Chapter 6:
With each passing minute that went by Akihito felt his heart race even faster. What was he going to do. He couldn't see Asami. He did not want to.
It was just over fifteen minutes when the door to Akihito's room opened. He couldn't help it, he had to look. He made no move to turn his head but he let his eyes wander for just a moment. It was him. His chest hurt at the sight of him and tears formed in his eyes once more that evening. However, he refused to let them fall. Asami just stood in the doorway, looking at him. Akihito couldn't take it and so looked down at his hands. How could Asami want to see him?
"I'll be in the lounge if you need anything," it was Kurishima who spoke first. Asami stepped aside to let him by, it wasn't until the latch closed on the door that Asami started to move towards Akihito.
"Akihito," Asami started and reached for Akihito's hand. He let him hold it. "I'm-I'm so relieved you are awake." Asami couldn't hold it, and he reached up to stroke Akihito's cheek. Akihito's chest only seemed to tighten, and he flinched away from Asami. "Akihito, can't you look at me?" No, he couldn't. Asami put his hand down, as well as sat down in the chair next to Akihito's bed.
"Akihito-" Asami was at a loss for words. He had spent the past four days preparing himself for when Akihito woke up, and yet, he didn't know what to say, or what to do. "Akihito, I-" Akihito couldn't take it, he pulled his hand away and pushed up on the bed to better turn on his side away from Asami.
"Are you tired?" Asami felt a bit disappointed, but he really couldn't expect anything less. "I'll let you rest then. I'll sit here, and if you need anything, just let me know." Akihito wanted him to leave. His presence just made it so much more real. His shame, and the pain. He let the tears slide across his face and hit the pillow, he wept silently, and he didn't sleep. He only stared at the curtains and anything else in the room.
Asami didn't try to say anything else. He felt that all Akihito needed right now was rest. He needed to recover. At some point during the sunrise Asami had drifted off to sleep. Akihito knew this when his breath became more heavy. He must have been tired. When he thought about it, he probably put Asami through a lot. Akihito did not blame Asami though. He blamed himself for his carelessness, and for being weak. It was so clear now just how weak he was.
Asami hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep. It was the nurse with Akihito's lunch tray that woke him up.
"Just leave it on the end table please." He waited till the nurse left. "Do you want help?" Again, no acknowledgement that he had even heard Asami. Akihito strained himself to move back. His whole body ached. Especially his backside. He pushed the button on his bed so he was sitting up. He reached for the table that held his food when Asami beat him to it. He pulled the rolling table and even adjusted it so it was more comfortable in Akihito's lap. Akihito didn't protest. Asami could do what he wanted, he thought. Even if he could say something, or even shove his hand away, Asami would still do what he wanted.
Now that the food was in front of him, Akihito realized just how hungry he was. He had only been given water and bread while he had been taken. His mouth watered as he looked at the hot food before him. He saw the chopsticks and for a second he picked them up, only to set them back down. He struggled with just trying to place the sticks between his fingers. He settled for the spoon. He scooped up the strips of beef and steamed vegetables, setting them on top of his rice. He placed the bowl at his chest and started to eat. The smell alone was so unbelievably pleasant that Akihito just sat there for a moment, staring at the food, sniffing it. The act made his belly ache.
Asami's chest tightened as he watched as Akihito stared at his food. He probably hadn't eaten anything while he had been captured. Asami thought he would have eaten it all, but he only ate a third of the portion.
"Is the food not any good?" He waited and nothing. "I'll make sure to bring something for you next time."
The next two days followed like this. Asami would talk now and then, more like ask Akihito questions or make inquiries to get Akihito to talk or even notice him, but Akihito never engaged. Asami was beginning to wonder if perhaps Akihito would ever get better. What Asami didn't know was that Akihito was listening to everything he was saying, and it only made him feel worse. He was unworthy of Asami's attention. If only he knew. But Akihito couldn't speak to him. Every time a word left Asami's mouth, Akihito felt his heart breaking and every time he had the urge to cry. He wished he could get mad, he wished he could utter a single word. He had tried the day before. Asami had said something while Akihito's back was turned, and he had opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. His own body was rejecting Asami. It was only when Asami left, and Kurishima came in, did Akihito ever even slightly relax. He had tried watching the television only to turn it off a minute later. He was so exhausted, but every time he closed his eyes he would remember, his body would remember, and his eyes would immediately open. If only this would end. He hadn't been able to have a bowel movement since he woke up. The doctors had even given him stool softeners in an attempt to help. It had finally worked the other day but despite the help from the medication, it still put too much strain on his rectum and it had pulled apart a few stitches. The doctor had to restitch. The humiliation increased when Asami had excused himself so the doctor could do his work.
