"This old man, he played eight,
He played knick-knack on my gate,
With a knick-knack paddywhack-"
"Hamilton, shut up. You've been singing that damn song for the past hour." Jefferson snapped.
"Excuse me for trying to lighten the mood!" Alex snapped back. "Sorry it's not French! Would you like me to sing fucking... Alouette instead?!"
"Anyone else feel like shooting themselves?" Nathaniel asked. He was laying in a star shape on the ground.
"Well, we don't have a gun, so we couldn't anyway." John shrugged.
"How long d'you think we've been down here?" Maria asked.
"I don't know." John shook his head. He let out a sigh. "I don't know how long it's been. It could have been a month for all we know."
"Except it hasn't been." Aaron said.
Everyone looked at him, some even gasped. He hadn't spoken since the electricity went out. Since Jefferson told them all they were in nuclear war.
"We still have rations." Aaron finished.
"We haven't got a lot left though." Alex said. "And what the hell are we going to do with all that shit?"
"Shit?" John raised an eyebrow.
"Our literal shit, John." Alex said. "Poo. Pee. Blood..."
Nathaniel sat bolt upright. "That was Aaron!"
"There's seven girls in here too, Nathaniel. We can't be afraid of... Of periods," Alex cringed hard, "any more."
"Then how come you cringed?" Martha asked.
"I'm still not used to discussing it." Alex replied.
"What do you think happened to Peggy?" Eliza asked. She crawled from under the table. "And Laf?"
"Hopefully they're safe." Maria said. "And we'll see them again soon."
Eliza nodded. "What do you think it looks like up there?"
"Rubble." Nathaniel deadpanned.
"Well, we know that no bomb has struck us." James said. "We'd be vaporised at ground zero otherwise."
"I thought that was where the planes hit the towers?" Alex asked curiously.
"9/11 doesn't have a monopoly of the term 'ground zero'. There was a ground zero at Hiroshima and another at Nagasaki as well. It's used as a term to describe the place a bomb hits. Doesn't even have to be nuclear." James explained. "9/11 sort of hijacked the term."
"No pun intended?" Jefferson added quickly.
"God yeah. Can't make a pun from 9/11." James nodded.
"You know what? I can't put my finger on it, but something's telling me that 9/11 isn't the worst thing to happen to this country anymore." Angelica said sarcastically.
"Ha ha." Jefferson said.
"Well, Angelica's right." Martha said. "9/11 was bad. But if this really is a nuclear war then millions, if not billions are dead out there now."
"Yeah that puts 9/11 in perspective." James said.
"So who's keeping track of the days?" Nathaniel asked.
"I don't know the days any more." Alex said.
"I don't even know the time." Maria added.
"I think Hercules was keeping track of the days." Jefferson said.
"Where is he?" Martha asked.
"In the shit room with Sally, Theo, William and Dolley." Nathaniel said. "Sleeping, but I don't think they're sleeping. If you know what I mean."
"Orgy?" John asked. He was picking at a fingernail.
"Probably they're just as awake as we are." James said. "I don't know what time it is or what day it is-"
"Does time even exist any more if there are no clocks left working to record it?' Jefferson asked.
"Obviously. Since shit is still happening." Maria said. "We just don't know what exactly outside this bunker."
"Tiny ass bunker." Nathaniel complained.
"It's more a lead lined room connecting to another lead lined room than a bunker." Alex said.
"True dat." Angelica agreed.
"I know you're quoting BoJack Horseman, but think about this for a second-BoJack Horseman doesn't exist any more." Eliza said. "None of our culture exists any more. All of humanity's accomplishments-all the world's history is just..." She trailed off.
"It's safe to assume it's all gone." Angelica finished. "All because of President Cheeto's narcissism and refusal to allow the public knowledge of his collusion with Russia."
"Do you really think that happened?" Martha asked.
"Well, we'll never know now." Angelica said.
"True. True." James nodded in agreement. "Also, Russia probably doesn't exist any more."
"What would happen to countries who didn't get nuked?" John asked.
"They'd die of radiation." Jefferson said. "There might be a Nuclear Winter going on up there. We might be the only survivors left in the world. Who knows?"
Eliza covered her ears. "Don't say that!" She said. "I'm still holding out hope that Peggy and Laf are okay."
Angelica put her hand on Eliza's shoulder. "They aren't." She said softly.
"No. Don't say that." Eliza said. "Don't say that."
"I know it's not exactly what you want to hear-"
"It's not at all what I want to hear. And I know it's not true. They're alive."
"Let her have hope, Angelica." Maria said.
"I don't know what time it is, but I'm gonna go sleep-not-sleep in the shit room." Nathaniel said. "After all, it might be past midnight. Or it could be midday. I really don't know and I don't even fucking care at this point." He stood up and walked to the door and opened it. He walked inside, where there were four bunk beds for a total of eight beds and in the middle of the room was an improvised toilet.
One of the bunk beds were unusable because they had to keep their toilet waste somewhere and they couldn't go outside.
