Disclaimer: I don't own anything about Sons of Anarchy. Wish I did!

Note: Obviously, I've made up a few "facts" and have otherwise taken liberties. Hope you enjoy the results. :-)

CHAPTER TWO

It was very hot, even for Charming, the Tuesday Tara came for a three night stay, a month after receiving Jax's "letter." Strands of dark hair escaped her ponytail and stuck wetly to her cheeks as she lugged her small stuffed suitcase and a bag of groceries into her father's house. A musty smell greeted her and although tired and hungry she immediately set about making the place a little more livable.

Tara appreciated arriving in town without any fanfare or warning – except the one Jax had received when he initialed his approval of the date and time request she had sent to the prison's visitors services department, a copy of which was mailed back to her. The penal administration there did not believe in faxing or using any other method of communication that was faster than the standard U.S. Postal Service. Tara found the process for becoming an approved and registered prison visitor in California to be aggravatingly tedious and slow. But it was well worth it because before she left this town again she'd know whether or not it was forever.

The next day she took one of Charming's few bus routes to Lodi where she caught a prison visitors bus for the long ride to Stockton Penitentiary West – not to be confused with the more accessible and more familiar Stockton State Prison. "Spee West," as it was known among Charming locals, was much farther away and, in spite of its name, was not in or near the city of Stockton. The other reason most hoped their friends and family were never sent there was because of the bizarre practice of not allowing short-timers – with sentences of three years or less – to have contact visits during their first six months, after which time permission for such visits would be based on the inmates' overall conduct records during that period. The only exception was if inmates had children under age ten. They were allowed one contact visit with them per month after two months of incarceration. Tara felt miserable for Jax who would certainly suffer if he couldn't hold his son more often than that. He was a tactile man. Touching to connect with someone was natural to him as she well knew.

There were many mothers with children on the bus and most of them wore tired sullen expressions. Even the bus driver looked dour. The vehicle itself was painted a dreary faded teal inside and out and rattled loudly in protest over the slightest bump or dip in the road. Half an hour into the ninety minute ride, Tara was missing her trusty Cutlass. It didn't help that she began to have second thoughts about coming at all. It was entirely possible that Jax was as over her as Gemma claimed and wouldn't show up for her visit to make that point. She had learned that he could be ruthless when it suited him. A prisoner could change his mind at the last second while his visitor was sitting right in the reception area.

Tara tried to distract herself from her dismal thoughts by staring at the ridiculous poses of the too-thin models in her Vogue magazine which didn't have a single interesting article. It was either that or the even more boring medical journal she also hastily shoved in her bag that morning. She thrust the magazine away and contented herself with staring sightlessly out the window.

As soon as the bus passed through Spee West's main gate Tara began to feel even more uneasy. The penitentiary was newly renovated but that did nothing to alleviate the claustrophobic effect of its spatial design. The process for clearing visitors was generally unpleasant and what made it worse was the neurotic feeling that she could be taken away and locked up for whatever reason they wanted. After all, there were plenty of cells here. The memory of how she felt when Salazar kidnapped and terrorized her came vividly to mind and she had the desire to run until she reached the outside. G*d! This was not the time to start freaking out over nothing. Get it together, Tara, or you won't be able to face him. She took deep breaths as her group was led into another building farther into the complex. She had to be calm and rational. Right now no one else could hurt her except the man she came to see and from experience she knew she could handle that and come out on top. Eventually.

Tara was directed to sit in front of a glass window with a handset on the side – a device that looked like it came straight out of the 1950's. There were other visitors seated along this window, some already talking to inmates with the minimum privacy the partitions provided. Others were waiting like her. It was 1:58pm. He would come out any moment now or not. The next two minutes were an excruciating eternity until finally the doorway closest to where she was sitting opened and there stood Jackson Eric Teller – clean-shaven and looking very different from when she last saw him. He had never worn his hair that short even while a student in Charming P.S. 5 Elementary.

Time stood as still as he did while they stared at each other. It seemed like they would spend the entire allotted hour that way until he finally moved towards the seat and Tara breathed again. When he sat down in front of her behind the glass, it was with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm or any feeling at all. While the close shave made him look younger, his handsome face had a hardness in it she wasn't used to but otherwise it was a mask of indifference. Tara knew hers was the complete opposite – that it was asking him to open up just a little and show her that he was still him.

