Guest Review Responses
MarieLecter: Oh dear... You totally broke me! Tell me that Tony will find a way to "repair" Pepper! *faint* I can't believe it's nearly the end... does it really have to end? Anyway! Great work! – I'm sorry! But I will put you back together. Not with this chapter so much, but definitely with the Epilogue.
Guest: MY HEART. IT IS BROKEN. I thought she could have her tubes untied and everything would be okay. I mean, I know adoption is an option and all. But TEARS ARE BEING HAD RIGHT NOW. I trust you to deliver a happy ending so I will patiently wait. Please don't send me to an early grave with a heart attack. – There will be a happy ending… but this is not it. There's no sequel, though, so the happy ending will be in the Epilogue :D
Guest: Qué clase de ser humamo eres que juegas así con mis sentimientos.. Que clase? Dios estoy intrigada por como vas a darnos un happy end.. – ¡Lo siento! ¡Soy de lo peor! O, como dice mi mama: no soy una niña normal :P Prometo que para el final, todo estará bien.
Chapter 17: New York
Pepper could not believe it, even with the magazine in her hands. Well, she could. She did; but she was still in awe at the lengths that the insufferable woman would go for attention. For fame. For money. Or for whatever the hell she thought she was going to gain from this.
A lot of problems. That's all that the bitch is getting.
The meeting with the Board Members had gone great, and their trip was now officially over. Yet, not even three minutes into the board room being emptied after everyone had been dismissed, save for her and for Tony, and exaggerated pats on the back had been exchanged, the inventor had dropped a bombshell on her.
"We have a problem," he had told her. "I need you to sit down."
Her hands had shaken as he had given her the short version of the issue. At first, her whole body had trembled with nerves, not having a clue as to what Tony had wanted to talk to her about and fearing that Dr. Adler had reached out to him about her health issues before they had spoken while still in Mexico City. Then, as she listened to the genius tell her about the post-dated magazine that had been left at his home, and the condensed version of what Christine Everhart had done and had asked in return for her silence, Pepper's body shook even more than before. This time, however, she had shaken in pure and unbridled anger.
How dared the desperate woman try to do this to them?
Pepper eyed the publication with disdain, her fingers tapping the executive desk at her former office in Stark Tower while she waited for their lawyer to show up. They had decided to let Vanity Fair run the issue, just as it had been sent to them. They would just prepare to sue the editor for all he was worth, and Christine Everhart, too, while they were at it, once the printing became public. It was the best way to set an example to anyone in the future who thought blackmailing them was as easy as publishing an article that was filled with partial lies. Or unfinished truths, depending on who read it and what they knew. She herself had not been able to get past the miscarriage section of the article, and that had only been the start of it.
The redhead sighed and eyed the clock. Their lawyer would not be here for another half hour, and Tony was out and about, telling Christine Everhart in person just where she could put that magazine along with that demand of hers. Pepper had wanted to do that part herself, but Tony had told her he would handle her. He had insisted that there was no need to bring her further into the mess that he had helped cause. The last thing he wanted was for Christine and Pepper to be in the same room. They could leave that for the courtroom, he had pointed out. As far as Pepper was concerned now, that suited her just fine.
She would be forced to face Christine at some point during the lawsuit, that much was true. Might as well do so only when there was no choice or a way out.
And with witnesses… plenty of them. Because that woman loves to lie!
Then again, Christine Everhart had not lied about the miscarriage. She had made an educated guess and she had happened to hit the mark. It was not uncommon for a woman to miscarry, even if it was not common knowledge. It was actually more common to miscarry than to give birth. Biology worked like a bitch sometimes. Or every time, depending on who was at the receiving end of its wrath.
As much as she hated to admit it, Pepper Potts and biology were not the best of friends. They were not even frenemies. They were just archenemies, destined to fight one another for the rest of their lives. Biology would eventually have the big win, as it would in every case for any living thing, when the redhead ceased to exist. Yet, while she could still do something about it, while she could still give it a run for its money, the ginger was ready to give biology all the fight she had to give.
Pepper sighed loudly yet again at the thought, her eyes scanning the room, memories of her experiences here against biology hitting her like a ton of bricks. Maybe Tony was on the right path by wanting to sell this place. It was cursed, for all she knew. Cursed with bad vibes and full of heartache. Maybe dropping a bomb on top of it was better than selling it. She did not want to pass on the cursed place to someone else.
Or maybe, I'm the one that's cursed, the redhead mused, her fingers twitching, a small part of her wanting to finish reading the article in its entirety. She knew that she would have to read it at some point, perhaps once the lawyer made it to the office so that they could start preparing the case. But she could not make herself do so right now… as much as she could not make herself not do so either.
"Ugh!"
Pepper groaned and stood up and away from the desk. Maybe putting some distance between herself and the magazine would help. Maybe thinking about how well the Board meeting had gone would make her feel better. Maybe trying to figure out what inventions Tony had left behind on the table by the corner of the office would distract her. Maybe she should just call Mark, their lawyer, right now and tell him that she would rather meet with him after she spoke to Tony at the Per Se.
Yes.
That sounded like a great idea, in fact.
She would need all the energy in the world to get through that article, anyway. Might as well start saving it now.
