Where the Rhodes Lead

William McKinley High School didn't really know how bizarre Kurt and Puck's friendship was, New Directions decided. Everyone knew that messing with Kurt was a death sentence from Puck, that Puck knew random fashion facts and Kurt knew random sports facts from their talks, that the boys hugged and smiled at each other a lot, but nothing could beat the shock the club felt when Puck ran into the choir room with Kurt on his back, the latter laughing like a little kid.

"Okay, Noah, you proved you can still carry me, can you put me down now?" Kurt laughed.

Puck shook his head with a smile, "Not until you say what we were talking about."

"I don't know…" Kurt started.

"Say it, Kurt," Puck said in a singsong voice.

"I don't like to curse if I can help it, Noah," Kurt whined, nuzzling his head into his friend's neck.

"Say it…out loud," Puck repeated, lowering his voice on the "out loud" like a parody of a certain vampire, causing Kurt to laugh for a few moments.

"Fine," Kurt said, "You're the baddest of bad asses."

"That's more like it," Puck whooped, crouching slightly so Kurt could slide off his back.

"You know I mainly denied it just so I wouldn't have to walk here, right?"

"Your words, they wound," Puck said in a monotone voice before they both started laughing, obviously some sort of private joke the rest of the club wasn't in on.

"You two are so weird," Mercedes finally said, shaking her head. She loved hanging out with her boys but sometimes they just blew her mind.

"Aw, 'Cedes, you know you love us," Kurt responded, taking a seat next to her as Puck sat down next to him, his arm around the back of his chair. Mercedes and Kurt then proceeded to talk about Suzy Pepper's latest outfit while Puck confirmed football practice times with Matt. As everyone talked, no one noticed Mr. Schue enter the room with a petite blonde woman who would soon rock their world.

—

"So what do you think of that April chick?" Noah asked Kurt as he stood by his locker, eyes following the skirt of a nearby Cheerio until he heard Kurt's inhalation.

"Well, she's an amazing singer," he started, "And if we can't have Rachel, then that's the best option. But she's so much older than us and it's just kind of weird, at least to me. And her constant need to draw attention to herself freaks out Tina and the other shyer members, so I don't know." He turned to Puck, closing his locker, "What about you?"

Noah grinned wolfishly, "She's fine. She's like a childless MILF."

Kurt rolled his eyes as they left for their next class. "You're impossible, you know that?"

"Yeah, but you love it."

—

As soon as Kurt got home from school, he locked his bedroom door and scrambled to his bed. He pulled down the mini drapes he made for the bit of the windows in his basement room and dimmed the lights, doing whatever he could to hide what he was about to do to the world. With a shuddering sigh, he closed he curled his legs onto his bed, slowly unzipping his bag and pulling out the magazines before tossing his bag on the ground.

He opened up the first one and gasped softly as he flipped through the pages. They…they were delicious, alluring, arousing…hot. And being a teenage boy, staring at various pictures of delicious, alluring, arousing, and hot men with muscles that were easily bigger than every muscle Kurt himself had put together and being, well, gay, caused him to get turned on and hard after just a few pages. He ran to the door and checked that it was locked again then trotted down the stairs to check the curtains. When he felt that he was properly hidden, Kurt grabbed a towel and spread it on the bed. He quickly stripped out of his clothes and folded them (they were McQueen and Dolce, thank you very much) before finally laying on the towel, fully nude, and stretching to the side so he could grab his lotion.

Picking up one of the magazines he hadn't looked at yet, he flipped to one of April's earmarked pages and pumped lotion onto his hand before slowly moving to touch his erection. He lightly teased the head of his cock with his fingers before stroking down his shaft. As he played with himself with one hand, he slowly flipped through the pages of the magazine, imagining romantic scenarios with each guy.

It was funny because despite having Puck as a best friend, Kurt knew next to nothing about sex. He obviously knew how a guy and a girl did it, or at least the basics, from the limited amount of sex education McKinley was forced to teach, but how two guys went about things? He had no idea. From various stories of Puck's adventures with Cheerios and MILFs, Kurt knew that blow jobs and hand jobs were good, and, yes, he knew about the prostate, but he couldn't read anymore on that subject without nearly crying in embarrassment. So he was just left with so many unanswered questions: did all gay men do things with their prostate? Wouldn't that hurt? Was he really expected to want to stick his finger up in himself and get turned on?

