Guest Review Responses
Thank you for the favorite/follow: Kokoro91,cindybelle61, Kingclaytnim, Mattheryatdownton, Nahni, and BakerStreet211b.
Stark13: Happy to see you're back ! I still love this story. Can't wait for more ! Update soon please – HI! Make sure you have a quiet place to read this update. And a fan :P
Yoshipotts: Hey i love this beautiful story! so much pepperony feelings this last chapter got me crying! seriously all that i want is pepper and tony to be alright and end up together. Pls dont make us wait that long for the next chapter – SORRY! But I KNOW this chappie is worth the wait!
Pepperonylove: Yey! You dont know how happy I was to see your update! (and well, you're alive! Yess! Haha) More, more! I want more! I will never get tired of reading this. I want to see more Pepperony fluff. Oh goooosh! You are back! You dont know how happy I am to see you've updated. Im actually starting to worry you won't anymore. But hurray! You live! :) :) :) Im anxious to read the next chapter! Tony better not freeze out there or else Pepper will kill him for being stupid (lols). Im so excited for what you have in store! I always check FF bec of your story :) Continue what you do dear! Hope you're doing well :) (My 1st review did not post :( ) – Worry not, my Faithful Reader! I will finish this story, despite all the crap that tries to make it not be the case. Thank you so much for sticking around :D
Kingclaytnim: Wow! I just discovered this story and I love it! And cannot wait for an update, thank you for posting this great fanfic! – Thank you for reading and reviewing it ^_^
PolishGirl: I've never reviewed any fanfic before but this story is so great I had to do it. Seriously it's one of the BEST stories I've read. I cant wait for next chapter. HOPE YOU UPDATE SOON! – Awww… I'm so flattered! And embarrassed because it took me forever to update. Sorry about that! Worth the wait, though. I promise!
PolishGirl: I cant wait for the next chapter! Your fanfic is one of the most interesting I've ever read. – Thank you! You may also like 30 Days. It's one of my favorite personal ones (I know: shameless advertising of my own fics :P)
Guest: I thought you will never update. I've been following this story and got sad when there were new chapters for a while. But hey you're back and the new chapters are exciting. Please update soon. I beg. – I'm so sorry! This chapter will make up for the wait ^_^
Guest: When I see you've updated even if it's quite awhile since you haven't I almost cried with joy! :) Your story is one of the most exciting fanfiction I've read and I don't really give comments or reviews. But I hope our reviews inspire you to continue because you have a gift. Keep it up! :) – They do and they did. Thank you for not losing hope :D
A/N: Hi, all! Not much to say here other than to apologize, yet again, for the causes this time, other than writer's block? I had another miscarriage last month, and then my external hard drive (where I store all my files) crashed and burned and I lost Aftermath. Well, I lost a lot of things, and it took me over a week to recover most of them, but I wasn't able to recover much of this story. The outline and partial drafts I had for future chapters were corrupted in the crash and I couldn't recover them. I lost all of the chapters and only part of this chapter was salvageable after a LOT of effort of going through temp files in XML format (not fun!).I actually downloaded the previous chapters from FFNET because I had no other copies of them. And then my laptop died, too, and I had to revive it. Alas, despite the obstacles, here we are :)
I am taking a few days off work because my birthday is on Tuesday and because I worked through my miscarriage, because the last thing I wanted to be thinking about was my body going through this a THIRD time. I think I've earned a little break to do whatever the hell I want. Thus, my gift for myself is to give you a worthy update of this story. I hope it doesn't disappoint much.
Thank you, my Faithful Readers. I carry on thanks to you ^_^
HELP REQUESTED: One of our fellow Pepperony fans is looking for a story. It sounds very familiar to me, but I don't have it saved anywhere. Maybe one of you knows it? It's about Tony and Pepper being at a press conference, and she gets hurt by a reporter (maybe breaks her arm?), and Tony is all mad about it and they end up getting together thanks to it. Any ideas, anyone?
Chapter 11: Moscow – Part 3
It had been three long, heart-wrenching days, and he was yet to move a finger – let alone open his eyes.
Save for the slow rising and lowering of his chest, the inventor could be mistaken for a corpse. And even though the last thing she wanted to compare him to was anything related to death, there was no other way to describe his current status. He had flatlined on her when he had been taken inside the helicopter that had come to save them after his distress call had been received. He had done so again when they had arrived at the hospital they were currently in, still in Moscow. His vital signs had been all over the place through it all until a few hours ago. As had her own emotions and faith that he would come back to her. Death was all she could begrudgingly compare him to.
The doctors had taken off his oxygen mask this morning and, so far, the genius was still breathing on his own. The cut on his calf had been properly cleaned and stitched. His lost blood had been promptly replenished. His body was being fed via an IV line. His fever had finally broken. His blood pressure had stabilized. His limbs had survived the cold. But the paleness of his skin would just not detach from him. The Grim Reaper simply refused to release its grip on the man she loved.
Three days. She had been drowning in fear and stress for three days.
Pepper did not bother to wipe the tears from her face when she heard the door to the private hospital room open behind her. She did not need to turn around to know who was coming inside to rejoin her in her vigil. Both Rhodey and Happy had been as reluctant to leave their friend – their brother – as she had been thus far. Nothing but the urgent call of nature had been strong enough to force any of them to step out for a couple of minutes, tops.
Or, in this case, the urgent need to get some sustenance in the redhead before she ended up becoming patient number two.