After a resigned sigh, Pepper pulled out her phone from her pocket. She unlocked it and held it in her hand for a second, her thumb ready to press the button that would pull up her contact list, when the vibrating of the device scared the life out of her. She nearly dropped the whole damned thing on the floor before she was able to control her jittering and then slid her thumb across the screen to answer the call.
It was Tony.
"Is Mark there?"
"Nope. Not yet. Why?"
"Can you send him over here instead? Christine is making this more difficult than I thought. I think I'm gonna need some witnesses."
"For what? What did she do?"
"Oh, nothing unexpected. She just, you know, opened her door, told me she was expecting me, and then cracked her whip."
"Her whip?"
"Yeah, her whip. Oh, yeah! Did I mention that she's wearing only a thong and heels?"
"WHAT?"
"Yup. I'm gonna need Mark. And chlorine poured over my eyes. Send him, please?"
"Of course. Let me call him."
"Thanks, babe. Bye."
"Bye."
The incredulous look on Pepper's face was a poor show of how she really felt as she processed Tony's words – as she tried to picture the image of what the billionaire had described to her. Of all things! How could this woman be so out of her mind to think that it was OK to wait for Tony to show up at her doorstep only to try to entice him after he had already rejected her so many times? That took a special kind of neediness and an air of self-importance that rivaled Tony's old ways. What the hell was the matter with Christine?
"Let's not pull at that thread," the redhead mumbled as she speed-dialed Mark's number. The lawyer answered halfway through the first ring, apologetic words already coming out of his mouth about not making it to their meeting, even if he was not even late to it yet, when Pepper interrupted him to relay to him the new development she had just learned about.
"A whip and a thong? In the middle of the day? You don't say."
"I wish I didn't have to."
"Wow!" Mark groaned before a ridiculous thought crossed his mind. "I hope this case is not dismissed before heading to court by her plea being too insane to stand trial."
"She fits the bill, I think."
"She wouldn't. Legally speaking, that is. But they could try. She's gonna be in real hot water once this issue comes out. Even if she were able to use it to get out of the criminal lawsuit, you'll still get her once we move on to civil."
"And she can definitely make a great case for the insanity plea," Pepper rolled her eyes. "Anyway, can you go help Tony instead? I'm sending you the address right now. We can reschedule our meeting."
"Sure thing, Ms. Potts – I mean: Mrs. Stark. Sorry. Still getting used to that."
Pepper scoffed before remembering that, even though their business trip was over, there was still a part to play for a few more days or weeks while she and Tony got things sorted out about where they would go from here.
"Join the club. We had gifts at the office this morning. And some complaints about being cheated out of the big event."
Mark laughed, his vehicle already heading towards Christine Everhart's home.
"We'll get over it. I hope you like the gift my wife and I sent you, though. And since I don't get to see you after all today, let me just go ahead and say: congratulations on the wedding! Janice and I were rooting for you two from the start."
"Thank you," Pepper replied, knowing that short and sweet answers were best for now. Her eyes still fell to stare at the wedding rings she was yet to remove from her finger, and her thumb rolled them over from side to side in a nervous tick that she had developed as soon as the rings had made themselves comfortable in her hand.
"OK. I gotta go. Traffic's picking up. See you later, Mrs. Stark."
"See you later, Mark," the redhead replied, almost absentmindedly, before she heard the click that signaled the end of the call.
Her gaze was glued to the rings for a few more seconds as she returned her phone to her pocket, while memories of the events that had led the family heirloom to end up around her finger were slowly coming to her. From the conversation she and Tony had had about selling the tower to prepare for a potential future family, to the day that he had proposed to her and she had declined, and then finally to the moment he had slid the rings on her fingers after he had blurted out the lies about them being married to Raul Contreras. All of it – all of the steps taken to get here – were so weird and convoluted; not a normal or straight path in the slightest. They were nothing at all like the simple life she had thought she would have when she had been young and naïve. Innocent and carefree. So, so, so unprepared for the real world.
Then again, it was not as if she regretted the life she had chosen for herself. It did, however, leave her wondering about what her life would have been if she had made different choices. Like choosing to not go under the knife to solve a problem she had thought she had. Or choosing to decline Tony's marriage proposal. Or choosing to lie to him about why she had declined.
Choices. Different choices. Every choice could have led her to a different path.
As she lowered her hand, her fingers brushed against a familiar pair of glasses set on the corner table where Tony tinkered with his inventions when he was bored. The ridiculous name of his costly mental therapy aide made her giggle and then groan, once she remembered that he had announced during the Board meeting of this morning that he was considering changing the name of his prized possession to something that spelled HURL.
"Why do you insist on naming this item something related to the same bodily function, Mr. Stark?" one of the Board members had asked.
"Because that is what it does," Tony had deadpanned his response. "It's a way for the mind to spit out the bad things that are making it sick. Poetic, isn't it?"
There had not been much room or will to debate that.
Technically, he had not been wrong. Practically, she was not sure if the damned thing did do its job.