The downside was that everyone could see you do your business. Some things were, admittedly, grosser than others, like watching Alex's paraplegic toileting routine. But it had to be done. Still, the less said about that, the better. The men were also uncomfortable being around the women who were menstruating. But it was either go in the same room as other people-men or women-or don't go at all.
"You here to piss or take a dump?" The voice of Hercules Mulligan. In the darkness, it was difficult to see, but everyone knew each other's voices or when someone was using the improvised toilet-that was actually a bin.
"Neither." Nathaniel said. "I'm here to sleep. Or to not-sleep."
"We're all doing that." Dolley said.
"Yeah, come join us." Sally said. "I'm sure the bunk above Dolley is free."
"No, I'm here." William said.
"The bunk above me is free." Theo said. "I sleep on the bottom because of my medical issues."
"Right. Okay." Nathaniel said. "Hercules, by the way, what day is it?"
"We've been down here for ten days." Hercules said. "Sally and I have been keeping track."
"By my last estimate," Sally began, "it's around eight in the evening on Sunday night."
"How?"
"Estimate counting hours." Sally said. "I'm putting my accounting skills to other uses."
"Right. Okay." Nathaniel nodded. "Sunday." He felt around for Theo's bunk and climbed to the top bed.
"Not so loud, Nathaniel." Theo complained. "My symptoms are flaring up. I'm trying to rest."
"Sorry." Nathaniel said. "So... got any gossip, William?" He asked.
"Yeah." William said. "As a matter of fact, I do. Did you know, it's Sunday? Aaaand... we're in a nuclear war? Well, it's probably over now. So we survived a nuclear war. Probably. I mean... Radiation and all that shit. So we're going to die anyway. It's just more a question of how and when now."
"Barrel of laughs." Nathaniel said with a sigh.
"Hey." William said. "You asked."
"And you succeeded in making everyone miserable." Theo said. "So yeah, thanks, Van Ness."
William hummed. "Dad. John. Cornelius."
"Who are they?" Hercules asked.
"My older brothers." William said. "I'm actually the youngest in my family."
"I didn't know that." Dolley said. "You're usually telling us about our lives that we've not heard about your life."
"Okay. Well, I was born in Ghent. I'm the youngest of three. The P initial stands for Peter, which is my dad's name. Or more likely was my dad's name. My mom was Dutch and she died having me. She was a lawyer. Dad was a lawyer. My brothers-John and Cornelius-were also lawyers. I was studying law too-so I could also become a lawyer." William said. "Happy?"
"I don't know who my dad is." Sally began. "I'm black, but I don't really look it besides my hair as my skin's kinda pale. So I'm guessing he's a white guy. I have five older siblings. I'm also the youngest. And my mom manages a Walmart down in Virginia. Managed. Even if she survived, which I doubt, there probably aren't any more Walmarts."
"I was actually born in Londonderry, which is in Northern Ireland." Hercules said. "So I'm actually British, not Irish. I only have the one brother, Hugh. He lives in the Republic of Ireland, which is actual Ireland. And on a drunken night out, I married Liz Sanders in first year." On hearing Sally gasp, Hercules hastily added, "but the marriage was never consummated and was annulled."
"I'm actually an orphan." Nathaniel said. "My parents both died when I was a kid. I don't know how, actually. It isn't talked about. I'm an only child. And I was raised by my Uncle Edmund. Yeah the uh... famous accident lawyer. He pushed me into doing law. And honestly..." he sighed. "I regret it. I wish I'd studied poli-sci like I wanted to."
"I'm a Quaker." Dolley said. "We're not like Jehovah's Witnesses or Catholics or Mormons having huge families, but I have a huge family anyway. I have seven siblings. Weirdly, there's four girls and four boys-I'm one of the four girls. And the oldest. Girl, not sibling. I have three older brothers-Walt, Billy and Zac."
"I hate my fucking name." Theo said. "It's made up as hell. And if my father hadn't died before I was born, my name sure as hell wouldn't be Theodosia. I'm named after him. His name was Theodosius. So mom raised me alone. She never remarried. It was always just me and her in New Jersey. I still think her making me study French was redundant. But I do miss her and hope she's okay."
"How'd your dad die?" Nathaniel asked.
"Motorbike accident." Theo replied.
"Well... aren't we learning more about each other." William commented.
"Tell anyone about my first marriage, you're dead." Hercules said.
"How?"
"I'll push you out into the damn radiation." Hercules said. "It's only been ten days. You'll get a lethal dose in a few hours."
"So I've decided not to tell anyone about anything anyone's said..." William said.
"I really hate this." Hercules muttered.
"Hercules, it's been about another hour now." Sally said.
"So nine at night?" Hercules asked. "Great. Great."
Outside the shit room, everyone else was either sitting on the floor, on the chairs or on the furniture, with the exception of Alex, who was sitting in his wheelchair.
