Guest Review Responses

Stark13: Thanks for this chapter ! And yes you're forgiven with this chapter but i'm so in need for more now ! Hope life will be better and happier for you soon. Bye and read you soon. I feel with you – YES! I am forgiven! Here's some more. I have half of the next two chapters ready (have to skip around a little, for the sake of plot). Not much happening here, but whatever does happen is satisfying, I think.

Pepperonylove: As always, I am so thrilled to see your update! I wanna screammmmm! I love them together! Pls dont take too long to write the next chapter. Reading this makes me forget all my worries in real life lols.

(On a serious note, hope you are doing okay now. Have a good rest and have a blast on your birthday! Happy birthday dear! :) ) – I had a great birthday! Did a whole lot of nothing but write for all of you! Hope this "quick" update is what you were expecting. Thanks for the good wishes and the love 3

Guest: Thanks for still thinking of us your avid followers. Despite your struggle you never lose hope and can still give a beautiful story. You're not just a good writer you are also an inspiration. – There isn't a moment I don't think about how much I've been letting all of you down with my lack of updates. I'm so sorry! Got a speedy update this time, though :) Hope you like it!

Chapter 12: Hong Kong

She had hoped a miracle happened and he was already at the office in SI, but the place was as deserted as it could be. Pepper was so early at headquarters that not even Bambi was available. It was just her, her guilt and her former office.

She looked up at the clock and realized she would not have to wait for long. Bambi or Tony could walk in any minute now. It was a crucial day for Tony, after all: he was speaking at the MIT Alumni Conference. Finally. After years and years of hounding him about speaking at his Alma Matter, the genius was at last making good on his promise and was making up for lost time.

He was going to pay for everyone's research in that room. He could not make up more for his previous cancellations than with that.

And this was why she was here, waiting for him to show up: to make sure he understood the consequences of such an action. The legal ramifications of it. The business implications of it all.

What if they funded some new killbot that destroyed half the world? What if they inadvertently funded the next bioweapon that was used to take as many lives as possible? What if they funded a crazy asshole hellbent on destroying humankind? What if they funded something worse than they could ever imagine, no questions asked on their part?

She knew that Tony did not need any more oops moments added to his track-record. Ultron had been enough.

Realizing that she was probably going to be here at least half an hour, Pepper reluctantly slumped into the executive chair and pretended not to stare at the trashcan by the corner entrance of the room. It was ridiculous that such a small and trivial item still made her eyes water and her throat close, but it was expected from anyone experiencing depression after suffering multiple miscarriages that the smallest of things would break them down. Especially when the pain of said experiences was being carried alone.

By choice, yes. But still alone.

The mind was a powerful thing, but it did not hold a candle to hormonal imbalance. And the hormonal imbalance that had followed her last miscarriage had made her do something she had never imagined she would do. Something she could not take back.

Wanting to find something else to focus on before her heart took the reins, Pepper's gaze shifted from staring at the trashcan to perusing the papers on Tony's desk. As usual, the top of the desk was barely visible; stacks of papers and folders covered almost every inch of it, and she was unable to fight the urge to clean it up. Before she could stop herself, she began sorting through the papers as if it were still her job to do so, quickly glancing at the documents to determine how to best pile them up.

She first gathered all the ones that appeared to be schematics for new inventions and stacked them all together before putting them inside a folder in whatever order she had gathered them. Only Tony would know how they went, anyway, but they were now at least out of the way. She then picked out takeout food receipts and already crumpled papers and threw them in the closer trashcan to the desk. Much to her disappointment, she also found printouts of internet memes and prank descriptions with Happy's name one them, making her roll her eyes at the waste of perfectly good paper and ink.

Pile by pile, she was able to return to the desk a resemblance of professional neatness until all that was left were documents that, at first glance, appeared to be unconnected. A few of them looked to be parts of a letter, while the others appeared to be invoices or MOUs. Not wanting to miscategorize something or throw away important documents, the ginger stacked all the remaining papers and began reading them one-by-one.

What had appeared to be a letter, was actually a draft of Tony's speech for the MIT Alumni Conference – the reason she was here. As soon as this became evident to her, she quickly sorted through the remainder of the stack to pick out anything that looked like a letter. Once she got all the similar-looking papers together, she ordered the pages by number, and then began skimming through the document, hoping to see if Tony had reconsidered his idea of giving away millions of dollars with no strings attached. As she browsed the contents of the paper, she saw a smaller-scale version of his mentioning the donation, but she also saw that this speech was unlike the final draft that he had sent her a week ago for her to review. In fact, this draft seemed to be an extremely early version of it – almost a year old, in fact, given the usage of certain phrases and the timing of events listed on some of the bullet points.