As expected by the two men, the ginger did not spare them a glance as they walked closer to her. From the moment that the rescue team had found her, asleep inside the shelter, and she had then realized what Tony had done, she had only had eyes for him. If someone dared to say that she had drunk two bottles of water and had eaten a handful of crackers in three days, the statement would instantly and truthfully be called an exaggeration. Neither Rhodey nor Happy knew how Pepper was still aware, standing and awake after eating so little and sleeping even less than that. The woman was already very much on the thin side as it was. She was going to send herself to her deathbed if she kept this up.
Then again, if Tony's condition did not improve in the next twenty-four hours or so – the timeframe the doctors had allocated for anything good to happen to the patient, if it ever did – they doubted that she would mind following suit. And then, with their luck as it always tended to be, Tony would very likely choose that moment to miraculously get better and wake up, and he would in turn hate them both for the rest of their lives for allowing Pepper to rush to the early check-out lane.
All of it boiled down to one simple truth: if they wanted both of their friends to make it out of this one, they had to bring in the big guns.
And bringing the big guns right now meant landing a low-blow on the already downhearted redhead.
Biting down his tongue and trying his best to keep a neutral face that did not immediately give away his physical discomfort and his true intentions, Rhodey slowly completed the task of setting up a tray of food for the redhead. Despite his façade, he knew that Pepper could still somewhat pinpoint his struggle from the corner of her eye, which was something he was counting on in order to make this work. He knew that she could tell how much effort it was taking out of him to perform the simple goal of feeding a friend in need while trying to remain standing up. This was something that should have not taken his or anyone's breath away, especially not a member of the armed forces and a part-time superhero – but thanks to his injury, it did.
Pepper spared Happy a glance, silently questioning his lack of action or support for Rhodey's efforts, but the former bodyguard simply shrugged. Rhodey was a proud man – a man used to being extremely resourceful and self-sufficient. He would hate it if either she or Happy did anything that made it seem as if they were taking pity on him. Sometimes, he was worse than Tony in that regard. Perhaps this was one of the many reasons why the duo had almost immediately become friends. Practically brothers. A fact that, in turn, reminded Pepper that she was not the only one on the verge of a meltdown at seeing Tony in this state. He had barely had any time to recover from the explosion in Dhaka before he had gone searching for her. And now he was fighting for his life yet again after saving hers.
"I didn't know what kind of dressing you'd prefer," Rhodey said as he pushed the tray of food on the rolling table towards Pepper; most of his weight now being supported by his arm resting against the foot of the bed Tony lay on.
"Brought you the two kinds they had," Happy added, an encouraging hand gesture following his retort, pointing towards the salad and bottle of water that Rhodey had just presented her with.
Pepper bit the inside of her mouth, suddenly realizing why Happy had not been involved in setting up the tray, and she inwardly sighed to prepare for what was to come.
"Thank you, Rhodey, but I'm not… I mean," she waved her hand towards the tray, "I'm grateful that you… but I–"
"Frankly, my dear," Rhodey began, his tone of voice and the look on his face leaving no room for argument, "I don't give a shit."
"A damn," Happy quickly interjected, his left hand raised somewhat.
"What?" Rhodey looked towards his left and narrowed his eyes at Hogan.
"You said: a shit. The line is: I don't give a damn."
"OK. I don't give a damn–"
"There you go!"
"—What the line says," Rhodey finished his previous statement, shook his head, and then returned his attention to Pepper. "I'm beyond giving a damn. Maybe even a shit. In fact, I think I'm closer to not giving a f—"
"Dude!"
"I'm not hungry, Rhodey," Pepper shook her head, not at all offended by his unusual use of curse words towards her. "Thank you for bringing the food for me. I really appreciate it. But I don't…" her voice cracked. "I can't…" her eyes fell on Tony's face, "I just…"
"Pepper, let's get one thing straight: I'm not asking you if you're hungry. I'm telling you: you're eating. I just dragged this tray all the way up here from the cafeteria, which you know made me so fucking tired because I'm…" he gestured towards his legs, "You know... I think I may even need an inhaler right now. Or morphine. Or both. In fact, it's a damn good thing we're in a hospital already because I think I'm about to–"
The clearing of Happy's throat made Rhodey force his lips shut for an instant. He then shook his head from side to side again to focus his mind as he realized he was beginning to ramble; his nerves getting the best of him. The last thing they needed to do was give Pepper enough time to think of something to do or to say that would thwart their plans of forcing her to take care of herself. They had postponed using the heavy artillery on her for long enough. They just could not continue to watch her slowly destroy herself.
"But…" Rhodey continued, his voice now sounding more sympathetic than frustrated, "But I'd do it again – I'd haul three trays of food a day up the stairs, if that's what it takes for you to eat."
Pepper exhaled sharply and closed her eyes, her hand finding Tony's still one for support. She knew what was happening – what they were trying to do, and she felt absolutely powerless to stop it. She simply could not do it. She was not strong or cruel enough to do this to them. Not to Rhodey. Not to Happy. Not to her best and closest friends. Not to the two men that she considered her family. But she could also not stop herself from needing to be by Tony's side until he woke up. To watch over his slumber and continue speaking to him in the hopes that her voice could carry him back to her. To stupidly hope that her continued presence alone would somehow encourage the genius to fight whatever was keeping him asleep. To remain where she was because she wanted to believe that his hand in hers was the only thing tethering him to this world…
The thoughts were foolish, and she damn well knew it, but she refused to give up on him the same way the doctors and nurses had appeared to do.
