Author's Note: Thank you all for the comments and Reviews! And I'm sorry about this one.
Chapter Five
Miss Mills is fussing needlessly over him. Has been all morning. He can't say he doesn't blame her, what with him going on television and all. Kris finds her attentions reassuring and quite motherly actually. It's heartwarming for him to know that beneath that crisp sternness lies the heart of someone so caring.
"Don't even think about the camera and you'll be fine," she tells him, straightening his cape for the fifth time now.
His lips pull up only a moment before they fall into a serious line to match her own, and he gives her a brisk nod. "Right." Just then, a young man walks up to him and hands him a microphone. He only has one line. While his age may be up there, he's not likely to forget something as simple as Good Morning, America! anytime soon. "I must confess, I don't know why they're making such a fuss about me."
She makes this face, pursing her lips together like she wants to say something but thinks better of it, and says, "Well this is the holiday season, and you're Santa Claus, right?"
"To many, but to others, I'm an old man with a white beard." He tilts his head trying to look into the eyes of someone he wants very hard to convince.
"You're still the symbol of the season."
He presses his lips together. She's good at deflecting him, but he's onto her. Bluntness it is for her then. "You think I'm a fraud, don't you?"
Her eyes finally lock onto his and they stare at one another for a long moment. "Fraud is a bit too strong a word," she says, eyes gentling just a touch and that's all he needs.
Tipping his chin down, he looks over his half-moon glasses at her. "You don't believe in me."
"I believe that Christmas is for children," she replies and looks away.
"Ah, but your son doesn't believe in me, either."
A long sigh escapes her and in a small moment her lips tilt down into a frown and he almost thinks she looks guilty because of that, but then she straightens her stance and tells him, "I don't think that there's any harm in not believing in something that is nothing but a work of fiction."
There now, that wasn't so hard, he thinks. His convincing her though…
The young man tells them five more minutes, and good, because he's about to use those minutes to his advantage. Turning toward her, Kris smiles then lowering his voice just enough for only them to hear, begins, "Oh, but there is Miss Mills. There is much harm. I'm not just a whimsical figure who wears a charming suit and affects a jolly demeanor. I'm a symbol. I'm a symbol of the human ability to be able to suppress the selfish and hateful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives. If you can't believe, if you can't accept anything on faith, then you're doomed to a life dominated by doubt.
She's frowning at him again, but when she doesn't say anything in response, he goes on. "I like you very much, Miss Mills, you're a very fine woman. And, you know, I think you'll make an excellent test case for me, you and your son." Letting out a small breath, he finishes, "If I could make you believe, then there'd be some hope for me. If I can't... Well, I'm finished."
She opens her mouth, he's not sure what to expect. He's certainly not banking on her agreeing with him or to believe just like that, but there's something there in her eyes, the way they've been searching his like they're looking for some kind of truth that makes him prepare for what's about to come…
"We're ready for you."
The young man with the headphones is holding open the door to the outside, and with that Miss Mills closes her mouth. Whatever she was to say gone with the moment they shared.
#
Her office is hot and she has work to do but she can't get to it because her phone has been ringing nonstop from the moment she walked in. She's had to do many things over the years but play secretary for Santa Claus is a bit absurd… and annoying. "No, Mr. Kringle's time is extremely limited," she tells the woman on the phone who insists she just needs him for a few hours.
Bracing her elbow on her desk, she rubs her temple with her free hand. She hears the buzz of her cell phone and oh, thank God.
Robin.
She grabs her phone gratefully, then barely holds in the scoff that nearly escapes her. "No, no, he can't do private sessions…" she tells the woman on the phone and then, "Can you hold for just a moment?" Putting the woman on hold, she sinks back into her chair, accepts Robin's call, and closes her eyes against the headache threatening to form. "Hey, I have the mayor's office on hold. Do you think it'd be rude to just leave her on it?"
He's chuckling and it sends flutters through her belly. "Depends on if you ever want a favor from her in the future?"
Regina rolls her eyes. Maybe. "Probably," she grumbles. "Can I call you back?"
"I just wanted to ask, if I can arrange a really, really good babysitter for tonight, would you want to go have dinner and do some shopping?"