Tony had known about this conference over a year ago but, as far as she knew, he had not been obsessing over it, let alone preparing for it. She had been under the impression that he had put together the speech but a few weeks ago, apparently in a rush. Nevertheless, the evidence before her showed a rather different picture: one in which Tony Stark had been overly excited about this conference to the point that he had written an extensive speech, months in advance.

What could have triggered this unusual behavior in him? Had his initial drafts been more insane than his final one? Why had he been so excited about the conference that he could not wait to write it down? Curiosity got the best of her, as it almost always did and, when she reached the last page – the part where he was to introduce her to the crowd – the first line made her gasp.

As soon as she read the introduction, she knew she should have stopped. But she did not.

"But all of this could not be possible without one special person. The one person who truly made this happen today thanks to their vision, their perseverance, tenacity, and business acumen. And no, this time, I'm not talking about myself. If there's one person that you should all be thanking for this generous gesture, it's someone who's not on stage, yet. And, as personal favor, I'd like to ask your help in welcoming her. Please, give a round of applause to the brains behind The September Foundation Grant; my CEO, partner-in-crime, best friend and beloved fiancée wife(?): Pepper Potts."

Beloved wife. He had called her: beloved wife.

He had written the speech, months ago, expecting her to by now be his wife.

xxxXXXxxx

It was her damn fault. She knew it was.

She had known it the moment the Board Members had informed them about this impromptu business trip. Back then, she had immediately told herself that, if anything too personal happened between them while performing their professional duties of SI, it would be because she would let Tony do so. Because not only would she be the one to initiate it, but she would also not stop it. Because she would give Tony the all-clear to engage in activities that had nothing to do with the goal of the trip itself. Because he respected her too much to force her to do something she did not want to do with him. And because he loved her so much that he would do whatever she asked of him.

Just as she had done so first in Moscow, two nights ago. And how she was doing so right now, for the third time.

She should have probably stopped it sooner. Immediately, actually. The moment it had begun. Without question or hesitation. In fact, it probably should have not even started in the first place, but she had encouraged it. She should have pushed him off and out of her, and told him that this was wrong and not happening again. That it should have not happened the last night at their hotel room in Moscow, and that it should have not happened on their jet while on their way to China, and that it definitely should not be happening just an hour before they were to meet with Enlai Wang, their investor in Hong Kong, for a very important yet rushed meeting with him because their entire itinerary for this trip had been cut short the moment Tony had walked out into the snowstorm.

Yes. This is what she ought to do: stop it. Promptly. Stopping it was the right thing to do, seeing as they were not officially together anymore. Seeing as she had broken it off with him, long ago. Seeing as she had not yet told him the real reason why she had declined his marriage proposal. Seeing as she was being as ambiguous about and uncommitted to her decisions as she had once accused him of being.

Yes. She should have put an end to it.

Nipped it in the bud.

Halted it altogether.

Killed it before it grew.

But damn it all, it just felt so good!

He felt so good.

How the hell was she supposed to ask him to stop now?

"Oh, God, yes!" her words were only just barely comprehensible; more of a muffled cry in a high-pitched voice against his bare shoulder – and he had not been any better than her at putting coherent words together. Yet, her moans, his grunts, and their matched panting had been as clear as day in portraying how they truly felt about what they were doing right now.

"Oh, shit! Shit!"

They were lucky that their hotel room in Hong Kong was the only one on this floor, and that it was as secluded and as private as it was. The power of Tony's hip movements had been shaking the bed so much that she swore that the hinges were about to come apart. She had been so lost in the feelings that he had been invoking in her that she would have not even care if the entire bed collapsed under them right now and they ended up going through the floor, buck-naked as they were, giving everyone on the bottom floor quite the peep show. And she was certain that Tony would not care at all either. At least not right now. They had gone months without sex until three days ago. And before that, before their breakup, they had not had sex in weeks, either.

The overwhelming sensations were definitely overdue.

"Oh, fuck, Pepper! Fuuuuck!"

Pepper's eyes closed and her nails scratched his back the moment he started bucking against her erratically, or as much as she could scratch him with how sweaty and slick their skins were. She knew what the less-than-graceful movements meant. She knew that they were happening because it was all going to be over soon. She knew it because she could feel it happening to her, too – helping each other reach the end of the road they had hopped onto as soon as they had woken up. His cry of pleasure near her ear was the final proof that she had been correct in her suspicions all along. His name coming out raggedly from her lips was enough evidence for him that he had gotten her there, too.

The tremors of the aftershocks that followed were just that much more satisfying with his careful weight on her. She knew that it was taking a lot out of him to stay on top of her without crushing her, especially after the amount of energy he had exerted, which pushed her to take the time to kiss his face, neck, and shoulders for his efforts. He was shaking and panting all-to-be-damned, but he still mustered up enough energy to find her lips and return the kisses while lightly rubbing their joined pelvises together, if only just to prolong the pleasure he knew that they both felt right now.

