In the previous chapter: Rey and Fariya, her fellow Jedi apprentice, try to recruit a Force user on the ice planet of Tehanne, but Kylo Ren beats them to it. Rey and Fariya flee after a brief fight.

Chapter 3

"Why did you run away?" Fariya demanded once the transport was airborne. "I wasn't that hurt. We should have fought him."

"That would not have ended well for any of us," I said, tersely adjusting switches and dials to make our jump through hyperspace. I'd briefed the two guards on our disastrous encounter and couldn't leave this planet behind fast enough.

She stuck her chin up in the air, her blue-black hair rippling over her shoulders. "He's just a bully and you're scared of him."

Anger coiled in my gut, and I wanted to scream at her. Had you not messed around with the ship's controls at the base, we could have made it here before Ren. Everything would have gone differently. You ruined my mission.

But Fariya winced as she shifted in the co-pilot seat, her posture unnaturally stiff to avoid putting any pressure on her injured side, and I didn't have the heart to say it. It wouldn't have been fair, or even necessarily true.

The console dinged to signal the ship's hyperdrive was online, and I smacked the button to engage it without hesitation. The transport lurched as it entered hyperspace, its reclaimed parts not quite in sync with one another.

"What did he say to you?" Fariya asked after the shaking subsided.

"You heard him," I grumbled. "He insulted us both and acted like a prat, as usual."

"No, I heard all that. I meant... he spoke to you in your head, didn't he? I felt something in the Force. Well, your face looked funny, too, but that's not unusual."

I ignored the jab, worried instead about her insight into my strange mental connection with Ren. It could lead to awkward questions, given that I'd kept it secret for months.

"I don't know what you mean." I hoped my severe frown would warn her off, but her eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth to argue. I mentioned the only thing that was sure to distract her: "I'm sure Poe will want to hear all about how you faced the fearsome Kylo Ren and survived."

Her cheeks darkened in a blush and her scowl turned into a shy, excited smile. We popped out of the hyperspace tunnel into orbit around Emmett II. The planet had spun far enough during our absence that it was now early evening at the Resistance base. As soon as Fariya saw the planet, however, she deflated into her chair and the scowl returned.

"He doesn't want to be my friend," she said, dejectedly fiddling with a buckle on her flightsuit. "He never remembers my name. Does he ever, y'know, talk about me? Or mention me? Ever?"

I said nothing at first, aggravated at her inane questions and a little miffed my distraction had backfired. Until recently, my life had never been easy enough to grant time for making friends, much less developing crushes on older men who clearly didn't reciprocate them. I dipped the ship toward the surface, drifting into sub orbital velocity and flipping switches to prepare for landing.

"I don't know him much better than you do," I ventured while I worked, not wanting to hurt her feelings and outright tell her 'no'. "And when we do talk, it's about starfighters and hyperspace and piloting."

"Ugh, you just don't get it. Nevermind."

Her flippant dismissal soured my mood even further, leading to a rough touchdown on the dark landing pad. Lights were visible from space at night, so most of the base's exterior was unlit as a precaution against discovery. We exited the transport and came face-to-face with Luke, who looked upset at the distinctive lack of a Brenza passenger. The two Resistance guards took one look at Luke's face and strategically left the landing pad, heading for the interior of the base through a nearby hangar.

"Explain, Rey."

My stomach sank to my bootheels.

"I... failed my mission, Master." The words sounded pathetic, and I suddenly wanted nothing more than to run to my room and burst into tears.

Fariya eagerly stepped forward. "We ran into–"

"This was Rey's mission, Fariya," Luke interrupted, giving her a stern look, "and that's why I asked her for an explanation."

While I appreciated his confirmation that this had been my mission all along, it wasn't worth the embarrassment and hurt that seeped through Fariya's face. She glanced between Luke's narrowed eyes and my own somber expression, wanting to stay and be a part of our conversation, striving to be recognized as an equal. But she was only fifteen years old, after all, and neither Luke nor I were in the mood to put up with her. She silently turned and vanished into the growing darkness of the hangar.

"You don't need to be so hard on her," I said quietly. "I know it's me you're angry with."

He stared after her, his mechanical hand whirring as it flexed. "She needs to understand that her place here is not as a nobleman's daughter, but as a Jedi apprentice. And I'm not angry with you," he said, turning to face me. "I'm…" – disappointed – "...not sure what could've gone wrong on Tehanne."

"When we arrived at the Force user's home, Kylo Ren had already… he'd gotten there first, and had recruited the Brenza to the Order. The odds in a fight weren't safe, so we left."