His request has her heart knocking hard in her chest. It sounds very much like a date. While they've shared meals together, they've never gone out together without the children before. Indecision eats at her, and she bites her lip, wanting to say yes…rationalizing that she needs to do some more shopping. Particularly for him and her father. "What babysitter? Henry's only comfortable with Ashley and..."
"I'll take care of it, love, I promise. He'll like this one. Meet me at your place at seven?" His voice is soft and warm and already doing the things it does to her heart everytime they speak.
She lets her heart make the decision. A night out, just them, doesn't sound like a bad way to spend the evening. "Alright, I'll see you then," she tells him. They say their goodbyes and she gets back on the phone with the woman from the mayor's office with a little more patience than she started out with.
#
He's just saying goodbye to another wonderful little girl when he sees him.
He's spotted the man over the last few days watching from across the store. Watching him wearing a Santa hat, but it escapes Kris as to why until now.
"Hello," Kris says to the next little boy in the line, and he tries to ignore the disheveled looking man as he helps the boy up into his lap, but then he's walking toward the line of children.
"Hey kids, you see that guy up there?" he begins. "He's not really Santa, he doesn't even live at the North Pole. He lives in a retirement home in Brooklyn..." Kris' heartbeat thuds hard in his veins. How dare this man! He thinks. The looks of the children all around shift on him, and he tries to give them a smile that's reassuring but the man doesn't stop only goes on. "He's a big… fat… fake."
Kris reaches for his cane that is beside his chair, and the man finally has the good sense to walk away, but he fears the damage has already been done. For the next few hours, he dries tears and soothes the souls of of many children who overheard.
#
After work, Robin picked up Roland from daycare and got Henry from Ashley. He made dinner for the them at his apartment, barbecued grilled chicken and bite-sized roasted potatoes and carrots which the boys ate with gusto. Henry's homework had been done, and he had just gotten Roland out of the bath and into his pajamas when the babysitter arrived.
Opening the door, Robin smiles at the old man standing there. "Kris, thank you for coming."
Kris is bouncing on the balls of his feet, looking back at him, eyes twinkling. "My pleasure, Mr. Locksley."
A laugh escapes him, he's used to Mr. Locksley at work in the courtroom, but hearing it come from an old man who plays a very wonderful Santa Claus by day, seems a bit too formal. He gestures a hand out, inviting the man inside. "Call me, Robin, please."
A half hour later, they're all in Regina's living room; Henry and Kris are playing Mario Kart while he he and Roland watch. He's got to give Kris credit, the man's a quick study. It took Robin a few days to get the controls down, not used to the unusual controller that is very different from his old playstation.
"Whoa!" Kris says while leaning to the right on a particularly nasty curve and nearly knocked off the road by an opponent. "Who is that one?"
"That's Donkey Kong," Henry replies far enough ahead he's less focused on his own race and able to tell Kris the aspects of the game.
"Ah, I see."
"He's not a very nice driver."
"He is a bit rude, I do say…" Kris agrees, and then his eyes fall on something just over Robin's shoulder.
"Oh, good evening, Miss Mills."
Robin turns, he hadn't even heard her come in. It's hard to tell her expression because she's returning Kris' smile but her eyes snap onto his in the next instant. There's a question there. A demanding one. The warm smile he gives her for it is a little guilty, a little smug… he tries very hard not to smile too widley under her glare but she's just too stunning when she's angry with him and it's all he can do not to lean in and kiss away that glower of hers.
Her words are meant for Kris but her eyes narrow at him. "Good evening, Mr. Kringle."
"Kris is babysitting us, Mom," Henry tells her, grinning away. "Nobody at school is going to believe this!"
Roland holds his arms out silently to her, and her gaze lowers, she gives his boy a loving look before she takes him from Robin's arms. His head falls onto her shoulder and he yawns (Robin was right, he's going to be out probably before they go), Regina sways with him and her hand raises to pat his back gently. Robin's throat is thick with his own emotions seeing them so naturally together like this. He has to swallow and look away long enough to collect himself.
His explanation is simple, and it's with a shrug he tells her, "I couldn't think of someone better qualified."