Jax's mouth, which could spread into such a boyishly sweet smile, now twisted with faint disdain or mockery; she wasn't sure which but it hurt her just the same. He looked pointedly at the handset on his side as if to say, Do you have something to say or not? She reluctantly picked up and so did he.

"Hi."

"Hey."

His coolness towards her was going to make this more difficult but had she really expected otherwise?

"I - I'm sorry I wasn't there to welcome Abel home."

"So you said in your note."

He wasn't going to give her a break and his unwavering stare was getting to her. She forged ahead anyway. "I feel like there are unresolved issues between us."

"Did you feel that way three months ago or is this something new?"

Tara rubbed her forehead wearily, hope fading with each word they exchanged. "I've felt this way for a long time, Jax, but you made it clear in more ways than one that you wanted me gone. You didn't call me once from Ireland. You didn't even call me to say that you had Abel. I had to hear it from Lyla. So I left."

"You left after you killed Salazar and his girl– after they kidnapped you." He was clearly angry but she was relieved to make him feel something.

"You don't have to worry about that. That's not why I'm here."

"Oh, I don't have to worry about that? You're telling me you're just fine if I don't give a shit. Is that right?"

"Jax – "

He suddenly leaned forward, startling her. "If I don't have to care, Tara, then why are you here?"

She blinked. "Why do you think I'm here? "

Incredulous, he looked away from her briefly. "Are you kidding me? You up and left without saying shit, hello, goodbye, nothing. But three months later suddenly you got questions about what I think."

Tara was beginning to lose her temper as well. "You know, I'm sitting here listening to you and I'm wondering – why are you angry? We were together and then out of the blue you basically tell me that I don't mean anything to you and that I have no place in your life. Then you slept with that slut and g*d knows who else! Yet here I am. And now you're acting like I left for no reason whatsoever, when the truth is, I didn't leave you, Jax. You left me ever since Abel was taken – because you blame me. You were right in front of me but I couldn't reach you. And then you weren't there at all. What was I supposed to do?"

"I didn't blame you. I do not blame you. Get that straight," was the only thing Jax could think of to say and then he could only glare at her in silence because he knew she was right about everything else. He had shut himself off from her by his words and his actions. Seriously, why the hell was he angry with her? Was it because when he suddenly changed his mind about ending their relationship, he resented what he saw as her second desertion? Yeah, that's why and he damn well knew it was a fucked up way to think. This moment was his opportunity to apologize for the bullshit he put her through but he was too frustrated and amped up to speak humble words.

He was on the defensive because the old ten year wound was still festering, despite everything that had happened since. He had loved Tara so much back then that it shaped and defined him and even affected his MC lifestyle for ten years after she left. She had control over him all that time even when she wasn't there. He could never forget her and could not stop missing her. And it hurt to know that whether or not he wanted her to leave, she would leave him. That was the crux of it – his certainty and his fear that eventually he would always lose her. Now that he was trying to cope with her absence from his life yet again, she reappears. Did she know – did she have any idea - what she was doing to him, showing up here and sitting behind this damned glass where he couldn't touch her?

Tara only stared at him coldly, waiting.

"Okay, you got me." He smiled in mock congratulations. "You want me to admit I'm an ass? Okay. I'm an ass. But you can rest easy because I'm paying for it. I'm locked the fuck up in here for another 335 days, give or take a few. But enough about me, darlin'. You didn't answer my question. Why are you here?"

"Oh my god. If you could drop your smart-ass self-righteous indignation for just one minute I might tell you. Suddenly I don't even know if I should bother. I'm trying to - "

"You're the one who came halfway across the country for this."

"Would you shut the hell up and listen to me?! You know why I'm here, Jax! I love you, you damn idiot, and I want to be with you! But only God knows why because you are an ass!" A couple of visitors and a guard glanced at her. Tara sighed heavily, trying to regain her composure and salvage some dignity. "Just listen to me please. I shouldn't have left. Like I told you before, I wasn't supposed to leave. I'm not supposed to leave…you, okay? So I want to try again. I came back to ask you – if you still love me and want to be with me too." She ended the last word in a whisper, her voice catching and her dark eyes hiding nothing of what she felt. "If your next words are going to be flippant or cruel, save them, because I'm sure I didn't come halfway across the country for that. Give me a simple yes or no."