It was the third day that Akihito had awoken when Asami had left the room in the early afternoon to take up a phone call.
Akihito couldn't take it anymore. Before Asami came back Akihito needed to move quickly. Akihito worked at the bandages on his arm and without a second thought he pulled the IV needle out. The liquid inside started to drip out into his lap.
He couldn't allow himself to think anymore. If he waited too much longer then Asami would be back in time. No, this was the right thing to do. All Asami did was worry, and even with that alone Akihito didn't deserve to live. All he had done in the past week was disappoint and worry Asami. He couldn't take it any longer. He never should have even seen him again. He had had that resolve back in his cell. He had hoped that the drugs would have killed him, or perhaps even Yuri would have done this for him, just as he said he would. But Asami had interrupted and taken that one last wish away from him. Asami never should have found him. That had been Akihito's last wish.
Akihito put the needle on his wrist. He winced at the sharpness of the needle as it sliced across his skin. One slash wasn't enough, he went back to the same spot he started and just made the slash bigger. Blood began to gush out of wrist making his blankets, shirt and pants slowly soaked with it. His arm started to shake, and he set down in his lap. He kept his eyes open. Eventually they would shut he knew. He hasn't slept in three days. The dark solitude that awaited him, well he was looking forward to it, if it meant he wouldn't have to see the images of the faces that tortured him, and remember every ounce of pain he felt from being raped and beaten. And most of all, he didn't want to remember the pleasure that he was forced to take part in with Bogdan. If Asami knew of this, Akihito was sure that Asami would see him in a different light, and he wouldn't come see him anymore. The shame, the pain, this disgusted feeling he held within himself, he didn't want to think about it anymore. He was a piece of trash that didn't deserve to live.
With that resolution Akihito used his slit wrist to cut himself on the other. He needed to be quick. He figured when his heart began to slow the nurses would just think he was falling sleep, and by the time they noticed perhaps it would be too late.
Akihito watched the clock, it had only been five minutes and he didn't feel too terribly different. There was a pool of blood in his lap. The IV needle was now lying on the floor, having outgrown its usefulness. Akihito watched as the second hand moved around and around. How long did it take to bleed out? It was about eight minutes now and his eyes were getting a bit heavy, as well as the rest of his body. Akihito moved his arm so they hung off the bed to make it faster. He heard the steady drip of blood hit the floor. It became a kind of lulling sound and his eyes began to close.
11 minutes.
Arkedy had been well enough to be released a few days ago and was now in Asami's custody. Asami had stepped out to discuss the circumstances of what had been found out. He did not want Akihito to know. He was still recovering after all. Not only that but it also gave Asami a bit of a break. Akihito still hadn't spoken a single word, not once had he yet to look at Asami, and most times when Asami just touched him, Akihito flinched away. There wasn't any awkwardness but Asami did not know what to say. He wanted Akihito to recover, but if Asami thought about it, although his body was healing, Akihito was not getting any better mentally. How long would this go on for? He knew helping him would not be as easy as it had been before. He went through a far more gruesome experience than when he had been taken by Fei Long, and the brief experience with the Russian mob prior to that. Asami was at a loss for words. He did as the doctor had said and just made sure to be near him. Express that Asami wanted to be there. It was only in the moments though, when he would leave the room for a short time, did Asami feel like he could really breathe.
The phone call had ended, but he went to the vending machine down the hall first to get a coffee. He wasn't ready to go back in, so he took his time walking back. When he finally reached the door, and opened it, the sight before his eyes was unbelievable. This wasn't real. Asami was frozen in his place. He didn't notice that the coffee in his hands slipped.
"Akihito!" Asami ran from the door, grabbing his bearings. "Akihito! Someone! Help!" Asami almost slipped in the pool of blood. He pulled Akihito's hands back into his lap, and he held onto each one of Akihito's wrists with his hands. This wasn't working! He started to grab the blanket but they were soaked in blood already, so he did the next best thing and pulled off his jacket to cover his wrists. "Someone! Please, HELP!" Again, Asami yelled with all his might. Why wasn't anyone here yet!? "HELP! Akihito! Akihito, look at me! Please!" Asami shook Akihito's body from his wrists. Akihito didn't make a move. Asami checked the cardiac monitor, his heart beat was so slow. He couldn't believe it. How long had he been away? "Wake up, Akihito! Dammit! Akihito!"
By then a nurse had ran into the door. Taking one look at the situation she yelled into the corridor.
"Asami, I need you to climb on top of the bed and continue to hold his wrist as tightly as you can."
