Seattle, August, 2014

Rossi, Blake and JJ had just gone back to the car to go to the second abduction site, when Rossi's cell phone rang.

"Hey Hotch. Where?"

He was quiet and listened for a while.

"Okay."

He hung up and turned to the two female agents.

"A body has been found. Hotch and Reid are on their way to the dump site and they want me to meet up with them there. So you'll have to check the two other abduction sites on your own. Okay?"

He sensed the negativity falling upon them, but to say nothing is the same as agreement, so he just left it at that, started the car and turned out on the road. JJ sat in the backseat and stared out the window with her arms folded across her chest - she could just as well have worn a neon sign saying 'do not disturb'. Blake was picking at her earring while staring straight ahead, but she didn't look hostile. Only tired. More than a little bit uncomfortable. And deep in thought.

They caught up with the other agents at a rest stop about a mile further down the road. Rossi parked and got out of the car, leaving the keys in the ignition. JJ was just getting out of the backseat to take over, as Rossi jumped into the backseat of the other SUV with Hotch at the wheel.

"How are they doing?" he asked. Rossi wiggled his hand in a 'so and so' gesture.

"Not too bad. They're definitely not comfortable, but they stay professional."

"They'd better. We don't have time for personal issues right now. Okay, the body is that of Jamie Rich, age 23. She was the second to be abducted."

Rossi nodded and put on his seat belt.

"Let's go."

Alex unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I think I'm going to drive, why?" JJ said, raising her eyebrows.

"Oh no you don't, I remember your driving skills. Hand over the keys, I'll drive."

"Get back in the car, Alex. You remember the person I was ten years ago, but I am not her anymore," JJ snapped. Alex's lips twitched as she tilted her head to the side.

"Really? What's changed, apart from you being with the FBI?"

"I'm a mother now, for example" JJ replied and watched - not without some mean-spirited glee - how Alex tumbled right off her high horses, instantly defeated.

"Oh…" she mumbled and searched her vast mental library for something more to say, found nothing suitable, and just made a vague gesture in JJ's general direction before climbing back into the passenger's seat. They were quiet for several minutes until Alex found the silence to be too suffocating and made an attempt to pick up the thread.

"How many children do you have?"

"One. A boy. His name is Henry."

JJ didn't take her eyes off the road, although traffic was nearly inexistent. Alex wanted to reach out her hand and touch her, but she had been the one to withdraw those years ago, and she didn't know how to bridge these years of hurt silence.

"How old is he?"

"Almost six. Look, Alex, I really don't want to talk about him with you. He belongs in my future, and you belong in my past. I thought you would stay in my past." JJ exhaled loudly. "Frankly, I wish you would have; I had only just accepted that you were gone, for real, gone, and look who just pops up out of nowhere!"

Alex lowered her head.

"If I had known you were on this team, I never would have applied for the job," she said. "I didn't even know you went into the FBI."

"Yeah, well, I never knew you were with the FBI either. You never mentioned it. Not even once."

"My life and my career were in a bad place ten years ago. It was right after the Amerithrax case, remember?"

"Yeah, I've heard about that one," JJ said, trying her hardest to keep her tone civil and the subject neutral. "The army were quite angry with how the Bureau treated their chemist."

"No," Alex said and swallowed. "No, not the Bureau. Me. I was the one in charge, I was the one responsible."

"You were in charge of Amerithrax? Oh, that's right, Blake. I never connected the dots, since it happened before I got into that line of work. The media were all over it for months, weren't they?"

Alex recalled the satirical TV skit that nicknamed her "Agent Flake". Luckily it was a nickname that never caught on, but she also remembered taking a long shower and crying helplessly after the TV show had ended. When James called her that evening and asked why her voice sounded odd and stuffy, she told him she had been chopping onions. He had never questioned why she would chop onions to the point of tears past eleven at night, but then again, they were in different time zones, and his mind was occupied with life and death situations.

"Yeah, not exactly my proudest moment," Alex said and sighed. JJ shook her head, and Alex could tell just from her body language that JJ wasn't the slightest bit more sympathetic after learning this new piece of information.

"I'm sorry, but it just doesn't make any sense to me. So when one big career was falling apart, you decided to put your second big career in jeopardy, like some twisted gambling thing? Or was it just a 'go and fuck a student to take your mind off things' kind of deal?"

Alex slowly shook her head.

"No, no, no… it wasn't like that at all, Jennie."

"Don't you ever call me Jennie again. You lost the right to call me that the day you walked out on me with no explanation and refused to return my calls."

