Lethal sun, envious moon

Tifa

Opening my eyes was very strange. A moment before waking I felt like my soul had fallen into my body after floating in another dimension. My mind was clear, I knew where I was but my body didn't feel the same. It felt like I had never used it before – the dim colours, fruity smells, silky, soft and hot touch of the sheets was new for me. I just stared at the ceiling and feared to move. What if this was only a very realistic dream I was in...

I just lied down and waited. When nothing changed and I calmed a bit I noticed that I was breathing differently...and something was missing. I panicked, pulled myself into a sitting position and pushed away the large blanket from where my tail used to be. I shook my head, closed my eyes and opened them slowly again but my tail was still gone. Someone had dressed me - I was wearing a long silky nightgown and under it were two slim and pale feet.

I placed my hands on my thighs and slid them towards my knees. They felt real – I had real feet, like all humans. I wasn't a mermaid anymore. It made me want to scream of joy but when I opened my mouth and tried to make a noise nothing came out. I grabbed my throat with my hand and tried again. Nothing – I was mute. And being mute meant I couldn't talk with him... I mouthed his name in silence and wanted to cry. Before I was afraid to say it out loud but now I wasn't able to do it at all. And when I wanted to step out of the bed it didn't came through either. My feet were there, I felt them but they just didn't move. My sight blurred and hot streams ran down my face.

To me it felt like I had died and broken my soul in half for nothing. I had done it so I could be close to the person I loved and maybe even help him. With an injured body doing it seamed pointless and impossible. I didn't want to be pitied by him, I wanted to fix him so he would have been happy again...

I didn't want to be seen like that. I didn't want to become a burden for him and I decided to escape. I pulled myself closer to the edge of the bed and as gently as my paralysis let me off from it.

Exactly at that moment the door opened and a ray of light shone right on me. The room was dark and the sudden bright light blinded me. I turned my head away and heard a woman's voice. "What are you doing on the ground?" She rushed next to me and kneeled down. The woman placed her warm and soft hand on my cheek. "Have you cried?" She asked and then I just let it all out. "...please, leave me alone..." I said to the stranger without a sound.

"I can't hear you. What's wrong?" She asked in a nursing way. I raised my blurry sight to see her face and gulped. I tried to make her understand my situation. "I don't know!" I mouthed as clearly as I could.

Then a shadow appeared on us – a figure stood at the door. "Shalua, what's going on?" My heart almost stopped. I had never heard him speak but it could not have be any other than Cloud. There wasn't a single emotion in his voice, like it had come from an empty shell. The woman looked up at him. "Thank god, could you lift her up. She must have fallen off..."

As he walked closer I paralyzed. Before I could do anything he had already bent down, grabbed me from the ground and placed me on the bed. The woman turned on the small lamp next to the bed and spoke again. "I can only hope it is temporary but she isn't able to speak. It may be from shock." Shalua sat next to me, covered me with the blanket and pushed the hair away from my face. With doing so Cloud noticed my red eyes and half dried tears on my cheeks. For a moment I saw compassion and concern in his eyes but his face stayed serious and cold. My fears had come true. I felt ashamed and moved my glance away from his.

Then I noticed there was a fresh wound across his left eyebrow and his left arm was in bandages. As concern appeared on my face he realized what I was staring at. "Don't worry, it has nothing to do with you..." He whispered. I calmed but as I smiled to him he frightened and turned around. "I'm tired. I'll leave the rest to you." He said to Shalua and left. I stared at the opened door with confusion.

Shalua sighted and spoke with me. "He is hard to understand, it wasn't you fault." I closed my eyes and wished myself away. Were all my emotions really that oblivious? I had to learn how to be tough when he was around...just like I had pretended at home. I nodded and promised it to myself.

Shalua had misunderstood me and stood up. "You must be tired, so we can talk in the morning..." I shook my head and to confirm her I wasn't tired I pulled myself up. She got my point and returned to her seat. "Do you know your name, where you come from, things like that...?" She asked observing me. I was baffled. Of course I knew where I came from. But how was I supposed to explain that I was a mermaid and knew nothing about the life on the land. So I shook my head and pretended I had amnesia. "I see..." Shalua said to herself. "It makes things more complicated."

"But do you remember if you were in an accident. Do you have any pains?" I didn't want to lie so I didn't answer. "Do you know why you fell off from the bed?" Then I remembered my immotile feet. I pointed at them and pulled the blanket off. She looked puzzled but stood up examined my feet. She pinched the toes on my right foot. "Do you feel it?" I nodded and hoped for the best. She did the same with the left foot and I nodded again. "That's good, at least the nerves are ok. You should be able to walk, but..." I sent her a questioning look and started praying. She thought for a second. "I think I'll try some therapy on you. It might help. But I don't have a clue what might have happened to your voice."

I nodded and tried to look thankful. Then my stomach started to growl and I realized I hadn't eaten in ages. Shalua jumped up. "How foolish of me, you must be hungry. I'll get something for you. I won't be long..." With saying that she rushed out of the room. I sighted with ease and leaned against the pillows. My situation was starting to get bearable. There was I chance I would have started to walk and maybe even talk like a human. I thanked the gods of the water and the spirits of the waves. I prayed my dreams to come true for his sake.

Cloud...why were you suffering so much? Why were you afraid of me? Why had you turned so cold? Why had you forgotten the laughter and love...Being the closest to you and at the same time the farthest I had ever been tore me apart. I reminded myself that I had the chance to change it all and the promise I had made to myself. Then I was able to smile to Shalua when she returned with a tray and later fall asleep...