CHAPTER SEVEN

After Jax put his Dyna to sleep, he just sat there for a moment feeling a nervous anticipation. This was serious: he was finally going to ask her! Still, he didn't know why he was thisnervous. It was always a part of the game plan. He might have denied it a long time ago but even as kids, once he'd gotten to know Tara Knowles more than just how she looked in a pair of shorts – once he'd had a genuine conversation with her that had nothing to do with trying to bed her – he knew, at first reluctantly, that she was the one for him. It scared the shit out of him that he'd met her so soon. He had a fantasy that his youth was going to be completely carefree, all about wearing the kutte and sleeping with women. That's allhe wanted then. After his father and little brother died, Jax didn't want to care about anything else. He loved his mother of course but that couldn't be helped. He didn't want to love anyone else who might fucking die on him again. Who wanted to deal with that shit if they didn't have to? Of course one could ask why he'd want to be a Son at all since "1%" MC life was often precarious, but that couldn't be helped either. The SOA was in his DNA. He couldn't want another life if he tried. At least that's what he wholeheartedly believed before getting his hands on his father's journal.

Truth be told, Jax had been aware of Tara as early as 2nd grade. She was a solemn little girl, usually sporting a ponytail. Her dark eyes were weirdly intense for a kid, even before her mom died. He was all rough and tumble, rolling around in the dirt with Opie and the other boys, mostly oblivious to girls back then – although that changed real soon. He caught Tara looking at him sometimes and she never averted her gaze. He liked it, even though he was always the first to look away. That changed soon too.

As sweet as the reminiscence of their pre-teen beginnings was, it didn't change the fact that right now, over twenty years later, he was stalling like a wuss at the door. He looked up at the ink black heavens as if making a plea and entered their home. It was the most natural way to think of it, as if they'd always been together and lived there. He knew then that this was going to turn out all right. It had to. Jax took the black velvet box from his pocket, took the ring out and then placed the box in an end table drawer. He flipped the ring in the air once and put it back into the same pocket. He didn't want her to see the bulge the box would create in his pants or see him reaching into a table drawer when he popped the question – as if he just carelessly left engagement rings lying around.

The house was silent. He thought of her snuggled in bed, sleeping soundly. He shrugged off his kutte and bounded up the stairs two at a time as quietly as he could and eased the bedroom door open. He came all the way to the foot of the bed and as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, illuminated minimally by a sliver of moonlight peeking through the blinds, he was perplexed to see that she wasn't there. Now the silence was deafening. Before disappointment turned into uneasiness, Tara slid her arms around his waist and hugged him from behind.

"Hello," she said cheerfully.

It was crazy just how happy he suddenly was. Jax twisted around to hold her. "So you want to play hide-and-seek." He gave her that slow knowing grin. "I got some other games for you, darlin'." He pressed his face into her neck, which was fast becoming one of his favorite places. A soft panting noise escaped Tara's lips.

"Is everything okay?"

"Now it is," he murmured.

"I know how it could be better. Why don't you – " Her bold touch had him rising to the occasion. " – show me how to play these 'other games'?"

Jax took a deep breath and pulled back reluctantly, bringing her hand up to his lips for a gallant kiss. There'd be a lifetime of sex. The proposal only happened once.

"Tara,… I, ah, want to talk to you – about something." Jax groaned inwardly, hoping he didn't mess this up by suddenly becoming an inarticulate dolt.

Tara held back a sigh, studying him in the dim light while her hands toyed with his shirt. She was burning up for him and he wanted to smoothed a hand over his jawline. Jax was tense; she could feel it. He was also excited and trying to hide it; she could hear it in his voice and smiled at him curiously.

"Well, I had something else besides talking in mind but I suppose it can wait."

In spite of his best intentions her sweet scent and closeness here in the dark were getting to him. She had on nothing but that thin cotton robe and the bed was right behind them. If he started thinking about certain nights he almost went crazy (or rather, crazier) when he turned over on his coarse pallet in Spee to reach for her but she wasn't there…

"Can we, ah, go downstairs?" He took her by the hand instead of waiting for a response. They almost made it to the living room couch when his pre-pay rang. Shit. He'd meant to turn the damned thing off. He just stood there, glaring impatiently.

"You might as well answer it."

"Sorry, babe ….What?" he said briskly into the receiver.

~ "Hey, brother. I missed you earlier. You alright?"

Jax relaxed. It was Opie. "Hey, man. I just had to get something. Didn't plan on staying. You gonna be around tomorrow for church."

~ "Got nowhere else to go."

Jax frowned. "Lyla and the kids?"

There was a brief silence. ~ "I don't know, man."

"Opie, where are your kids?"

~ "They're alright, they're home. I'll catch you up on things later. I'm just checking up on you."

"I'm good. See you tomorrow." Jax smiled at Tara ruefully as he shut off the pre-pay and tossed it down. "Finally."

He took both of her hands in his, rubbing her knuckles with his thumbs. He seemed to suddenly find his sneakers fascinating. She tugged at him. "What's wrong, baby? Talk to me."

He was about to say something but paused awkwardly. His expression was boyishly uncertain at the moment. "G*d, I don't believe this," he muttered to himself. "Just…Let's sit down." He led her to the couch and then sat in a chair directly opposite.

"Uh-oh."

"What?"

"Something's wrong. What's going on?"

"No, it's all good. I promise." Jax hesitated, rubbing his hands together while trying to decide how to begin and realized there was no other way except to just start talking….

