The previous night was kept as a blurry collection of anger, love and serenity in Leonard's tired mind. It turned out to be mostly good in retrospect but that didn't mean the painful parts were less agonising to recall. He recalled hating Jim for a solid few minutes before regaining his senses. He could also still feel the fluttering in his chest when his dear companion had showered him with more than gentle words and coaxed him into a deep sleep. Confusion would be the thing to remember when he looked back on that night. Come next morning, on the other hand, Leonard would fare better and wake up to a soothing tune.
Leonard opened his eyes to greet a sleep deprived sight of Jim Kirk petting his messy, brown locks as his head laid by his thigh. He could feel the cool touch of a ring as it scraped across his neck a few times. It wasn't a bad position to wake up to, Leonard thought. It was all the better since his headache didn't show any interest in returning back. The soft caressing of Jim's fingers soothed the tides of frantic confusion that threatened to engulf him as the tender humming of an old song vibrated through him, vitalizing his stagnant brain. But as with all good things, this too had to come to an end.
He stretched and yawned loudly like a giant cat, his hands touching Jim on the side and crackling of his joints audible to anyone in the vicinity of five meters, even across the thin cabin walls. He hoped his companion would resume his relaxing ministrations but instead Jim retreated away with a final note on his lips.
"You look like shit," Len said rather elegantly. The stale taste in his mouth and his half-open eyes begged to differ but he actually had woken up feeling good about himself. And that happened two days in a row; That was a miracle by itself.
"At least I don't look like I had just woken up after a hardcore party," Jim countered back. Leonard was pleased to note the smile in his tone.
"Did you sleep at all, last night?" he asked with a more serious edge to his voice and saw Jim shrug.
"Enough. I have survived on less and before you go on to lecture me on the adverse effect of irregular sleep patterns on my health, I assure you I know."
"You are a grown man, more than capable of reaching that conclusion on your own, darlin'!"
"Oh, okay then," was the disappointed reply. Leonard entertained the thought of Jim actually wanting to hear a lecture from him and smirked triumphantly to himself before pulling his legs to a sitting position and his full body following them with regret. He might be feeling good but it didn't mean he was happy to be awake.
"I need a shower and a change of clothes," Leonard mumbled "So do you, if your look is any indication"
"Are you offering to draw and take a bath together, Bones? Because you know what my answer will be." The light flirtation and the unconscious use of the simple epithet reminded him that last night's events had indeed occurred and the man before him was someone important to him; someone who had died but then returned to him; someone he allowed himself to forget about.
"I still can't believe that you are for real"
"That wasn't that bad of a pickup line, was it?" Jim completely had missed Leonard's point but he didn't push it. It was better this way. His insecurities were his own and he would deal with them in good time. First, he had to get changed.
The splash of water on his face had the miraculous effect of waking him up fully and the more he observed the dark circles under Jim's eyes, the more convinced he was that Jim hadn't had a wink of sleep all night long. His tiredness was oozing from him in the form of a slight stench, limited gestures and messy hairs sticking out in all directions. A pang of guilt blossomed in his chest and he knew he couldn't let the good captain resume his duties in such a pitiful state.
"When is your next shift?"
"In half an hour or so. If you are reconsidering the bath thing, we might need to hurry up."
"You can go soak in the bath if you want but I ain't getting near you until you at least trim that beard and gain the appearance of a decent gentleman," Leonard said while combing his own hair. He decided to take the bath later on and change out of his shirt in the mean time. He wouldn't admit it but he didn't want to leave Jim before he really had to. His dear companion was silent for a moment that with his head halfway through his shirt, Leonard had to glance back at him. Jim with all his shamelessness was watching him closely.
"I guess I'll do that later. But as for the beard, I'll have to confer with my officers," he distractedly said.
"Why?" Leonard asked confused and quickly pull on a fresh shirt, suddenly feeling self-conscious about his body.
"Reasons..." Jim stammered and Leonard raised an incredulous eyebrow at him. Unbeknownst to him, Jim actually had no idea what the period appropriate cut he was meant to have. He had left those details to Chekov and Sulu and admittedly it hadn't been the best decision he had made. Especially after seeing the thin moustache cut on Scotty that Chekov had offered. After that horror, he had simply let it go and copy Leonard'ss full grown beard style. He had no choice but to lie, mostly to cover for his embarrassing incompetence and general lack of knowledge on body hair. "There is this bet going on to see who can grow their beard the best, not necessarily the longest but the most well maintained. It gets difficult to handle at certain lengths, though, you know how it is!"
"I can't say I do, Jim but I know a thing or two about failing on that aspect," Leonard confessed, surprising Jim "When I first regained consciousness in the hospital, a year ago, I had no idea how to handle a razor blade; shaky hands, wrong or deep cuts, you name it. When I stood over a patient in the ward, I was the best but the moment I gazed at the mirror, I turned into a wreck. Guess its true what they say about doctors not being able to heal themselves because for all my prodigious achievements with the other patients, I failed at the most basics of human needs, shaving included. It was embarrassing to have Ron or one of the nurses to do that for me but eventually, I learned how to look myself in the eye again and not recoil at the sight of an odd man that criticised my uselessness."