"I don't remember the last time I slept." John said. "It probably wasn't because I was tired either. More like I was exhausted and had to."
"I'll admit. It's got harder to sleep knowing all our families are dead and the world up there might not exist any more." Jefferson said.
"Don't say that!" Eliza blurted out. "Don't say that-they're alive! They have to be."
Angelica sighed softly and shook her head. She knew the truth and she knew that Eliza did too.
But it was the thinking about it that was the hardest part.
"Jefferson, don't be a dick." Alex said.
"I'm not being a dick-"
"You're kind of being a dick." James said.
"I blame being in such close quarters." Martha said.
"Yeah, this sucks." Maria agreed. "I mean, there are how many-fourteen? Fifteen? There are a lot of us anyway. Like for fuck's sake. I'm on my period. I don't want guys seeing that."
"My hair feels so icky and greasy." Angelica piped up.
"I haven't showered in god knows how long." Martha said.
"I feel you." James said. "I feel gross and sweaty. I know everyone else is sweaty and gross too-I smell it."
"I hate being so dirty." John moaned.
"I don't care either way." Jefferson shrugged.
"You don't like to shower too often anyway." James said. "The rest of us do."
"Wait, Jefferson, you don't shower?" Alex asked.
"I shower. Just not the last few days. Or weeks. Whatever." Jefferson shrugged casually.
"It hasn't been two weeks." Aaron said.
"Is it time for rations yet?" Angelica asked. "I'm starving."
"Who's keeping track of rations?" Martha asked.
"I am." Maria said. "And no, it's not time for rations yet."
"It's time for water rations though." Alex said. "Everyone gets another half cup. Do with it what you want."
"It's not going to last a shower, is it?" Angelica asked.
"This has to last until we die down here." Alex said. "So no."
John sighed loudly. "Fuck this sucks."
"I know." Alex said. "But this is life now. We have to get used to it."
A/N: To celebrate the Doomsday Clock moving to two minutes to midnight-the closest it's been before-here's a new chapter!
As you can see, everyone's reacting in different ways. Nathaniel is bored. Eliza knows the truth, but is trying not to say it aloud because then it becomes true. Jefferson is largely apathetic. Some people have roles to keep themselves busy.
Yeah, pop-culture would be lost. History would be lost. Culture would be lost-especially oral traditions. Songs would be lost. Folk stories would be lost. Nations would be lost. A lot would be lost in a nuclear war. That's why it's always best not to have one.
Nuclear winter is a theory that is basically based on what happens in volcanic eruptions-shit gets spewed into the atmosphere and blocks out the sun. It causes greenhouse gasses. The hole in the ozone gets bigger. Basically, if you don't turn into a shadow, die of third degree burns or radiation poisoning, you're looking at skin cancer and sun related deaths. Whoop. How great.
If you got a bunker, would have to share that bunker with other people. Say goodbye to your privacy.
William Van Ness did actually have two older brothers called John and Cornelius. He, his father and those two brothers were all lawyers. His father's name was Peter Van Ness. And his mother was, indeed Dutch. And died giving birth to him.
Sally Hemings' father was Martha Wayles Jefferson's father. No, it's not you. It actually does make the whole Sally Hemings affair that much more disgusting. Also, she was an eighth black, I think and she did have pale skin. I swapped it for this story though, historically, she was the oldest of six. Here, she's the youngest of six.
Hercules Mulligan was born in Londonderry. Before the Irish Partition, that would have been actual Ireland-or the Republic of Ireland. But since this story is in the modern day, it makes him from Northern Ireland and thus, British. Hugh was his brother and he did go back to Ireland. Elizabeth Sanders was his historical wife. That was me making reference to it.
Nathaniel Pendleton was indeed an orphan raised by his uncle, Edmund Pendleton, who, back then, was actually a prolific lawyer. Nathaniel Pendleton was also a lawyer. Yes. It does make it odd that two lawyers were involved in the Hamilton-Burr duel. And since Hamilton and Burr were lawyers themselves... Let's just make it that it was four lawyers and a doctor. It wouldn't be the last time a Vice President shot a lawyer after all. Yes, Dick Cheney, I'm talking about you. Somewhere, Aaron Burr's ghost is vindicated.
Dolley Payne Madison was a Quaker. She was raised a Quaker. She was the fourth of eight and the first girl. Her parents did have four girls and four boys. Her older brothers were called Walter, William and Isaac. She was also expelled from the Quaker faith for marrying James Madison, a slave owner because he didn't emancipate his slaves or convert to the Quaker faith.
Theodosia was named after her father Theodosius, who died before she was born. He did not die in a motorcycle accident, that is because it's set today. She was raised by her single mother, but historical Theodosia's mother did remarry and had five kids with her new husband. Theodosia was also from New Jersey and she did study French. She had a thing for French culture, just as Thomas Jefferson did, only less prolific since I doubt any layperson had really heard of her before Wait For It.
Also, there are no showers in the Apocalypse. Yes, everyone would be filthy. Great, right?