Yeah, Kurt was just going to stick to his romantic images. He would stare at the picture and imagine the boy kissing him on a rug in a cabin, a fireplace roaring in the background as snow fell outside, their kisses and hugs keeping them warm (as well as the fact they stayed fully clothed, of course). His imagination was vivid enough he didn't even have to close his eyes to get the image going (he was beyond grateful for his vivid imagination, anyways, since it allowed him to live through interactions with Finn with hope remaining). It might be the biggest cliché in the world, but it got him off, so who could judge?

Smearing the precome leaking from his tip for some more lubrication, he picked up speed as he turned through more pages. Then it happened.

The picture wasn't unlike any other picture in the magazine: a muscled guy with just a speedo stretched over a car. The guy was smaller than most of the others, but they were still huge and a lot better than most guys'. But the weird part was that he had a mohawk. It looked…it looked a lot like Noah.

Kurt gasped as suddenly his mind's eye was filled with images of his best friend kissing him, Noah's hands all over his body as he whispered, I love you's over and over again as he kissed along Kurt's neck and jaw. And Kurt just couldn't, he couldn't, he came violently, spasming as he came so hard ropes of come flew onto his chest, his eyes closing as he moaned a noise near a scream that he was sure he never made before.

A few moments later, Kurt blinked open his eyes, trying to breathe steadily again. That was the best orgasm of his life…and it came from nowhere; he wasn't near finished until that picture.

He sat up quickly as he realized what had happened. He just had a mind blowing orgasm from imagining his best friend, the only man outside of his family that he trusted, kissing him and touching him and doing other non-friend things. No. Nonononononononononono. He could not be in love with Noah. Noah was his best friend, Noah was his rock, Noah was not his lover or boyfriend or anything like that. Kurt was meant to be with Finn and Noah was meant to be with Quinn and have more babies and Kurt would be their uncle. They were meant to be each other's best man, not each other's groom. And to keep that friendship alive and to keep his thoughts pure, he was for sure never masturbating ever again.

Kurt groaned and hit himself in the face with his hands to stop the thoughts. Then he slowly pulled his hands away and gaped at his right hand before screaming silently and nearly sobbing. He hadn't wiped his hand clean yet.

After he performed a full facial and did his homework, a dip into April's other gift was definitely needed…

—

Puck smirked as April bent her finger towards him, beckoning him to join her in the deserted shower room. Staying after football practice to run laps was definitely the best decision he ever made (though he still was confused as to why Kurt had avoided him all day, which is why he ran, to clear his thoughts). She turned the corner into the shower and Puck ran to follow, ready to have his way with the sexpot—

"Wait, what's Rutherford doing here?" Puck asked, eyeing Matt in the corner of the shower area. "I mean, I've never had a guy watch but if you're into that sort of shit, sure."

April giggled. "No, Skipper. As I already explained to that handsome young buck over there…I want you both."

"Oh, like him going after my turn?"

"No," April said, looking a bit peeved that she had to spell this out. "At the same time. Your mom didn't huff glue when she was pregnant with you, did she?"

Puck gaped. He never had a three-way before. And weren't three-ways supposed to be between two girls and a guy? That's what the pornos had. Wasn't a three-way with two dudes kind of…gay? Kurt was the one who liked boys, not him. Yeah, he noticed guys looking fine and all, but he was straight…mostly.

"C'mon, big boy, scared of some competition?" April asked, raising an eyebrow.

Noah's eyes narrowed and he called out, "Get over here, dude." He pulled April into a rough kiss (praising God that she wore heels big enough to make the height difference not as bad) as Matt came up behind them, stripping off his own clothes before breaking the other two's kiss to pull off April's dress. Turning her around, Matt kissed her as he started taking off her bra, groping her breasts as soon as the bra fell to the wet floor. Puck spent that time taking off his own clothes and then peeling off her wet panties before grabbing her ass.

Now as gay as it might've made him, Puck was totally an ass man. Boobs were great and fun and all, but Santana's and Quinn's asses, for example, were out of this world, so what did it matter that they weren't that full in the chest? A good ass was really the only requirement to ride the Puckerman Express. And maybe a few times he snuck a peak at Kurt's ass because, y'know, the whole Kinsey thing proved that he wasn't gay, he just found hot to be hot and his best friend had a fucking awesome ass, okay?

