#81
Dear
Michi,
I was once ruled
by so much insecurity, I couldn't even get out of my own way. An
instance like this came about one time when I was trying to get into
the bathroom, but I just wouldn't get out of my own way. After
several minutes of frustrated side stepping, I just lost it, and
started wailing on myself. I stopped after kicking myself to a bloody
mess on the floor. Of course I regretted it all later, cuz I got the
full impact the next morning.
I
coughed up a rib.
3
Light
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#82
Dear
Spirit,
Yesterday I went
to Walgreen's and bought some hair dye. I skipped home like a giddy
schoolgirl and locked myself in the bathroom. I mixed the chemicals
together and decided to eat them. Because they smelled like hazardous
chemicals and pie.
3
Light
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#83
Dear Spirit,
When
I was a little girl, once I took a voyage to Australia. While I was
at sea, my ship got caught in a terrible storm. I was washed up onto
the shores of the magically cracked-out land of XD.
I
wandered for forty days and forty nights before finding the castle of
the good witch Cheno, which had been 20 feet away from the spot where
I had washed up on shore. The good witch Cheno-- apart from having a
rapage range-- kindly pointed me in the direction of the nearest
subway station. Oddly enough, I was physically unable to have any
explosive diarrhea incidents on her property.
So
with Cheno's help, I found the subway station and decided to see my
dear pal, the wonderful Wizard of
XD.
3
Light
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#84
Dear
Spirit,
Yesterday, I
snuck on a space shuttle that was headed for the moon. When we were
halfway there, the astronauts found me, fed me dehydrated prunes, and
kicked me out.
Luckily
the explosive diarrhea that followed was enough to propel me the rest
of the way to the moon.
3
Light
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#85
Dear
Spirit,
Yesterday I
walked up to a random man on the street and told him he was my bitch.
Then I raped him with a Christmas tree.
3
Light
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#86
Dear Michi,
One
time while I was browsing the internet, I came across a video of
sasquatch. As I watched it, I realized it reminded me of L. So, in
the night, I went around headquarters and shaved off everyone's hair
and glued it to L. All over his body. While he was sleeping. Which
means I didn't have much time. In the morning, when everyone was
awake, L stumbled into the room and everyone screamed. Including me,
because I forgot it was L. Of course, I didn't remember that until
after I mowed him down with a Tommie gun.
3
Light
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#87
Dear
Michi,
Everyone has
things that turn them on. Some of mine are plastic forks, hardcore
bondage, Kleenexes, and whenever someone says "Baw chicka wah
wah!"
I told this
to L once, and he picked up his chair and clubbed me like a baby
seal.
Little does he
know, that was also one of my turn-ons.
3
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#88
Dear Michi,
Last
night, I was strolling around down town when I got really horny. So I
raped a stray dog, a dumpster, and a hobo.
Then
I contracted HIV, AIDS, cholera, gonorrhea, and a STAF
infection.
3
Light
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#89
Dear
Spirit,
Yesterday I was
bored, so I walked up to L and started going "bow chicka wah
wah!" and gave him an XXX-rated lap dance.
Then
I realized that I had mistaken L for my real father. He was using L's
computer.
I got my
thong, whip, handcuffs, gag, strap-on, and lube, and left the
room.
3
Light
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#90 (continued from #74)
Dear
Spirit,
After I got on
the plane, after drinking 5 gallons of fresh Mexican water, I had an
explosive diarrhea incident like none other. The plane engines died,
the windows were blasted open, and the velvety seats of the plane
were ruined.
Then we
crashed into the Pacific ocean. The plane sunk to the bottom, and I
was eaten by a shark. Everyone who survived the fall was. No one
survived.
After I was
eaten by a shark, I managed to hold onto a whale, who towed me to
shore, and I hitchhiked home. Again.
3 Light