After their lips parted, he peppered her neck with languid kisses, tracing a random path along whatever skin of hers he could reach as he lowered himself on her. He took his time kissing her breasts, her shoulders, her arms and hands, relishing when she shivered with the remnants of her climax being retriggered by his touch. He finally then rested the left side of his face on her chest, inhaled her scent and closed his eyes.

Pepper felt him relax where he lay, but not too much to keep her from being able to breathe. Her right hand landed on the back of his head and she began massaging his scalp and running her fingers through his hair and neck. She felt him exhale and practically purr against her ribs when her nails scratched him, and then felt his arms surround her waist. He had not even bothered to pull out of her just yet, and she was in no hurry to remind him to do so.

She closed her eyes and remained as still as possible to not disturb his recovery time even though they both needed to be in a meeting in forty-five minutes. If they pushed their luck and took ten more minutes to regain their strength, they would have just enough time to shower, dress, and haul ass out of their room to make it to their destination on the dot. The location of the meeting was just a couple of blocks down the street from their hotel. And thanks to Anton surviving the storm – because of course he did, as one does when one is a thrill-seeking Russian man – and keeping his promise to thrice his investment after crazy camping with him, neither Tony nor Pepper had to make friends with the rest of the investors to make ends meet with the Foundation's funds, if they did not feel like it. As far as the numbers went, they were done with their job.

Nevertheless, duty would always call for the redhead, and she did not want to burn any bridges that neither of them knew if or when they would need again in the future. It was the nature of the beast – scratching someone's back today so that yours could be scratched later.

She kept an eye on the clock, noting how much time she had left until she would have to start shaking Tony awake to get ready to leave their room, but when he began lifting his head from her and he finally pulled out of her, she realized that he had not really been asleep. He slowly slid up her body once more, until his face was on par with hers, and he began kissing her again.

Slowly but surely, while never breaking the kiss, his arms grabbed her thighs, squeezed them, and then placed her legs around his waist. He then held her by her lower back and ass as he lifted them both off the bed, making sure she was not going to slip from his grip before he began walking them towards the bathroom. He opened one eye here and there to ensure his path was free of obstructions, and by the time Pepper felt her back touch something solid again, it was the wall of the shower stall he had taken them into. He sloppily turned on the showerhead with one hand, waited until steam surrounded them, and then finally pulled his lips from hers to breathe.

"I know we have to go," he whispered to her as he pressed their foreheads together and then placed quick pecks on her lips between his words, not wanting to release her from his embrace just yet, "But I don't want to leave. I want to stay here with you, all day. Be inside you, all day. As long as you let me, that's all I want to do."

Pepper closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, her toes curling at imagining them doing just that, while also enjoying the scraping of his goatee against her skin. She would not mind a repeat of this morning, or of the night before, or of the night before that. Tony had always been a very dedicated and enthusiastic lover, but the past three times they had slept together, he had outdone himself. He had left her feeling both satiated and unfulfilled – something she had never thought was possible to do. He had kissed every inch of her, lit every pore on fire, all the while making her feel as if pleasing her was his only job in the world.

Or maybe, it just felt like it because it had been a rather long time since they had been together like this. Or maybe, it was just the result of the added thrill of knowing that they were not supposed to be doing this in the first place. The forbidden aspect of it truly helped amp up the sensations, even if the forbidden part was just all in her head.

As long as you let me, he had said just now, because his understanding of this unexpected turn of events was clearer to him than it was to her – because they both knew that she was currently very much going back on her word of never being like this with him again, but he was not going to call her out on it because he was not an idiot. Because neither of them knew how long this was going to last, and he was damned if he allowed himself to do or say anything that would break the spell.

Thankfully for him, she had no problem keeping up with the charade either; her body and desire doing most of the talking for her.

"We can. As soon as we're done for today," she promised him, her hormones speaking for her brain. "We have nothing else to do. We leave tomorrow for Tokyo. It's close by. We don't have to be up early for it."

"Okay," he began sucking on her neck, not caring that he had done so much of it already that he was sure to leave a mark. "I can wait. Sorta. Maybe. Perhaps. Possibly. Perchance. Feasibly. Conceivably."

Pepper giggled at his words, pulling from him a smile and an exhale of contentment before he spoke again. "Think we can shower like this? Not having to pull apart?"

"I'd be willing to find out."

"Oh, yeah. Me too, baby. For science and all, of course. You in, then?"

Pepper's laughter was her only response, but it was all he needed to carry her with him to the shower stream and test out the theory that they could clean themselves while wrapped around the other.