With a shrug and small pout, Pepper grabbed the glasses and dropped them on her nose. She adjusted them and blinked rapidly while the operating system read her retinas and then made a connection with her brain. She had expected to feel some pain or at least a tingly sensation while it happened, but she hardly felt anything new or different. Once the screen told her the invention was ready to work as intended, Pepper's eyes landed on the television screen set against the wall. She had not meant to bring up anything specific – she had just wanted to look at something other than a bare wall. Yet, the second her eyes fixated on the television, the device came to life.
And so did the memory the glasses were helping her project.
Her breath hitched in her throat and her hands curled up on her chest when she realized what she was looking at. The memory was not of her alone. And it was not a random one either.
Bambi and Happy were there too, watching with her as the battle in Sokovia rolled on the screen. This time, however, the ground did not lift from the earth. Tony did not have to have a city fall on him. And she was not holding back lower belly pain behind Bambi and Happy as they all watched the development of Ultron's plan to wipe out civilization.
No. There was none of that. All she saw was a flicker of the television screen when the worst was to come. Instead of her heart beating out of her chest at the thought that Tony was dead, what she felt was relief at seeing his face on television – a little worse for wear, but still alive and sharing the good news with the world via the newsfeed. The battle was done and won. The Avengers had done it again. And: Honey, I'm gonna be late coming home tonight, had been said by him to the screen.
As quickly as the memory had appeared, it went away, leaving behind a never-turned-on-and-yet-turned-off television and an empty room yet again.
Before she could stop herself, her entire body turned, and she focused on the executive desk, expecting to see the fucking magazine mocking her. However, the glasses went to work, and instead of the empty space that should have been there, she saw herself sorting through dozens of papers. Piles of them – all burying the desk like a landfill. As she got closer to the projection, she realized what she was staring at: the moment she had come to the office, the morning of the MIT speech, and she had found Tony's will.
Except, instead of breaking down crying and then rushing out the door, an image of Tony came into view. He walked up to her, kissed her on the forehead, and then grimaced at the obvious mess she was trying to clear.
"Sorry, Honey, I thought I'd cleaned this up."
"Sure, you did."
"I did! Promise!"
"Right," holographic Pepper said before she handed Tony a load of papers. "The will looks OK, writing-wise, but I don't know if you want to file it as it is. You're giving up a lot of your rights there, Tony."
Holographic Tony shrugged. "I think I already did that the moment I proposed and you said yes. Haven't you heard, Pep? A man's life is over once he gets hitched."
Holographic Pepper rolled her eyes. "We can always cancel this whole thing, you know? It's not too late. I did see you have quite the contract with the wedding vendors."
"Damn it!" Holographic Tony threw his arms in the air. "I thought I'd hidden those receipts! Now you know where we're going for our honeymoon!"
"And that you were so sure I was gonna say yes. Very humble of you, Mr. Stark."
"Humble is my middle name. Thanks for noticing, Future Mrs. Stark."
The not-quite-memory dissipated as swiftly as the previous one had, leaving Pepper wanting more of this; wanting to see more of what could have been. Wanting to see the replaying of the memories in a different way would not change anything that had already been done or had not been said, but it did leave her feeling lighter somehow. Perhaps, her next memory should be recreating the phone call she had had with Dr. Adler about scheduling her surgery and ending up cancelling it after all. Or maybe, it should be about her learning that her reproductive system had NOT been killed, unbeknownst to her.
She was not sure how powerful this little device was, but maybe – just maybe, she could see what their son or daughter could have looked like.
With that thought in mind, and not sure how the glasses chose what memories to project, or the difference between memory and fantasy for that matter, Pepper stared at the trashcan by the entrance of the room. A second later, the projection appeared before her, making her watch herself stand by the container, her eyes glued to the cover of it as she slowly removed it from the can. Her heart began racing and her palms started to sweat, instantly identifying the moment she was looking at. It was somehow in reverse, however, because her hologram was taking the familiar gift bag out of the trash instead of putting it in.
Tears began falling down her cheeks as she wished with all her being that this had been the way things had gone for her. Especially when her holographic self took out the tiny onesie from the bag, held it in her hands, smiled, and then spoke the words that the ginger would never be able to utter herself.
"Tony: I'm pregnant."
"You're pregnant?"
The male voice made her look away from herself and towards the open door of the office to see a wide-eyed, mouth-gaped Tony Stark staring back at her. She remained silent as he closed the door behind him, locked it, and he then ran his hand down his goatee in nervousness.
"You're pregnant, Pep? You… you're pregnant?"
The redhead blinked twice and tilted her head to the side in confusion, only to then realize that the Tony she was looking at was not part of the projection – it was very much real. In fact, the projection had dissipated the moment she had been distracted by his voice. The glasses were not even operating anymore. A bolded message that read: SEQUENCE ENDED was blinking on the screen.
As the reality of what had just happened started to dawn on her, the inventor briefly stared at the trashcan before he all but ripped the cover from it to dig inside, his eyes wild and his breath ragged until he remembered that she was wearing the HURL. That what he had just seen was a recreation of a memory of hers, and not something that was happening in real-time.
The realization did not placate his adrenaline in the least, however. In fact, he was sure that it just made it worse and he felt as if he was about to use the trashcan to throw up. Instead, he pulled himself together, as much as he could in half a second, swallowed hard, and turned to face her standing form, so far away from him, both in body and soul.