"Did you not bring guards with you, as I suggested?"

"I did. But they stayed at the ship."

"Following your orders?"

I nodded, ashamed my own ego had interfered with the mission and ultimately led to its failure.

"And the Force user? What became of him?"

"His name was Daamith, and… something was wrong with him. Whatever lies the First Order spread through their propaganda, he believed them wholeheartedly. He wouldn't have come with Fariya and me willingly." I described the rest of the encounter on the snowy planet, mentioning our argument over Daamith, the brief scuffle and, even though it grated my pride, praised Fariya's growing skill with the Force.

"Kylo Ren…" I swallowed, embarrassed to discuss Luke's failed apprentice – his nephew, for crying out loud. "He doesn't need the Force to hurt people."

Luke reached out and squeezed my shoulder; his version of a comforting hug, perhaps. He turned to leave the landing pad, and we fell into step as we crossed the empty hangar and entered the base. We walked through the bustling Resistance corridors toward the command center. Though Luke was far too polite to poke through my head, he knew my thoughts all the same.

"Whatever Kylo Ren said to you on Tehanne should not merit a single moment of your consideration. If he did not regard you as a threat, he would have simply attacked and tried to kill you. But he recognizes your power, and is wary of it, and instead chose to prey on your fears and insecurities to weaken you. His words persist with you only because you let them. Seek the lesson this offers. There is no ignorance, only knowledge."

I nodded dutifully, because that's what apprentices did when their master gave instructions. In truth, I didn't have the first clue how to discern their so-called lesson.

We were close to the command center when I spotted Finn ahead of us in the corridor, chatting animatedly with a few Resistance members. He lit up as Luke and I approached. "You're looking at General Organa's newest chief strategy officer," he told us. He grinned and proudly spun in place, though he couldn't hide the slight limp left over from his grievous injuries on Starkiller.

I laughed in delight. "So you're officially a Big Deal? Don't come complaining to me when all she asks you to do is organize her sock drawer."

At first Finn had been ostracized for his Stormtrooper origins, but his infectious smile and warm spirit had quickly won him friends. It didn't hurt that he had Poe squarely on his side, whose effusive story of how Finn had saved his life grew more elaborate with every retelling.

Finn glanced around at the group of Resistance fighters. "Guys, I gotta talk to our resident Jedi's. I'll see you all tomorrow at the planning meeting."

The group gave us pleasant nods in parting and the three of us continued down the hall to a small chamber. The walls were made of rough, unfinished stone and pipes ran through the ceiling overhead. It must have been carved out recently in response to the growing need for coordination against the First Order's attacks. We sat around the circular metal table.

Finn's demeanor changed once the door slid shut, his laid back smile vanishing in place of a focused stare. "I need updates from both of you. Luke, I heard it didn't go so well on Nazzareem. What happened?"

In the wake of my failed mission on Tehanne, I'd nearly forgotten that Luke had gone on a mission of his own. However, Luke scowled and shook his head, his face more pensive than usual. While he spoke, his mechanical hand whirred and clicked as he repeatedly tensed his fist.

"My aim was to secure an alliance with the Nazzareem Parliament," Luke began, "but the First Order interfered. They've been sending agents amongst the general public to turn them against the Resistance. The Nazzareem Enforcers have clashed with groups of citizens who oppose an alliance with us. I couldn't meet with the Parliament today due to the unrest, and I fear they will back away from the alliance entirely."

Finn nodded, unsurprised by Luke's news. "The latest batch of reports said that the Order's agents are targeting folks in outlying villages. They claim that we, the Resistance, will slaughter anyone who doesn't help our cause to make sure they can't support the Order instead."

"That's the Order's tactic, not ours!" I seethed in frustration.

"I know, it's complete garbage," Finn agreed. "But then the villagers travel to larger towns on Nazzareem and spread these stories. Rumors turn into truth once people hear them coming from so many different sources."

"The Order turns us into the scapegoat for every problem they themselves create," Luke said. "Every move we make against them is likewise turned against us." He clenched his mechanical hand so hard that the metal parts shrieked in protest. He loosened his fist, ashamed at his reaction. "I apologize for my anger. It's been a long day. Rey, my sister has called a for a meeting tomorrow to salvage the Nazzareem alliance, and I expect it to take most of the day. Please work with Fariya on lightsaber combat forms. Finn, I'll see you in the morning. Congratulations on your promotion. It is well deserved." He clapped Finn on the shoulder with his good hand and left the room.

Finn turned to me, his gaze shrewd. "I heard it wasn't just Luke who had a rough day today. You and Fariya went to Tehanne, right? To pick up a new Force user? What happened?"

