AN: It has been a while. I read a review by GardenOfSnow and decided that this had been left on its own for far too long. I'll try to do a third chapter soon, but I'm pretty flaky with this stuff. This is a really short chapter, so you guys get an excerpt from Albania! :)))))))))

Also, shameless self-advertising, but check out my other HP fics which include 'Tom Riddle- Wandmaker Extraordinaire', featuring a Voldemort that sees the obvious when confronted with an obviously immortal Ollivander, and 'Dumbledore and the Mirror of Erised' which details exactly what Dumbledore sees when he looks in the mirror.

Thanks for reading this my awesome band of followers and reviewers!

AN: Update- thanks to GardenofSnow for pointing out a mistake I had made about where Volde wants to go next.

Chapter 2: Quirrell vs. the Stone

"Are y-y-you sure Hag-g-grid has the st-st-stone, master?" Quirinus murmured.

"Of course I'm sure! We didn't spend twenty minutes loitering in Gringotts in order not to be sure!"

You see, only a fool loiters at Gringotts. Goblins give the nastiest looks and hold the nastiest spears, and I felt we were cutting it a bit too close with the hasty exit after Hagrid and Harry followed their goblin guide. A purple turban is only so good a disguise, and everyone knows magic isn't allowed in the bank.

"I s-s-see him my lord. Shall I f-f-follow him f-f-for you?"

"No, we cannot risk being seen. Go to Borgin and Burkes. I have some actual business to get done there," I didn't actually, but I figured the odds of my bumbling minion following orders were higher if I added that.

"I will st-t-teal the stone for y-y-you master!"

"I know, Quirinus. I am making you steal the stone for me. Why else would I deign to share a body with a stuttering idiot like you?"

My statement was largely ignored as Quirinus began moving forward, away from Gringotts. I could tell because he started sweating under his turban, which he always does when he's nervous.

"Quirinus! Your sweat is in my eye! Where are we going?!"

"I will steal the st-t-tone for you master!"

Hagrid stood outside Madam Malkin's, holding two ice cream cones. I know this because I am an all-powerful ex-dark lord. Also, I am not above using Legilimency on my minions.

"It's p-p-perfect, my lord. I'll j-j-just take the st-t-tone out of his p-p-pocket," Quirinus stammered out, making everything ten times longer than it needed to be.

"Even if you insist on adding that godawful stutter for show, you don't need to have it when you're talking to me. I know you don't stutter," I had little hope that this would work.

Quirinus was so focused on the stone that he didn't hear me. Or he was faking and thus proving his unreliability as a minion.

He reached for the Hagrid's pocket . . . and Hagrid turned to wave through the window.

"Bugger," Quirinus whispered.

"You're thinking like a muggle," I told him, "If I wanted to possess a muggle, I would have!" Quirinus scowled. At least, I think he did. No one wants to be a muggle, not even the muggles.

"Accio stone!"

There was a pause, and a stone flew up and smacked Quirinus. Then another, and another, and another.

I would've laughed if our situation hadn't been so dire.

"Finite," I hissed, "FINITE!"

Apparently even I, the most powerful wizard in living memory, crusader of justice, can't use spells without a wand.

We were attracting attention.

"Finite you idiot! Finite!" I yelled.

"Finite!" Quirrell yelped.

The stones stopped attacking him and Hagrid turned around.

"Ye alrigh' there? Looks like one of 'em got stuck in your turban."

Quirrell apparated on the spot.

Excerpt from a couple years ago in Albania . . .

"Tell me, what did I ask you to fetch?" I hissed, most displeased, to my servant.

"A magic stick, my lord," replied a young adder, already feeling guilty for his utter failure. At least, I thought he was young. What other possible excuse could he have for being such an incompetent minion?

"And what is this?"

"Not a magic stick, venerable master."

I had been trying to teach my snake-servants the phrase 'venerable master' for weeks! The fact that one of them only used it now confirmed my suspicions that snakes were far cleverer than they seemed. If they were as loyal as they seemed, they should have already used this intelligence. Therefore, they were serving some other snake-possessing dark lord.

I levitated a stick with my sheer willpower. If I was in my former body, I would have Crucioed the fool for serving a different master already, but this would have to do.

"You see this?" I asked.

The adder lowered his head in shame.

"Yes venerable master."

"Prepare to suffer the consequences of failure."

The stick lifted higher. The stick wobbled. The stick poked the adder in the tail, then collapsed. I frowned and attempted to lift it again, but my strength was spent.

I turned my back on the adder.

"I have decided to grant you mercy today. Serve me well and you shall be rewarded with rats."

The adder lit up at this and quickly trailed away.