"Pep?" he pleaded with her, unable to repeat the question for a fourth time.
With a long, shuddering sigh, Pepper took off the glasses and carefully returned them to the table. Her nose and eyes were already too red for his liking, giving him a glimpse of what he suspected was to come – something that he had not even considered could happen while he had taken a shortcut back to work by flying back to the premises in his suit. When Mark had called him and had told him that it was best that the inventor was not present when the attorney relayed the company's stance on the publishing of the magazine to Christine Everhart, Tony had been relieved to get back to the office and to Pepper. What he had not anticipated, though, was walking in on her using the retro framing device on herself, let alone doing so for a life-altering memory that would be on display for him to see.
"Are you?" Tony's voice was so low, tentative – it even sounded scared. She had heard it clearly only because they were the only two people in the room. She decided to reply as honestly as possible, because it was the right thing to do. And because she owed him that much.
"I'm not. But I was."
Tony took a small step towards her. "You were?"
The ginger nodded. "Yes. Twice. Lost it. Both times."
"With… me?"
The moment the question left his lips, Tony wanted to shoot himself at how it had sounded, and his flinching said it all. Infidelity on her part was not something he had tried to imply. Thankfully, Pepper did not seem at all shaken by his inquiry, perhaps understanding what he had meant by it instead.
"I mean, of course with me but…" his left hand dug into his pants' pocket, while his right hand gestured between them. "When?"
Looking at the floor, Pepper replied.
"The first time was when aliens fell from the skies. The second… when a large part of a city did."
When Pepper lifted her head to face him again, he had cut the distance between them in half. They were both silent for a long moment until, after hanging his head and shoving his right hand in his pocket to hide his trembling fists, Tony spoke again.
"Was it… was it natural or… did you want to… did you… was it your choice, each time?"
Pepper took in a deep breath.
"The first time, I found out after it was over. Because it was over. The second… the second…"
"The trash."
Pepper nodded and took a step towards him. "Yeah. The trash."
Silence extended again – this time longer than before, until Tony was able to somewhat control the quiver in his voice.
"Was it… was it me?" he spared her a glance before he hung his head again. "Was it… my fault?"
"My body wasn't ready for it. Wasn't ready to keep it."
"Don't bullshit me!" the snap in his tone made her visibly flinch because it had been unexpected, but she knew that he was not angry at her. Not per se. "Rogers tried to candy-coat the bad news to soften the blow for me, and that is not what I need and certainly not from you of all people, Pep! You know what I'm asking. Did I do this to you?" his eyes were now locked with hers, pleading with her to tell him the truth. "Did I cause the end of them? Is that why you didn't want to… with me… Was that it?"
Well, that did not take long for him to piece together. He was a genius, after all.
"Dr. Adler told me that my lifestyle is not conducive to successful pregnancies. She told me that I would have to make a lot of changes before I could even consider starting a family."
"With me," Tony added humorlessly without missing a beat as his right arm shot up to the ceiling. "Starting a family with me is not a thing because I fucking fly into wormholes with a nuke on my back!"
"No," Pepper reduced the distance between them just a tad more as she spoke, the words tumbling out of her mouth as easily as they had been repeated in her head many times over in preparation for their meeting at the Per Se. "Starting a family with you is not a thing because I was stupid and selfish, and because I didn't tell you how I felt. Because I didn't tell you what I was going through. I didn't ask you for help."
"Pepper–"
"No! Let me finish!" she swallowed down a sob. "I didn't tell you what I needed. I didn't push you to see it. You didn't know. I didn't know how to ask for it. I was scared to ask for it, and you didn't know what you needed to do. Starting… starting a family with you is not a thing… it-it… it will never be a thing… because I made it so."
Tony narrowed his eyes in confusion, his anger at himself forgotten for a moment.
"What? Wait, I thought… you said that they ended naturally, right? Or… did I misunderstand?"
"No, you didn't misunderstand. What I meant to say was that, after that second time… after knowing what I'd lost. After making up my mind on how I was going to tell you," she pointed towards the trashcan again. "Knowing how hard it was going to be. Knowing how much things had to change… I chose not to go through with it again. I chose… I chose to make it so that I couldn't get pregnant again. So that I can't get pregnant again. And I succeeded."
Tony's body froze at the confession. "You… succeeded?"
"I did."
Tony's gaze slowly lowered to her belly and then returned to her face.
"You…" Tony's hands began to shake even more. "You sterilized yourself?
"Yes."
"You did?"
"Yes."
"When?' his voice began to raise again. "Was it before or after I got down on one knee and asked you to marry me?"
"Before."
"Before?"
"Yeah."
"Before?!"
"Yes."
"How before?"
"What?"
"How long before?"
"Uhm… a few days… a week or two, maybe?"
"A week. Or two."
This time, the redhead simply shrugged, hugged herself, and then nodded her reply, unable to look at him as he took a few steps back and away from her as if she were ridden with a disease that was sure to kill anything within range. He directed his eyes towards the trashcan, the memory of the projection that had placed her near it leaving him cold to the bone. He was not sure what to say first – what to think first. He had no idea how to react to what was happening right now. In the span of a few minutes, he had learned so many important aspects of his life that had been kept from him for years. Situations and repercussions of them that no one should have had to deal with alone. Things that were all so crucial and life-altering that he had no clue which one to tackle first. So much to say and so much more to learn. So many ways to handle this in the best of ways, and yet, all his brain could silently repeat over and over again towards her was: how could you?
