The Random Megaman Parody Show: Second Offense
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Megaman series. Nor do I own anything else that they might choose to make fun of.
Parody #24
A Parody of Forrest Gump
By: The Legend series
(Instead of a feather, a dead bird glides through the air as peaceful music is playing. Trigger picks up the bird when lands by his foot and puts it in his suitcase. When Sera walks up, Trigger turns to her.)
Trigger - Hello. My name's Florist. Florist Hump. Er.
(Trigger motions to the box of chocolate.)
Trigger - You want a chocolate? You sure look like one.
(Sera slaps Trigger. As Trigger eats a chocolate, he turns to Sera.)
Trigger - Mamma always said sex was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
(As the flashback's begin, the scene changes to when he was a kid.)
Present Trigger - Mamma said they were my magic shoes.
Servbot - Alright, Florist. Open your eyes.
(A young Trigger does so.)
Servbot - They're you're magic shoes. Watch!
(A cry is heard, but not seen.)
Servbot - And just like magic, they're up the doc's ass! Hahaha!
Present Trigger - Mamma named me after the guy who started the KKK. Partly cause I'm related to him. Imagine that.
(Sera slaps Trigger again. In the school, Tron talks with Glyde.)
Glyde - Is there a Mr. Hump, Mrs. Hump?
(At night, the principal exits the house.)
Glyde - There is now.
(Later, Trigger is dancing to Elvis playing the guitar. After he stops, Trigger goes 'Thank you. Thank you very much!')
Elvis - I like that, kid. I like that a lot.
(Later, Trigger sees Elvis on the TV.)
Past Trigger - That son of a bitch!
(Later, the bullies begin chasing him on their bikes.)
Roll - Run, Florist! Run!
(As Trigger does so, the leg braces begin to break off. Suddenly, one of his legs breaks off too and he begins hopping away at an abnormal speed. Much later, as a teenager, Trigger runs across a football field.
Present Trigger - Can you believe it? I got to go to college too. All because I could run fast. I wonder if I could go somewhere if I jerked-off fast enough…
(Some stuff happens.)
Present Trigger - …but someone thought different.
(A bus pulls up.)
Sera - Well, I'm blowing this joint.
Present Trigger - Mamma always said…
Sera - Fuck, your mamma!
(Sera walks off as Shu, Appo, and Dah scoot closer. During the flashback, Trigger and Roll are in the room together. Roll takes off her bra and puts Trigger's hand on her breasts.)
Past Trigger - -perverted laugh- I like this.
(The next day, Trigger is playing football and he stops when he gets a touchdown due to the Stop sign in front of him. He looks both ways before he keeps running. Then, after drinking fifteen Dr. Peppers, he goes up to a Servbot.)
Servbot - How does it feel to be an All-American?
Past Trigger - It makes me want to pee.
(In the army, Trigger is talking to Teasel.
Teasel - Shrimp stew. Shrimping potatoes. I think there's even a shrimp for sex. I'm not quite sure what it means though.
(Trigger begins talking with Roll on the bridge.)
Past Trigger - They're sending me to Vietnam. It's this whole other country. Apparently, a lot of people named Charlie are missing. I've got to go find them.")
(Later, Trigger is in Vietnam.)
Present Trigger - Then, one day, just like that, someone turned off the water.
(A Servbot in army attire walks up and looks into the sky.)
Servbot - Oh, would you look at that.
(The Servbot is blown up and everyone ducks as a battle begins. A rocket is fired and two nearby people are blown up. Trigger turns to that spot.)
Past Trigger - Ow. That had to hurt.
Present Trigger - Then, it felt like something just ran up and bit me. Right in the crotch too. That hurt like hell. And then, Bubba said something that I'll never forget.)
Teasel - I'm… big gay Bubba… and I'm here to say… That you're my bitch… and… -dies-
(In present times, Barrell and a Servbot are gone, but Von Bleucher is there instead.)
Von Bleucher - It was a dog, wasn't it?
Present Trigger - A dog?
Von Bleucher- That came up and bit you in the crotch.
(Back in the past, Trigger is playing Ping Pong.)
Past Trigger - Now, the secret to this game is… never take your eyes of my balls.
(Later, Trigger meets with the president.)
Bola - Now, I understand that you were hit, sir. Where were you wounded?
Past Trigger - In the crotch, sir.
Bola - May we see it?
(An awkward silence follows.)
(Later, Trigger talks to Roll before she gets on the bus.)
Roll - We have very different lives, you know.
Past Trigger - Yeah. You're a hippie and I got shot in the crotch.
Roll - No, I meant…
Past Trigger - That you're a girl and I'm not.
Roll - No…
Past Trigger - I'm gay and you're straight?
Roll - Um…
(Time passes.)
Roll - Florist, why are you so good to me?
Past Trigger - 'Cause you're my bitch.
(Later, Trigger is discharged from the army.)
Present Trigger - And just like that, my service in the United States army was over. So, I went home.
(Trigger is then seen dancing with hookers.)
Present Trigger - I said home!
(Trigger walks up to his house. Then, as Trigger 'pays his respects' to Teasel, he urinates on his grave. Later, during the storm, a legless-Servbot is freaking out.)
Servbot - You'll never get me! It's time for a showdown! You and me! Hahahahaha!!
Past Trigger - Shut the fuck up!!
(As Roll throws rocks at her old house, she falls down and starts crying. Then, the house falls down.)
Present Trigger - I'd pick pretty flowers for her and I'd put them in a room for her. Then, she gave me the best gift anyone could've given me. A spellbook that resurrects the dead. But when that didn't work, she got me shoes. And then, for no reason, I felt like running. I ran for three years and let me tell you. That was the biggest fucking waste of time anyone I know has ever heard of!
(Trigger pauses to rip the fart of the century.)
Present Trigger - Then, I got a letter from Roll, asking if I could come down and see her. And that brings me here.
(Tron smirks evilly.)
Trigger - I don't like that smirk you've got."
(After arriving at Roll's house, Data is put into the living room to watch TV.)
Trigger - He's got a daddy named Florist, too?
Roll - You're his daddy.
(Trigger stands perfectly still began screaming at the top of his lungs. The camera shatters and the parody ends.)
Next time: The Zero series saves Private Ryan.