Well, at least that's what he told himself.

"Let's shower off, boys," April whispered huskily, leading them to the largest stall and turning on the water to a hot temperature, letting the steam spray over them. She let one of her hands and her crack soak in the water before lowing her crack to her hole. "The ol' canal has been used so much I don't think a lot of lube is in order," she murmured (yeah, Puck was going to ignore that) before quickly preparing herself, making beautiful high pitched moans that sounded a lot like his best friend.

Noah shook his head quickly to get rid of those thoughts. He was not thinking of his best friend before he had a three-way; he was not thinking of Kurt moaning in want and need; and he was not getting harder at those thoughts.

"Okay, boys," April said, interrupting Noah's thoughts once and for all. "Let's do this." As if there was an unspoken agreement between the two, Matt helped April wrap her legs around his hips, heels still on, before thrusting into her. She moaned out wantonly as he filled her up. "Get in me," she commanded as she turned to look at Noah.

Puck nodded and got behind her. Being up on Matt made the height difference a lot better, so Puck could easily thrust into her ass. Once they both settled in, she squeaked in delight as both boys started thrusting in opposing directions so she was never empty. They kept thrusting harder and harder, getting near their peaks when she opened her mouth.

"Kiss," she demanded. Matt lowered his lips to hers and she turned away. "No…each other," she panted out.

The two boys stopped their thrusting. Puck's eyes widened as Matt just stayed relatively calm, turning to Puck with a shrug. April bent her neck so the two had more space and Puck swallowed audibly. Remembering to think of the Kinsey spectrum, Puck leaned into Matt and kissed him quickly.

"More," April added, not satisfied with the peck. Puck took a deep breath and leaned into Matt again.

As their lips met, he had to remark on the difference between kissing a guy. Matt was rougher, like Santana, but somehow completely different from her at the same time, it was just…manlier. At April's encouragement, their tongues met and started battling for dominance and they picked up their thrusting again.

He just never expected to kiss a guy before, at least not Matt of all people. Maybe he could imagine getting drunk with Kurt when they lived in New York together and kissing before cracking up and falling asleep with their stomachs warm from alcohol, but definitely never someone like Matt. Kissing Kurt would have to be sweet like kissing Quinn but still rough like kissing Santana, because Kurt wouldn't let anyone dominate him like that. His lips would be soft, unlike Matt's, and he would moan like April was now, and—

Puck broke off the kiss, feeling himself getting so close to coming a lot faster than he intended or expected. He reached around with one hand to play with April's clit, getting her closer to a climax (and reminding himself that he was a heterosexual, damn it) as he thrust as deep into her as he could get.

Just moments later she gave out a high moan as her body gave out multiple spasms, sounding almost like one of those warm ups Kurt did. As she squeezed down on both boys, Puck lost it, coming inside her, panting loudly as it took so much work just to not let his knees collapse to the floor. As he rested his head on her shoulder, he vaguely heard Matt moan before he stilled completely, resting himself after his own orgasm.

Puck slowly pulled out of her and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around his waist and grabbing his clothes. "Thanks, babe," he whispered out to April, giving her a kiss on the cheek as she giggled. He stalked out of the shower and changed quickly so he could get home, too many thoughts swarming through his head.

—

"Hey! Wait! Kurt! Wait up!"

Kurt turned around and Noah almost stopped in his tracks. He looked awful. Without wasting a beat, Noah sniffed the air around Kurt and gaped. "You're drunk," he whispered.

The other boy just shrugged and muttered, "Maybe."

Puck turned him back around, his mind racing as they walked. "Wait, you didn't drive here today, did you?"

"Yes, but I didn' have April's gift till after I gots here," he slurred.

April did this? Well, at least she was responsible for it? Puck's blood ran cold. She made him stay up all of last night trying to figure out his sexuality and now Kurt was getting drunk, and at school no less? That woman was just trouble. "I should've known you were a lightweight," Puck muttered as he thought of what to do. Finally he turned them down a hall so they could go to the choir room. It wouldn't take much longer—

"Kurt?"

