In the previous chapter: Rey and Kylo Ren do their best to stay out of each other's heads, but their minds overlap at night. Rey sees Kylo struggling with his allegiance to Snoke after he watches the memory and destroys Darth Vader's helmet in a fit of rage. She realizes that abandoning Kylo and the Force hasn't solved anything, and reaches out to him through their bond.

Chapter 20

Kylo lashed out like a wounded animal when he heard his name. His power closed around my throat and he pulled hard. My body pitched forward and sailed weightless through pure darkness. Suddenly I was there with him, in a surreal space created entirely by the Force, his face looming above mine in the shadows and his hand encircling my neck.

Kylo's eyes were wide and unseeing, still twisted in the remnants of the nightmare I'd just witnessed. His pupils rapidly flicked back and forth as if he were staring at multiple people inhabiting the same space. I repeated his name until his eyes focused wholly on mine and sharpened in recognition. As fast as his anger had surfaced, it was gone, leaving behind only a calculated wariness in the sharp lines of his face as he regarded me. His hand fell from my throat.

The Force bond hummed between us, raw and wide and open. The power we'd used to smother and conceal our connection from each other was long gone. He knew without asking that I'd seen him learning of Snoke's deceit from watching the memory disk, as well as the disastrous fallout from cleaving his grandfather's helmet in half.

'Rey.' His voice was barely more than a mumble. 'Why are you here?'

I didn't have an answer – at least, not one that I was brave enough to voice out loud. Instead, my eyelids fluttered as I reached into memories of my past, hunting for the particular image that had served as a catalyst for everything between us.

Using a gentle sweep of power, I pushed the map of Ahch-To into Kylo's mind.

His eyes briefly unfocused and then his gaze hooked into mine.

'Why…?'

'You're so lonely. So afraid to leave.' My voice slid through the air, low and sibilant. Kylo's mouth twitched as he recognized the words I now returned to him. I envisioned Ahch-To's rolling waves and soft tendrils of fog draped across moss-covered stone. 'Meet me there. Just to talk.'

A long, quiet moment gave way to a tiny nod and his whispered 'okay'.

–

–

–

Kylo's menacing shuttle was already parked at the base of the island when I arrived. Part of me itched to check that he'd disabled his deep space antenna so the Order couldn't follow him here. There was no use trusting him in bits and pieces, however, so I took a deep breath and turned toward the weathered stone staircase that led deeper into the island.

The sky was poised between night and dawn, illuminated by both starlight and sunlight. My legs carried me upward with sure, even-footed steps. I passed through clouds of sea mist and silky, damp fog. My pack was looped over one shoulder, the same one I'd bought to hold Kylo's helmet on Skunkt. I gripped the strap for reassurance as Luke's last words to me swirled through my thoughts.

He'd been waiting for me in the hanger, seated on the concrete floor in front of my ship. His hands rested on his knees, fingers loosely curled inward. An orb of Force light circled his head, illuminating his peaceful expression as he meditated.

"It's convenient that my sister never revoked your pilot rights to this ship," he said with his eyes still closed.

"I'm coming back."

"No, you're leaving," he corrected. "For him."

It hurt to know how this looked – running off in the dead of night to meet someone I had such an illicit relationship with. Someone I couldn't leave behind despite the pain he'd personally brought to me and so many others in the Resistance.

"I never deserved the chance to be your apprentice," I told Luke, wondering if it was the most wretched apology I'd ever offered in my life.

"Oh, Rey." His eyes opened and he regarded me with a strange mixture of sorrow and affection. "At times I've had doubts, but in truth, they were in my own abilities as your teacher. For you to care about Kylo Ren, especially with no attachment to who he was as Ben Solo, speaks immeasurably about your strength. The Jedi I have known would respect that. I respect that."

I ducked my head to blink away the tears prickling in the corners of my eyes. "In that case, may I ask for one last favor?"

A little while later I turned to enter my ship, my pack heavier than when I'd first entered the hanger. Luke's hand settled on my shoulder and I was caught off guard by his smile – warm and hopeful and genuine.

"You would have made a fine Jedi, Rey."