"Mmmhm," she hums then presses a kiss to Roland's head. "Did you make a bed for him in Henry's room?"
"I did." His son's eyes are blinking, heavy with sleep. Robin knows it's only a matter of moments before he falls asleep so he leans in and kisses his boys cheek.
"I'm going to put him down then I'll go get ready."
The look in her eyes has softened making him not so worried about his babysitting choice, and more looking forward to their night ahead. Their dinner, the shopping… just being with her really. He's waited far too long to do something like this. "Take your time, love."
#
His first time babysitting is going quite well, he thinks, as he tucks the young lad in an hour after his mom and Robin leave. The little one is still sleeping soundly. Out like a little light. His gaze is drawn to the bookshelf next to Henry's bed, and his eyebrows lift at the selection of books and he points a finger at them. "Would you like a story before bed?"
Henry shakes his head. "Nah, that's okay. I think I've grown out of stories."
"Oh." The thought of someone so young already outgrown stories is a little sad, but he let's it go for now. "Alright then."
"But thank you for the offer."
Kris' smile is automatic. Such a polite young man he is. "Are you excited for Christmas?"
His shoulders lift and fall. "I guess."
His tone isn't dejected as it is disenchanted and that is what breaks Kris heart. Takes him back to the moment with him in the store. Well now that he has his full attention maybe he could try just once more...
"Now Henry, there really has to be something you want for Christmas? I'm very good at keeping secrets, you know." He can see that Henry is struggling with something. His hazel eyes go from his to the shelf, and there's something there... "Come on. Tell me."
Henry gets up from bed and over to his desk where he takes something from it. "Here."
He hands it to Kris before crawling back into bed. Kris looks down at the item. It's a picture of Miss Mills, Henry, Robin and little Roland somewhere inside Macy's. While it's a wonderful picture of them all, he's confused as to why Henry is giving it to him. "What's this?"
"All of us together. That's what I want for Christmas." Henry lets out a sigh. His tone has a sad sort of wistfulness, when he continues, "Sometimes I think if my mom let herself be happy, we could be a real family. Robin, Roland… me and my mom… a sister someday because there are four of us, and maybe even a house. If you're really Santa Claus, you can make that happen. If you can't, I'll understand."
Oh, how he wished he could. Wished more than anything to return some magic and wonder to the dear child. "Oh, Henry, just because every child doesn't get his or her wish doesn't mean there's not a Santa Claus."
Henry smiles a little. "I figured you'd say that."
"Oh, yes… well…" Clearly reason will not work with this lad. After all, he and his mother are his challenge… and this indeed will be his greatest yet. "A house is a very big order…"
"And expensive."
"And a baby...a sister..." Kris trails off. While he thinks Miss Mills and Robin are close he wouldn't presume… and that's not something he could ever suggest... (Was it very warm in this apartment, he wonders.) He should check the temperature and the time… Ah, time! He couldn't very well assure a baby for Christmas. "You know Henry a baby takes almost a year to, uh, to, uh…"
"Nine months," Henry states.
"Right." The child is more knowledgeable than he believed. "And of course you'd need a father…uh Robin, I mean to uh, I mean, uh...that is to say, no one can guarantee..." He trailed off again and took his glasses to wipe them with his tie, if only to give him a moment of reprieve. Blast himself for getting into this conversation.
"If Santa Claus really can make reindeer fly, go up and down chimneys, make millions of toys and go around the world in one night, he could get somebody a house… and a family. Isn't that what magic's all about?"
Kris lets out a sigh then puts his glasses back on. If only free will were as easy as magic… But the boy is right and he's never given up before. He's certainly not about to now. Not when the belief of this young man is at risk. A new sense of determination fills him, has him straightening his spine, and Kris tells him, "Right. Right. Yes. I suppose he could."
"I just want my mom to be happy."
Kris has to swallow at the onset of emotions that makes his heart clench for the boy and his mother. His love for her is something very special and he feels it is now his duty to see to it he does all that he can. "Perhaps I could keep this picture? Could I?"
"Sure."
Kris looks down at his watch. The hour is growing late, and he's got a lot of thinking to do. "Well, good night, young man."
"Good night."