The final result? They actually could.

xxxXXXxxx

There were more kind words about her in the final part of the speech; of how he owed her for helping him turn his life around – how she was the reason why he woke up every day to face the perils of the life he had chosen to live. How she was his rock and his guiding star, and the reason why he was standing here today. He told of how they, the audience, needed to find that one person that made them feel like Pepper did him: larger than life – able to take on the entire universe, if it came to it. Because, he had said, this was the only way to make it through the hard times they had ahead. By having someone who believed in you when you did not believe in yourself.

But she would never know what else he had said about her, because Pepper could not make herself read the rest of it. What she had read so far was already tearing her at the seams. She could not force herself to stomach any more of it, no matter how generous his words were about her.

She placed the speech document face down, as far from her as her arm and the desk's width allowed her, and she then focused on the remaining papers.

But she should not have.

As she read the remaining papers in her hand, it turned out that the invoices and MOUs were related: the invoices were receipts of prepaid services for a wedding and a honeymoon – their wedding and honeymoon. From the reception, to the music, to the flights and the island he had reserved for their month-long honeymoon; everything was accounted for. Everything allowed for a change made by the bride, if she so desired, but it guaranteed the rendering of products and services within a week's notice. The MOUs were an extension of said contracts, granting a temporary cancelation of them with a possibility of actually providing the already paid-for goods and services, due to an unforeseen delay in the wedding plans. An unforeseen delay that had come in the form of Pepper Potts and Tony Stark breaking up.

Paper after paper, it became obvious the extent to which Tony had gone to make sure their wedding had everything she had always wanted. Details that she had mentioned in passing, sometimes jokingly so, about what would constitute her perfect wedding were all there; even the ones that she had thought he had not paid enough attention to or had not even heard because he had been tinkering with his suits. The location of the reception; possible honeymoon vacation options; the type of flowers; the band…

Everything. Everything that she had ever said that related to a wedding – their wedding, it was all there.

And then, at the bottom of the pile of invoices and memorandums of understanding, was the last straw. The last piece that made her leave the office and cancel her presence at the MIT conference she was supposed to attend today. The last hit to the heart that she could take for the day: a prenuptial agreement; a living and a dying will – all documents that said that she was his medical proxy; his voice if he were unable to speak. The final say in any decision that he could not mentally make for himself. The sole inheritor of everything he ever owned.

Her and any children she might ever bear him.

Only, she could no longer bear him any.

xxxXXXxxx

This, they had not expected, but in hindsight, they should have.

It had not been a secret that Tony had tried braving a storm while in Moscow for the sake of saving his wife's life – as the media had put it, ensuring sales of their magazines by exaggerating the events. Neither had it been a secret that he had been in the hospital because of it. It had been also not a secret that his heart had stopped on his way to the hospital, or that he had been unconscious for a few days. Therefore, as soon as their meeting with their investor had ended, Tony had received a very odd phone call, which had landed them both where they currently were: him in yet another hospital room, shirtless and on a gurney; and her standing outside the room he was in, looking at him through a glass wall.

He had been locking eyes with her whenever he could – offering her a smile to let her know that he was all right, but she could not help to feel and look scared by the whole thing. The memories that got triggered by the similar scene could simply not be helped. The fear that something wrong would be found with his already frail heart after failing him twice was inevitable.

It was as if she was back in time, years ago, watching the surgery that removed the shrapnel from his heart while Rhodey stood by her for support. Who could blame her for it, really? It was the same city, the same hospital, almost the same room, and the same doctor poking and prodding her man's chest. The only difference was that the metal was already out of his system, and that he was wide awake during this unplanned follow-up.

Nevertheless, and as much as she hated being here again, she was grateful that Dr. Wu had given them a call. He had heard in the news what had happened while in Moscow, and he had wanted to personally check that the incident had not affected Tony's heart. It had been years since he had had the surgery, but it had been highly experimental and innovative at best.

Better be safe than sorry about it, Tony had told her.

It was reasonable and safe, doing what he was doing. But that did not make it easier to watch, especially when he would barely hold back a flinch of pain or discomfort while he was being checked on. It did not ease her conscience or lessened her sense of guilt, either. In fact, it made it worse. To think that he had been straining his heart for the past three days while being with her. To think that he could have had a heart attack on her, for all they knew. It was so easy to forget that Tony's heart had been severely damaged for years. That his health, overall, had not been ideal for so long. So easy to forget that, despite the advances in medicine and science, unless he got a brand-new heart, the risk of his failing on him would always be there. Especially since he had yet to give up being a superhero. Especially since he would probably die being one, too.

Suddenly, her decision to part ways with him was not so silly after all. Yet, at the same time, not spending as much as time as she could while he was still alive also sounded stupid as fuck.

What fresh hell was this?

This was probably what Mrs. Abbiati felt when she had found out that her husband was going to die very soon. This was probably the same dilemma the poor woman had encountered when it was obvious to her that life had made a crucial decision for her.