Jax kept his expression neutral but it wasn't easy with the surge of joy swelling inside him. Perversely, he wanted to say 'no' because each time Tara left him there was no way to escape the pain in his soul long enough to make sense of shit. He didn't think straight without her, so he lived on auto-pilot and didn't have to think at all. Like a marionette, he performed his VP duties, worked in the garage, partied, drank, fought, and let females compete to exhaust his body day and night. This time around he would add brooding over his father's often cryptic writings – which he could probably clearly understand only while drunk anyway. Jax remembered himself at age 20 and 25 and last year. He would often ride his bike alone on long endless stretches of road, wishing the wind in his face would blow everything away, as he sometimes imagined riding his bike off a cliff somewhere. Through it all he had brutal clarity about one fact: nothing fucking mattered anymore. He felt it starting this time too and being locked up only made it worse. He was too conflicted about the club for it to save him this time. Only his son would keep him from going all the way under.

Now Tara had spoken her words of resurrection and he was becoming whole again. He didn't want to give in and yet he couldn't keep up the pretense that she didn't 'have him at hello.' j*s*s cr*st.

"Tara Grace Knowles. What did you do to me back when I was 16, huh?" Jax leaned close to the glass again, searching her face for some kind of guarantee. Finally, he shook his head in weary resignation, whispering, "You fuck me up every time, babe."

Tara put a hand to her mouth, her eyes welling with tears. "Whatever that means, you make me pay for it, don't you?"

"No, never, it's not like that. I might be a bastard but I would not hurt you on purpose, as some kind of punishment."

"Then you don't remember things the way I do. The point is I don't want us to hurt each other anymore. I want to love you and Abel and I want both of you to love me back. I want to be a family with you and I want you to respect and cherish that. Jax, I want you to respect me." She sniffed, pulling herself together a little more. "So it took me leaving you and moving completely out of Charming again to realize the truth – that I am supposed to be with you if you do all the above." Tara pressed her open palm with splayed fingers against the glass separating them. Her voice deepened in unconscious seduction of his vulnerable heart. "Do you understand me? I need you and I want you – so much, Jackson. Give me your love and your loyalty and I'll give you the same and more as long as I live. I'll take excellent care of your body and your heart. I'll fill you up." She smiled like Mona Lisa then. "But you already know that, don't you?"

Jax's eyes widened. Hell yeah, he knew it and wanted it like his next breath. He put his own hand on the glass, placing each of his fingers exactly where hers were and just stared with childlike wonder into her solemn face. She never looked more beautiful to him than now but he was stubbornly holding a piece of himself back to prevent complete capitulation. She could break him. Over and over again she could do it. And when she did, somehow he ended up hurting her back which was worse. Could he trust himself not to repeat his mistakes?

"Teller! Ten minutes!" shouted John Cane Gamble over the speaker system louder than necessary.

(What? It couldn't have been a freaking hour already. Shit!)

It was no use fighting against the heavy pulse of surrender that went from his head to his groin. This was it. She owned him and he had to have her. This is the way it had always been. Now he had to mend the precious thing he had so stupidly broken.

"I'm doing eleven more months, Tara. Do you understand?"

"I know."

"Do you? That's a long time, darlin'."

"So was ten years."

"Look, I can't take it if this all goes south again. Are you sure this time? Because if you're not, then just don't." Jax's face hardened. "Don't, Tara."

She arched an eyebrow. "As long as you're sure this time. Remember recent events – darlin'?"

"Yeah I do remember and I'm sorry and I know saying that isn't enough. It's nowhere near enough but if you let me, I can fix that." He locked eyes with her. "I love you, Tara. I always have. I want to be with you for as long as you'll have me." He took a deep breath. " But I don't know what's gonna be left of me a year from now. You may not like it."

"You haven't been likeable for a long time now anyway."

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he looked at her. "We have to build this thing from the ground up again, y'know."

"I know. We also need to renegotiate the ground rules."