If she ate – if she gave in an inch, the next thing she knew she would be taking a quick shower. And then taking a short nap in a chair. And then, before she could stop it, Rhodey and Happy would make her go back to the hotel to have a full night of rest. Maybe suggest that she should be away from the hospital for a day or two to clear her head. At that point, she would probably relent. And if something happened to Tony while she was gone…
Pepper shook her head. She simply could not allow that to happen. Picturing the possible scenarios was enough to send her into a panic attack. She would surely not survive the actual experience of it, if it came to it. She knew that pushing back on their demands would only hurt them all, but she just could not let Tony slip through her hands without a fight.
"Rhodey, that's not fair. Please, don't–"
"Don't what?" the tone of his voice made the ginger open her eyes and face her friend. The Air Force Colonel was visibly tired, sweating just by the effort of keeping himself upright, had dark circles under his eyes, could barely finish two sentences without losing his breath, and his now-weak legs were starting to shake where he stood. Yet, he also had no intention of backing down from this. He had seen these two fools blindly do enough stupid things for the sake of the other. This time, he was not going to sit back and allow them to make matters worse for each other for no just cause.
"Don't–"
"Care about you?" Rhodey interrupted her. "Take care of you? Worry about you? Which one exactly, Pepper? 'Cause you're gonna have to be clearer on that. Do you think Tony wants you to starve yourself to death? For him? Are you kidding me? He's gonna have our asses when he wakes up and sees you like this. We don't like seeing you like this. We don't want to see you like this. What do you think Tony's gonna say or do when he does?"
Pepper looked away from Rhodey to stare at Tony again, her eyes filling with tears of worry and guilt, but she made no effort to deny Rhodey's words or to reach for the food tray. She could not disagree with any of his statements, anyway. She knew he was right.
"You know him, Pepper," Happy jumped in when the redhead showed no signs of changing her mind, but his voice was softer than Rhodey's. "Look at him. Just… just remember all he did to get you out of there. Do you think it's fair for him to wake up and see you running yourself ragged? That's the last thing he wants to see. He's going to want to see you healthy and rested. He's gonna want to see that his efforts weren't in vain. Hell, he's probably going to want to see you pissed off at him!"
The joke made them all slightly chuckle, if just due to how true the jab actually was.
"You know how much he loves you," Happy continued, "That man is crazy about you! If you don't rest – if you don't eat… he's gonna feel like a failure. It won't matter if he got you out of there in one piece. He'll think he could've done better if he wakes up to you looking like you're about to die on him."
"Please," Rhodey placed a hand on her left shoulder and gave it a desperate squeeze. "Please, Pepper. Eat. Sleep. For him."
For him.
Because everything she had ever done since meeting the genius, even back when she had been just his brand-new assistant, had been for him: planning his last-minute trips; escorting out his one-night stands; facing the media after his constant bad decisions; running his company while he was partying all night; keeping him in line and on schedule as much a she could; threatening everyone and their mother to force them to look for him when he was lost in Afghanistan; patching him up when he took up superhero duties; supporting him when his heart and soul were falling apart at the seams; being on this fucking trip that was chockfull of fake pleasantries and lies so that his dream of legacy could go on.
Holding his hand in both of hers and against her cheek, her tears damping his skin, as she embarked on an exercise in futility by trying to find the words to fight the truth in Rhodey's.
What for?
For no good reason at all.
Because she knew – they all knew, what she had to do. What she needed to do. For him.
Taking care of herself right now, even when she did not even feel like doing it at all, would be for him. Just like him risking his life by voluntarily walking into the harsh mountain weather to get a signal on the satellite phone had been for her.
For me.
He had done it all for her. He was lying on this bed for her. The least she could do for him was eat.
xxxXXXxxx
He opened his eyes to the most breathtaking sunset he had ever seen in his entire life – the colorful rays almost bathing his skin. He had to be on the west coast for the sun to look like that; as if it was one with the horizon. The sunsets on the east coast had never looked quite right to him.
Perhaps it was because he was, deep down, still a son of the west coast. Sure, New York was his type of city: all the hype that came with being in The Big Apple did live up to his expectations. But the relaxing and laid-back nature of California was something he would never trade for all the culture and nightlife in New York. This was one of the reasons why he had set his permanent home on that cliff by the sea, rather than smack-dab in the middle of downtown New York City: so that he could have the best view of the falling sun from the comfort of his bedroom.
"It's quite the sight, isn't it?"
The familiar voice coming from behind him should have startled him, but it did not. Something inside him told him that it was coming. That he should be expecting it and that there was more of it to come. He was not sure what it was, or where he was, but the harmony he felt in his heart and soul made it hard for him to care about minor details or tasks such as making sense of what was happening around him or to him.
"Your mother's always loved sunsets. I guess you got that from her."
His mother.
Loved sunsets.
Well, he already knew that.
He smiled at the thought, nonetheless.
"They're soothing," Tony found himself replying to this father. "They make me feel at peace."
Howard Stark sighed deeply and sat in a chair to his son's left, his gaze also taking in the show of nature.
"I never did find anything special about sunsets. Maria says the same thing about them. That they help her relax and calm down. That they're like a mysterious source of energy and inner peace. That she feels her troubles just melting away with the darkening skies," Howard scoffed. "You wanna know what I think about that?"