I wonder how Piero is, Pepper frowned as she stared at her phone's screen, as if it had the answer for her. They had not heard anything from Venice since they had left, but she knew that this was probably a good thing. The Abbiati were well-known across the globe – the death of either one of them would surely make front-page news in no time.

As would Tony's, when the time came.

She shook her head to perish the thought and then looked up again to continue watching Tony undergo whatever tests Dr. Wu was running on him. They were both smiling and nodding, which could only mean that he was doing OK – or, not putting it past the billionaire, that he had just been given bad news and he had asked the doctor to act as if he was all right.

Pepper sighed and looked away again.

Loving Tony Stark would be the end of her.

xxxXXXxxx

"Any strenuous activity since the incident, Mr. Stark?" Dr. Wu asked with an eyebrow pointing behind him to where Pepper stood.

Tony shrugged, taking advantage of the soundproof glass wall between him and the redhead to be as honest as possible with the doctor.

"My wife is hot. And we're on sort of a vacation. What else should we do in between meetings? Talk? Can you blame me?"

"I guess I can't," Dr. Wu grinned and shook his head. "Congratulations on your wedding, by the way. Nice to see you finally set some roots."

"Thanks. It was a long time coming, some might say."

Dr. Wu did not directly reply to Tony's comment, but the face he made as he started peeling off the EKG sensors from Tony's chest showed that he agreed with the statement.

"Well, Mr. Stark, you seem to be OK. Your heart is holding up all right. The media overstated the incident, it seems. I can only conclude that your heart stopped because of the weather affecting your circulation and how much you had stressed your body without much protection from the elements. You're in no worse condition that you were after we took out the metal from your heart."

"I figured," Tony said as he jumped off the gurney and began putting on his shirt again. "But still thanks for giving me a call and checking that I'm OK. I don't know how I would tell the wife that I can't make her happy again for a while. It's like our second honeymoon."

Dr. Wu snickered and rolled his eyes, his mind taking him back to the time when he had first met Tony during that conference in Sweden, talking about the same topic, as he had been hitting on Maya Hansen just because she had been there. The inventor had come a long way since then. But that was probably what being kidnapped by terrorists would do to anyone. Granted, it could have also broken him. Yet, in Tony's case, it had given him the kick in the ass that he had needed.

"All right. That's all I have for you," the doctor finally said when Tony had put on the rest of his clothes and his shoes, and had refilled his pockets with his personal effects.

"Thanks," Tony shook the man's hand and then spared his redhead a glance. "Hey, uhm, can I ask you for one last favor? Hopefully, it's not too much to ask?"

The doctor narrowed his eyes in curiosity and then followed the path Tony's gaze was taking. He was staring directly at Pepper, a smile on his face that his wife was not returning as enthusiastically. It did not take a genius to put two and two together, and the doctor sighed when he realized what the inventor was about to ask him to do.

"Think she won't believe you if you tell her you're OK?"

"She won't believe it at all, unless she hears it from you. And she'll still doubt it a little bit."

Dr. Wu held back a groan.

"Fine. But I want a Stark phone for free whenever those come out."

"It'll be at your home within 2-3 business days before public sale."

Despite the awkward request, the doctor laughed right along on his way out the door.

xxxXXXxxx

He had been quiet for a few minutes now, but she knew that he was not asleep. His breathing was still ragged from their activity. His front was still pressed against her back, right where it had been as he had taken her from the side, and he was still holding onto her left leg over his hip. His free hand had gone from its previous position on her pubic mound to gently massaging her breasts. And he was now licking and sucking the junction of her neck and her left shoulder, enjoying the goosebumps the motion caused on her.

Even after being with her so often for the past three days, and for so many years, in fact, it appeared as if he was yet to have enough of her.

He continued to take from her body what he needed for a few more minutes, before he finally sighed and opted to simply hug her from behind. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the back of her head, and then exhaled slowly into her neck, pressing a light kiss to the area there before whispering to her.

"Do you believe in out-of-body experiences, Pep?"

Surprisingly, the redhead did not immediately answer him, nor did she mock him for asking something that was so out of line with his usual line of thinking. Instead, she seemed to seriously consider his inquiry for a very long time before finally granting him an honest response.

"I think that's one of the things that don't really matter if someone believes in them or not, because they are as hard to prove as they are to disprove. They can happen to everyone, or they can happen to no one, and people will still wonder or even doubt if they're real or not."

Tony's immediate retort was a noncommittal hum.

"Have you ever had one? Or think that you did?"

Pepper shook her head lightly.

"In the way that people usually describe the experience – seeing yourself float above your body; watching your physical form from a distance while no one realizes you're standing right there, watching yourself die? No. Nothing like that."

Tony hummed again. "What about the aftermath of it? When you're already dead, even if you don't know you are, right away, but then something gives it away, and you realize you're somewhat in between. Maybe more on the other side than on this one?"