Shit, Puck thought. They turned around to see Miss Pillsbury standing there. Shit fuck shit shit shit shit. Puck couldn't even concentrate on what she was saying, only nearly dying as Kurt talked about Bambi—yeah, he was there when Kurt watched it for the first time, right after Kate had died, and he was the one who held him as he cried until he fell asleep—and vomited all over her shoes.

"He's got a stomach bug but insisted on coming to school. I'll take him to the choir room to rest a bit, Miss P," Noah rushed out, grabbing Kurt's arm and getting him to run—well, stagger quickly—down the hall. As soon as they entered the choir room, Puck groaned to see it full of some other Gleeks waiting for classes to start.

"Kurt?" Tina asked as they stared wide-eyed at Kurt.

"Mulan?" he asked back, Puck hitting his forehead. If they weren't at school, it would be hilarious, because seriously, who ever heard of a Disney drunk?

Noah managed to get him to down in a seat, which he immediately slid out of. He looked at him for a split second before deciding it wasn't worth it and pulling out his cell phone. Pressing his 4 on speed dial, Puck waited a few moments. "Hey, Joe, this is Noah. Burt around?...Thanks, man…"

As Puck waited for Kurt's dad, Rachel tsked them from the other side of the room. "Getting drunk on school grounds? Honestly, Kurt, that is a horrible example to make for Glee club—"

"Shut up, Ursula, no one likes you," Kurt slurred. The rest of the kids in the room tried not to laugh at Rachel's shocked expression and Kurt's line.

"So if she's Ursula, are you Ariel?" Mercedes asked, her mouth twitching into a smile.

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh," Kurt drew out, closing his eyes.

"Burt, hey!" Puck said into the phone, walking away from Kurt. "Yeah, I know school starts soon, but Kurt just threw up…yeah, you know him, he won't tell anyone when he feels sick…yeah, I just thought I'd take him home and I'll stay with him the rest of the day…I know, but Kurt can help me catch up with everything, and he would help even if I didn't ask for it…" Puck laughed, "Yup, that's Kurt for ya. So can you call the front office and tell them that we won't be at school today? Ma still has you as one of my emergency contacts so you can excuse me still…thanks, Burt—"

"Look at this schtuff, isn't it neeeeeeeat, wouldn't you think my collection's compleeetteeeeeeeeeee—" Kurt started singing loudly taking magazines out of his bag. Puck's eyes bulged, what the fuck, just, what—why did Kurt have old muscle magazines with him? Turning back around he went back to talking on the phone.

"…What? No, that's just him trying to remind me that he wants to watch Disney when we get back. You know what he's like sick…yeah…yeah, I'll tell him. And don't worry about it, he's my best friend, it's what we do. I'll see you at dinner then…Yeah, Sarah's at a friend's and Ma is working the graveyard shift…yeah, see you then…okay, bye." Puck finally clicked off the phone and rubbed his eyes.

"Um, Puck, you might want to help us stop him before he embarrasses himself more…"

Puck turned back around and felt some major second hand embarrassment for his best friend. Kurt was handing out—well, attempting to hand out—the muscle magazines. "Take 'em, I don't want them, Tink gave 'em to me and they gave me bad thoughts!"

"Yeah, babe, kind of the point of jerk off material," Puck muttered, ignoring Tina's incredulous mouthing of the word babe. "C'mon, let's get these in your bag and we'll go back to your house."

As Puck took them from Kurt's hands and into his messenger bag, Kurt looked up at him with wide eyes. "Nono!" he gasped out, the Gleeks hiding giggles at the childhood nickname. "Have you noticed we're like the fox and the hound from…uh…that movie…"

"The Fox and the Hound?" Puck supplied in a monotone voice, the corners of his lips twitching up.

"Yeaaaah!" Kurt answered with awe. "I'm like the fox an' your like the hound we shouldn't be friends but we aaarrreee! Meanies tell us we shouldn' but we do and we're the best of friends despite it."

Noah smiled. "Yeah, Kurt, we're best friends and always will be," he said, pushing away all thoughts on his sexuality away; Kurt was in no condition to talk about it and probably wouldn't be for a few more days.

"When you're the best of frieeeeends, dooo doooooo doooooo, havin' ssssssoo much funnn togetherrrrrrr," Kurt started to sing as Puck picked him up. "Um…what's the next part, Nono?"

