Chapter 20

Smee had just fallen asleep. Or it felt that way, at least. He had only allowed himself to close his eyes when Hook seemed finished with the latest round of retching and had drifted into a sweaty slumber. But now…

"Smee! Look't this! Wake th'bloody'ell up, mate."

Smee stirred, groaning. The captain sounded okay; or, what passed for 'okay' the past few hours, anyway. If it wasn't an emergency, Smee found himself reluctant to leave his dreams.

Hook fell silent for a moment, and Smee relaxed past the edge of dozing again. But then he heard a startling thump, and felt fingers gripping his ankle. Smee rolled quickly to his back, heart fluttering wildly.

"Gods, Captain; you scared me!"

Resting on his elbows, hand still outstretched, Hook panted with his mouth open, clearly in pain but not knowing how to fix it. Smee sat up with a sigh.

"Let's get you off that shoulder."

"Dunno what I'd do without you," slurred Hook, whining slightly when Smee dragged him up and settled him back against the wall. He tucked his brace against his abdomen, wincing. "Damn thi'shoulder."

"Couldn't you sleep?" asked Smee, hoping to prompt his captain into verbalizing his needs so they could both rest.

"I wanted t'show you something," said Hook blankly. Smee glanced around the cave; Tiger Lily was still nowhere to be found. He was beginning to see why she had so abruptly abandoned them.

"You can show me in the morning," tried the first mate. Hook scoffed bitterly.

"It's nev'r morning in Neverland. Never. Neverland…" He smirked before continuing. "'Cuz it's always night."

"I know that, sir. But we have to sleep sometime. And the moon is low and the birds are quiet now; so, time to sleep."

"Bloody birds. How d'they know when t'sleep?"

Smee closed his eyes, seeking patience. "I don't know. Instinct, I suppose."

"Smee." Hook wiped at sweat that was stinging his face. "I made something. F'r Milah. I want t'show you 'cuz I can't bloody well show her."

Smee's heart sank, and he swallowed involuntarily. "Oh. I… I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know. What… what is it?"

"I…"

Hook made a face, held up a finger, and then lunged for the nearby basin. Smee sat in sympathetic silence as the captain heaved nothing into the vessel.

"Bloody'ell." Hook's voice echoed, muted within the basin. Then he set it aside, a little shakily, and flashed a dopey grin at Smee. His bloodshot eyes roamed the cave until he remembered his purpose, and they dropped to the dirt beside his thigh. He waved his hand over some unsteady lines traced there. "'Ave a look."

Smee inched closer, squinting. "Riiiiiiight…"

The first mate couldn't make any sense of the pattern. It seemed to be a distorted 'V' shape, intersected by two parallel lines, with a smaller, inverted 'V' on top. Surrounding the design were swirls and some sort of oval.

"Very nice, sir. I… I'm sure Milah would like it."

Hook cocked his head and stared vacantly at Smee. "You don'get it. 'Sallright, mate. You c'n just say it."

"I'm… sure that if there were more… light in here…"

Shaking his head - slowly, because that made the cave go black and stars dance in front of his face for a moment - Hook hissed a disappointed sigh. "Smee… William Smee. Did y'know 'William' contains th'name 'Liam?' An' th'n if you jumble th'letters in 'Liam' and add a bloody 'H,' you c'n make Milah?" He blinked, eyes widening as if startled by his own discovery. "Bloody'ell."

"You're… you're right, Captain. That's… ironic?"

Smee wriggled backwards, about to reach for the ladle to offer his captain some water, but Hook lurched forward and snagged his sleeve.

"Wait, William. Per'aps this'll explain things."

Hook released Smee and lowered his own arm to his lap. It took him a couple of tries to slip the point of his hook beneath his own sleeve, but once he had, he exposed his forearm. Smee bared his teeth, startled at the shallow red lines carved painstakingly into the skin. Up on his knees, the first mate took hold of Hook's hand so he could see better.

"What did you do, sir?"

Hook carefully raised his brace, using the steel to gesture. "'S a draft; those're guidelines, mate. See? Th'bloody Dark One dagger. A heart. Dark magic."

Smee followed the hook's tip with his gaze as the design came together in his mind. The simple 'Milah' already inked into his skin, now surrounded by the circumstances of her death. "For a tattoo?"

Hook's expression, spaced as it was, darkened; became sharper somehow. "Aye."

Smee nodded. "Now that you know what the dagger looks like, you'll always have it as a reminder. Motivation. Oh, Captain…"

The first mate had met Milah only briefly; the meeting had been far from cordial as she only wanted to drag information from him regarding his magic bean. But despite not having witnessed her death, Smee always pitied Hook for his loss, and admired his devotion to her, even after all these decades. Even while drugged out of his mind.

"It's… perfect, sir. A fitting tribute. Although I do wish you had limited your sketches to the dirt."

Hook scoffed. "Doesn't 'urt, Smee. 'Sonly little scratches. I'm quite 'andy wi'this thing."

His attempt at a teasing wink only resulted in both eyes blinking simultaneously.

"So you are, sir. I guess it makes sense; that way, if the dirt gets scuffed over, you'll still remember your idea."

Scowling down at his arm, the captain tapped the cuff with his hook. "I 'ave to wait 'til this bloody thing's gone, though. Gets in th'way of th'dagger's tip."

Smee saw that, indeed, the scratched-on dagger extended underneath the gold. "Well, that's what all of this is for, sir. Keep it as a reminder when it gets hard. Maybe you'll be less likely to change your mind. Unless you want to, of course."

Hook seemed to have lost the train of thought. He pierced Smee with a confused stare until the first mate grinned sheepishly and waved his hand.

"Don't worry about it. So… maybe you should have a drink and get back to bed? Tiger Lily said-"

"I'm lucky to'ave you as my firs' mate, mate." Smirking, Hook continued, "You're my bes' mate, an' I'd be all alone without you."

Touched, Smee responded with a soft smile; in all likelihood, it was the drugs talking, making Hook immensely more sentimental than normal. But… maybe there was a kernel of truth in the words. Smee liked to think so, anyway.

"Me too, sir. Even when you wake me up in the middle of the night."

This time, Smee made sure to confiscate the hook from his grumbling captain before either of them attempted sleep.