Ylsa paced slowly underneath the fig tree for a while, a tasseled shawl draped over her shoulders so she wouldn't get cold in the fading light of the early evening. A few strands of wavy hair had popped out of her rushed hair style, pinned up to keep her long hair off the back of her neck; it had been quite hot earlier, but now she wondered if she should take her hair down to guard against a chill as the temperature dropped. Sighing, she paused her pacing, biting her lip, and sat down at the foot of the tree. Her stomach churned as she waited for Jerris.
"Be direct," she muttered to herself, "don't beat around the bush." It was going to be an awkward conversation. Ylsa had never faced this situation at all before; she'd never had any men her own age who were unwed to interact with! As the daughter of a lord, she spent almost every day inside her father's castle, serving her stepmother. What little social interaction she ever got was with handmaidens and female servants. So how could have Ylsa found herself in this situation before coming here? And how could she have found herself here now?
She hadn't been trying to flirt with Jerris. And now she was terrified he was getting the wrong idea, and worse…..she was terrified everyone else was getting the wrong idea.
"Nip it in the bud, just nip it," she said, shaking her head. "Don't let a rumor get started, just snuff it out quick!"
"Snuff what out?" Right on cue, Jerris strolled up leisurely, an easy smile adorning his boyish features. Ylsa swallowed hard as she looked up at him. She didn't rise to meet him just yet, just glanced at her feet worriedly.
"I…..I, um…." She stuttered at first, unsure of exactly how to word it, tripping over the sounds. Jerris sat down beside her, maybe a little close, and immediately she jumped up, resuming her pacing.
"Ylsa, just tell me," he said, sounding slightly worried, following her back up to his feet. "You can tell me anything."
"Jerris, I-I just….I've heard some things, and I'm worried….worried you might think one thing when I don't mean it that way-" her words were rushing out a little fast, her cheeks red as she refused to make eye contact with him. "But more importantly, it LOOKS one way when it shouldn't!"
"What are you even talking about?" Chuckling at her flustered babbling, Jerris reached out, taking one of Ylsa's hands, startling her. He was a little more touchy than your average soldier ought to be with the future Princess of Dorne on a regular basis, but this was pretty brazen. Ylsa just clammed up, suddenly staring directly at him.
"I-I…Telen said that….that I've been flirting with you!" she blurted out, her heart pounding, totally embarrassed. Jerris didn't seem to register anything wrong with what she'd said though, and continued to stare back at her, unaffected.
"Yes?" This threw Ylsa off guard a bit, as she made a shocked face at him. Jerris shrugged. "So have I, with you."
"W- …..why!? Why didn't you say anything? Why did you flirt with ME?" She looked utterly stricken, not yet pulling away from Jerris as he still held her hand.
"Because? I like you?" To him, it confused him why Ylsa was acting so flustered; he thought this was common knowledge here. "Because you're fun to tease and I love the way you blush and laugh when I do it."
"Jerris, that's-!" Ylsa couldn't really find the words to scold him, just alternating her gaze from his face to the ground bashfully, feeling like she'd just been kicked by a mule. He knew she was engaged to be married, he thought she was flirting with him, and he was flirting back? Why? She was Doran's future wife! What purpose would flirting achieve?
Well, Ylsa didn't have to ponder that question long. As her blue eyes lifted to meet his, he suddenly yanked on the hand he held, pulling her closer. Wrapping an arm around her back, he cut off Ylsa's startled gasp by kissing her, full on the mouth. All at once, Ylsa felt like she'd been struck by lightning….and not in a good way. She felt frozen, like she couldn't react, couldn't push him away, she was suddenly a statue. She'd never kissed, never been kissed, and you would have thought it would be a thrilling experience for the first time, but it felt so wrong. She wanted to slither out of Jerris' grasp like a garter snake, and slip into the edge and never be seen again.
When Jerris finally let her free, he wore a somewhat blissful smile, but all Ylsa could do was stare open mouthed at him.
"Why!?" she gasped, backing away a step or two. "Why did you just kiss me!?"
"….Because? We like each other?" The way the soldier boy was looking at her, you could tell he thought she was acting a little bit crazy, but she rapidly shook her head, eyes wide.
"I don't!" She burst out, tears welling up in her eyes, totally overwhelmed by the situation. "I'm going to be married!"
"So?" Ylsa's hand flew to cover her mouth at that one little word; so!? So!? "Ylsa, it doesn't matter who you are married to in Dorne. If two people want to be with one another, no one would judge them."
"I don't want to be with you!" She backed up a bit more, her heartrate increasing as Jerris tried to follow suit. "I want to be with my husband!"
"You do?" Jerris looked honestly perplexed by that; after all, who would want to be with an old man, who already had a teenage son and an estranged wife, when they could be with a Dornish soldier instead? Especially a young fragile girl like Ylsa. "You can have us both, you know?"
"I don't want you both!" Hot, embarrassed tears started streaking down her face as she wiped her mouth, trying to get the taste of Jerris' tongue out of it. "Leave me alone!" Turning then, she hiking up her long skirt in her arms and took off in the opposite direction.
"Ylsa, come on-" he started to call after her, but was cut off, stopped dead in his tracks.
"Touch me again and I'll tell Areo!" She knew she sounded a little like a child threatening to tattle, but it worked; Jerris didn't follow her. Running through the maze of hedges and pools, snagging her skirt on a few branches, not caring as the gossamer fabric was torn a bit. She was crying, though from frustration, or overwhelm, or embarrassment, she didn't know. Probably all three. She let out a gut wrenching sob as she emerged from the gardens, not bothering to make it back up to her quarters; she just found the nearest dead-end corridor, slumped against the wall at the end, and curled her legs in to cry and feel sorry for herself.
