#11
Dear
Spirit,
For breakfast
today I had a large lobster, steamed with lemon and smothered in
melted butter, with a side of fried chicken, blowfish, fried squid,
fruit salad, and flan. It was
lovely. Sincerely,
Light
#12
Dearest Darlingest Spirit,
For
lunch I had a turkey leg, cole slaw, breakfast cereal, a fruit bat,
chips (I hate chips), a ham sandwich, and some pudding.
Then
I vomited, and had to go outside and eat some
grass.
Sincerely,
Light
#13
My Dear Spirit,
For
dinner I had frozen waffles. I didn't heat them up first. I also had
yogurt, a pear, some stir-fry, uncooked ramen noodles, more chips (I
HATE CHIPS), a Big Mac, and a whole pineapple. After that, I was
still hungry so I munched on the plants growing in my yard. Then my
mom came home and got mad at me for eating her magnolias, so she beat
me with a broom and locked me in the hall
closet.
Sincerely,
Light
#14
Dear Michi,
It's
page 69. I am reminded of a time when I was handcuffed to L. He was
in the shower, and...
Maybe
I shouldn't go into it here.
Last
weekend, though, I was sitting next to him on a train to France. I
didn't know you could take a train to France from Japan. The whole
time, Watari was making disturbing faces at us, like an old pedophile
man watching child porn online.
It
gave me terrible flashbacks of my
youth.
Sincerely,
Light
#15
Dear "SPIRIT",
For
a snack yesterday afternoon I had a can of ravioli, a can of beans, a
can of beats and a can of oven cleaner. I felt sort of sick after, so
I went out into the backyard and ate some mushrooms I found. I told
my mom and she slapped me and called the poison control center. They
came and pumped my stomach.
I
was hungry after, so I drank some
Pinesol.
Sincerely,
Light
#16
Dear Michi,
Today
I saw a puppy. It was really cute. It started to come my way, wagging
its tail. So I punted it. I don't know how far it went, cuz I noticed
someone saw me do it, and I took off running. I'll hafta ask them for
their name later.
After
I ran away, I went to visit L. He was in the middle of tea-time, so
he invited me in to join him for some tea and cricket biscuits.
Instead, I gave him the finger and ran off down the street again,
waving my shirt wildly above my head as I screamed "THANK YOU
CLEVELAND!!"
I
don't know why exactly I did it. Deep down, those cricket biscuits
sounded
lovely.
Sincerely,
Light
#17
Dear Michi,
In
some countries, students are tested by answering questions to
problems they have learned about in school.
In
others, students are tested by seeing how long they can stay airborne
when launched out of a 28-story building.
Unfortunately,
Japan is one of those
countries.
Sincerely,
Light
#18
Dear Spirit,
This
morning I ate a donut with chocolate frosting and sprinkles. I dipped
it in liquid nitrogen. It made my insides all swimmy. Speaking of
swimmy, I went swimming in the neighborhood pool yesterday, wearing a
mermaid costume and a long flowy wig. Some kids thought I was a real
mermaid, so I punted them.
Then
I peed in the
pool.
Sincerely,
Light
#19
Dear Michi,
Last
night I was sitting in the basement, staring at the ceiling as I
foamed at the mouth. Then my dad threw a giant empty box in the room.
It was my lucky day. I slunk over to the box and crawled inside. I
sat down, and felt something on the ground. I picked it up and
smelled it. It smelled like rice. So I ate it. I found more and more,
and I kept eating them. Then I blacked out.
I
woke up several days later to a rabid cat clawing at my face. My mom
said dumping a bucket of water on my face didn't work, so she had to
use that. When I asked why I fell asleep for so long, she kicked me
in the groin and told me I ate an entire box of slug
poison.
That explains
why I was covered in sticky slime.
0.0
Sincerely,
Light
#20
Dear
SPIRIT,
I HAD some MOLD
and HAND-SOAP this morning for BREAKFAST. UNFORTUNATELY it has GIVEN
me EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA. So I am forced to stay inside.
Earlier I went to go get the mail to see if someone, anyone, had sent
me a letter. But sadly, there was only a bill from Watari for the
couch I shredded yesterday. I screamed and sent it back.
Then
my pants
exploded.
Sincerely,
Light