A shadow of his sexy grin was tentative but it was there all the same. "Whatever you want."

"Good. Rule number one is still: you don't sleep with other women."

"I don't want other women."

"Apparently that hasn't stopped you from having sex with them."

Jax's gaze roved over her face with genuine regret. "I am so sorry for hurting you that way." He locked her in again with those hot blue diamonds of his. "I will never cheat on you again, Tara, as long as I live. And whatever else you want from me, I will give you."

"I want everything, Jax."

"Okay." He studied her features possessively. "When are you coming back to continue the renegotiations?"

"When do you want me back?"

"Now."

Jax felt entranced by one of the rare wide smiles she blessed him with when she said, "Well, I have to start tying loose ends."

"Will you write to me?"

"I don't think so."

He face turned stony. "Why not?"

"Because all I get back from you is one word, Mr. "Whatever."

Jax smiled sheepishly. "It won't be like that. I promise." He started to trace circles around her fingers still pressed to the glass. "So will you write to me?"

"Yes."

Jax reacted as if she said 'yes' to his marriage proposal and then he gave it to her – that uninhibited smile of joy of his that she adored. They kept their hands together on the glass until a guard stood behind him and said, "That's it, Teller."

Jax stood and mouthed the words 'You're mine,' his intense stare full of sensual threat, and then he was escorted away. Tara was instantly turned on and the ensuing discomfort of her body continued unchecked until the prison bus was well on its way back to Lodi. When she could no longer stand the erotic thoughts, she pulled the medical journal out of her bag, hoping it would dull her senses.

Tara was grateful that she managed to dodge Gemma's interference so far. It wasn't really easy to stay incognito even in a city of 14,000 people. Somehow word would get back to Gemma that Tara was there because little went on in the town that Samcro didn't know something about – especially if it directly involved a member. Knowing the Queen Bee, Tara would need her game face and body armor firmly in place. In some ways facing Jax had been less intimidating than the thought of dealing with Gemma.

As it was, the morning after she saw him at the prison, Gemma's car came careening into her driveway, knocking over a trashcan. Tara came out on her patio, hands resting casually in the pockets of her lounging pants. Gemma swung a leg out angrily and hadn't even slammed her door yet before letting her have it with both guns blazing.

"You must be out of your g*ddamn mind! You are leaving! Do you hear me?" She stood right in Tara's face. "You are one crazy ass bitch if you think I'm gonna allow you the pleasure of breaking Jax down over and over again just because you can't make up your damn mind! You're not a real woman. You don't know how to love a real man. You fuck psychos in suits! That's your thing. Then when they're ready to kill your ass, you lead them here for Jax to take care of. Enough is enough. Get the fuck out of Charming, bitch!"

Tara reined in her own temper with some effort but she was able to do it because her goal was in sight and nothing was going to jeopardize it. On the other hand she was running out of cheeks to turn so she shortened the space between their faces even more.

"You keep calling me a bitch and I'll show you a real one. You won't like it, I promise you." She took a calming step back. "I'm not leaving him again, Gemma, but he didn't make this choice easy. I don't know if Jax told you but he's the one who pushed me away after Abel was taken. I wanted to stay but there are only so many kicks in the face I'll take – even for love."

Gemma cooled down about two degrees. "Oh really? Well, under the circumstances, my sensitive little princess, some patience and understanding would not have been too much to ask. Do you even know what love is? It's not running away every time your feelings get hurt because a certain someone is going through some emotional shit that for once isn't about you. Let me guess. You got your panties in a bunch just cuz he f*cked around? No old lady gets the warm and fuzzies about that, okay? But as long as it's not a daily habit and it doesn't follow him home, you keep your head on straight. It's the life, sweetheart, and it is not news to you. As far as that's concerned you could do much worse than Jax. Oh that's right! You have done worse, haven't you? That fact is, the man killed for you but you kick him and his son to the curb over some meaningless pussy. That puts the ass in dumbass, honey."

Tara grit her teeth but just shook her head. Gemma was amazingly single-minded when she was in family-protection mode. The woman could not be reasoned with right now.

"Why don't you talk to Jax and see how he feels about all this?"

