D.C, September, 2004
Campus library is never empty, but there is one spot that always seems to be 'the road less travelled'. There is no reason for it, none that is obvious anyway, but it is a fact, and there is where JJ seeks refuge this Monday. She cannot bring herself to go to the linguistics class and face her professor, how could she after this weekend? It was bad enough being drunk around her - JJ can't actually remember throwing up on the other woman, but she cringes at the thought anyway - but then she went and visited Doctor Blake in her home. Brought her flowers! All that she thinks she could get beyond, and she thinks Doctor Blake - Alex - could too, but then she had to go and kiss her! Why on Earth would she do such a thing when she had finally managed to smooth things over? It doesn't matter that she's madly in love with her, there are some things that you just can't do. It's called assault. Sexual harassment, even. JJ's stomach is churning at the thought. It doesn't matter that she meant no harm and that the kiss was incredibly innocent, it doesn't matter that she simply couldn't help herself, she violated her very private teacher's privacy and, oh, it's all just a hot mess.
Yeah, but she's so smart, and so pretty, and so sweet…
"Fancy meeting you here," a silky voice says from behind her.
And she's here! JJ thinks and wonders if she should make a run for it.
"I missed you in class today," Alex continues and sits down on the chair next to JJ's, blocking her immediate path to the door as if she knows what the blonde is thinking. "I don't usually give free passes, but this once I may have forgotten my own rule."
JJ gives her a shy glance, far from the brazen 'I kissed the teacher'-look Alex saw on her face this past weekend, and Alex realises that the girl is terrified of being reprimanded, or perhaps even teased about it in front of her classmates.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Alex asks. It's always easier for her to listen to others rather than pouring her own heart out, and she's genuinely curious about this whole situation. She has reined in her own feelings as harshly as she possibly can, built a whole brick wall of professionalism around the fire within, but she can't brush this off and walk away.
Jennifer looks at her, trying to measure if she really wants to know, and is calmed by the gentleness in Alex's large brown eyes.
"Yes," JJ says. "But not here. Not where any teacher or student might overhear."
Good point, Alex thinks.
"Okay. Where then? I know a coffee shop not far away, it's usually pretty quiet…"
"Okay," JJ whispers. Then; "I'm really sorry. Am I in trouble?"
"Not unless you decide to shout it around," Alex replies and smiles. "Or if you keep skipping class, of course," she adds as an afterthought, and JJ returns the smile, but her heart is pounding like crazy.
It's not a date, she reminds herself, but her infatuation insists on calling it just that, and it's thrilled.
The coffee shop has an interior based on dark wood and earth colours. It is indeed quiet and the few customers all seem rather closed-off, almost as if they have invisible walls put up between themselves and the rest of the world. Not in a hostile way, just… private. It's not quite JJ's thing, she likes to keep to herself at times, but all in all, she's a rather social being. She can definitely see Alex fit in well here, though. Yes, she can almost see Alex sitting by the table in the far corner, with a cup of black coffee, a medium sized chocolate cupcake half-eaten and forgotten, and nose in a book. A hardcover of course, not one of those flimsy paperbacks. Probably first edition and original language as well. The image is so vivid, JJ has to put a hand over her mouth to hold back a giggle, but she doesn't fully succeed.
"Something funny?"
"This place is just so you, that's all," JJ says. Alex looks around, as if she's never seen the place before, then turns back to JJ.
"In what way?"
"It's… comfy."
"I'm comfy?" Alex says, raising her eyebrows. She knows exactly what the younger woman is trying to say, but she doesn't think anyone has referred to her as 'comfy' before. It's oddly adorable. JJ is sweating a little until Alex decides to let her off the hook. "I'm kidding, Jennifer, relax. Sorry."
JJ blushes and discreetly wipes her clammy palms on the back of her jeans.
"Where do you want to sit?" she asks. There are plenty of empty tables, but Alex nods towards the one JJ has just pictured her at.
"I usually sit over there. It's nice and quiet and you have a good overview of the entire room."
As they make their way to the table, JJ can't stop herself.
"May I ask, do you usually order black coffee and a chocolate cupcake, while reading something classic by J.D Salinger or Victor Hugo?"
Alex frowns.
"Actually, I order latte when I'm out. Black coffee is more fuel than anything else. And yes, if I order anything to eat, it's usually chocolate something. Have you been spying on me… or are you just profiling me?" she adds in a sly voice.
JJ doesn't know exactly what profiling is, but she knows she hasn't spied on Alex. She also knows that if she had, Alex would have caught her red-handed long ago. She doesn't seem like the type to be oblivious to anything going on around her.
"No, I haven't spied on you… it just seemed like it would suit you."
"Mhm. Mainly when I'm here, I write rather than read, though."
"What do you write?"
"Stuff," Alex says, not wanting to admit to writing poetry. She's not a talent like that student she once had, but she's not completely useless at it either. But if she admits it, then JJ will ask to read some, and she isn't comfortable letting anyone read what she writes, whether it's a journal, poems or essays on the miracle of human language. She thinks she might publish something one day, but that is likely to be non-fiction; something educational in the linguistics field.
"The great American novel?"
"Hardly," Alex replies and snorts. "More like the great American waste of time."
