#61
Dear Spirit,
Once, when I was walking through the park, I saw a boy chewing on a fallen log.
"You like eating wood?" I asked, puzzled.
"YES." he told me. I had an idea.
"I have some in my pants," I told him. "Wanna reach in and get it?" He ran away screaming.
Then I took the log and ate it myself.

3 Light
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#62
Dear Spirit,
Because I am such a bastard, last week, instead of helping an old woman across the street, I drop-kicked her into oncoming traffic.
It was the highlight of my day.

3 Light
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#63
Dear Spirit,
I got a manicure once. But the lady painting my nails messed up, so I threw a grenade at her, and left without paying.
Then I came home and ate all the chips in my house. I HATE chips.

3 Light
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#64
Dear Spirit,
Once I was in the middle of a grocery store and decided to get my freak on. So I walked up to the store manager and began freaking enthusiastically. He thought I was trying to rape him, so he called the cops.
Everyone in prison loved my dancing.

3 Light
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#65
Dear Spirit,
Once, I stumbled upon a crime scene. I stepped over the caution tape, and messed with all the evidence. Then I had a bad case of explosive diarrhea.

3 Light
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#66
Dear Michi,
One time when I went to the mall, I saw a store with a plastic, half-naked woman in the window. She was only wearing underwear. With a stupid grin on my face, I approached the store, shattered the window, but instead of stealing the plastic lady, I took all the shattered glass and brought it back to headquarters.
There, I ground up the glass into tinier pieces, and poured them into L's tea. After he drank the shattered glass, he was so pissed, he shoved the remaining pieces up my ass. I haven't been able to sit since.

3 Light
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#67
Dear Michi,
Two weeks ago, I threatened Matsuda with a rabid wolverine to go out and rent me a nice, romantic movie. He did, and I watched it 17 times. When it was over, I felt a strange sensation in my pants. So I went over and snogged L. With tongue. And stuck my hand down his pants. It made me gleeful.
What made me even more gleeful, however, was the look on Matsuda's face when I locked him in the bathroom with the rabid wolverine.

3 Light
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#68
Dear Michi,
On Tuesday, I went out and bought a pack of 100 crayons. Then I shoved them all up my nose. A few days later, I went to the doctor complaining of a terrible headache. They did a cat scan of my head, and told me I had a massive, abnormally large tumor in my head and that I needed surgery to remove what they could of it. When they did the surgery, though, and opened up my head, they discovered the tumor was nothing more than 100 crayons. And a bullet casing. And a bottle of Windex. I must have forgot to mention that I snort things for a living.

3 Light
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#69
Dear Michi,
Last night, L barged into my room at 2:47am with a wild look in his eyes. He told me he was sick and tired of always being uke, and demanded that he be seme. Of course, I had no choice in the matter, really, cuz as he was demanding this, he was ripping off my clothes and engaging in very rough foreplay.
I tried desperately to reason with him, that I have my reasons for always being seme. But he didn't listen to me. So, I shrieked gibberish in a little girl voice, kicked him off of me, gathered up the skirts of my nightgown and ran for it.

3 Light
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#70
Dear Spirit,
Once, I happened to overhear my mother talking to my sister about 'becoming a woman' and 'bleeding' once a month. Now, I was three years older than my sister, so I immediately began to wonder why my monthly cycles hadn't started. So, in an attempt to give them a push, I drank tea filled with shards of glass. To my disappointment, I only ended up shredding my anus with the glass. So it was my anus bleeding instead of my vagina.
This worried me, so I visited a gynoctogist. She looked startled to see me, and I asked her why I hadn't gotten my period yet.
Then she told me I was a man.
And things made sense.

3 Light