Kris pauses at the door. He takes one last look at Henry and a look at the babe asleep. They would make a fine family indeed.
#
They had dinner with glasses of wine and candlelight. They talked and talked about everything and nothing. Flirted between sips, and secret glaces when they thought the other wasn't watching. After dinner, he took her hand and she threaded their fingers together as they made their rounds through the rows of booths, and when they slowly ventured closer to the skating rink, they cuddled close together.
For a time they watched people skate, but soon his eyes were drawn back to her, and when he leaned in she met him halfway. Her nose was cold, but it was okay because so was his.
An hour later, they made their way home, his arm around her while they walked and talked some more. And when their building was in sight, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her temple. "We should do this more often, just the two of us."
"We should." She came to a stop, and he turned to face her. She was biting her lip looking up at him with those dark brown eyes he loved so much. "I admit I was nervous about tonight…" His brow drew together and she clarified, "How we would be outside of the building together,"
"Oh, that," he began, then dropped a lingering kiss to her lips. "Not so bad, hm?"
"It was a perfect first date."
"Ah, milady calls it a date, finally," he teases then wraps his arms around her middle, pulling her closer. Her smile is beautiful and coy, so much so he doesn't care that they're in the middle of the sidewalk or their door man is within sight of them. He closes the scant space between them once again and kisses her.
Breathless, she eases from the kiss. Their brows drop together, and he raises his hand, his fingers tangled in her hair while his thumb brushes across her cheek. "We should go relieve our babysitter," she murmurs.
His heart begins to thump hard. He's brought something for her, something he bought on a whim a week ago. Something he saw and knew that it was for her. He's been planning, waiting for the right time… he's not sure why he brought it with him tonight but he thinks maybe this is it. Swallowing, he raises his head, takes a moment to look at her before asking, "Do you want an early Christmas present?"
She tilts her head and asks with laughter in her voice, "What?"
"I have something, it wasn't exactly a Christmas present but don't think I can wait any longer to give it to you."
Her brows draw together, but her smile is soft and curious. "What is it?"
Shaking his head, he tells her, "Can't tell you that. You just have to see when you open it."
Her teeth sink into her bottom lip. She's trying hard not to smile, but it breaks free. "Okay." Reaching into his pocket, he feels the air in his lungs leave him, and it's with the pounding rush of his pulse in his ears, he holds out the small blue box. Her eyes, widen. They leave the box and meet his.
He doesn't say anything, only drops his gaze from her to the box in his hand which she takes, and he thinks he sees a tremble there. The packaging is meant to be romantic, he thinks. The white ribbon, the smaller black, velvet box inside the blue… He's not sure how she feels about it, her eyes have yet to meet his again, still she is careful to tuck the ribbon inside the blue box before placing the top back on. She hands it to him, and holds the black one several heartbeats before she opens it.
The next thing he hears is a watery, "Robin?" before her tear-filled eyes lift to his.
"Marry me, Regina." It leaves him in a rush of white. A testament to the cold and how long he's been holding his breath.
"Robin, I..." Suddenly, she lets out her own breath, closes the box, and puts it back in his hand. His heart sinks at her next words. "If I've mislead you of where we are in this… relationship, I'm sorry."
Mislead? Was she being serious? "Regina?"
"Have I ever given you any sign... any indication that I wanted to get married now?" Her tone has a desperation to it and it makes him feel like an utter fool.
He should have waited, should have put it in his room like he'd planned to, but he didn't listen to his head, instead chose to be led by his heart and now he's gone and cocked it all up. "I… I suppose not, no."
She's shaking her head and brushing away her tears. "I thought you understood how I wanted to take this slow… I don't know why would you… presume..."
"I presumed, Regina, because I love you and I thought that love was returned…" Well there. He's said it. It isn't the way he intended to tell her he loved her. Looking back he realizes now that he probably should have led with that before he'd gone out and handed her the box but he assumed she felt the same as he. He takes her hand in his, and with gazes locked one one another, he bares his soul to her. "After I lost Marian, I never believed I could find love again, but then I met you and you changed that. There's no one I've ever wanted more than I want you. You can say you don't feel the same, because I see it in your eyes. Tell me, please, Regina, why does this frighten you so?"