Gemma stepped back, and stomped her foot lightly, eyes narrowing on Tara suspiciously until angry certainty prevailed. "You – snake. You've been to see him already, haven't you? Trying to wrap him up tight in your grip again. Oh no!" Gemma threw her hand up as she stalked back to her car. "It ain't gonna fly this time, baby girl." She slammed her car door and leaned out the window. "Let me tell you how I feel about 'all this.' Leave my son alone or I'll fuck you up like you wouldn't believe."

Tara came down the steps as she started the car. "How is Abel?"

Gemma stabbed a finger towards her face. "Don't even think about it! It ain't gonna happen while there's breath in my body."

"I want to see him, Gemma."

Gemma swung her car out into the street but before she pulled off she studied Tara for a moment. "Get the fuck out of Charming, Tara. Go back to where you belong – wherever devotion to family don't mean shit." Putting on her sunglasses she burned rubber down the block and then around the corner out of sight.

Tara picked up a newspaper tossed onto her meager square of grass and stared in the direction Gemma disappeared. "Well, that went better than expected," she muttered to herself before re-entering the house.

Jax had been looking forward to a visit from his mother – until he actually saw her face the next time she came which was two days after Tara's visit. He hadn't even sat down yet when she snatched up the handset and started talking.

" – be a glutton for punishment!"

"Hello to you too, Mom."

"Tara's back in town! She's been here to see you, hasn't she?" Gemma eyed him critically. "That's why you've got that silly stupid shine in your eyes."

When he shifted uncomfortably, Gemma snorted in disgust. "And you didn't cuss her out and send her fleeing to the hills like you should have, did you? G*ddammit, Jax! That bitch is gonna kill you yet. When are you gonna learn?"

"Don't call her that."

"I can't believe you're willingly falling back into that trap."

"Leave her alone, you hear me? This is between me and her."

Gemma had crossed her legs and was bouncing her free foot, frustration pinching her features. "Is she that good in bed? If so, it's possible her services have been in high demand back in Chicago. Hale, that nutso secret agent, you, and I think the g*ddamn director of pediatrics at St. Thomas – I mean, what is it? Is her pussy lined with crack?"

"Stop!" Jax frowned. "The director of pediatrics? When did – ? Wait. Mom, either shut up or leave! You can manipulate Clay all you want but not me. Now why didn't you bring my son?"

"I brought him two weeks ago for your contact visit. "

"You didn't bring him today because you wanted to get ugly in here with me. Don't do this again. If you come, he comes – please. If I can't hold him, at least I can see him. What else do you think's getting me through this shit? And let's get something else straight. Me and Tara – it's what I want. You got no say in that. What you can do is be supportive – like I know you can."

Gemma looked away, shaking her head. "I can't take the back and forth games you play with this chick. It's sick. You are sick, Jackson. And whipped."

Jax said nothing else while he stared expectantly and she sighed.

"I'd warn you to never have kids but it's too late for that. Because watching them go through shit like this is hard." Her demeanor softened. "Their hearts get broken. They get locked up or shot at, and no matter how much you love them, you can't prevent half of it from happening and you can't fix it when it does."

"Mom, I know you care and believe me I get where you're coming from. I know you. But be fair. I'm not some angel to Tara's devil. I fucked up a lot with her. You don't know everything. This woman – she's got my whole heart, Mom. Ever since we were kids, she's had it. After all this time, that's never gonna change. And I'm stuck in here for a year. Please help me keep her so I don't go crazy before I get out."

"Oh g*d." Gemma sighed heavily again, feeling tired and haggard. "You just told me a minute ago to leave her alone. I damn near threaten to kill this – wench and now you expect me to switch gears and bring her back into the fold. I tried that before, remember?" She tapped her nails again the table. "Jax, did you ever stop to think that she hurt me too this time? I let her in for your sake and then I started to care. I'm not like you. I don't let people burn me over and over again."

"Do this for me, Mom. Please."

Gemma said nothing as she studied him pensively. "You're my son. What do I always do?"

"Hell no. Please don't do what you always do." Jax's mouth curved in the smile that sometimes placated his mother and made her give in. Sometimes.

"Smart ass." She stood up. "I'm leaving now. I'll bring the baby up here next week. Tell Clay I'll see him around the same time." She blew him a kiss. " Bye, baby."