THE P.E.G.A.S.U.S. FACILITY,
NEW MEXICO.
Phil Coulson watched as the Director struggled to get off the helicopter. He sighed and looked at his watch. They were never going to get everyone out of the facility. Certainly not with Nick Fury's evident fear of heights.
When Coulson looked back at the Fury he saw that Agent Maria Hill was practically carrying him out of the helicopter. Fury looked extremely shaken up; his eyes wide and nearly bulging out of his head and his skin shiny with sweat.
Neither Fury or Hill made any attempt to walk towards him and the facility. So, because of pure urgency, Coulson started to approach the landing bay.
"Director." Coulson greeted. "It's good you could come."
"Yeah... I don't feel too good right now." Fury stumbled away to a nearby wastebin and began retching.
"So, how bad is it," A voice said. Coulson turned his attention from the very ill Director towards Maria Hill, who had a flip mirror out and was putting on lipgloss.
"We don't know, ma'am," Coulson was beginning to feel annoyed. They had a serious situation at hand, and these people were supposed to be in charge. "Sir!" He called to Fury, who looked up from the wastebin.
"We'd better go inside." Coulson advised, pointing behind him.
"Why? Everyone else is running out of there." Fury pointed to the mob of people who were evacuating.
"It's the Tesseract sir, Dr. Selvig read an energy surge from it four hours ago." Coulson briefed. "Hey, now, wait a minute," Fury looked angry, and began walking over to him. "Did you motherfuckin' just tell me Selvig ran some tests on that blue-cube?"
"He wasn't testing—" Coulson began to explain.
"—No! NASA didn't authorize that motherfucker to go fooling around with that thing! I—"
"—Sir, it just turned itself on. I guess maybe it saw something sexy in the room." Coulson explained hurriedly, not wanting Fury to throw another one of his tantrums. They certainly didn't have time for another one of those.
"Oh." Fury sounded somewhat embarrassed.
"How high are the energy levels on the lego cube?" Hill spoke up, putting her mirror away.
"Too high, and they're getting higher." Coulson reported. "It'll take about another ten hours for everyone to get evacuated, but," He added, licking his lips. "Evacuation might be pointless; if we can't control the Tesseract's ejaculation, there might not be a minimum safe distance."
"Huh," Fury stroked his chin. "Well then, I guess we should tell them to go back to sleep."
Coulson thought that this was not an appropriate time for such a dark joke. But he decided not to say anything.
"Tell them!" Fury ordered, his eyes going wide with annoyance.
"...To go to sleep...?" Coulson frowned.
"Did I stutter or are you hard of hearing!?" Fury practically screamed.
"Sorry!" Coulson pulled out his walkie-talkie. After telling the man operating the loudspeaker to tell everyone to go to sleep, he put it back into his belt and turned to Fury.
"If you'll come with me, sir, I can take you to the Tesseract." He said, hoping Fury would agree.
For a moment it looked like the Director would argue. But then he sighed, shrugged, and, turning to Hill, said, "I need you to go and make sure all the issues of my comic books I ordered have been shipped out."
Coulson couldn't help but roll his eyes.
Hill snorted, "When are you going to stop reading that stuff? It's for dorks."
"You go and make sure that every issue is gone, bitch." Fury snapped. Hill merely sighed and walked passed him, muttering curses under her breath. When she had entered the building, Fury crossed his arms and glared at Coulson.
"Are you going to bring me to the blue-cube or keep staring at me?" Fury. growled.
"Right this way sir," Coulson said, turning and leading the way to the door.
Fury entered the facility that held the Tesseract. Coulson had left him at the door, saying he had to go get something.
"Where is the Selvig bitch!?" Fury shouted, causing the attention of all the people in the room to be directed to him.
Dr. Erik Selvig, a creepy looking man, walked slowly out behind some machinery.
"Yessss?" He asked in a croaky, slow voice.
"Get over here right motherfuckin' now." Fury demanded. The blue-cube caught his eye. It was brighter than ever, and flare rings around it sparked randomly.
"The Tesseract, is…"
Fury jumped at the sound of a voice directly in his ear. Selvig was mere inches from him, and whispering creepily.
"...Masturbating." Selvig grinned. Fury glared at the man, disgusted and at a loss for words. Why they had even got Selvig involved with all this was beyond him. All he knew was he didn't authorize it.
"Was that supposed to be funny?" He asked finally.