"A near-death experience, you mean?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's what I meant."

Pepper wiggled a little bit to find a more comfortable position while she put her thoughts in order, knowing that, as weird as the conversation was turning out to be, it was important to Tony for some reason. She was not sure where he was headed just yet, though she had her suspicions. More than anything, however, she cared enough to help him get to whatever point he was trying to make. If there was one thing that she had learned about him over the years, it was that it would take him a while to get to the point where he would openly talk about his feelings and fears, and that, once he did, he expected the person he had chosen to be vulnerable with to take him as seriously as humanly possible, regardless of the apparent randomness of the timing and topic at hand.

Plus, she also knew, that only truth and honesty would do for him in moments like these.

"One time, when I was in college, during finals to top it off, I got the worst cold I had ever had in my life. I was so high on medicine and tea, that I don't know how I was still functioning and studying. It was December, too, cold as hell – so unusual for California, and the heater had gone out in our building because it was old and probably not used to the extreme winter that year. I bought a very, very small space heater and took it with me around the room because it wouldn't heat up more than just a couple of feet from it. I had on a lot of clothes, but I could barely stay warm and hold onto my books to read. I was so miserable."

Wanting a closer connection with him while she relayed her story, Pepper turned around in place until she was on her back. Tony adjusted his position to hold his head on his bent left arm, and then partly threw his body on top of hers, if just to keep some sort of physical linking between them. His eyes locked on her face, and his free hand softly caressed her stomach and the valley between her breasts.

"Anyway. It got to the point that, no matter what I did, I just couldn't breathe through my nose, and whatever I could inhale through my mouth just wasn't enough. So, I got up from bed and went to the bathroom. My roommate was out, taking a final of her own, so I knew I had enough time to take a bath. Maybe the steam would open my nostrils. I had just taken a bunch of medicine, too, so I thought, maybe I wasn't giving it enough time to do its thing. Maybe, if I took a bath and relaxed a little bit, I'd feel so much better in half an hour or so and I could finish studying for my test."

Pepper breathed in deeply, her eyes suddenly losing focus as she recalled the rest of the story.

"I didn't read the labels of the medicine I took. Two of them didn't play nice with each other. I thought I was finally relaxing. Feeling better. But I was actually losing consciousness. In the tub. Full of water. With no one in the room to help me or hear me if I tried to call for help. I felt so heavy. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I don't even remember passing out.

"Next thing I knew, I saw my grandma sitting on the edge of the tub. She was just there. Knitting! Waiting for me to acknowledge her, I guess. It took a little bit for me to say anything to her because my tongue felt like lead. I was so thirsty. Felt so tired. I just wanted to keep sleeping, but having my grandma there, watching me take a bath, it was kind of unnerving, you know?" Pepper chuckled. "So, I finally spoke to her. I asked her what she was doing there. If she needed something. I didn't even consider that there was no way she should have been there in the first place. I just wanted to know if she needed help."

She took in a shuddering breath, and Tony instantly knew what she was going to tell him. He had known, for many years, that Pepper had been extremely close to her grandmother, even though he had never gotten the chance to meet the woman. From what he had gathered, Pepper had been devastated when she had passed away, and that had happened before he and Pepper had even met.

He had a feeling that he was about to find out more about the story of the woman's passing.

"Turns out, she was there to help me. I was drowning. The medicine had knocked me out so badly, and I had no idea the water was killing me. I couldn't feel it, you know? Dying? All I felt was wet from being in the tub and confusion from seeing my grandma knitting inside the bathroom of my college dorm room, because I knew she did not even live in California. And she hated knitting because she had always said it was the sign of an old person! But she was there. Telling me to get up. Telling me it was not my time. Telling me I still had my entire life ahead of me, and that she knew I wasn't stupid enough to go before finishing my degree.

"I was so confused by her words. They didn't make sense to me. So, I got angry at her. Told her that she wasn't making any sense. But she just kept saying the same things over and over: Get up, Ginny! You need to get up! It wasn't until she threw away what she was knitting and slammed her palm against the wall that I realized she was very serious. She stared at me with a disappointed, almost scared look. She shook her head and looked so angry at me, and I didn't even know why. She… she then told me that she loved me, and that I needed to wake up… and then I did."

The ginger briefly closed her eyes, recalling the moment as if it were yesterday, and then opened her eyes again to wrap up her tale.

"I started sputtering water out of my mouth. I was coughing so hard I thought I was going to spit out my lungs. I dragged myself out of the tub and landed on the floor. It was all slippery and wet. I guess I must have kicked the towel by my feet in my sleep because it was covering the overflow drain and the water had started leaking off the tub. I was gasping for air and trying to keep my face off the flooding floor when my roommate came back. Her final exam had gotten cancelled because the cold had screwed up the powerlines. She… she helped me up and took care of me while the medicine wore off. She was so scared for me. She kept an eye on me for weeks after that. If I hadn't woken up when I did… she-she would've come back to find me dead in the tub. She probably would have thought that I'd done it on purpose, with how everything was when she found me. If it hadn't been for my grandma yelling at me, telling me all those things… I would've never realized I was dying."