Doran sat, still in the evening breeze, as he waited. He had called to have Lady Ylsa brought to him to share dinner together, though while he was usually drinking already and chatting with Areo or whichever guard was near, today he was silent. He had a serious look in her eyes, if not a slightly troubled look. His fingered were laced together anxiously in his lap. A small knock at his chambers alerted him to visitors outside, and when he called out to enter, Ylsa quietly slipped through the door, sitting down beside him in a somewhat subdued manner. It seemed today they were two peas in a pod in that respect.
"Prince Doran," she greeted, smiling a bit, though she looked tired. Her eyes were a little puffy, as if she'd been crying. Doran's stomach clenched at the thought.
"Ylsa, are you alright?" he asked, his eyebrows knitting together, but she only nodded, visibly trying to banish the tired expression from her face. She only partially succeeded.
"I've been having strange dreams that keep me up at night, is all. It's nothing to worry about." Doran would usually press a little further, but as he had several other things on his mind at the moment, he let it drop.
"Ah, well, in that case, please, eat!" Motioning to the low table set out before them, he smiled, a little strained.
"Thank you, my Prince, but…..I find myself a little lost for appetite tonight," she said quietly, looking down slightly. She wouldn't usually say so, but lately she'd grown a little more comfortable voicing her feelings for Doran, as he so often requested she doo. He just nodded.
"I see. It's just as well, I've not much of an appetite tonight either." Sighing, he looked at the girl sat next to him. Even as morose as she was this moment, she was beautiful. It made his chest tight in a not-unpleasant way. He loved to look at Ylsa, her luminous skin, her bright, kind eyes, her soft, wavy hair, her soft form draped in fine Dornish silks and fabrics. She was magnificent to him….and it only made him that much more reluctant to cut to the chase. But he must. For her sake as well as his.
"…Lady Ylsa, I must confess," he started, hesitantly taking her hand in his. Ylsa studied his hand, wondering why it had made her skin crawl for Jerris to hold her hand like this, but with Doran….it felt natural. Almost like a relief now that he was touching her. Like she was waiting on it. "My time spent with you here at the water gardens has been so pleasurable. You are truly a delight to me, My Lady." Glancing up at Doran through her lashed, Ylsa felt something in her chest flutter at those words. Doran was so sincere, it made her heart race.
"You delight me as well, My Lord," she replied quietly, slowly placing her other hand on top of his, clasping his larger hand in both of hers. She wasn't making this easy on him.
"But it is my admiration of you, Lady Ylsa, that drives me to the only logical conclusion I can come to. And it is this….. I have broken off our betrothal." Ylsa froze at that, her stomach dropping so hard it nearly knocked the breath out of her. Her yes snapped up to his, a confused look scrawled across her pretty face.
"What?" she asked breathlessly, truly taken off guard, even more so than when Jerris had kissed her. "Why!?"
"My lady," Doran smiled kindly at her, patting her hand soothingly. "I cannot go on pretending that it is ethical or kind to you to keep up this charade. You are a young woman, a bright flower that's only just blossomed, and I am a withering vine that could only ever hope to cling to the same trellis as you. To try and convince myself that I could make you happy would only be a bitter lie."
"Doran!" Utterly astounded by his words, shaking her head, "I don't- you aren't an old vine! You're a flower too! And if you ARE a vine, then so am I!" Panicking, wondering if Doran had somehow seen or heard of her ill-begotten kiss with Jerris, she bit her lip.
"You need to be free to choose who you truly desire, my Lady." He smiled at her sadly. "Your father nor I should have that dominion over you. You-"
"I choose you!" Raising her voice, interrupting Doran, her lower lip quivered. "I choose you, Doran! I want you!"
"Lady Yl-"
"No!" Interrupting him again, forcefully, she moved closer to him, her eyebrows furrowing. "I don't want anyone else! I don't want to flirt or kiss any soldier boys! I don't want anyone to claim me! I don't want to have to find someone else! I want to become your wife!"
"How can you possibly mean that?" Doran looked upon her kindly, as if she were a child throwing a tantrum, which made Ylsa quite indignant.
"Because!" Getting a little bit of fire in her belly now. "Because, I'm not a stupid woman who is incapable of making her own decisions!" She hadn't realized her voice had risen to shouting so quickly. "You said it yourself! I am allowed to choose who and what I want in my life! I am allowed to say who can see or touch me! I am allowed to choose!"
"You are, Ylsa-"
"So stop telling me what I do and don't want, you don't know! Ask me, don't tell me!" The last bit was more of a plea, really, as she desperately tried to assert herself. Doran was stunned; she really was an amazing young woman. Going from someone so conditioned to be obedient, to so heartfully defending her own choices. Doran nodded numbly.
"Alright…..what is your choice then?"
"You," she said quietly, grabbing onto the front of Doran's jacket suddenly, leaning in before he could stop her, and before she could stop herself, crashing her lips against his.
Now THIS, this was how she'd always imagined kissing to feel. A little panicked, a little giddy, a little like she didn't know what she was doing, but knew enough to want to do it. It felt new and exciting and warm and just like she BELONGED in this moment. When she pulled away, she immediately wished she could dive back in for another.
Doran kissed her back gently, overcome with such a sudden and intense feeling of relief and happiness; it had been agony thinking that Ylsa wanted away from him. How silly he had been to assume such important things, and how poetic she had insisted he was wrong. Oh, how happy he was to be wrong!
"I choose you then, too," he said, gazing at her through those dark green eyes, for once keeping her gaze for as long as he wanted, as she refused to look away from him.