#31
Dear
Michi,
Last summer, I
tried my talents in gardening. I ripped up some of my mother's
favorite plants to clear a space in the backyard, and planted various
things in the ground to see what they'd grow into. Things like
spoons, the TV remote, Ryuk, my computer, and some toxic waste. A
week later, I decided to water them. None were promising, though,
except the toxic waste. Because soon after I watered it, it grew into
a giant, glowing bean stalk of sorts. It was amazing.
TO
BE CONTINUEDDDD...
heart,
Light
---
#32
Dear
Spirit,
Did you know
that the human bladder can hold up to 600mL of urine before you lose
all voluntary control and just pee everywhere? I found this out the
hard way when I was standing in line at the 7-11, waiting to buy my
cover-up porn.
I suppose
I should have expected something like that as I had forgotten to use
the bathroom for the past three
days.
heart,
Light
---
#33
Dear
Spirit,
Once, when I was
in Canada with my family, I decided to try some poutine. Do you know
what poutine is? It's french fries covered in gravy and cheese. Well,
it was pretty good, but something was missing, so I slunk into the
restaurant's kitchen and stole some lysol wipes to put on it.
Unfortunately my mom saw and punted me in the face, and told me to
never eat hazardous chemicals again.
When
she wasn't looking, I ate some powdered soap I found in the men's
room.
heart,
Light
---
#34
DEAR
SPIRIT,
MY PENCIL IS
STUCK IN CAPSLOCK. I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED, BUT I THINK I AM
GOING TO CALL THE GEEK SQUAD TO COME FIX IT FOR
ME.
HEART,
LIGHT
---
#35
Dear
Spirit,
The Fruit Group
Leader (aka the NPA Director) didn't like the massive pink bow I wore
tied around my head today. That
bitch.
heart,
Light
---
#36
Dear
Spirit,
I had a notebook
once. I ripped out the last page and ate it, and used the rest of the
paper to write stupid notes. I sent one to Watari once, but he knew
it was from me because I signed my name at the bottom in big swirly
letters and sealed it with a
kiss
heart,
Light
---
#37
DEAR
MICHI,
I CALLED THE GEEK
SQUAD TO FIX THE CAPSLOCK ON MY PENCIL, BUT THEY HAVEN'T COME YET.
I'M GETTING ANTSY. I THINK I'LL GO EAT SOME BAKING SODA TO OCCUPY ME
WHILE I WAIT. MY MOM LEFT A WHOLE BOX OF IT FOR ME IN THE
REFRIGERATOR. HOW KIND OF
HER.
HEART,
LIGHT
---
#38
(continuation of #31)
Dear Michi,
When
I saw the giant glowing bean stalk, I was reminded of the story of
Jack and the Bean stalk, and wondered if there was a magical land in
the clouds. I approached the giant glowing plant, but instead of
climbing it, I ate it. It gave me terrible gas for a month, and my
mom made me sleep in the doghouse. Of course, when I told her we
didn't have a dog, and therefore had no doghouse, she bit my arm
until it bled, then made me build one.
3
Light
---
#39
Dear Michi,
One
time, to cure me of my retardation, everyone decided that the best
way to cure me was to lock me in a room with a very horny L. At
first, I was terrified, and peed my pants. But over the course of the
week, I felt myself becoming more normal. Unfortunately, the moment
the week was over and I heard the door unlock, I scrambled out on all
fours, and ate all of Watari's socks.
3
Light
---
#40
D34R M1CH1,
7H15
15 L. 1 H4V3 48DUCT3D L1GH7'5 57UP1D N073. 1 WR173 1N L337 83C4U53 1
4M 4 L337-H4XX0R. R1GH7 N0W, L1GH7 15 GN4W1NG 0N 50M3 W33D K1LL3R. 0H
D4MN, H3 JU57 V0M173D 477 0V3R 73H PL4C3. . 1 N33D 70 G37
W474R1 70 CL34N UP 7H15 8L00DY M355.
54Y0N4R4. -L
(translation,
for you un-leet people out there)
Dear
Michi,
This is L. I have
abducted Light's stupid note. I write in leet because I am a
leet-haxxor. Right now, Light is gnawing on some weed killer. Oh
damn, he just vomited all over the place. . I need to get
Watari to clean up this bloody mess.
Sayonara.
-L