out of earshot. Jim on the other hand, was never going to understand nor learn the ways of the old when touching in public was as grave as a sin and god forbid if you even think about flirting, neither with a man or a woman. Everything was about gender roles and protecting their masculinity or femininity, and to do so separately. If you as much as spoke about love, you got your ass handed to you. There was no way he could comprehend a lifestyle which directly forbade open-hearted love, for life; As in during all their lives, throughout the whole eighty or ninety years. Why did the colonists ever choose this time period? It was a nightmare and an impossible rule to follow. Of course, he was going to disregard it full-heartedly.
There was no one left on the table to judge them either so he turned up his charm even more, winking at Leonard as the man let an exasperated sigh with an amused smile. "Or you can accompany me downstairs?"
"Hell no!" Lenord shot back, "I just gotten rid of my headache. I am not risking it coming back. Moreover, I am not willing to be surrounded not only by water but also be trapped within the water in this tin can."
"You got to face your fears sometimes, Len."
"Not like this, mister. I am not suicidal!"
"Alright, I won't push you. Just so you know, they got a wicked whisky collection down there. Between you and me, I think it's the illegal sort." Jim leaned in, hoping to hypnotise him with his sweet smile and change his mind. He had forgotten, this was Bones. He was practically immune to Jim's leer. Plus, he didn't yield easily when it came to phobias. Not now, not ever.
"Then, you can be a darlin' and grab us a bottle of the wicked assortion, Captain. I'll be sitting on the usual bench."
"Oh, you sly old man," Jim laughed but nodded. It was a challenge and he was ready to take it on. This was the best opportunity to get back to what they had before, even for a little while. Between his tormented side that begged him to stay by Bones' side and his impatient side which was quickly getting angry over his incompetence, this was the better path he could follow. He was going to seduce Len into remembering him while staying within their respective boundaries of masculinity.
"This is a terrible idea, Jim," Uhura spoke silently "Perhaps, we should let Spock piece his mind together."
"He can't do that if there is nothing to piece together. Bones needs to remember more, first. Then I'll trust someone else with his brain!" Jim countered and leaned against the metal door of the Bridge.
"Spock might understand the functionality of the brain more than you Jim. All I am saying is, let a professional handle this."
"Because the colonials did a bang up job about it, right? Look, I trust Spock but this is so not his area. The emotions which Bones must be having are going to go over his head. That's why I sent Chapel to keep an eye out for any erratic behaviour and do other medical observations in my stead."
"Ok, but how is whisky the problem solver here? Because whatever solution you think you have, I am not seeing it." Uhura crossed her arms and Jim was vaguely reminded of Spock at having to hear counterargument at his every suggestion.
"I believe the Captain is onto something, Lieutenant." It was Spock who spoke the words but neither Uhura nor Jim believed the words coming out of his mouth.
"But?" Jim began, fully expecting a genius level argument to break out but Spock surprised him.
"I had not intended to follow with a but, Captain. As much as I am averse to the idea of consuming alcohol this frequently, intoxicating Dr McCoy with a certain amount will assist in lowering his mental barriers. Therefore, making it easier for me to delve into his mind, attain repressed memories and rearrange them."
"God, you make it sound so bad," Jim buried his face in his hands and stifled a groan, "I can't believe I am about to get my best friend drunk so that you can..."
"Fix his mind from the inside," Uhura completed his sentence thankfully, "The colonists can do only so much in the time left, Jim. We have to intervene and set things right or accept the fact that Leonard, as we know him will be gone."
"Not to mention that he will no longer be qualified to act as a Starfleet Officer or even as a doctor," Spock added in, "There is still the matter of protecting his mind, Captain. You must use caution to avoid extreme confusion. Otherwise, there may not be anything left to salvage."
"Thanks for the pep talk, Spock." Jim darted his eyes between the couple while passing his fingers through his unkempt beard and came to the conclusion that there was no better time to take things to the next level. "Alright, let's go steal ourselves some booze then!"