"JJ, then. JJ," Alex said, lowering her voice to a soothing murmur. "It wasn't like that. I swear to God, it wasn't like that. I fell head over heels for you. And I wanted to contact you again over the years, many times. I didn't because… I was ashamed."

"I can't help but thinking you deserve to feel that way," JJ replied. Alex sighed and raised both hands as in surrender. This wasn't going anywhere. Whatever chances she might have had once, they were long gone. Washed down the drain like fallen October leaves on a stormy day.

"If we can only stay professional during this case, I promise I'll hand in my notice as soon as we get back to D.C. I'm not thrilled at this whole spectacle either; I only thought I would have to deal with one ghost from my past, but two, whoa, that is more than I bargained for."

JJ was, against her will, intrigued. But still angry; there had been so many years when she felt used and then discarded after the elegant, serious Doctor Blake had taken everything she wanted from her and no longer deemed the risks worth the pleasure.

"Who's the other one? Did you fuck someone else on this team as well?"

"No!" Alex sounded scandalised. "And please stop referring to it as 'fucking'!"

"Oh I'm sorry. Is that word too vulgar for your sensitive linguist ears?"

Alex was rapidly running out of patience.

"No, it's not too vulgar, but I prefer to call things by their real name, and not once did I fuck you! I made love to you! I loved you!"

JJ's jaws clenched.

"You certainly had a funny way of showing that."

"You just don't understand my situation, okay?!" Alex shouted and slapped a hand over her mouth. She never shouted. She rarely raised her voice at all, and it shocked her how JJ could provoke such a reaction in her. She felt jittery and on edge, almost like she had felt when she was trying to quit smoking.

"Then why did you just leave?" JJ didn't wait for an answer. "You know what's interesting?"

"What?"

"You have these fancy degrees in linguistics, you're fluent in seven languages and can get by on several more, but you never talk about things that matter, like feelings."

"Your point being?"

"No point. It's just an observation. To be honest, I can't decide if you're an idiot savant or just cold-hearted."

"Jennifer…" Alex pleaded.

"Don't worry, I'm done now," JJ replied. "I've said what I've wanted to say. I can go another ten years without talking to you now."

"Good to know," Alex replied, and she hoped that the harshness in her voice sounded like just that - harshness - and not like she was struggling not to cry. JJ had made it perfectly clear that she could expect no sympathy. And why would she? JJ was right; it had been Alex who walked out with no explanation. Just ran away, like the coward she truly was deep inside.

"Second abduction site," JJ announced after almost five minutes of hostile silence, and pulled in at the parking lot.

"This is much smaller than the first," Alex noted. Slipping into the part of agent was easy, but then again, she had never had a problem playing a part. It was being herself that could be a problem from time to time.

"Notice anything similar from the first?" JJ wondered as they stepped out of the SUV and looked around. "Except for the fact that all parking lots look pretty much the same?"

"Yeah…" Alex said, dragging the word out. "The playground is right in the line of sight from the entrance."

"How much do you want to bet that our second victim went over there?"

Alex frowned.

"Did any of the victims have children of their own?"

"No."

"Hm. Is this some kind of a ruse?"

"What are you thinking?"

"What if our unsub used a child to lure the victim, either to his car or some secluded area where he could subdue her?"

JJ looked back at her. After all these years she had spent being angry with Alex, she had forgotten how intelligent and quick-thinking the other woman really was, and being confronted with it like this was a bit of a shock.

"I'll call Hotch," she eventually said, and Alex allowed herself a breath of relief. At least she had proven herself to be somewhat useful, and not merely an annoyance. Of course, she didn't know if she was right, but… her gut feeling told her she was. It had been a long time since she listened to it, but now she did. And if she was right, this murderer truly was a monster.

A/N

And here we go with some more angst. I know most people like to deliver the "time heals all wounds" cliché, and a lot of time it is true, but sometimes time makes things worse, especially if there's a misunderstanding to begin with. Communication is the key to any happy relationship.

Also, I want to point out that a crush alone cannot ever heal clinical depression ("True Love's Kiss" is a fairytale thing by the way, and frankly it took me over fifteen years of misery to debunk that myself) - but if you're not too ensnared in the gloom, it can give that extra little boost that pushes you forward and gives you enough energy to move beyond it. Also, being down sometimes is normal, especially for very sensitive and very intelligent people. Being down constantly, however, is not normal and may require medical attention. Getting a depression is no more your own fault than getting the flu is, there is help to get, and yes, you do deserve to feel good.

Yes, you do.

YES, you do.

That kinda turned into a speech, so, I'll just leave you to it now. Be safe and take care.