He half-turned and his gaze then ended on the issue of Vanity Fair that was sure to air their dirty laundry to the world. How much of it was true made his stomach churn. Pepper had been pregnant. She had lost the baby… babies. Their marriage was a sham. Hell. Their entire relationship seemed to be as much of a sham, too – their foundation built on lies.
Lies. Lies all around. His lies and hers.
He was as guilty as she was. He had no right to judge her as harshly as his mind was currently having no problem doing. Screaming and pointing fingers would lead them nowhere. Nowhere. And yet…
Yet…
"So… let me get this straight," the inventor began pacing the room as he spoke, conflicting emotions within him all fighting for dominance. "You got pregnant, with my child, not once, but TWICE! TWICE! And you didn't tell me. And then, you… you miscarried both times, and you DIDN'T tell ME? AND THEN! If that wasn't enough, you got your tubes tied or whatever, and didn't bother to give me a heads up or talk to me about it before you did it… and then you broke up with me because I LIED to you? But you… YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT ALL THAT?!"
Pepper opened her mouth to respond, but she had nothing to say to that.
"WHAT THE FUCK, PEPPER?!"
What the fuck, indeed.
Tony shook his head from side to side, his legs refusing to stop their pacing back and forth.
"You…" he scoffed. It seemed anger had the wheel now. "I can't believe you kept that to yourself. Something so… so…" he shook his head again. "Pregnant, Pepper? Pregnant?! What in the hell were you thinking?"
"I panicked, all right?" the ginger finally spat. She knew that she had no leg to stand on, but it was human nature to defend oneself. "I wasn't thinking straight! I… What was I supposed to tell you? Hey, Tony! How's breakfast? Oh, by the way, I'm pregnant with your child?!"
"Was it really that hard?"
"I don't know, you tell me. Was it a picnic to you when we had that scare and you thought I was pregnant? You sure were relieved that I wasn't!"
"But now you know why! We talked about it, remember? You know I was just scared to be a shit father like mine was! I was scared that I would put my family in danger. My kids. I can't even protect you sometimes!"
"I know that! I know…" Pepper closed her eyes, some of her defensiveness going away as she recalled the conversation they had had about the subject during their business trip. "I know."
"I just… I just can't believe you would lie to me about something like that. For so long. Do you know… do you even know how much that hurt me? How many nights I've stayed up, thinking I was the sole reason you were so unhappy with me to the point of breaking up? Do you even understand what this breakup did to me?"
"I did. I do. I… why do you think I couldn't make myself come back to you during our break? You… you weren't the only one dealing with your inner demons, Tony. With guilt. If… if it wasn't for this trip. If we hadn't been thrown together like this again… I don't think I would've found the guts to face you again. To own up to what I did to you. But I did. I do now. I think I do understand."
Tony scoffed. "You think you understand? Do you even have any idea to the lengths I've gone to get you back? And, for what? To find out that you were as much of a liar as I was? To find out that we could have… that you were… and that now we'll never… never… and to find out like this? By chance?"
"You were going to find out. I was going to tell you. At the Per Se."
"Hold up. You were going to tell me about this while we ate? Did you hope I would choke on my food because of it?"
"Of course not, Tony! Don't be ridiculous."
"Ridiculous? What's ridiculous is that I've been beating myself up for ruining your life, but it turns out it wasn't all my fault."
"Yes, I know! I know I made a huge mistake, all right? I'm not expecting your forgiveness. I don't expect you to understand or not hate me for it. I don't… I don't even expect you to ever talk to me again after this. To love me after this. I… I'm ready to face the consequences. I know what I did."
"To not love you after this," Tony shook his head and then rubbed his face with his hands. Disappointment was pushing anger out of the passenger seat. "How can you even think that? You really don't know me."
"I guess I don't," the redhead agreed. "That's part of the reason I did all of this. I thought I knew what you would do if you found out that the stress of watching you and your hero antics caused my miscarriages. I thought it would break you. I thought the guilt would eat you up and destroy you. But I was wrong. I was so wrong. You… you're stronger than that. I know that now. Stronger than I gave you credit for. You sometimes carry us both. You had the right to know."
"I had the right to know."
"You did. You did."
Tony nodded along with her response, feeling somewhat vindicated that she at least admitted that his feelings in the matter were as important as hers. In the end, it was her body and the decision to what she wanted to use it for was her choice. Nevertheless, they had been in this together. They had made those babies together. He had as much as right to at least weigh in to what they would do as she did.
"But it was me," the man asked after a pause. "Wasn't it?"
"What?"
"It was me," the genius slowly walked up to her, as if he were afraid she would reject him or startle her if he moved too fast, and then tentatively placed his palm on her lower belly. "It was me. You just said… it was my fault, right?"
"Tony–"
"I mean… I didn't pull a trigger or anything but, I didn't make it easier on you either, right? I didn't give you the peace that you needed?"
She placed her hand on his, over her belly. "You didn't know."
