There's a gun in my trench coat.
After putting it on, Stanford reached down and, sure enough, he found the gun he always kept in his hidden pocket. Knowing himself, it was probably loaded. He checked it, and it had two bullets inside, which was more than he needed. But he probably should wait until he got home. Trying to commit suicide in a hospital was pointless. He had made that mistake before. There was always someone who found a way to save him from eternal relief. Relief from all of his burdens… No, just a little more waiting. It was only a four minute car ride back to his house, after all, and he felt he should say goodbye to his family one last time (again).
"I love you three," Ford said in the car. "I always will."
"We love you too, Grunkle Ford!" said Mabel.
"We all love you and we want to help you. If you can tell us what's troubling you, we can help," said Dipper.
"We want you to be happy! If there's something we can do for you, tell us," said Mabel.
Stanford put his hand on his pocket. "I think I'm okay now."
It was a lie. Killing, even in self defense, weighs on a person's mind like iron. Even after killing, there were things to think about that happened in the portal. Torture, watching murder, barely escaping death, and being scared out of his own mind for so long had changed his thought process. He didn't think he could continue being the man he once was, and he'd rather not find out. It would be easy to hurt them by accident. He had made so many enemies in his lifetime…It would be best not to put his family in danger. It had been a pattern since he came into the portal. Wherever he went, destruction and devastation followed.
"Ford, are you okay?" asked Stanley.
"Yeah," said Stanford.
"You're not going to do this again, right?" Stanley said.
"I'm not," said Stanford. Another lie.
"Good. You scared me, Sixer." Stanley paused. "It was close…you nearly died. I really can't live without you."
No, you can't live with me.
The rest of the car ride was silent.