Tony smirked, the mocking tone of his father's voice already telling him what the elder wanted to hear.
"That what she's feeling is only a psychological effect of focusing her mind and breathing patterns, to the point that her body achieves a state of relaxation because more oxygen is flowing to the body, particularly the brain?"
Howard chuckled at his son's spot-on answer. He had nailed his would-be reply to a T.
"Anything that one finds beautiful and relaxing will have the same effect on a person," Howard added, "I get the same feeling from creating a perfect piece of engineering. Or from accomplishing a long-term dream. Or from–"
"Pointing out that you were right about something and that I wasn't. From telling me: I told you so, Son," Tony offered his response without malice in his voice.
This time, however, the genius utterly failed at anticipating his father's reply.
"Actually, it's the other way around. I get it from watching you do better and greater things than I could've ever done. From seeing you succeed in what I could've never dreamed of accomplishing in my time or on my own."
"So, from seeing your legacy carry on after you're gone. I guess… I guess I can understand that."
Howard nodded once. "What about you? Is a sunset the only thing that gives you warm fuzzies?"
Tony chuckled and shook his head.
"Almost everything you just said does, too. Every invention that makes the world a better place makes me feel relaxed. Calm. Finally succeeding at something that took me forever to get done, does the trick. And Pepper. Pepper does too."
"Does she?" this time, the voice came from his right and it belonged to Maria. She exchanged a quick look with both father and son, and then gingerly sat in the chair to Tony's right.
"Careful, Honey," Howard began. "I think we're probably gonna hear more than what we want to know about what our son does in his spare time with his woman that makes him relax."
"As if we don't already know what our adult son does in his spare time."
Tony smirked at his mother's retort. "What do you expect me to do? I love her."
Maria rested her left hand on her son's right one and patted it twice. "We know, darling."
Tony's smirk turned into a satisfied smile as his hand held onto his mother's delicate one. "You would've loved her, Mom."
"Believe me: I do."
Maria covered Tony's hand with her free one, her eyes proudly taking in the man her son had become, while feeling grateful for the total support that the redhead had given the inventor all this time. The current sparkle in Tony's eyes told her that he was lovingly thinking about the woman that had stolen his heart before he had even known that she had. It was always the same look of contentment on his face when Pepper crossed his mind, or when she was nearby – sometimes, even just when someone mentioned her in passing.
As far as Maria Stark knew, Pepper Potts was Tony's soulmate; if such a thing actually existed in real life.
Yet, a moment too soon, Tony's eyes began to glisten with unshed tears when a certain afterthought entered his mind. His entire demeanor suddenly became crestfallen. His gaze became glued to the sand. And the grip on his mother's hand became tighter than before.
Yes. Maria Stark would have loved Pepper Potts, if the woman had been allowed to live long enough to meet her; let alone to know her.
Tony gulped, the peace that he had felt moments ago all but thrown out the window with the thought of facing his parents' disappointment at realizing what he had failed to do for them.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't do what I should've done for you."
"What's that?" Howard asked.
"I know… I know how you two… and I had the man in my hands and I… I didn't…"
Maria's heart broke for her son; his hands trembling in anger not helping matters any. If only he knew that neither of them saw him any different. If only he knew and believed that he simply took too much responsibility for what was beyond his control.
For someone who had formally been so happy to blow off anything that would make him accountable for his actions, he surely liked to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders now. That was no way to live and she knew it firsthand.
Maria's voice was soft. "You didn't murder him. You didn't murder an innocent man. And that's all right."
"Barnes is not an innocent man," Tony replied.
"And, technically, he's not a guilty one, either," Howard shrugged. "Doesn't make sense to judge someone for doing something they didn't want to do in the first place. Something that was beyond their control. Let alone execute them for it."
"Still, I should've done something. Anything. I…" Tony felt the guilt threatening to take his voice away, but he swallowed it down. "I'd do anything to have you back. Anything to… to have you back home. To have you around. I'd trade anything to have you back with me. With us. Pepper and me. Even you, Dad."
Howard chuckled, but he knew his son meant no harm with his partial joke. "Smartass."
"Better than a dumbass," Tony replied with a sniff.
"Oh, you have plenty of those moments, too, Tony. It's like you're trying to outdo yourself at anything and everything," his father remarked.
"Apple doesn't fall far from the tree," Maria said with a sigh as she pulled her hands away from Tony's to rest her back fully against the chair, leaving both men with slacked jaws. Her poor son: a genius, a dumbass and a smartass, just like his father – and an overly sensitive, unwilling hauler of the weight of the world, just like his mother.
"Yup," Tony replied after he recovered, mirth suddenly written all over his face at his mother's witty response and his father's inability to reject her statement. "Pepper and you would've hit it off. Probably double-team me. Prank me at every corner. Keep me on my toes and on a leash and…"
Suddenly, whatever else Tony was going to say died on his lips when reality hit him like a ton of bricks. His shoulders sagged. His head hung. And his gaze got lost in something only he could see.
"Huh," Tony swallowed hard and briefly ran his hands down his face. "Actually, now that I think about it, being here with you like this… with-with no pain… and I… …I-I guess… I guess this means I didn't make it, uh?"
"Told you it would take him a minute to figure it out," Howard said under his breath.
"Shush!" Maria scolded with a furrowed brow before redirecting her attention to her son. "Would you regret doing what got you here if I said that you didn't make it because of it?"
"Did Pepper make it? Did they find her on time? Is she OK? Do you know?"