"I don't know if that would've made much of a difference," Tony spat and pulled his hand away from her to wipe at his face. "I knew you hated me being Iron Man. And I still big fat did it, anyway."
"That's different."
"You didn't think it was. Or you wouldn't have broken up with me. You would have told me about it. About them. You would've let me carry it with you."
Pepper shrugged and hugged herself again, watching the man she loved pull away from her again. "Maybe. Maybe not. It was different then."
"Yeah. It was different. I thought we had something we didn't. I thought we were honest with each other. But we were both lying our asses off. Probably still are. I know we still are."
Tony dragged himself towards the guest chair at the executive desk and plopped down in it. He hunched over, his elbows resting on his knees. He covered his face with his hands, groaned loudly into them, and then slid them down is cheeks until his hands were limp on his thighs. His eyes could not leave the floor between his feet, a million thoughts wanting to be the one that took ownership of his mind.
The silence between them was deafening. Overwhelming. It burned their skin. It threatened to pull all the oxygen from their lungs. It felt like being trapped in a submarine that was plummeting to the furthest depths of the ocean. The pressure was almost unbearable. The emotions at an all-time high. Part of him wanted to tell her to go to hell and walk away from her life forever. The other part wanted him to remember the thinking he had done while on their trip. It wanted for him to rationalize this – see it from her perspective – even if she had made no effort to do that for him before. This was not about getting even, he knew. They were past that childish need. This was about coming clean with one another. This was about being honest and telling the truth.
In fact, he still did have one more thing to tell her that she was not aware of. This time, however, he was going to make sure that she went first.
"Is that it?" he began, his eyes briefly looking towards her, a small hint of reproach in his tone of voice despite his attempts to remain calm. "Anything else I should know?"
"I… I'm not sure. Maybe?"
"Maybe?" he snarled. "I'm not looking for a maybe, Pepper. I'm looking for a yes or for a no. Just like when I asked you to…" he shook his head to calm himself and placed his right hand on top of his left one, feeling as if his wedding ring was ready to jump off of his finger on its own.
"Tony?" Pepper asked, her voice cracking and tears bursting from the corners of her eyes at seeing him pull further and further away from her.
"This," he pointed a single finger towards the floor. "This is your chance to get whatever you need off your chest, Pepper. This is your only chance to do that."
Pepper's right hand landed on her chest, the knot that was already there growing even bigger than before. "What do you mean my only chance?"
Tony closed his eyes. He could not face her while he said the next words. He knew how they would sound to her ears. He knew that they would hurt her. But he had reached the end of his rope. It was now or never. All or nothing. All in or all out.
Go big or go home.
"I'm done playing this game with you. I… I'm tired. So tired. I need to know everything. Tell me everything you want to tell me. Don't hold anything back anymore. And then, I have questions of my own, and one last confession to make to you. And that is it. That will be it for this conversation. We're not meeting at the Per Se. There's no need for it. You told me that all you wanted to talk about was this, so your chance is now. I'm not dragging this anymore, Pepper. I just want to get it out there and move on."
"Move on? Move on how?"
Tony shrugged, unsure of what the correct answer was. He was not certain himself. "In whatever way makes sense."
"So, what you're telling me is that… that you don't want to get back together? That, no matter what I say, you've made your choice?"
"I'm saying that you need to tell me the truth, Pepper. All of it. Right now, before I walk out that door."
An ultimatum. Just like the many she had placed before his feet, now laid at hers.
This was what she had wanted, however, was it not? She had wanted a chance to make things right with him and be honest. She had just thought she had more time. Even if it was just one more day. As it turned out, like a lot of things in her life, she did not have more time.
Before the panic took over her completely – before she could walk out the door herself in a bout of anxiety, Pepper Potts walked up to the man she loved, kneeled before him between his legs, and held his face in her hands.
"I was scared," she began, tears running down her face. "The first time I found out that I had been pregnant, I got scared. It was stupid to get scared afterwards, but I still did. I'd never been pregnant. I'd never been with anyone long enough for that to happen. I hadn't even thought about it that much. And I was sad. So sad that I had lost something that I didn't even know I had."
Pepper sniffled a few times, brushed her thumbs on his cheeks, and then continued her confession to him.
"And then, the second time, I wanted it. I was scared again. Hadn't expected for it to happen one more time. I was scared of how you would react when I told you, but I wanted it. I… I was freaking out for days – weeks. I Googled ways to tell you about it. I… what you saw… what you saw me take out of the trash… it was an Iron Man onesie. It was, it IS totally violating Iron Man trademark and copyright laws but… but it was so cute."
They both chuckled at her words and he lifted his hands to press them against where hers were on his face. He did not want her to let go of him. He wanted her to keep talking to him – to continue being open with him. He wanted to keep the connection. He wanted to feel his skin against hers.
"I had an appointment scheduled with Dr. Adler for an ultrasound. I was going to make you go there without knowing what the hell was happening, and I was going to show you. Then I was going to give you the gift. And I was going to hold my breath and hope that Dr. Adler wanted to help me give you CPR after you had a heart attack right there in the ultrasound room, even though she kept badmouthing you and the stress you put me through."