"Yes." Selvig said. His eyes flicked towards the Tesseract. "We cannot shut it down, as you see it is an energy source. We turn it off, it turns back on. If it reaches orgasmic levels—"
"—Everyone will die. Yes, I know, I know. Where the hell is Barton?" Fury asked, looking around the room, sick of talking with Selvig.
"Being emo as usual." Selvig pointed up to the railings, where a dark figure stood. Selvig then crept away, looking once again at the Tesseract and rubbing his hands.
Fury walked over to the railings. "Agent Barton, report!"
Agent Barton ignored him. As Fury looked closer, he saw that the emotional archer had headphones in. Angrily, Fury ascended the stairs, deliberately stomping down on each step as loud as he could. When he reached Barton he didn't hesitate in snatching the headphones off his head.
"Hey, dude! What the hell!" Barton whipped toward him, his face contorted with rage. He reached to grab his headphones back but Fury held them up higher.
"Just what the hell do you think you're doing listening to bullshit music while the blue-cube is masturbating!?" Fury demanded.
"We're all gonna die!" Barton replied, his voice adopting a whining tone that made Fury want to strangle him. "So I might as well listen to something, like, good when the end comes!"
"Boy, pull yourself together!" Fury shouted. "I gave you this job so you could keep an eye on the Tesseract! Has anyone come in and tampered with it? I knew they shouldn't have brought in that motherfucker Selvig—"
"—Dude, no one's come or gone, if there was any tampering, it wasn't at this end." Clint crossed his arms.
"At this end?" Fury echoed.
"Yeah, man, it's a doorway to space, and doors open both ways," Clint explained.
"They do?" Fury asked while glaring at Clint. "Gee, I didn't know that."
"Really?" Clint asked, sounding surprised and amused. "You didn't know that—"
"—Of course I fucking knew that! Do I look stupid to you, boy?!" Fury shouted, punching Clint in the face. Clint crumpled in an instant. Before Fury could say or do anything more to Clint, the whole facility began to shake and thunder. Fury looked at the Tesseract, which was now glowing extremely bright.
The facility was rumbling so much that Fury fell off the rails, screaming. When he hit the ground, Fury saw that the Tesseract had built up energy into a beam.
"What's happening!?" Fury shouted to Selvig.
"It's coming!" Selvig shouted back.
The beam formed a vortex, and then a gust of blue energy filled the room, blinding everyone temporarily. The lights had gone out, the only light came from the Tesseract, which had dimmed.
It was quiet.
Very quiet.
Until a sound reached Fury's ears. The sound of heavy breathing.
Some of the agents, armed with guns, were approaching a kneeling figure surrounded by smoke who had suddenly appeared in the room, several feet in front of the Tesseract.
The figure looked up, still breathing heavily. When the smoke surrounding him had cleared, Fury could see that he was wearing a hockey-mask, and in his hands was a chainsaw that had bright blue glowing blades. His eyes fell on Fury, and he stood up.
"Look dude, if you wanted to do a Jason cosplay; he doesn't use a Goddamn chainsaw!" Fury said, irritated. Cosplayers these days; they could never get the costume right. "And don't go giving me that shit that it's a Jason-Leatherface mashup."
The intruder looked at the chainsaw, as if he had just noticed he had been holding it. Then he looked back at Fury, and then at everyone in the room.
"Are you retarded?" Fury asked.
Suddenly the intruder raised the chainsaw, and it shot a blue exploding laser towards Fury. Fury quickly leapt to the side. The other scientists in the room were not so lucky. The minute the laser hit them they seemed to explode into a bloody fountain of mess. Chaos broke loose in those few seconds. The screams of the scientists and agents being hit sent shivers down Fury's spine. He tripped over a fallen table and fell to the ground. He saw the agents begin firing their guns at the intruder, but the bullets seemed to bounce off harmlessly.
The intruder leaped towards his attackers, diving the chainsaw into the nearest one. Beneath the loud sound of the chainsaw there was a shriek. In another few seconds the rest of the agents had been taken down, their insides strewn about the room.
The scientists that had survived the attack cowered behind their desks, crying pathetically. The intruder started walking deeper into the room, looking at the chaos he had caused. Fury pretended to be dead on the floor, knowing that was his only chance of survival. The intruder stepped past him without a glance. When he had passed Fury started crawling towards the Tesseract. He had to get it out of here. He slipped behind a desk, out of view for at least a moment. He had just started to inch closer when he heard a piercing scream.