I exhaled a tense breath. "For starters, Fariya was causing problems before we even left the hangar."

Finn laughed, a glorious sound. "Poe barely broke a sweat when we escaped from the Order's Star Destroyer, but put him in front of a teenage girl with a crush and he freezes. He won't go in the dining hall when she's there. I've been sneaking him food. It's the only thing keeping him alive." Finn stretched in his chair, massaging his lower back. "Your mission, though. Did it go badly? Anything you want to get off your chest about Fariya?"

"It wasn't her. It was… we ran into Kylo Ren. He took the Force user I'd been assigned to recruit."

Finn's jaw dropped. "You saw Kylo Ren today. On Tehanne. And you're back here without a scratch? Tell me you kicked his ass."

I dropped my eyes, embarrassed. "It wasn't much of a fight. He was…" I trailed off, because saying 'he was mean to me' sounded childish, but saying, 'he accused me of being a shitty Jedi' was no better. "He was his usual, awful self," I finished lamely.

"Well, that's not surprising. Now if you told me he'd been cheerful and jolly, I'd be downright terrified. The guy's always been an evil, cranky bastard. Look what he did to his dad and uncle. Leia's the only one left in the galaxy who hasn't given up on him returning from the dark side. Anything he did or said today is only meant to mess with you and get inside your head."

I winced at the unintended accuracy of his phrasing, because my mysterious mental bond with the dark Force user was yet another thing troubling me.

"Luke told me not to pay any attention to what he said. Or if I did, to find the lesson in his words." I couldn't stop my dramatic eyeroll. "But it still got to me. I'm not…" I sighed and fought to organize my thoughts. "Training with Luke is tough. And, well, you were a Stormtrooper, before everything happened. You know how to fit in with a group, especially one that shares a common purpose. But I'm living with more people now than I'm used to seeing in a week. I'm not very good at it, and I'm not helping, either. Just making things worse."

Finn leaned forward, eyes intent on my face.

"Rey, everyone I talk to has nothing but admiration for you. You're one of the few people in the Resistance who've faced Kylo Ren head-on and walked away from it. That inspires more people here than you realize.

"In the First Order, Stormtroopers hid behind helmets and masks. No one does that in the Resistance. We recognize the importance of seeing each other as human, even if it means that others can also see our fear. It's our duty as a family to help each other, and you're part of that family."

My chin wobbled, tears ready to spill forth from his impassioned speech. I'd never had a family – one that I remembered, in any case. I wasn't entirely sure I deserved to be a part of one. Nevertheless, I nodded and knuckled the water out of my eyes.

"I get that training can be tough," Finn continued, "and the highs of making a breakthrough don't come nearly as often as the doubts that you're utter garbage. Just remember that even your powers on an off day are jaw droppingly cool, and I could go grab ten people in the hallway right now who would agree with me. We all want you here, Rey. Most of us don't understand the Force, but that doesn't mean we're frightened of you, or don't want to be your friend."

But would they still want to be my friend if they knew that I could talk to Kylo Ren in my head? That I commanded the Force in ways that startled even Luke with their intensity? I wasn't sure if there was anything awe-inspiring about the over-reactive way I often handled my powers.

I started to open my mouth to tell Finn everything – my troubling link with Kylo Ren, the difficulties I kept running into during training, and even my doubts about becoming a Jedi – but was interrupted by a knock on the door. It whooshed open to reveal a pilot on the Red Squadron. She was a Pantoran, a blue-skinned humanoid race. Her yellow eyes were outlined by an intricate pattern of gold dots, and they narrowed the slightest bit at the sight of me and Finn alone in the room.

"I hope I'm not intruding," she said. "Finn, ready to grab dinner? You're invited, too, of course, Rey," she added. Her tone was irritatingly formal, and though I needed to make a better effort at being friendly, I wasn't ready to start right this moment.

"I ate earlier," I lied politely. "And actually still have training to finish. Thank you, though."

"Maybe next time. Finn, you coming?"

Out of the corner of my vision, I saw Finn's eyes flick to me. I knew he was debating on convincing me to come, but I didn't say anything to encourage him. He casually replied, "Yeah, alright" and stood to leave, though I knew he was hurt by my silent dismissal.

We reentered the main corridor, where a group of Resistance members rumbled by with metal carts stacked high with weaponry. "I'll see you tomorrow, Finn. We'll grab food after your meeting, okay?" I pushed a weak smile to my lips by way of apology. Finn gave me a one-armed hug and left with the Pantoran.