Tony closed his eyes briefly, taking the blame for that fact like a champ. When he opened his eyes again, though, Pepper's face was now inches away from his. He could feel her breath tickling his lips. The skin of her face barely brushing his. He could count all the freckles on her cheeks, with how close she was. He was practically hypnotized by her presence, almost lost in the feel of her, until she spoke again.
"But then…" her eyes fell. "Then Sokovia happened. I started getting really bad cramps. Horrible pains in my abdomen while I was watching the news. I was monitoring your vitals with the app you made. I was so scared again. I didn't want to lose you or the baby. I hadn't even had the chance to tell you and I…"
The hold he had on her hands tightened when he felt her loosen her grip. Tears were falling down his cheeks now, listening to what she had gone through without him, and his heart was breaking at the fact that she had made herself lose the chance at having that baby with him. He hated the fact that he had to hear what she had to go through. But he hated it more that she had done it alone because he had been away, trying to put down a rogue AI that he had helped make.
"When your heartbeat monitor flatlined," Pepper shook her head at the memory. "That was it for me. Bambi and Happy called an ambulance. They thought I was just panicking at thinking you were gone. And I was, but also… I started bleeding on the way to the emergency room. Dr. Adler showed up. She told me that there was nothing they could do for me, or for it."
The silence that followed her statement lasted only for a few seconds. It was only long enough for Pepper to control the quivering of her voice and for Tony to reluctantly allow her hands to be pulled away from his face to rest as fists on her upper legs.
"After that, I just started acting stupid and everything went downhill. Dr. Adler kept telling me I couldn't continue like this. She kept saying that she needed to talk to you about it. Tell you herself what needed to be done to carry a pregnancy to term. But that meant telling you what had happened, and I just wasn't ready for it. You were getting more and more involved with the Avengers, even if you didn't go out on missions as often. I thought, based on comments you've made, that you never wanted children. My hormones were all out of whack. I was so emotional. Everything bothered me…"
"So you did it," Tony said, slipping down from the chair to sit on the floor with his redhead, their knees touching. "You decided to have the surgery."
Pepper nodded weakly, the backs of her hands wiping away tears.
"It was quick. In and out. Simple. I figured I would tell you one day. If I had to. If you ever brought up the topic of kids… one day… in the future…"
"And I did," Tony lowered his head, the pieces of the puzzle coming together. "But it was too soon. You were still recovering. And then I proposed… and I… I accused you of… I didn't…"
"You didn't know. Just like I didn't know, until a few days ago, that the surgery did more than I had asked for," she dug her fingernails against the inside of her hands, the last part of her revelation being the hardest to share. "Dr. Adler didn't know either, because she didn't do the surgery for me. Someone else did, at the last second. And now… now my health is going to be… I'm going to be…"
Just like that, the waves of pain and regret that she had been trying to hold back, all came pouring out of her. Every feeling that she had pushed back for weeks; every emotion that she had forced herself to lock away, they all rushed out in a blur. She almost hit the floor when her body went limp, but Tony caught her in his arms and held her up as she told him everything else there was to know. She told him, in between painful-sounding sobs, about the error during surgery. She confessed her fears regarding what this was going to do to her. How she ran the risk of having a shorter life – a sick life, if her body so desired to be the case. How her choice had placed her on the path of an even more difficult life for her and anyone who was with her. She begged him for forgiveness for it at all. For lying to him. For leaving him out of the decision-making process that had led her here. For keeping him out of an experience he had every right to have lived with her, even if the experience had ended in heartbreak and disappointment.
She told him, in no uncertain terms, that she knew now that she should have let him in. Every time. All the time. She made sure that he understood that she knew that she had done wrong by him. And he, in turn, made sure that she also knew that he had learned, too. That he was also full of regrets and hopes for a better time together after this, and that he did not care if her life was going to be a nightmare for him. She was it for him. Had been for a while. Would be for the rest of his days. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Kids or no kids.
Then, as the crying subsided and he cradled her in his arms, Tony knew that it was time for his one question – one she had not answered with her previous words and that he needed an answer to – and also time to tell her about the fate of their marriage. Just a simple question and a final admission, and they could put all of this behind them once and for all.
He gave her another moment to compose herself, his hands rubbing her back as he did so, and he then cleared his throat to catch her attention. Pepper immediately lifted her head to face him, a hint of apprehension written all over her features. She was tired, physically and emotionally, they both were, but she knew that there was still something that Tony had to tell her. She wanted this to be over, too. And they were so close to the end.
So close, they could both feel it in the air.
Wanting nothing more than to call it done forever, Tony took in a deep breath, readjusted his position on the floor while Pepper still sat across his lap, and then spoke once again.
"During the trip. The showers. The… nights together. Why? Why did you do that with me?"
Pepper snickered, the honest answer coming out of her without problem; the opportunity to reply giving them a chance at feeling a sense of levity between them.
"Because you're good in bed. Never boring. Never disappointing. Because I wanted to. And because I love you."
"Huh," Tony could not hold back a smug smile, his ego growing as big as a planet with such simple words. "I think we're good, then."
Pepper giggled and shook her head. "Really? That easy?"
"Yup," he pressed his lips against his forehead.