"She did. She was. She is."
"Then no," Tony replied without a hint of remorse or hesitation and a firm shake of his head. "I don't regret it. I… as… as long as she's all right. If she's alive and well, I don't regret it at all."
"Even if you never get to see her again?"
"Even if I never get to – wait, what? Why would I never see her again? I mean, you two are here. And now I'm here. So, she should be here at some point, right? Like, way, way in the future. Or is this just a pitstop?"
Tony's eyes widened as he looked left and right to his eerily quiet and obviously uncomfortable parents, hoping one of them would answer his questions.
"Uhm…"
"Wait a minute? Are you… are you implying that… Am I going to Hell or something? Is this Hell?!"
If the situation was not so grim for her son, Maria would have laughed aloud at Tony's face and tone of voice. No matter how old he got, seeing him confused and flustered always made him seem too cute and adorable for his own good. In moments like these, all she saw was a tiny toddler trying to figure out why all the food on his plate was gone after eating it… and then trying to find out where it came from to get more. It had not taken him long to understand the patterns of food buying, storage and preparation. And soon enough, they had caught him trying to raid the pantry for more cookies and animal crackers than he was allowed to have on a given day.
Unfortunately, it was not mere treats he was searching for right now, but answers to very serious questions about his fate – or absence thereof.
When neither of his parents said anything else for almost half a minute, Tony sighed loudly and slumped in the chair.
"I guess killing millions of people by proxy doesn't necessarily scream: Free Pass to Heaven, huh?"
"You did say you'd trade anything to have us back, didn't you?" Howard said as he lazily patted his pockets to find a cigarette and a lighter.
"Oh, yeah. Now I know for sure I'm in Hell. I don't think smoking is allowed in the Good Place."
"Don't call you a genius for nothing," Howard mumbled, lighted cigarette between his lips.
"Howard!"
"What?" the elder Stark shrugged at his wife. "I didn't say he is in Hell."
"Didn't say I'm not, either!" Tony remarked.
"Regular Einstein, today, aren't you?" Howard chuckled.
"Oh, Lord," Maria rolled her eyes.
"Is that Lord's name Jesus Christ, by any chance?" Tony began. "'Cuz I'd like to have some words with him. Can I make an appointment?"
"Tony," Maria sighed. "This is not Hell, and it's not heaven–"
"PURGATORY?!"
"No!" Maria smacked her son's right arm. "Will you shut up for a second? I'm trying to make you understand that–"
"That I traded my life for Pepper and for being with you? Oh, no, yeah. I got that part. Pretty clear. And… it's fine… you know? Just… gotta process it. Thoroughly. For a few millennia. This is eternity, right? I don't know how this works. Wasn't much of a believer. Should've listened to Pepper."
"The name of your autobiography," Howard interjected.
"Yeah, it is. Changed it from: Daddy Wasn't There for Me When He Was Alive."
"Will you two stop it?!" Maria stood up. "We've been here for three days and all you two can do is fight?"
"Three days?" Tony's eyebrows rose. "I've been… dead… for three days?"
"Well, we've been talking for three days since you got here," Howard clarified.
"What? Three… what? Starting when?"
"When we were talking about the sunset until about now."
"But it's almost going to be four days soon," Maria supplied.
"The hell? I mean… the… heck?" Tony shook his head from side to side. "What?"
"Just breathe, Honey. You just have to breathe," Maria patted Tony's back.
"I'm dead, Mom. I don't think I have to breathe."
"Told you he'd take it well," Howard tapped his cigarette against the chair.
"Told you that you'd be of no help," Maria replied.
"Didn't deny it, Sweetheart," Howard shrugged before he offered a new cigarette to his son. "But here: some help."
"Those things will kill you," Tony instinctively replied before he scoffed and rolled his eyes at his own answer. He then snatched the nicotine from his father's right hand and Howard smirked smugly as he handed his son the lighter.
The three of them turned silent once more while Tony lit up the cancer stick and then returned the metallic borrowed item to its owner. It had been a very long time since he had smoked, but it was still second-nature to him and he did so at the moment with no problem. He hardly ever drank now, too. And if he did, it was just for show – Pepper always helped him either dilute the drink or surreptitiously replace it with ginger ale or mineral water. He had… or had had a reputation to keep up with, when he was alive. Suddenly dropping his vices would have very likely cause undue speculation about his health status that could have impacted his company.
Now, though…
"So, I really don't ever get to see her again?"
"That was the trade you requested," Maria answered. "She lives. You don't. You get to spend the rest of your days with us. But not with her."
Tony silently sighed. His words being paraphrased right back to his face left a bitter taste in his mouth that he knew he had no one to blame for but himself. This was what he had asked for, somewhat, was it not? He had wanted Pepper to make it out of their predicament, at the cost of his own life, had he not?
In his final moments, as he had prepared himself to exit their shelter on Mount Elbrus to search for a satellite signal, he had briefly pondered the existence of the afterlife and what it could mean for him. He had wondered if Pepper's beliefs had been right all along, and he had considered the possibility that perhaps he would get a chance to spend the rest of his afterlife with her. And, he had also made peace with the fact that maybe he was going to become nothing after death because there was no next world at all. What he had apparently not been aware of was that his pondering and questioning had been taken as bargaining rather than the simple musings of a man who knew he was walking to his own deathbed. He was now simply just living up to his end of the deal.