Pepper closed her eyes and shifted yet again. This time, she laid on her left side so that she was facing Tony, and he immediately surrounded her with his arms. He thought that the story was over after several minutes went by without her saying anything else. However, right as he was about to share with her why he had asked the question in the first place, she surprised him with the actual punchline of her ordeal.

"That night, I called my grandparents. I wanted to tell my grandma what had happened, but there was no answer. I thought it was weird, since neither of them liked to leave their house. So, I called my mom instead. I asked her if grandma was with her, and she got real quiet. She then asked me why I was asking, and I told that I'd had a dream about her, and I wanted to ask her something. I didn't want to worry my mom with what had happened, but I also needed to talk to my grandma about it. My mom then started crying, saying that they knew I had finals and they hadn't wanted to tell me about it until I was done. My grandma… she had died in her sleep. Her heart had stopped. She wasn't alive anymore when I saw her by the tub. She… she was already gone."

The redhead pressed herself closer to Tony, and he increased his grip on her.

"I know it sounds stupid, but to this day, I regret not saying goodbye to her when I had the chance. I mean, I didn't know I was saying goodbye to her. I probably wasn't even talking to her, just to my imagination – maybe it was just the instinct to survive kicking in that put her there to force me to wake up. But then maybe it was real. Maybe it was her and she was there to help me one last time. And all I did was scream at her that she was making no sense and asked what she wanted. Of all the things I could've told her… of all the things I should've told her… I chose the wrong and worst ones to say."

Tony swallowed hard and kissed her forehead, knowing damn well how what she was talking about felt. Similar thoughts had crossed his mind about the last time he had spoken to his parents before the supposed car crash that had taken their lives. Similar thoughts had plagued him the moment he had failed to catch Pepper amid an Extremis soldier attack and he had watched her fall to her would-be death.

He gave her a moment to recover, knowing that there was absolutely nothing that he could tell her that would take the guilt away for something like this – he knew that firsthand. As a result, he opted to rub her back and continue kissing her forehead until it felt right to strengthen the foundation of their relationship by sharing his own experience with her instead.

"I saw my parents," his voice was soft and low, making sure that he could ease her into the conversation. "When I was asleep, in Moscow, I spoke to them. Or maybe I didn't. But it felt like I did."

When Pepper gave him a slight nod he barely felt against him, he knew that she was ready to listen to what he had to say.

"We were at the beach. Some beach. I don't know where. And I didn't find it weird either, until much later in the conversation. They were both there, joking around. My dad being an ass. Offering me a smoke. My mom being as sweet as I remember her. Putting up with my dad's arrogance. It was quite familiar, actually. Reminded me of us, to some degree. They didn't ask me to wake up, though, and I didn't feel like I was asleep, anyway. We just talked as if it was so normal to be dead. To be talking to loved ones that are dead, and about the ones we left behind. We… we talked about you. About how much I wish they would've known you. About how much I love you. About how I'd do anything for you. We talked about Barnes and what he had done to them. About how I'd done nothing to make it even. And… and they told me that it was OK that I hadn't. That it was best that I hadn't. That no one should be judged by something they did when they had had no control over doing it, anyway."

Tony scoffed and shook his head, irony suddenly hitting him.

"I don't know if it was all real or not, but it did something to me. For me. It was probably cheaper than using BARF, and it was essentially the same thing. More therapeutic, too. I think."

Pepper kissed the side of his face and ran her hand down his cheek, a small smile escaping her.

"Does that mean you'll get the money back for building that thing?"

"Don't count on it," he winked at her. "I don't think that's how near-death experiences work."

"Can you at least change the name of the invention, please?"

"That, I really should."

"Yes, you should."

"How about: Visual Outer Memory Implant Technology?"

"You mean: VOMIT? How is that any better?"

"OK, OK! Wait… uhm… I got it! Projected Unfixed Knuckleheadedness Enhancer."

"Knuckle…" she shook her head and chuckled. "PUKE, really? Now you're just reaching."

"Maybe I am."

"You are."

"Got a smile out of you."

"A little one."

"I'll take it. Totally worth it."

She closed her eyes and hugged him again, breathing in his scent without shame while he did the same to her.

"Did it help?" she suddenly asked. "Talking to them, did it really help?"

He hummed in affirmation.

"As much as it could. It didn't feel like it was long enough, though. They… they said I was out for three days. And I know that I actually was, but… it didn't feel like three days while I was with them. Hell! It didn't even feel like twenty minutes. And I…" he sighed. "I didn't even think that I was coming back. Some things they said… it just didn't sound as if coming back to you was an option at that point. Or that I'd see you again someday, either. It sounded like I was stuck on that beach with them, forever and ever."