"Good thing we're already married, then. Because I don't know if I want to attach myself to that arrogant self-image of yours long-term, if we weren't," she jested.
Tony flinched at that and cleared his throat again.
"Yeah… about that. Now that you mention it…"
Pepper furrowed her brow. "What? What about that?"
"Well… you see… My last lie to clear up. The last thing you need to know is… is…"
Before he could stop himself, his eyes glanced at the magazine for a second too long. Long enough for Pepper to notice it and for her head to pull back from his chest. She narrowed her eyes at him, then at the issue of Vanity Fair, and then her eyes shifted left and right. It did not take long for her eyes to grow wide; to look at their rings, and then to stand up from his lap and snatch the magazine from the table to find the article she was now dying to read.
Tony watched as she flipped through the pages, stopping on the section where the scanned documents were explained. He could see the understanding coming to her on her face – he could see the wheels turning in her head, learning what he had wanted to say. As she lost herself in the details of the article, he walked back to the door, opened it, retrieved a folder from Bambi that she had been holding for him, and then locked the door again behind him.
By the time Pepper had finished reading the explanation of their fake marriage, Tony had placed the original papers on the desk for her to see. The top paper looked exactly like the one she had seen on the picture in the magazine, missing the one signature that would make their marriage the real deal. Her name printed under the blank signature line was highlighted, and a small sticky note in the shape of an arrow pointed towards the empty line.
Pepper placed the magazine on the desk once more, and then stared incredulously at Tony.
"Is there anything in this article that is false?"
"Mmhh," Tony tapped the desk with his fingers. "I won't leave you for the lack of an heir. I don't care, if we could have kids, if we had a boy or a girl, and Christine Everhart is not my fucking mistress. Oh! And our marriage is not a sham if you just sign this paper before it expires next month and send it to the courthouse with this overnight, already paid-for shipping label."
Pepper picked up the paper in her hands. "So, it's true. We aren't really married?"
"We're one signature away from making that statement false."
"But we're not, right now?"
"Technically, we are, until July 31st. On the first of August, this document will expire and the marriage will be null and void."
"So, this signature… this one signature is the only reason we're not really married right now?"
"And the mailing. Mailing the document with a post date of no later than July 31st is very important, too."
"How did it happen?" Pepper began as she read the details of the document, "How did you find out?"
"Clerical error. And Happy did," Tony replied, his hand pulling out a pen from the holder on the desk before handing it to her.
A clerical error. Just like her extended surgery had been.
"And then he told me," Tony added with a shrug.
"When did he tell you?" the redhead asked as she grabbed the pen from him.
"Halfway through our trip, I think."
"And why didn't you tell me right away? This could have jeopardized our business deals."
"Yes, I know. But I didn't tell you because I didn't want to force you into it."
"Into what?"
"Into making it real. I-I… I had already made way too many decisions for you. And this one – this is huge. You had already said no, once. I didn't want you to have to say yes only because you felt you had to. I knew, Pepper, that if I had told you this while we were still traveling, you would've signed it without thinking."
"You sure about that?" the ginger asked as she placed the paper on the desk and the pen hovered over the signature line.
"I would bet my life on it."
"That sure?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"Because, Honey, I know you. And I know that you would've because I would've too, if it meant helping you somehow. You'd put my happiness over yours, any day. Every time."
"Every time."
"Every time, Sweetheart. That's what we do for each other. Every goddamned fucking time."
As his words echoed in her mind, Pepper pressed the tip of the pen against the paper, but she made no effort to stamp it with her signature. Nanoseconds became seconds, and seconds became a full minute – a minute in which neither of them moved or spoke. Probably did not breathe, either. The longer Pepper hesitated, the pen still on the paper, the more Tony's heart raced, fearing that he knew what he had inadvertently done with his words. They had been truthful words – innocent words; a declaration that was already common knowledge between them. However, given the situation and the conversation they had just had, such a simple admission had even more power than before.
Power that he did not want to be seen used for evil right now.
He bit the inside of his mouth, afraid to make any sudden movements or say anything that would break the trance Pepper seemed to be in, and he simply waited for her. If she needed three hours to sign the paper, he would stand here like a statue. If she needed ten hours, he would not move a muscle during that time. If she needed for him to hold the paper in his hands while she doodled her signature on it, he was prepared to do that too.
What he was not prepared for, however, was for what she did after another minute went by: putting the pen down on the desk without signing the document at all.
"You're right."
"Pep?" he croaked.
He felt his throat go dry as he watched her stand up straight and face him. A sad smile appeared on her face a second before she pressed her lips against his. Her hands ended on his cheeks, and his arms around her waist. The kiss was sweet and soft; like all goodbye kisses tended to be, and she then took a step back and away from him.
The smile on her face turned resigned as she slowly walked towards the exit, his body in too much shock at what was happening to chase after her. She stopped briefly when her hand was on the knob, looked over her shoulder at his back, and then spoke the final words between them before leaving the room.
"I would've signed it. For you."
A/N: PLEASE, DON'T KILL ME! It's not the end yet. The Epilogue is done and will be posted later on today :) I'm thinking I need to leave a venue for guest reviews to be posted in case there are any questions about what just happened here, and for Faithful Readers to process all of this information, just like our Pepperony will.