Fury froze, wishing he had brought his gun.
"No man, like, chill out!" He heard Barton exclaim. "Don't kill me. Come on, dude, just let me listen to one more song."
Fury rolled his eyes and began to once again creep towards the Tesseract. He heard the chainsaw turn on again. Barton deserved everything coming to him. Finally he wouldn't have to deal with him whining about his 'problems.'
Fury reached the Tesseract without further incident. To his right laid Selvig, his shoulder bleeding, but he was otherwise unharmed.
"Fuck." Fury muttered. He had hoped Selvig had been killed in the midst of the chaos. But it appeared that he had been lucky. Selvig smiled at Fury in a way that made him uncomfortable.
Fury noticed that at the ceiling, a great cloud of blue energy had appeared. He didn't think much of it, and reached out for Tesseract.
His hand never made it. For at that instant a dagger went through his hand, impaling it.
Fury screeched in pain, turning around to face his attacker. The intruder stood, watching him, and behind him was... several of the scientists...?
All of them had dead, black eyes. All of them bore the same serious, senseless expression. All of them looked drained of life, with graying skin and dark circles under their eyes. They were like zombies. On the front of their shirts was a large red blotch.
"...The hell?!" Fury shouted. "Who the hell are you?!"
"I... am your god." The intruder said. Fury frowned at his voice. It had a faint british accent to it, and it sounded very cold. "Your king, if I may speak so soon. I am burdened with... glorious purpose."
"One, I have no god; I am a satanist." Fury winced through pain. He caught Selvig staring at him. "Two, I am an american citizen. Thus, I have no king. And what's that shit about glorious porpoises?"
The intruder sighed. "Must you ruin my grand entrance?"
"You ruined my hand, bitch." Fury snapped, returning his attention to his impaled hand. He couldn't feel it, and he couldn't decide whether or not that was good. He finally figured it was better that he couldn't feel it. He looked up at the intruder, who, at this point, was in the process of taking off his mask.
When he got it off, Fury immediately started laughing hysterically. Here he was expecting a horribly disfigured, evil-looking face.
The man looked extremely exhausted; Fury would give him that. And he looked pretty ill as well. His skin was extremely light, but had a yellowish hue to it. He had greasy black hair which was flared out ridiculously. His eyes had a wild look to them.
"What are you laughing at?!" The man yelled. A couple of the people behind him started laughing as well. Fury noticed that Clint was among the people.
"Stop laughing at me!" The man screamed. His announcement was followed by immediate silence.
"I am Loki of Asgard." The man said in a calmer voice. "And I will not tolerate any mockery made by you mortals—"
"—Wait a minute, wait a minute," Selvig cut in, getting to his feet. "Loki? As in: Loki the brother of Thor? You know, the big, awesome, muscular, blonde hot dude who saved us—"
"—SHUT UP ABOUT THOR!" Loki shouted angrily, pacing over to Eric and stabbing his chainsaw through his chest. Eric tensed up, and then his eyes turned black. Fury watched in shock. Loki pulled the chainsaw out of the doctor, and immediately Selvig's flesh began fusing together, until all evidence of a wound was gone, except for a blotch of blood.
"Just what the fuck do you want?" Fury asked seriously, keeping his eyes on Loki as he attempted to pull the dagger out of his hand. Loki grinned maniacally.
"I have come here to save you," He said. Fury snorted. "Save us? From what, yourself? Cause so far the only reason we would need saving is because you came in here."
Loki laughed softly.
"Sir, if I may," Clint approached Loki, his voice sounded robotic and monotonous. "This place is about to blow." He pointed to the cloud of energy, which had rapidly built up.
"He's right," Selvig said, his voice bearing the same artificial sound as Clint's. "The portal is collapsing on itself. We have maybe a couple minutes before it gets critical."
"Well then," Loki said, turning to Fury and shooting him another smile and then nodding at Barton. Fury's brow furrowed in confusion.
Then a gunshot went off. At first Fury didn't even know where it came from, but then he saw Barton holding a pistol aimed directly at him. He felt something warm all over his torso. As he looked down he saw he was covered in blood. Fury couldn't feel anything.
He knew he should have worn his bulletproof vest.
"Motherfu…" He looked back up at Loki, who laughed crazily it him. Then he saw him turn away, his zombie-assemblage following close behind. Fury's vision blurred, and he found it hard to breath. There was a loud boom of noise, and a few brief shouts. And then everything faded to black.