"I do love you," she tells him. Her eyes fill with tears that spill down her cheeks. His stomach clenches with fear he's ruined it all. If he could he'd take it all back to have her smile return he would. To get back the moment they shared before. She takes a step away and Robin has to hold back the urge to reach out for her. "But it's just so sudden… I'm sorry."
She goes then. Leaves him there on the street with the ring in his hand and his heart in his throat.
#
On his second time around the block he came to rest just outside their building door. He should probably go up and get Roland, but he's giving her some time, and if he's honest with himself, he's giving himself his own time. Time to lick his wounds.
"Mr. Locksley."
Robin looks up to see Kris standing outside, looking at him curiously. He pushes himself away from the wall and forces a smile on his face. "Good evening, Kris. How was babysitting?"
"Oh, just fine. The boys are lovely, though I didn't get much time with your little one. He was asleep as soon as you both left."
"I figured he'd be. He was up rather early this morning."
"Yes, so I spent most of my time with little Henry."
"Henry's a wonderful lad." Robin smiles thinking of their nights playing games and having man to man chats about school and his little mates.
"Yes, he is. Delightful. Just delightful." Kris studies him and he tries not look as let down as he feels but the uncertainty, the fear that he's lost the woman he loves, is starting to set around his heart and he knows he won't be able to hide it for long. "Well, how was it?"
Robin lets out a bitter laugh. "It was great until I gave her an engagement ring."
"Oh." Kris' surprise turns to delight in an instant. His face positively beaming at him. "Oh!"
His lips draw down into a frown, and his hands slip into the pockets of his jackets. One hand closes around the box and he tells him, "She wasn't too fond of it I'm afraid."
There's a moment of silence between them before Kris says gently, "Perhaps your timing wasn't right?"
This time Robin does scoff. "Not at all."
"She… she's a sad sort of person, isn't she?" Robin's gaze flicks back up to the old man. Robin supposes she is to most people, but to him she's anything but. She's soft, and caring, and as remarkably beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside. Where Kris sees sadness, Robin sees caution, but maybe to Kris they're both the same. "It's a pity, really. She's very kind... but she's terribly careful with her heart."
"Regina's had a hard time of it," Robin tells him. Wants him to understand her as he does because there's a reason she protects it so, a reason he should have considered more. "Henry's father left sometime before he was born and she's brought him up alone every since."
"Ah, yes. I do believe Henry is also struggling with…" Kris pauses, and Robin tilts his head. The look on Kris' face, as though he misspoke or said too much has Robin wondering what he meant by Henry's struggling... but Kris has quickly moved on from that, telling him, "I get the feeling that he does want to believe in me, you know? He's loyal to his mother's wishes. I can't fault that. Of course, if I can't convince the mother, I have no hope of convincing the child... The tooth fairy told me that."
Before Robin can fully process that last bit, the doorman who had been waving at him, finally captures his attention. "Ah, your cab's here, Kris." He walks with the man over to the car, holding the velvet box in his hand. The weight of it feels a lot heavier now than it felt earlier in the day. "I always wondered what men who have to return engagement rings say to the salesman at the jewelry store. I honestly don't want to know."
"I don't think this ring will ever fit anyone other than Miss Mills. Keep it, won't you?"
He'd like to think that. For a moment he thought he saw how much she liked it before her face fell the way that it did. He should have waited. "No, I won't return it… not just yet anyway." He places it back into his pocket. "I don't think it's over for us, we're just… not where I had hoped."
The force of Kris' clap on the shoulder takes him by surprise and makes him chuckle despite his mood. "At least one good thing came from tonight," the old man tells him.
Robin pushes away the scoff he can feel rising in his chest. Reminding himself it's not Kris' fault he's a fool. "What's that?"
"Now I know what you want for Christmas." His smile spreads slowly and then he sends him a wink right before he lowers himself into the taxi. "Don't give up just yet, Mr. Locksley. I'll see what I can do."
Never, he wants to tell him, but doesn't because of course the man already knows. "I won't. Good night, Kris."
"Good night."
Robin watches as the cab drives away, then glances up at the building before taking a deep breath and making his way inside.