She takes out her wallet and JJ shakes her head.
"It's on me," JJ says. "I was the one dragging you out here, causing this entire mess."
"It's no mess," Alex lies without blinking and moves on to the truth; "and you bought me those beautiful flowers, so let me buy the coffee." She tilts her head to the side and looks closely at JJ. "Only you're not really a coffee-drinker, are you? You probably drink coffee around others to fit in, but you don't really like the taste, do you?"
JJ blinks. She has never told anyone about that; she just drinks her coffee and shuts up.
"How did you know?"
"Every class, you bring a cup of coffee, take two or three sips, make a slightly disgusted face each time, and then you throw away the almost-full cup after class. Like it's only for show; your classmates are drinking it, so you do what they do, hoping that sooner or later you'll just grow used to it and start liking it."
"That's amazing."
"No, it isn't, it's just a matter of detecting patterns and picking up on details," Alex brushes it off. "You're a tea person, aren't you?"
JJ nods.
"Do you take it with sugar or milk?"
"I drink it plain. I'm a very plain person, really."
Alex tries to hold back a smile as she says;
"Somehow I find that hard to believe."
When they have gotten their orders, Alex decides to stop beating about the bush and asks JJ flat out;
"Was it a dare? You kissing me?"
"What? No." JJ is surprised that Alex would even consider this, and for the first time she realises that this tough woman might be much more sensitive on the inside than she wants to let on. The very thought makes JJ want to put both arms around her and hold her close, assuring her that all her intentions, no matter how erratic their following actions may seem, are pure and true. But she can't… at least not here in public.
Alex takes a sip of her coffee. It burns all the way from her mouth to her stomach, but she barely notices. All her focus is on Jennifer Jareau.
"No… I didn't think so, but I wanted to make sure."
"No dare, I promise."
"So why did you do it?"
"I don't know. I mean, I've been wanting to do that since I first saw you, but I couldn't tell you why I just went ahead and did it. I'm usually not that impulsive, I swear," JJ says, desperate to make Alex realise that she's not a complete idiot.
Alex nods slowly, but before she can think about what to say, JJ says in a low voice;
"You know how they say 'you had me by hello'?"
Alex nods again, licking her lips. It's one of those nervous tics she has developed in the past year that she's never going to get rid of, but she's unaware she even has it. JJ notices it though, and she is almost distracted. What she wouldn't do to taste those lips again… and being tasted in return.
"Let's say you had me by 'I don't allow cell phones in my classroom'," JJ says honestly and Alex can't help it, she has to laugh. Part of it is because of sheer surprise, since this remark is unusual bordering on weird, another part is how JJ perfectly imitates Alex's somewhat haughty lecturer's tone, but most of it is something unidentifiable that has no le mot juste to describe it. All she knows is that the laughter is deep and refreshing, and that people are starting to give her funny looks, but she can't stop. JJ doesn't seem to be at all bothered by this sudden outburst and Alex feels a great rush of relief. She doesn't have to be in complete control of herself in front of this young woman. And all of a sudden, Alex's so far mostly platonic romantic interest turns into desperate, maddening lust. She doesn't just want Jennifer, she needs her, she craves her touch, she wants the two of them wrapped in a tight embrace with not so much as a thread of fabric between their bodies…
She abruptly stops laughing.
I have gone insane. That must be it. I have finally cracked, this is a complete mental breakdown.
Normally Alex shies away from physical contact, especially when she's emotionally unsettled, but when JJ's hand lands on her arm it's as if it has belonged there from the moment they first met. Alex doesn't push it away, doesn't retreat, because she needs it. Her body needs it, but even more so, her heart needs it. It has been ruled by her cold and stoic mind for too long and it has had enough of it. Alex needs an actual human being right now, not a voice on the phone or a photo in a frame. She needs a real, present human being to touch her and confirm her own existence. She needs someone to claim her, and it doesn't matter the slightest that the claim is made by shaky hands with slightly sweaty palms. Somebody finally took the time and the effort to reach out and touch Alex Blake, and she is grateful that this somebody was Jennifer.
"Alex," Jennifer says in a quiet voice - her pulse is audible in it, but she pushes on anyway - while her thumb is rubbing soothing circles on the other woman's arm. "Let's get out of here."
"Where would we go?"
Her resolve and cool are wavering, the thick skin she has prided herself on having is shedding and she's feeling very vulnerable. The brick walls are still standing, but they're trembling. Oh, yes, they are trembling.
"We can go back to my place, if it's not too uncomfortable for you," JJ says. "Agatha won't be back before six."
And as she looks into those kind eyes, Alex makes that first truly reckless decision.
She says yes.
A/N
This is not going to turn into a graphic sex fic, but it's likely going to waver on the line, so it may turn M soon. Also I'm very sorry about the weirdness of this chapter, I had a slightly different scenario in my mind but it just wouldn't go where I tried to lead it, it went where it wanted to anyway.
And for those who thinks it's odd that Alex has made such an improvement in such a short time, I'm picturing it as the antidepressants finally starting to do their job. It takes some time for those bastards to reach full effect. Plus, of course, a little bit of a crush is a nice difference to the constant dark clouds... ;)