He inwardly groaned at his foolish thoughts, reminding himself that he did not believe in a higher power that granted eternal life after death, so his hopes were dumb and unfounded. He firmly believed that once the body expired, that was all she wrote. That once you became worm food, you ceased to exist forever. That just as his parents had not done so to their only son, he too would not have an opportunity to show his presence to Pepper from the next world.
Tony Stark was many things, yet a follower of religion or practitioner of spiritual faith he was not. He knew what he would find once outside. He knew what this little trip of his would do to him. He knew that there would be no white light at the end of the tunnel of his life. No angel that would come for his sorry soul and offer safe passage to worlds unknown. No salvation after death for those who repented in their final moments and asked for forgiveness and mercy from God.
He was aware that Pepper believed all of that, much to his surprise. But he? He simply did not.
Nonetheless, and for the briefest of instants, as he stood up from their would-be bed and began quietly heading towards the exit of the shelter, he allowed himself to believe it all. He allowed himself to buy into it. Every bit of it. To be as expectant as his redhead was when it came to that. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he would meet his maker today and be proven to have been incorrect all along. Or maybe he would not high-five his maker because God himself would spare his life and would instead send him help before he froze outside.
Maybe help was already on the way and he would just run into it when he opened the door.
Maybe…
As quickly as that moment of respite came to him, it was gone.
Not wanting to waste more time, Tony shook his head to focus his thoughts. His hand then landed on the lock of the first door before sparing the cocoon of warmth one last glance.
As long as I get to send a call for help, Tony sighed.As long as she gets found…
As long as she made it, he would gladly die.
The message and intent had clearly been muddled a bit in translation, but there was not much to be done about it now.
He had gotten what he had asked for. It was over and done.
"Are you OK, Son?" Howard asked in a rather serious and concerned tone, much to Tony's surprise. His father had seemed to be very nonchalant about the entire situation thus far, but Tony knew that it was just for show. It had taken him years to realize this, but deep down, Tony knew that Howard Stark had cared for and had loved his son as much as any father could, would, and should. If he was in any kind of pain, he knew that Howard and Maria were in pain for him, too. If he spent the rest of his afterlife yearning for Pepper and mourning the loss of an eternity spent with her, his parents would be miserable right along with him.
He could not and would not allow that. He would just have to live, so to speak, with the choices he had made for himself.
"I will be," Tony replied.
"You will be," Maria agreed with a sad, soft smile before her son disappeared before her eyes.
"He made his peace with that quicker than I thought," Howard remarked, watching the now vacant chair dissipate into thin air, which he knew firsthand would only be possible if his son had truly accepted his fate.
Maria stood up from her chair and joined her husband on his lap, her heart both happy and sad at what had just taken place. The apple had absolutely not fallen far from the tree. Tony's actions mimicking his father's upon arrival to this place were proof of that.
"Because he loves her, Howard. As much as she does him."
Howard nodded, knowing why Tony had given up going to a place where he could have reunited with his loved ones after death, in exchange for the love of his life to have what he could not give her on his own: eternal peace and life with him.
Howard Stark knew exactly why his son had done what he had done for the woman he loved, because he had done it himself, too.
He circled his wife's waist with his arms and pressed the side of his face against her abdomen, his entire being feeling whole once more.
"Yeah," he placed a light kiss on her belly. "He does."
xxxXXXxxx
The doctors had been baffled when he had opened his eyes. And they had been even more perplexed when they realized that he was healthy enough to be discharged only two days after regaining consciousness, despite the state he had been brought into the hospital a week ago – as long as there was someone overseeing and supporting his recovery at home, wherever that was for now.
Without hesitation, Pepper Potts had immediately taken to the task.
And even though Tony had enjoyed being the center of her undivided attention for almost two days in a row now while they continued their already way-too-extended stay in Moscow's top-of-the-line hotel, her constant hovering over everything he did or tried to do was starting to get on his nerves. Fast.
"Woman, I'm not falling apart, you know? I can get a glass of water on my own. It's, like, five feet from here to the fridge."
"But you could get dizzy and fall!"
"Or I could catch pneumonia from using the cold water dispenser of the fridge and die."
"That's not funny, Tony!" Pepper poked him on the chest with every word just spoken, but then winced at thinking she had just hurt him with her barely-felt show of physical strength.
"Pepper–"
"No! You know you could've gotten pneumonia up on the mountain. Maybe you still can. You-you… you're still recovering and your immune system is already compromised while you get better and–"
Tony held her gently by her upper arms and stared directly into her pleading eyes, knowing exactly where her rambling was going to lead if he did not put a stop to it: him being chained to the bed again. And not in a way that excited him one bit.
"Honey: I. Am. Fine. I promise," he cupped her left cheek with his right hand. "I'm feeling so much better because you've taken such good care of me. So much better that I can walk my ass to the kitchen and make myself a sandwich."
"A sandwich?" she furrowed her brow. "I thought you said you wanted water. You want a sandwich now? Are you hungry? You want to eat?"
"Pep, sweetheart, it was a figure of speech. An example. I'm not hungry. Just thirsty. Getting thirstier the more I beg to be allowed to get a drink myself."
"I can get you a drink."
"Yes. You could…"
Taking his partial answer for agreement, the redhead tried to pull away from him to head to the kitchen to fetch what he needed, but the genius quickly held her in place by bear-hugging her waist.
"No-no. That was not an: OK, go get that for me, Pep. It was more of a: Please don't let me feel like a useless prick."