"I'm leaving the club, Tara."

She gaped at him. She wasn't expecting this and had almost stopped hoping for it. Yet the words had actually come out of his mouth.

"I've had a long time to think about what I wanted after I got out. I never thought I'd say this but – I don't want this life anymore. The club's changed and I've changed. I mean, I still care about what my father created but – it's not the same. And even if I wanted to change it back to what it was in the beginning or make it better, the truth is, for me it's over. I'm done."

"I – I thought the only way you could leave the club was in disgrace and that you'd have to ink over your patch or – have it removed by force." Tara didn't want him to suffer either option.

The worry on her face made him stand, bringing her up with him. Did she ever find out what they did to Kyle Hobart? Sure, she knew he'd killed men before in defense of club business and club honor and for revenge, but the penalty inflicted on Kyle was torture. That incident certainly didn't put him in a good light as a prospective husband. He felt compelled to get it out in the open. However, he wasn't going to mention the time he stood there while Clay mutilated that rapist. That was different.

"Tara, do you know what we did to Kyle Hobart, that ex-member who showed up a little while back, and why?

She nodded solemnly.

He rubbed her arms in reassurance. "No more of that, I promise. Nothing like that ever again. As for the other thing, there's another way. As with most club matters, it all comes down to a vote."

"Why does it seem like you're oversimplifying it?"

He sighed. "Look, it is dishonorable to ask to leave the club, but I've given it my loyalty, my blood, my money and everything else for over 15 years. Hell, – I gave up you and mefor the Sons and I'll regret that 'til the day I die. But all this will be considered in my favor."

"What if they vote 'no,' Jax? What's the alternative?"

"I won't accept 'no' from the club."

His eyes were like ice. It was a look that reminded her of how ruthless he could be and how much the SOA would always be a part of him even if he was no longer a part of them. Regardless, she would accept all of him.

Jax sighed and pulled her close for a sweet kiss. He leaned his forehead against hers. "Don't worry. I know how to handle the club. It'll be alright." He pulled back a little.

"Okay, um,...as you know, I only have a GED and I'm only an okay mechanic. I mean, I could do the job full-time and not get myself fired, but I'm not exactly some kind of superstar with a carburetor and a wrench. And people want good references, y'know, and I don't know if I'll get any from Teller-Morrow, but I'll do whatever I have to do to support my family – " He took both of her hands in his again. " – and my family is you and Abel." He paused again, his eyes alight with hope and tenderness. "Tara, I've loved you since I was sixteen. No one else has come close, not Wendy, not anybody, ever. It's always been you. It will always be you. When you went away to college I should have gone with you and figured out –" He shrugged. " – all the rest later. That's clear as crystal to me now. And you've forgiven me for that and for all my other bullshit and the times I hurt you. You let me in your heart again. You've taken Abel as your own and the way he acts, he knows you are his mother. Let's begin the adoption process so that it's official." There was a hitch in Tara's sigh and her eyes filled with a moist sheen. He thought it was a good sign. "I am sorry that Wendy's in her grave but that kid is lucky to have you – and so am I." Jax took a deep breath and readjusted his hold on her. For several heartbeats he just stared at her with love. "I want to marry you, Tara. I want it more than anything else." Tara exhaled audibly and he smiled. "I'll be faithful to you from now on, every day of my life, I swear. I want to move the hell away from here, raise a family with you, and be a regular Joe Citizen. Can I do that?" A joyous smile had spread across Tara's face but she still didn't say anything, just held his stare. "I gotta have you, babe. And I want The Man to record it in his books and in his database. I want some solemn words said and signed paperwork in our hands. I want everybody and God to know that we're….indissoluble. Forever. Tara Grace Knowles, will you be my wife?"

"Yes, I will," she said.

His smile almost cracked his face apart. "Yeah?"

"Yes!"

Jax whooped joyously and spun her around in his arms until she was breathless with laughter. He started to swoop in for the kind of kiss that would never end until her body was trembling again from the force of his lovemaking so she stopped him reluctantly.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself. Com'ere." His eyes were a molten blue and his hands were kneading her hips. She clearly didn't have much time.

"Jax, I just want to – put this out there. I'm pretty good at what I do – professionally – so I can probably get a job anywhere. I mean, we won't have to struggle – y'know, in the beginning."

His hands froze. "I won't live off you like some lowlife slacker."

Tara knew she had to tread carefully around his masculine pride. "Baby, that's not it." She moved in closer, massaging his chest, smoothing away the tension there. "I'm just saying that we don't have to wait to leave. That's all."

After several moments Jax's expression changed to grudging acceptance. He might be proud but he wouldn't let it make him stubborn to the point of stupidity. He'd done that a few times too many where she was concerned and he was done with it.

"So! You just proposed to me and I said yes. Now where are the rest of my hugs and kisses?"

"Well, that's what I was trying – damn!"

"What, did you change your mind already?"

He gathered her tightly in his arms. "Hell no. Never!" he whispered hotly, smiling against her lips. Jax only allowed enough space between them to pull the ring out of his pocket. "It's just – I almost forgot this again." Sheepishly he watched her reaction as he slid the ring on her finger.

"Oh!" She stared in awe, first at it then at him. "It's so beautiful, Jax. Thank you!"

Jax blinked a couple times, his grin tremulous. "No, thank you, babe."

Tara hugged and kissed him then with all the strength in her arms and all the love in her heart.