"That was intense. I hadn't anticipated this response." Jim's mouth was left open, his words matching his dumbfounded expression.
"Sorry, guess I am not-" Leonard flushed red as Jim cut in through his apologies.
"Don't be, it's good to share."
"Yeah, I think so too." His blush wasn't disappearing anytime soon so he returned his attention to the mirror, busying his hands with combing his hair.
"You know it's going to take me awhile to go back to my cabin and get changed. Would you mind if I borrow a shirt?" Jim said easily in the awkward silence that had filled the room.
"Sure, I wouldn't want to cause you more trouble."
"Have I told you how authenticly awesome your beard is? Could you, I don't know, do mine the same way?" Leonard squinted at that but had learned to take everything coming out of Jim's mouth as a serious comment.
"You want me to trim your beard?" he asked just to be sure and Jim, honest to God, nodded happily. "By the way, you have the oddest vocabulary, kid" Leonard, unsure of whether that was the right way to proceed with their morning, stood still until Jim peaked behind his back and appeared on the mirror. He honestly seemed excited at the prospect of getting a proper shave. Leonard did not understand how this brilliant man's brain was wired.
He gestured at Jim to sit on the chair in front of the mirror while he gathered his shaving tools and placed them by the sink. Unconsciously, he had ordered them like he would his surgical equipment and he winced at the thought of having to operate on Jim. There were no fond memories to be found in that mindset so he focused on his task. It would take some time but he was capable of tidying up the soft but messy scruff on Jim's chin.
Bones' touch was hesitant but precise, just as it had been in the earlier days of their relationship, Jim realised. In those first days which weren't that far back, Jim would always make excuses to have some sort of contact with Bones where he would be more cautious and his touches would be more reserved. For a while, it had scared Jim because their skin on skin contact had been less than what it was when they were best friends. He had been afraid that It had been a sign, proving that their friendship was nowhere near to survive under the demands of a relationship. Fortunately, he had been wrong and their shaky companionship had evolved into something more solid.
Yet, those timid hands had returned. Jim didn't blame Bones for that but a small part of his was disappointed at the lack of habitual response to him, and to his touch. He had irrefutable faith in those fingers which held a sharp razor so close to his neck and he knew memory or no memory, Bones would never hurt him on purpose. If he felt fear in his bones, it was because of the primitive tools that they had to use.
The cool touch of the soap and the clean cut of the lower scruff was done in mere minutes and Jim realised a soft sigh. Leonard snorted amusedly at that, taking no offence. After a few clips of his well-aimed metal scissors and cuts over the edges and he was done. Efficient and fast. Just like how Bones always worked. Jim tried to get up but Bones sat him back down, slicking his fingers with a floral scented oil. Jim's mind wondered off to unmentionable extremes while Bones reminded ignorant, much to his dismay. Feeling Bones' large hands cradling his face while spreading the oil rose an undeniable need in him. The soft touch of the comb going through his hair and coming face to face with those expressive eyes and the eyebrows frowning in concentration were not helping him either.
"Finished," Leonard exclaimed as he stepped away to wonder at his craft. Jim's insanely thick eyebrows excluded, he had done everything in his power to shape the wild hair. It had been a pleasure to sink his hands in between Jim's dirty blond locks and feel his small shivers at the tip of his fingertips.
"Thank you, doctor," Jim replied after examining his new look in the mirror with a contented hum. There was a sadness in his tone and Leonard was sceptical whether he really liked the end result but he didn't question it.
"Should I be worried that your first officer is going to barge in any time now?"
"No, but I should probably make my way back to the Bridge. Spock doesn't like it when I'm late for my shift."
"He is a stick in the mud, that one" Leonard chipped in, earning a genuine laugh from Jim. He swallowed thickly and straightened his back, "So, you don't have time left to grab breakfast and coffee?"
"Are you asking me out on a date, McCoy?" Jim teased as he tugged his shirt in his trousers and reattached his suspenders, all the while Leonard blushed like a damned teenager and refused to send a glance Jim's way.
"No. Yes, I mean it's just breakfast, man," he replied flustered. He expected Jim to continue his teasing but there was none of that. Instead, he stood with crossed arms and a crooked neck. He was more sombre than Leonard had ever seen him.
"I'd love to but duty beckons."
"You should have woken me earlier, Jim. Did you even get a wink of sleep last night? Don't sugarcoat it this time!" Leonard sighed and by the guilty look on Jim's face, the answer was obvious.
"No, but it was worth it. I couldn't risk your condition relapsing and not notice it. Thankfully, it didn't."
The following smile was divine, melting some of Leonard's despair away and the sudden tightness in his chest was a surprise, but it really shouldn't have been. This man who gazed at him with undivided attention, whose smile could lift his spirits in a millisecond, he was truly a defining part of Leonard's past. There was no mistaking it now, not after last night.