I sighed into the relative quiet. My life always seemed a little less vibrant after Finn was gone. I turned the opposite direction, walking down several hallways until I stopped in front of the door to my room. It slid open once the sensor mounted on the wall scanned my handprint.

Nearly everything in the room was standard issue: a narrow cot, bedside cabinet, battered desk and a matching stool that listed to one side. Some metal shelves, hastily bolted into the carved rock walls, held folded uniforms. My battle staff, one of my few personal possessions left from Jakku, leaned against wall in one corner. There was no window since we were literally living inside a mountain, but the cave-like room reminded me of the decrepit AT-AT I had previously called home, and, most importantly, I didn't have to share the space. I was lucky to have the room, including a private refresher, to myself. Luke and Leia had probably realized that I would've left the Resistance long ago if forced to live in the communal dorms.

I pulled a package of veg-meat and a polystarch biscuit out of my cabinet. Though I never let anyone catch me doing it, I often squirreled away rations from the dining hall in my room. Stockpiling food had saved me from starvation on more than one occasion, and it was a habit I was unwilling to break.

After I finished eating, I indulged in a long shower in my refresher. Most people would laugh at me, for they considered water as common as sand and the temperature was lukewarm at best. However, to me it was an absolute luxury to bathe daily in clean water.

After my shower, I pulled on an oversized tunic and sat on the bed. I felt guilty from brushing off Finn, so while showering I had resolved to practice my meditation inside the base tonight. Despite the constant mental chatter in the background, I sank deeply into my meditation with a speed that almost surprised me.

Earlier, Luke had instructed me to find the lesson in Ren's words, so I turned them over in my head dozens upon dozens of times. The full spectrum of the Force's potential was at your fingertips, he had told me. And now you struggle, and it makes you weak.

I already knew the reason Ren's words weighed heavy in my heart: I feared he was right. So what exactly was I supposed to learn from this? Frustrated at my lack of insight, I decided the lesson must be to ignore all prats who wore stupid helmets, and let my thoughts drift to other things.

I maintained my focus for a few hours, but then my body started drifting into sleep and my mind followed, pursuing strange mixtures of thoughts and half-lucid dreams. After I jerked awake for the third time, I abandoned the exercise and willed the lights off, lying down on my thin mattress.

Perversely, now that I had decided to sleep, my brain elected to be wide awake. I raced through the events of the day, dissecting every detail of Tehanne and my conversations with Fariya, Luke and Finn, and wondered whether my life was more or less difficult since I'd left Jakku.

'You are very noisy tonight,' Ren mumbled in my head.

I bolted upright in bed, my head suddenly swarming with his presence. Where had he come from? How had he snuck in?

'Calm down.' His tone was more mild than usual. I thought he might be trying to sleep, wherever in the galaxy he was.

I tilted my head, aggravated at his intrusion. 'It's hard to be calm knowing you can pop into my head uninvited.'

'You're the one who failed to make adequate shields.'

I lapsed into silence, but even though it meant getting rid of Ren, I made no move to bolster my shields. I had been at odds with everyone the entire day and was sick of fighting. I laid back down, staring at my ceiling, and hoped he'd simply get bored and leave.

'You have not been sleeping well,' Ren stated quietly. It was perhaps the most civil thing he'd ever said to me.

'How do you know?' I realized that my question implied he was right, but it was too late to take it back.

'I can sense it through… whatever connection this is.'

'Do you know how it works? Where it came from?'

'Not fully. What did Skywalker say about it?'

My silence became a glaring answer.

'You have not told him.' Rich satisfaction rolled across the link. 'Ashamed to admit you are on speaking terms with a Knight of Ren?'

'We were not on speaking terms until this very conversation. And I'm quickly realizing why that was the case.'

I started to pull back from his voice, but felt an odd resistance that could only be described as Ren tugging on my brain.

'I didn't mean to offend you. I'll tell you what Snoke said about the connection if you stay.'

I didn't say anything, but didn't leave, either. No matter how I rationalized my excuses, talking with Ren was a bad idea, but this was completely overridden by my curiosity about the link between us.

'You can sense Awakenings in the Force, right?' Ren continued. 'Snoke and I are able to do the same. He suspects that the fact I was with you when you Awoke on Starkiller created some sort of link between us. I can sense when you're nearby. Your general mood.'

I mulled over his words. It explained why he had not been surprised to see me on Tehanne earlier that day. It didn't explain why I couldn't sense the same of him in return, and could only attribute it to lack of understanding on my part.