–

–

–

Ren stood at the edge of the highest cliff on Ahch-To, not far from the spot where I'd first met Luke. The clearing was draped in a blanket of fog, like someone had laid it down and left it there. The breeze wound through my unbound hair and pressed the bitter taste of saltwater against my lips. I crossed the dim clearing to join Kylo.

We stood together in silence, alone in the fog on top of the world. The ocean rippled far below. Slate gray waves pressed forward to merge with the sky where the first pale colors of dawn were smudged up over the horizon.

Ren was unmasked. Shadows collected in the grooves of his heavy frown, and fatigue had carved shadows under his eyes.

"I can't go on like this, Rey." His voice was haunted, pained. "I can't eat. I haven't slept."

"How does this end, Kylo? What do you want?"

"To be happy. With you." He glanced at me, then turned back to the horizon. "Not that I deserve it. Perhaps I would have had a chance with you if I were still Ben Solo."

I swallowed hard, gazing at the profile of a man who'd sacrificed his identity – his humanity – in his desperation to prove himself.

"Ben Solo wasn't the one who worked with me on Potentium. Ben Solo didn't help me free Cue'ar from slavery on Skunkt. Ben Solo didn't kiss me." My breath hitched and I swallowed hard over the knot of emotion in my throat. "It was you, the person you are right now. And I'm not giving up on him."

"You're the only one who hasn't."

In response, I reached into the satchel at my side, fingers shivering with nerves as they brushed the item Luke had given me before I left the Resistance behind. I pulled Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber from my pack and held it out to Kylo. His face contorted with anguish, as if the sight of the lightsaber inflicted physical pain.

My entire body trembled in the long silence that followed – waiting, fearing, hoping for the moment where Kylo would reach out to take the saber and embrace a truth he'd been running from for too long.

He didn't.

To my astonishment, he sank to his knees, buried his face in his bare palm and let out a low, strangled cry of anguish. Light glinted off a silvery tear as it slid across his jaw.

"I can't, Rey. I'm not worthy."

My heart was shaky in my chest, like flying a ship with no stabilizers. I crouched and gently laid the saber on the moss between us.

"You may not think so right now. But I believe that one day you will be, because you'll have the strength to forgive yourself for everything you've done."

I pressed my shaking hands to either side of his face and drew his mouth forward to meet mine. He kissed me back – soft, slow lips speaking of loneliness and the need to be loved without reserve or restraint.

A flickering glow curled through our bond as our kiss deepened. Kylo's hands moved over my skin like a soft dream, touching me with reverence as our minds slowly began to intertwine through the Force.

He pulled away from my lips and pressed his forehead against mine. He breathed deeply, drawing in my scent and possibly my very essence through the Force.

"There are not enough words in the galaxy to describe the way I feel about you," he told me, his voice low and earnest.

"I don't want you to use words."

Kylo's eyes darkened in pure lust and he kissed me again, harder this time. He stripped off his tattered cloak and enormous black greatcoat and solemnly laid them on the dew-anointed moss. We sat on them, cushioned against the rocks underneath, and took turns undressing each other. Kylo delighted in pulling my thin shirt over my shoulders and tugging off my pants. In return, I removed his black garb piece by piece, stripping off the clothes he had layered like armor.

Finally, our bodies were completely bare to each other. Kylo laid back and pulled me astride his hips. He was gloriously male, muscles rippling with every motion while his stiff manhood proudly jutted upward between us. My nipples were pebbled and hard at the cusp of my breasts, my nether regions covered in trimmed, dark hair. I felt more feminine and womanly and desired than I ever had in my entire life.

I was also scared out of my mind.

"I don't want you to think you've won," I said, leaning over to trace the ridges of muscle along his chest. "That you have power over me if we do this."

Ren's strong hands flexed on my thighs. His smile was crooked. "If you really think that, then you don't know how much power you already have over me."

His hand caught the nape of my neck and pulled me down for a passionate, deep kiss. Hunger pulsed low in my belly while slickness formed between my legs. The world grew hazy as we gave in to this attraction that had simmered between us for so long; a temptation we couldn't deny a moment longer.