Instead of commenting on his words, Pepper simply held him tighter than she had already been, not wanting to imagine a life in which Tony was taken away from her too soon, and an afterlife in which she never got to see him again. This was why she believed in life after death, and in out-of-body and near-death experiences. Because it gave her hope that it was not all over once one bit the dust. That there was a prize for everyone that passed the test of life, and that this reward was being with your loved ones for all eternity. She wanted to believe that the land of the living was just a pit stop while waiting one's turn to make it to the real last stop everyone was destined to reach.

She wanted to believe that she had seen her grandmother after she had died. And she wanted to believe that Tony had seen his parents while he had been unconscious, because then she could claim these experiences to be evidence of life after death. And if life after death did not include being with Tony, then she had no interest in getting there. She wanted to be where he was.

"But I'm here, Honey," the genius said, as if he had been reading her thoughts. "With you. As crazy as I probably sound to you right now, I'm still here. I'm still yours."

For now, the voice in the back of her mind mocked her. While he doesn't know you chose not to have his kids, he'll stick around. Once he finds out, though…

I didn't choose not to have his children, Pepper silently argued with herself.

You made yourself not able to have any.

I made myself stop losing them!

Without telling him that you had!

"Pepper?" Tony's voice kept her from replying to herself. "Are you all right?"

The redhead gulped and blinked rapidly a few times, helping her eyes focus on Tony's concerned-looking face. At some point during the conversation she had drifted off from, she had ended up on her back again, with the genius partly on top of her. He was holding his torso above her by resting his weight on his bent right arm, and using his left hand to brush away loose strands of hair from her face.

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you believe that?"

"Believe what?"

"What your parents said about Barnes? Do you really believe that people shouldn't be judged for something they did that they didn't have much control over?"

Her question was selfish and she knew it. But she could not help to wonder if Tony really believed that Barnes, or anyone who made a decision while not in the right frame of mind, could be forgiven for acts committed while not completely under control of themselves. She knew she was asking more for herself than anyone else, but damn if she did not want to hear the inventor say that she had a chance to be forgiven by him, when the time came to tell him what she had done.

"I think it's a possibility," Tony shrugged. "I mean, I guess I kinda did it, too, when I thought Palladium was gonna be the end of me. Did a lot of things then that I'm not really proud of, but in my mind, they all felt completely justified. Had I not been dying, maybe… I don't know. I guess I wouldn't have done as much stupid shit as I did then."

The redhead offered an ambiguous-sounding hum to his reply. It was as much of an answer as anyone could give on the matter without knowing the full details of why the question was being asked in the first place. The truth was, this was as much as Tony was going to say about it without heavily leaning one way or the other, simply because agreeing wholeheartedly with the statement his parents had made meant giving Barnes an out for what he had done. Granted, killing people in cold blood did not compare to giving away one's entire art collection to the Boys Scouts of America, or even getting one's tubes tied, but everyone was different. The only common thread on this, if there was one, was that Barnes had not been in full control of his body and actions, Tony had thought he only had but a few months to live and the ticking clock had been driving his actions during that time, and Pepper had been under the influence of stress, anxiety and leftover pregnancy hormones.

Even if they had been in command of their bodies going through the motions and their minds making the decisions, outside factors beyond their control had heavily influenced what they had or had not done. It was a stretch – perhaps just false hope; but the redhead wanted to believe that Tony would keep that in mind when she finally came clean with him.

There would be a time and place to test her theory, but it was neither here nor now.

Wanting not to think about it anymore, Pepper opted to return her full attention to Tony by closing her eyes and tilting her head so that she could feel more of his hand. He did not disappoint and reacted by cupping the side of her face. In turn, she covered his with her right one while her left one held the back of his neck, lightly massaging him and subtly hinting at what she wanted to do now: not talking about death and horrible decisions that had already been made. Yet, she did not want to transition the conversation before showing him her appreciation with his vulnerability and openness.

"Thank you for telling me about it. About seeing and talking to your parents. I hope you know it won't leave this room."

"Didn't even cross my mind that it would, Pep," Tony replied, his lips brushing her nose. "You know I trust you."

"And if you want to talk about it more later?"

"You'll be the first one to know."

Pepper smiled at him before she lifted her head to give him a brief kiss on the lips. "Want to nap before dinner?"

Tony shrugged. "I might be a bit tired."

"You should be a lot tired after what we did. I know I am."

"Oh, Sweetheart, you're wrong," he gave her a mischievous smile and lightly bucked against her for emphasis. "I haven't shown you what tired really feels like with me."

"Oh?"

She could not wait for him to prove her wrong.