Puck didn't even think about his badass reputation he tried to enforce since he and Kurt could just be themselves in the Glee club room. Plus Kurt was just kind of adorable right then, and he knew the song from all the car trips spent with Kurt listening to his Disney collection. "You're not even aware you're such a funny pair," Noah sang sweetly and softly, Kurt cuddling into his arms as they walked out the door to the teacher's parking lot, choosing not to walk Kurt through the student body to the main doors. "You're the best of friends…"

—

"So, how much trouble are you in?" Puck asked in a whisper right in Kurt's ear.

"Do you have to be so loud?" Kurt mumbled, rubbing his temple as he closed his locker door, wincing at the clang of metal. "My dad hid all the aspirin and ibuprofen for punishment, at least phase one of it. He's still going to let you come over on Friday if you want, just because it's tradition, but I don't think I'm allowed out of the house besides school for a week, and no driving to school during that so unless you want to give me a ride I'm stuck here until around six tonight when he can get me." Kurt sighed, "I'm never drinking again."

Puck laughed heartily as they walked to class, "You say that now, but wait until you go to a big party with tons of drinks. You'll want to, trust me."

Kurt rolled his eyes and then clenched his head in pain from the movement.

"No eye rolls from you? I could totally get used to you being hung over," Puck teased, laughing until Kurt hit him sharply in the chest.

If anyone asked, he totally just had something in his eye.

—

"You okay, Noah?" Kurt asked from his spot on his bed.

Noah, who'd been sitting on Kurt's couch and staring in the distance looked back at him. "What? I'm fine. Just thinking about the Invitational. We rocked it and it's good that we have Rachel back."

Kurt smiled at the performance earlier that night. "Yeah, it was great…but you just seem distant. Is everything okay?"

With a sigh, Noah slid over to the edge of the couch and patted the other edge, letting Kurt sit there. Looking down at his hands, he said, "I just…April kind of messed with my head." Kurt raised an eyebrow but kept his retort in, letting Noah continue, "I fucked her in the school showers…in her ass…while she rode Matt at the same time."

"Wait, how does that work…" Kurt started before blushing and realizing what he meant. "Oh," he whispered. "Um, so?"

"So, she made Matt and I kiss and…I didn't necessarily dislike it," Noah finally admitted.

Kurt's brows furrowed slightly. "So your confused if you're still straight?" Noah nodded. "Well…it's the Kinsey scale and everything. Maybe you like some guys, maybe you just like kissing, maybe you just like kissing in the middle of sexual activities…Just because someone's labeled as 'bi' doesn't mean they like guys and girls equally, you know. And really, maybe you just really like sex and find hot things to be hot."

Noah sighed; it was all stuff he knew before the kiss and everything. "Yeah, yeah, you're right. I always kind of suspected and stuff it's just…now that I'm faced with evidence of it, it's kind of unsettling. And also I just know that I like feminine guys, and I just keep thinking about that, which bugs me." He finished with a quick look at Kurt out of the side of his eyes before looking straight in front of him.

Kurt said, "I kind of know the feeling. I keep thinking about how I like those manly, muscled guys, it's why I wanted to get rid of April's magazines." He sighed and looked down on the space of the couch between him and his best friend, both boys not realizing the other was talking about the weird thoughts they had that week. "We're teenagers; we're figuring out what we like and what turns us on. It doesn't have anything to do with who we'll end up with or who we like or anything. Right?" He looked back up to Noah with a smile.

He looked at Kurt back and smiled. "Definitely," he agreed. Grabbing Kurt's hand, he gave it a squeeze, thankful for his best friend, not even noticing how his stomach fluttered ever so slightly as their skin brushed together.

"So, want movie did you want to watch?" Kurt asked.

Puck smiled mischievously and got up, searching Kurt's movie collection as Kurt went to the restroom. When he got back, he took one look at the DVD menu screen and turned to glare sharply at Noah.

"When you're the beeest of friiiiiiiends, dooo dooo dooo!" Noah sang loudly before breaking down laughing as he pressed play.

"I. Hate. You."

—

A/N: Finally updated! Sorry it took longer than I expected, just so much stuff with going to the UK and everything and seeing Glee Live. And just life and RPing and tumblr in general. Hope you liked it :)

Love,
xLessxThanx3x