He rolled me onto my back and sent me a half-formed question about protection through our bond. I shared the memory of a medi droid giving me an off-the-books contraceptive shot a few months prior.

Our hands moved without restraint, spreading pleasure in their wake. The bond drew us closer with every kiss, taste, touch and gasp. Pressure and heat built in my core as Kylo settled his hips fully against mine. He shifted his weight and with one long, slick thrust he was completely inside me.

A pinch flared at the crux of my legs as he claimed my innocence, but then he started to move and my eyes nearly rolled back in my head. Following instinct, my knees tightened against him and the heat in my core burned hotter and brighter with every slow, measured thrust.

We settled into a primordial rhythm, the bond radiant between us as we joined our minds and bodies in the most intimate way imaginable. We'd fooled around once before through the Force, but this time there was so much more that the bond alone hadn't been able to convey – the slick sheen of sweat on Ren's skin, his breath wet and heavy against my neck, my shoulder starting to throb from where his teeth had bit down on a particularly hard thrust. I groaned in nearly feral pleasure as Kylo's hips rolled against me. His breathing became ragged and uneven as we chased the promise of bliss across each other's skin.

As we moved together, my mind expanded to embrace everything around me connected to the Force. Its energy surged against us in a phantom caress, stronger than anything I'd ever felt before. I felt blood pounding through our flesh, the warmth of dawn enveloping the air. Gravity pulling me down to the earth as I floated closer to the sky. The planet rotating underneath me as it tipped forward to meet the sun. In that instant, connected with this well of ancient power, I understood why the Jedi had built their temple here in their efforts to understand the mysteries of the Force.

Warmth seeped into my body like I'd been submerged in a hot bath. Seconds later my orgasm exploded like a lightning bolt between my legs. Perfect rapture overtook my mind and body. For a single, timeless moment, there was no distinction between me, Kylo and the Force – there was only us, united, celebrating the bliss of love and living.

Then the sun erupted over the horizon and all of nature bowed in reverence to its splendor. Ren's own climax came moments later, and he gasped my name and shuddered into my shoulder. I clung to him as our hearts touched and our shared climaxes spiraled together, drawing on every possible sensation of pleasure we knew – a warm blanket sliding over cool skin, a meal filling my stomach, a hug when it helped, silence when it was wanted, a kiss when it was needed –

The sensations faded as I floated back into my skin. A few last shudders of satisfaction swept over me and Kylo, and we laid there – calm, peaceful, happy – while the world hummed in contentment around us.

"I didn't know it would be… like that," I said, still inarticulate from the intensity of what we'd just done.

Kylo kissed my temple and wrapped me up in the cozy warmth of his arms. "I didn't know either. I should've tried a lot harder to talk you into that hotel room on Skunkt."

We dozed in and out of sleep for a few soft, quiet hours as dawn passed into morning. The fog lifted and transformed into rolling clouds, and patches of sun and shade mingled on our bodies.

Kylo's roaming hands eventually led to a resurgence of passion. He coaxed us into a second, more languid peak. As he came he groaned words I couldn't interpret, but his emotions through the bond were ardent and primal and I understood that just fine.

Some time later, when both of us were awake once more, Kylo picked up the metallic lightsaber at his side. "I'm sorry for my behavior toward you on Jakku," he said to me, turning the hilt so it reflected the morning sun. "I shouldn't have acted that way. I know I upset you."

"It's okay," I said after a moment's pause. "I said terrible things to you, too. I wasn't honest with you about Potentium or your family."

Kylo smiled at me, and fragile hope bloomed in my chest as a possible future unfolded before us. I thought of all the reasons I should have given up on him, and the fact that I hadn't. My promise to Leia to bring her son home. But most of all, I realized how far Kylo Ren had climbed into my heart, and how I'd never be able to give away the space he now occupied.

I opened my mouth to tell him how much he meant to me, but blinked when the island went from morning to night in an instant. A Star Destroyer hung above us, and a chill descended over the island from the sudden shade. A swarm of shuttles and TIE Fighters dropped out from the hull. Dread punched its way into my stomach.

Kylo Ren stared mournfully overhead. "We're fucked."

.

.

.