Disclaimer!: Fanfic and thus, obviously not mine.
"Snape, Severus Snape, charmed really..." Idiots, they were all idiots, he'd barely get through his introductions and they'd ring that blasted little bell and send him another one. Voldemort on the other hand was thriving...
"Tom Riddle, pleasure to meet you. Nancy? What a beautiful name? Me? I own my own business I suppose you could say. I dabble in politics too..."
"Lisa? Tom! Yes I love kittens as well. They just give you the warm fuzzies don't they? Personally I'm more into snakes. My little dear is called Nagini, Apple of my eye!"
"Marjorie! En chante! Tom! Yes, don't you look marvelous tonight?"
"Are you even listening to me? Ugh, the nerve!" Penny or Pauline or whoever the git I front of him currently was slammed her wine glass down on the table in disgust. "Why did you bother to come out this evening if you clearly have no interest in having any meaningful interactions?"
Snape grimaced, "Yes, you are right... Why am I here?" He moved to get up but a firm hand on his shoulder forced him back into place.
"You're not... Leaving are you Severus? Surely you don't have better things to do than to hang with your dear friend and Dark Master?" A voice hissed in his ear.
"Of course not... I was just... Going to the toilet..."
"Marvellous! I'll join you!"
"THIS is going so well!" Squealed Voldemort as they entered the loo, "You know I had my doubts but I think I'm really hitting my stride tonight!"
"Forgive me my Lord, but is the point of this war not to kill and enslave the mudbloods and muggles?"
"Why of course Severus! Filthy they are. Wizards are the superior race by far..."
"Then why are we here?! In a muggle bar... talking to them of all things? And if having a date for some party is so important, you're the Dark Lord for Merlin's sake, use an imperious curse on some pure blood witch if you must!"
"But Severus, my weakness is that I don't understand love! I hardly think the imperious curse, however useful it may be, can teach me what I lack!"
Snape had to admit he did have a point... but why did it have to involve him?
"Besides, this date is for Dumbledore's party, not the Death Eater's Only Valentine's Social. Those idiots love muggles! I think you're just being a sour pants because you're not having any luck with the ladies."
"I am not!" Stammered Snape, "I...I... I could care less...I..."
"YOU are gunna get out there and make a connection Severus Snape! You are an intelligent and ... well you're intelligent and you are going meet that special lady tonight who can look past all your many, many, innumerable flaws, or at least tolerate you... maybe... Well... do your best!" Voldemort patted his companion on the back supportively, "Go get em tiger!"