Don't be shy, even when it hurts to say
Remember, you're gonna get hurt someday, anyway
Then you must lift your head, keep it there
Remember what I said
I'll always be with you don't forget
Just look over your shoulder I'll be there.

If you look behind you, I will be there.

Father to Son, Phil Collins

Han Solo would be the first one to admit that he was not a model father. He had been gone too long while his boy was growing up; pride and pain had driven him away from his family when he should have been fighting for it. It had cost him the love of his life; it had cost him the pride he used to see in his son's eyes.

His son was a stranger to him, and he did not know how to close the gap that time had built between them.

But he was going to try.

He had broken his leg a few years ago. It still ached when he walked very far, so of course Ben's apartment was several floors up and the elevator was out of service. He leaned heavily on his cane feeling like the old man he tried to pretend he wasn't and knocked on the door.

"Ben."

Silence.

"Damn it, Ben. I know you're here. Your car's still in the lot. Open this damn door up and let me in!"

"What do you think you'll see if I do?"

"The face of my son." Han rolled his eyes. "You inherited that dramatic flair from your grandfather."

Ben yanked open the door. He was dressed in a suit with the tie undone. "How did you even know where I lived?"

A father should know where his son lived. Han hadn't, but he had known who did. "I asked Chewie."

"What do you want?"

"The first time you brought her home, I knew."

"Knew what?"

"That you were in love with Rey. You smiled when you were around her. You never smile."

"She's getting married today." Ben fumbled with his tie. Normally he had no problems with such things. Today he was a wreck.

"To someone else. I know." Han reached out and fixed Ben's tie. He had never liked them, but he'd been to so many of Leia's charities and fund raisers that he could tie one in his sleep. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you here, Dad?"

"Because you're hurting." Han reached out and touched his boy's cheek. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No thanks, Dad." Ben pulled back- he had been pulling back from Han's touch since he was a teenager now.

"All right." Han reached into his jacket and pulled out a silver flask. "Here."

Ben took it and opened the flask. His eyes watered when he sniffed it. "Is this poison?"

"No. It'll help." He had drained the flask the day Leia kicked him out.

"How?"

"Tomorrow you'll be too hung over to feel the pain."

Ben took a pull from the flask. After a moment, he offered it to Han.

Han took a drink himself and made a face. "Stuff is stronger than I remembered." He handed the flask back to his son. "Do what you have to, son. Go to Maz's when it's over. If you want to get stinking drunk, I'll close the place down with you. You want to be alone, that's fine. Just call me if you need a ride home." He paused. "Please?"

Ben's eyes glittered for a moment. "All right." He pocketed the flask. "You can stay here till I get back if you want."

"All right, Ben." He hadn't hugged his son since Ben was a boy; Ben would tolerate such things from his mother but by the time of his teens he had refused anything more than a handshake from Han. At the time, Han had felt proud of how his son was trying to act like a man in front of his father.

Now he would give anything for his boy to let him hug him once more.

Instead, his son shook his hand and walked out the door.

..*..

Hours later, Han found Ben's car parked at Maz's. Ben hadn't come back home, hadn't answered his phone or replied to texts. Han felt sick with worry.

The bar was unusually quite when he walked through the door. He saw Maz cleaning the counter and looking at one of the booths. Han walked up to her. "Have you seen-?"

Maz smiled and pointed.

Ben was sitting in a corner booth with his back to the bar. He was holding hands with a girl in a white wedding dress. Her tears had ruined her makeup, but she was totally unself-conscious about it as she talked with Ben.

He couldn't see his son's face, but Han had no doubt that Ben was smiling.

And if he needed his father, all he had to do was look over his shoulder.

Author's Note: Inspired by duchesscourtney's wonderful "Marry Me" chapter in her "Reylo drabbles" story. She gave me permission to write this. :D (Read her story; it's awesome!)