'You were not just with me when I Awoke,' I reminded him. 'You were torturing me.'

'I was following orders,' he said, sharing the mental equivalent of a nonchalant shrug. 'But you should be thankful I did. Had you not ended up with me on Starkiller, would you have ever discovered your affinity for the Force?'

'Did Snoke order you to find me through this link? To tell me all this?' I demanded, seeking an excuse to cut off this increasingly disturbing conversation.

'No. His only interest in the link was using it to sway you to join the First Order.'

'Are you?'

'I told him that I would. But I lied. It would be more trouble than it's worth.'

'Then.. stop looking for me. Cut the bond.'

'I could, if I tried. But I don't want to.'

'Why?'

'Because you interest me.'

My heartbeat tripled in my chest. 'You mean you're interested in the Resistance and our plans.'

'No. Well, yes, but that's not my motive. You and I are both stuck serving the interests of others despite formidable inner power. I think you're frustrated with Luke's training and wondered if you sought… an alternative.'

'Your attempt to draw me to the dark side is laughable.'

He growled in frustration. 'You think that using the dark side is synonymous with evil, but you're wrong. It's just a different method to tap into the Force. Drawing power from negative emotions doesn't imply your subsequent actions are evil.'

'Luke has never explained it like that.'

'He wouldn't. Jedi have always feared the dark side. They don't trust themselves to embrace it.'

'You did, and look how splendidly that turned out for everyone.'

'Watch yourself, scavenger.' A tendril of black anger floated through our link and a wry grin twitched on my lips. Baiting Ren was one of the few ways I had control over him.

'Is that what you meant on Tehanne,' I asked after a moment of thought, 'when you claimed I'd used the dark side before? You were not saying that I had fallen to the dark side… only used it as a source of power? I didn't realize there was a difference.'

'According to Snoke, it's not well known, even among distinguished Force users. Those who dabble in the dark side usually become addicted. They are corrupted by using it as their sole source of power.'

'Like you?'

I could practically hear his teeth grinding through the link. 'No. I embraced the darkness from the beginning, though I am still not immune to the pull of the light.'

He sounded oddly disgruntled, and it hit me quite suddenly that Ren struggled to resist the emotionless light side of the Force just as I fought against the violence of the dark side. Did Snoke chastise him for this perceived weakness the same way Luke often disapproved of my use of the Force during training? Was he as tired of the constant struggle as I was?

'What exactly do you want?' I asked carefully.

'I think it's possible to use both the dark and light sides of the Force at the same time, and I want your help in figuring out how.'

His answer was both blunt and terrifying because I felt the dreadful stir of curiosity rearing its head. Was it plausible, I wondered, to take Force power drawn from supposedly dark side emotions and intertwine it with the calm, controlled focus of the light side? Would it feel more natural than following the rules of the rigid Jedi code?

I shook my head against my pillow. I had to end this conversation before the temptation grew into something I acted on. If Ren were right and such a thing were possible, it would lead to an unprecedented amount of control over the Force – and power always attracted people who were prepared to possess it for themselves.

'It's a waste of my time to help you. There is too much darkness in you for any light to reach,' I hissed. 'You destroyed an entire generation of Jedi, and when I stopped you from trying to kill your uncle, you murdered your father instead.'

'If you're trying to piss me off so I leave you alone, it's working,' he growled.

'You serve Snoke and the First Order – the embodiment of evil in the galaxy. Helping you gain any more power over the Force would help that cause, and I would sooner die than support the Order.'

Ren scoffed. 'I'm an idiot for thinking your answer would be any different. Training with Luke has made you predictable. You sound just like him. Too stubborn and afraid to use the Force outside of your Jedi code. No matter how much Skywalker preaches against the dark side, that man knows nothing but fear.'

'Quit insulting Luke and get out of my head,' I spat. 'I didn't want you here in the first place.'

He laughed grimly. 'Then practice your shields, scavenger, because I know where to find you.'

I bristled, clenching my fists against the sheets, and summoned a surge of power so strong it sparked against the stuffy air in my room. Ren's presence was thrown out of my head as if I had slammed a door in his face.

The conversation had aggravated me so much I halfway considered dropping the shield to bait Ren into returning, just so I could throw him out a second time.

Instead I paced the length of my room for a solid thirty minutes, constructing the framework for an intricate shield and then packing it with enough power that the energy would linger for days. I hoped it would be strong enough to keep Ren out.

Exhaustion caught up with me and I fell asleep the moment I laid down. I dreamt of falling into darkness, fearing that the light would someday come roaring back to claim me and I would have nothing left in my soul to offer it.

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