"You're not useless."
Tony narrowed his eyes at her and tilted his head questioningly. "But I'm a prick?"
"Sometimes," she said with shifting eyes before shaking her head. "But that's not the point, Tony. I'm supposed to be taking care of you."
"And that's my point: you did. You have. And I'm all better. My boo-boo's fixed. See?" he released his grip on her and then jumped in place twice. "I'm cured."
Pepper eyed him up and down, disbelief written all over her features, and she then placed her palm over his forehead, refusing to give up without a fight.
"Did you hit your head when you showered this morning?"
Tony hung his head, closed his eyes and sighed.
He wanted to scream that he had not hurt himself when he had been allowed to shower on his own this morning. He wanted to yell at her to give him the space he had been deprived of since leaving the hospital. He wanted to shout to everyone that would listen that he was more than just fine and that, if he was not allowed to be a free man with free will any time soon and resume their already-very-delayed business trip, he was going to go back to Mount Elbrus on foot just to prove his point that he was more than ready to take care of himself.
He wanted to do this all and more, but he also did not want to upset the woman that had been overly protective of him just because she cared about him that much.
"I'm sorry," he heard her say as she took a step back from him, gnawing at her bottom lip in nervousness and poorly repressed guilt. "I know you don't like to be crowded like this. I just…"
"You're worried," he supplied, and the ginger reluctantly nodded.
"And paranoid," she admitted, rubbing her temples with her fingertips when she felt her eyes begin to sting. "I know you're better. I can see it in your face. In how you move. You're fine. You're great. So much better… I know that. But all my eyes want me to see is you at the hospital. Pale, on that bed. With the doctors telling me you're probably not gonna make it… Knowing it's all my fault."
"Whoa! Time out!" Tony closed the distance between them and held her hands in his. "Thought we went over this when I woke up, Pep. What I did? What happened? Not your fault. Not anyone's fault, really. Just what had to be done, all right?"
Surprisingly, the redhead's crestfallen demeanor immediately changed, as if something inside her had been triggered by his offhand response.
"What had to be done?" she pulled her hands away from him and took several steps back, as if his words of just now had burned her, cautioning the genius that whatever she had been holding back since he had woken up at the hospital was about to finally come out.
"Yes," he said in what he hoped was a neutral tone, nonetheless. "I did what had to be done."
"You didn't have to leave the shelter," she bit out.
Tony rubbed the back of his neck at what he knew was coming his way; his experience with her current pose and tone of voice warning him that whatever response he had for her, it was not going to be good enough.
"If we wanted to be rescued, Pepper: yes, I did."
"You could've taken me with you."
"Are we really doing this?" Tony asked, his face wincing in a way that showed how much he did not want to argue with her over this just now. Or ever.
"You said you were fine," she threw back at him as she crossed her arms over her chest and he groaned.
"OK. Fine. You were exhausted. Asleep! You had taken care of me for hours."
"And you had taken care of me before that. Carried me in the dark, in a winter storm, with very little cover and help! I should've been out there with you!"
"Nope. You're wrong. You see, me doing that? Taking you with me? That would've defeated the goal, Pep. It... if…. if you'd died out there, it-it… you know it would've killed me."
"AND YOU DYING ON ME BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO SAVE ME WOULD'VE KIL–"
The rest of her obvious response was silenced by his lips on hers, not wanting to continue hearing her blame herself for his choice. She responded to him more fervently than he had hoped she would; her hands pulling him towards her by clinging onto the front of his t-shirt, stopping only after nearly a minute of kissing to breathe in. The moment their lips parted, however, he expected her to push him away or for her to pull back once the realization of what they had done dawned on her. Yet, what she did instead of either option took him by surprise.
She kept her left hand on his chest while the other hesitantly slid down his front, her eyes following the path that her fingers traced towards their final destination while Tony could only stand there and take deep, shuddering breaths. She was deliberate in her movements to give Tony a chance to prevent them, but he made no attempt to do so. When her hand reached the hem of his shirt, her other one joined it and she began to slowly pull it up, feeling relieved when Tony did not hesitate to raise his arms to allow the clothing item to be removed. As soon as the t-shirt hit the floor, Pepper busied herself drawing random patterns on his chest and stomach with her fingers, carefully caressing the fading bruises he still had from all the times he had been injured during this trip.
Yolandi's attempt at having her way with him against his will by tying him to her bed. The explosion at the restaurant in Dhaka. His fight against her kidnappers. Her naked body hitting his own when he had shielded her from hitting the bottom of the shower when their moment together had been interrupted by a storm shaking their jet. His ordeal to protect her in the snow.
Times, all of them, when he had been hurt.
Times, all of them, when she could have lost him once and for all.
When she lifted her head and her gaze found his, it was full of conviction and assuredness. He could see the determination and decision in her eyes, but he did not dare take the next step unless she clearly guided him towards making it. Her hands on him had felt like heaven. Her lips massaging his had taken away his thirst. But taking someone's shirt off after kissing them did not really amount to giving consent.
Nevertheless, he did not break eye-contact with her. Not even when she began pulling on the strings of his pajama pants.
"Pepper," he closed his eyes and felt his blood rush south, her nimble fingers making quick work of the knot that kept his pants barely above his waist. She did not immediately pull down on them as he had expected her to do so, but she did rub her palms against his sides and brushed her nose up his neck.
"Is this wrong?" she whispered to him. "Should I stop?"