"Okay," he said and did just that. The nurse started to unlock the bed and when she was finished there were three more nurses and the doctor into the room. They started to move the bed out of the room.
"How long has he been like this?" The doctor asked Asami.
"I don't know. I left the room about ten minutes ago. Maybe a bit more than that."
The doctor looked severely displeased. "Get ready for a blood transfusion," the doctor said to one of the nurses and she ran ahead. They entered an operating room when someone said something to Asami. It wasn't until they started to tug at him that he got the hint that he needed to leave. He stepped back into the corner of the room. His body feeling numb. He watched as they worked on Akihito. A nurse came up to him and helped him out of the room, she guided him to a shower room.
"We need to get you some clothes," she said and went to the cupboard. "You can shower in there. When you are finished, please use that exit. When you go out, there will be signs pointing to the waiting room." She said and headed back towards the room where Akihito was in.
Asami looked down at himself. His pants were covered in blood as well as his hands and sleeves. When he sat down and bent to take off his shoes he noticed he had left a trail of bloodied foot prints. That's right, he had stepped into the pool of blood.
"Why?" Why did this have to happen to his Akihito. He must have been in far more pain than Asami was able to imagine to bring himself to this state. Asami thought he would have never witness Akihito's spirit be so faded. It was his fighting spirit that Asami loved so much. What all had happened to him to make him in such a state? The tears fell, and he didn't fight it this time. He should have noticed this. Dammit! He should have done something!
Asami threw his clothes in the trash, along with his shoes. He watched the stream of water glide down his body into red. The room filled up with steam, the water so hot that it started to burn him. But he scrubbed at his skin despite that. Asami didn't care. All that mattered was Akihito. That was all he could think about. Would he live? Was Asami too late? If Akihito died, it would be all his fault. Why did he wait so long to go back into the room? Why didn't he try something sooner? Akihito…Akihito….
"Dammit!" Asami screamed and hit the side of his fist against the shower wall. He had failed him.
His men were waiting for him in the waiting area.
"Boss? What happened?" Suoh asked. "What happened to your clothes?" Asami was dressed in green, over sized scrubs.
"Akihito had an accident," Asami answered softly.
"Is he alright?" Kurishima asked.
"I-I don't know?" Asami looked away.
"I will run back and get you a change of clothes," Suoh said and left. Asami just gave a nod and sat down next to Kurishima. The other men dispersed back to their previous positions.
"I want you to do whatever it takes to figure out just what exactly happened, by way of that man," Asami said while looking down the hall. How much longer would it be?
"Understood sir," Kurishima said and started to move. "If I may, sir," Kurishima paused, waiting for Asami to look up at him. "I am sure he will be alright. As you said, Takaba is a stubborn man." All Asami could do was look up at him and give a slight nod in response, otherwise his face was expressionless. He had thought the same thing not too long ago. But Asami was sure now that Akihito was far more broken than he had realized.
It wasn't too long when Asami noticed the doctor coming down the hall. Asami stood to greet him. Asami opened his mouth to say something when the doctor interrupted.
"He's alright. If it had been another two minutes, well-" The doctor didn't finish his sentence. "He will be moved temporarily to 24 hour watch. After a day or two we will bring him back to his room. The nurses are just finishing up dressing his wounds and re-inserting the IV. We have changed his arms for that. You did the right thing Asami."
"I wasn't with him when I should have been."
"But you made it in time, and that means something. The slashes he made on his wrist he made with the IV needle. They were very deep. I don't think there will be any nerve damage, though it will take quite a bit of time for those to heal. I was able to cauterize and stitch the wounds. Have you noticed if he has slept at all?"
"Unless he sleeps when I fall asleep, he doesn't when I am around. Kurishima has also told me that he isn't sleeping when he is around either. He won't even rest his eyes." Asami had already guessed as to why he wouldn't.
"Right. And he has been eating a bit now and then. I think what I will do is give him a medication that will help him sleep. He needs to sleep. Not only is it good for the brain but sleep will also help his body heal. Until he is back in his room, I think it would be best if you didn't come visit him Asami. Do you understand why I am saying this?" Asami knew, he knew why, but he didn't want to accept it, even though for the last thirty minutes he had been thinking the exact same thing.
"I understand. You will call me with up-dates?"
"Most certainly. Oh, and Asami. I think you should take this opportunity to rest. Get some sleep as well. You have been here every day. I watch you as I also watch him. Akihito may have gone through this ordeal, but so did you." Asami never thought of it like that.
"Thanks doc," Asami gave him a small smile. He motioned for his two men to follow him and Asami left.
"Where are we headed boss?"
"To the apartment and then to the office. Call Suoh and tell him that we are headed back."