"Sorry, it's my fault," Leonard found himself apologising again "Making you worry about my own damn problems while you have a whole ship of people to take care of..."
"No, no..." Jim interrupted hurriedly, then a mischievous shine appeared in his eyes, "but if you say you can't survive with this guilt, then there is a way to make it up to me." Leonard really had a bad feeling about this, even though he had practically walked right into that one.
"Oh, yeah?" he raised his eyebrow, scowling.
"Yeah, just a tiny itsy bitsy thing," Jim said approaching him with a predatory gaze, "I promise you, it will not take a second of your time."
"Go ahead, then," McCoy encouraged, already knowing what to expect. He leaned in closer to Jim and to his credit, Jim's smirk dimmed, his lips slightly parting to take in a small breath as his eyes shone with love and adoration. It was unlike any look Leonard had received from anyone and it filled him with an unbearable delight, likes of which he never considered feeling before.
An unspoken question lingered into the tiny breadth between them. Jim took the initiative and placed a tentative hand on Leonard's stiff shoulder. "We are all a tad bit different, and not necessarily all bad, Bones" he whispered, trying to ease Leonard's worries. Having already reached to the desired solution, Leonard, in return, decided to to take over the reins and grabbed Jim's suspenders, pulling him in. Then, those sinful lips were on his and all the questions were left to be forgotten.
His hand travelled upwards to grasp Jim's short hair, while strong arms, determined to meld them into one, enveloped him fiercely. Teeth clicking and breaths coming up short, the frantic motion of lips against lips overthrew Leonard's intention of giving a chaste kiss for an apology but he welcomed the familiar warmth with ease. He stroked the soft scruff on Jim's neck, his back arching to fit into the curve of Jim's body. One of them let out a shaky moan and one hand dropped lower while the other rose up on his back, both caressing skin with each gasp.
Leonard's mouth hurt from the friction burn but he wasn't about to complain. He spared a few glances during the in-between moments of getting air, where he saw that Jim's lips had taken a darker shade of red, a fact he was glad to notice. He did what any good doctor would do in his place and kissed them better with gentle touches. Jim giggled at that and it wasn't in him to scowl after hearing such a beautiful sound.
"I missed your everything, Bones," was the first spoken sentence when they dared to break apart, "Your scent, your touch but especially your smile"
"Is that, right? Did I smile a lot before?" Jim snorted at the innocent question.
"No way. It was a challenge to get you to smile. It was rare but totally worth it." The captain sounded amused, but to Leonard, it brought about a whole new set of questions; ranging between but not limited to, what made him be so miserable and why wasn't Jim's presence enough to get rid of that misery? He was generally a cynic but not a complete despondent sod, not when he was surrounded by people he liked. These were important for him to know, he realised as his faltering gaze found and held Jim's because if he had unhappy memories, then he didn't want them. He would be more than glad to continue on without the needless despair.
As if hearing his inner monologue, Jim spoke up again. This time, he sounded wistful. "Don't tell the others but you always had a reserved smile for rainy days. Sometimes it was hidden behind a bourbon glass and other times, more rarely, it was open-hearted and carefree. That's what made it so special though because it was always real, never faked and never forced out of kindness. You were honesty when everyone around me was either a lie or gone before they could keep their promises."
"If you are telling this to me so I am not terrified of my own damn past, then too late, Jimmy," Leonard whimpered and Jim surged forward, borrowing closer and urging Leonard to nuzzle into the hollow of his neck.
"Don't be afraid, Bones. Once you get yourself back together you too will see that it's worth it."
"I'll trust you on that, Kirk," he replied but doubt lingered in his mind. Jim, the perceptive man that he was, recognised it easily.
"Tell you what, you go draw yourself a good, relaxing bath and take a nap. Get your thoughts in order. Then we'll meet up for dinner and you can ask me anything you want."
Leonard frowned but nodded, suddenly feeling like a child in Jim's arms "You seem like you need the bath and the sleep more than I do, kid," he countered and the impish glint returned to Jim's gaze. He really didn't need much poking, figuratively, to bring forth his flirtatious side.
"Is that an invitation, Bones?" Jim parroted his earlier line.
It would have been if not for your required presence in the Bridge, Leonard wanted to say but he hadn't earned that kind of a privilege. Instead, he patted the blond hair affectionately and backed away "There was something about a change of clothes, you had mentioned?"
"Oh, Bones, if I strip down now I am not putting anything on anything until after a few hours." Leonard managed to catch the meaning behind his words quickly enough and albeit begrudgingly he shook his head, fighting off a smile. Jim wiggling his eyebrows did not help his case.
"Get going before I have to kick you out of here, you damn kid! I am not witnessing you being dragged away by your own officers, either. Not today!" Leonard pushed the captain towards the door. He would follow the suggestions but that didn't mean he wouldn't complain while doing them. They would have time to discuss things thoroughly later on.