"God, no," he replied, his eyes snapping open. "Don't stop."
"Help me?" she asked as she took a tiny step back and placed his hands on her blouse, giving him enough room to help her dispose of her thin clothes as he pleased. This was the sure sign he had been waiting for to prove that this was what she wanted. That it was him that she wanted, right now. And he was not going to do anything to make her believe that he was not as on board with it as she was. But it also did not mean that he was going to simply rush being with her.
He took his time unbuttoning her blouse, and then did so too when his hands slid up and down her arms to take the garment off her. He took an eternity kissing her face and neck as he guided her towards the edge of the bed, his hands grabbing at whatever they could from her shoulders and down to the back of her thighs. He further proved that he was well on the road to recovery when he surprised her by picking her up by her legs and helping her hook them around his waist, right before she found her back being pressed against the mattress with Tony on top of her between her legs.
He separated them for a brief instant to rid himself of his pants before he claimed her mouth again, hungrier than he had done so, just seconds before. He then trailed a path of kisses down her neck and collarbone, his hands sliding down the straps of her bra just enough for her mounds to be exposed to him without having to unclasp the entire thing. He took one peak into his mouth and massaged the other, leaving him a free hand to press against her lower back. With this purchase, he pulled up her hips towards his to rub against his pelvis, teasing her with the friction he craved to create with her. Her throaty moan and the raking of her nails against his back was enough to know that she was willing to keep going, so he did as she pleased.
Tired of the barriers in the way, Pepper undid her bra the rest of the way with one hand when Tony took a second too long in between swapping his attention to her other breast. The inventor responded by pulling his face away from her chest and then pinning her arms above her head with both of his hands. Pepper was breathing hard under him, her pupils dilated and her chest rising and lowering with her panting, but she did not question him. Instead, she licked her lips and waited almost patiently for his next move; completely trusting him with her body and her needs. He had never let her down in this regard. She doubted he would do so now.
In line with the expectations, Tony let go of her hands; his eyes telling her she was to stay as she was until told otherwise. Knowing the message had been understood, the genius began his slow descent on her body, taking the two final clothing items of hers with him on his way down. Pepper closed her eyes and bit down her bottom lip, full well knowing what was coming next. He did not make her wait long for it either and, soon enough, the ginger was wrinkling the sheets with her hands, panting and moaning Tony's name.
Every now and then, Tony would lift his gaze to watch her squirm under his ministrations. He loved seeing the way her neck would extend as far as it would go, her mouth opened without a sound coming out of it other than some random and brief cries of pleasure. She would then gasp loudly and throw her head from side to side, gladly agreeing with whatever he was doing down there to her. Then, when her toes started to curl in a way that, no matter how many times he had seen, he had never believed was humanly possible, he stopped in his tracks and abruptly pulled away from her.
The look of disbelief on her face at how he had just left her was almost amusing to him.
Almost.
He was going to pay for that latter, he was sure. Or at least he hoped he would.
Not wanting her to get the wrong impression, however, he finished divesting himself and climbed back on her, choosing to attack her neck next. Pepper could feel him ready for her as she was for him, making her even more irritated with his pace than she already was. When she tried to position herself so that he had a clear path into her, Tony shifted his hips so that they did not align, forcing a cry of frustration to slip from her lips.
"Sorry, Honey," he purred in her ear. "I want to, but not yet."
"Tony…"
He rubbed his fingers against the bundle of nerves he had just been teasing with his mouth and she gasped in anticipation, the already sensitive area reacting to his touch almost instantly.
"Not yet, Pep. Not yet."
"OK," she reluctantly nodded at him, admitting defeat this time around despite the burning sensation in her loins and the almost painful coiling of her insides. If he was taking his time, it meant it was going to be worth the payoff… if she survived the many times he would leave her hanging until it was done.
Time and time again, in any way possible and with different parts of his body, he brought her closer and closer to the edge each time, and each time he left her feeling unsatisfied and wanting more. Every pore of his body touched every pore of hers. Every angle he could reach inside her, he touched. He joined with her in different positions and at varying rhythms and lengths that he fully led and directed the entire time. He made her shiver and cry, moan and beg. Scream and cuss at him for his inability to finally commit.
Yet, in the end, he let her take the wheel on top of him. It was the least he could do after all the merciless teasing he had put her through: let her take from him what he owed her for as long as she wanted and how she wanted it. It was a win-win situation, in his eyes: she chased her release in her own way, and he got to watch her get herself there.
And then, when she was finally done, exhausted from the effort and satiated, he flipped them over. He brushed his pelvis against her, waited for her to recover her bearings and realize he was still at attention, and then smiled smugly at her when she furrowed her brow.
"Did you… did you not…?"
Tony shook his head and winked at her.
"Not yet, Honey. Not yet."
"But… I mean, we… a lot and… why?"
"I told you that I am fine," he reminded her, his hand feeling for signs that she was ready for the next round. "So fine that I'm not done with you. Unless… unless you are?"
Her heart began racing again at the huskiness of his voice and the look of desire in his eyes.
"I'm not. But, I'm spent. I don't think I can move much."
"I know," he teased her opening and she gasped, her body already wanting him again. "I'm counting on that."
A/N: Hope this kind of makes up for the long-ass wait for this chapter. My next task is to try to reconstruct the notes, drafts and outline that I lost. I really want to finish this story this year: y'all have waited long enough :) (TOO long!) As always, thank you so much for your patience and understanding. Still here for you all!