Shelby stayed by my side for the rest of the night. My mind kept telling me that it was because she felt guilty for abandoning me, but my heart was melted at the fact that my mother was sitting on a metal chair next to my hospital bed.
Around 9 that night, Shelby stood up from the chair and brushed her pants off. "I have to go take care of Beth." She mumbled, knowing that Rachel really didn't care about Beth at all. Rachel probably saw her as a replacement for what she lost the first time around. Shelby wanted to stay, but she needed to see her baby, since she had been with Quinn and Puck for most of the day.
"That's fine." Rachel said without looking up from her phone.
Shelby sighed. She didn't even know if it was a one time thing that she was with her daughter. She had signed a contract almost eighteen years ago that said she could never contact her baby, until she was of legal age. The girl's fathers had drawn up that contract as soon as they knew that Shelby was having second thoughts about giving up her baby.
And Shelby had signed it. She was so young, too young to settle down with a baby in her own opinion at the time. She wanted to go to New York and be on Broadway and win Tonys and do something with her life.
But then she had seen the sonogram. A little blob of her own with a heartbeat. And when she heard that heartbeat she knew. She wanted her baby. But it was too late, because she had signed a legally bonded contract.
She figured, what the heck, I'll go to Broadway, live my life, and settle down and have kids later. Then the cancer happened. No more kids for Shelby.
Shelby looked up from her thoughts to her own and only child. The only child she had ever truly carried. Beth was her baby, she had taken care of her from the time that she was a week old, but someday Beth would ask why she had a head of blonde hair and her mother didn't. And Shelby didn't know what she would do when that happened. So what if Beth was with Quinn and Puck right now, that didn't mean she was going to remember them when she was older. But she certainly did not want them to go through what she did. Not getting to watch Rachel grow up was Shelby's only regret.
"Where are your dads? They haven't been here at all today..." Shelby said, realizing she had been the sole visitor. The glee club kids had wanted to come, but Will made them stay away, and plan something to cheer Rachel up.
Rachel froze. She did not want her mother to know that her dads hadn't been at home at all in the last month and gave her the money to do everything herself. After all, her mother told her that they were going to be grateful from afar. That meant she didn't have a right to know.
"They're both at work," Rachel frowned.
"But you've been here since early this morning, and they haven't even stopped in to see how you're doing? You tried to..." Shelby swallowed. "Commit... suicide... and they don't even care? That's not right. I'm missing something."
"Yeah. You're missing Beth." Rachel grunted, annoyed that her mother had to ask about her fathers. It was their fault she was this annoyed at her mother, she wasn't allowed to know the woman and now that she was here Rachel didn't know what to do.
"Rachel... I will be back tomorrow. I promise." Shelby said, walking out the door.
"That's what you said last time. And when you came back, it was to say goodbye." Rachel mumbled. Shelby literally felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. She had hurt her child. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and she tried to blink them away, but failed. The waterworks started, and Shelby turned back around.
"I know I screwed this up... but this time I am coming back."
This time I'm not leaving without you.
Rachel flopped back against the headboard of the bed. It's not like she had anything to lose. She was stuck living after she tried to die, and she was depressed. She was going to be stared at in the hallways at school, pitied, forced into therapy sessions... whatever life she had left was gone.
-
"Hey Ms. C," Puck greeted when the two of them had welcomed her back into her own apartment. She was surprised to find that it was still in one piece and everything looked untouched. Quinn (with the pink hair) walked into the room and Shelby could immediately smell the cigarettes on her.
"Quinn, have you been smoking?" Shelby asked, crossing her arms. This morning she had been blindsided, she didn't even stop to think if leaving Beth with them was a bad idea, considering Quinn's new look and new hobbies.
"Yeah." She admitted proudly, her breath smelling way too strongly of smoke.
"I don't know if I want you around Beth then. I didn't really think the decision of letting you take care of her today through. I was more concerned about Rachel. I hope that it's okay for me to assume that you wouldn't do anything to hurt your baby..."
"Of course I wouldn't. She's my child!" Quinn demanded a little bit louder.
"Quinn, I don't really think you should be around Beth until you change your attitude."
"This is the real me! And that child will never always be mine no matter what!" Quinn said and walked out the door, slamming it behind her.
Shelby turned to look at Puck, sitting on an armchair staring back at her. "How was Beth?" Shelby asked.
"She was good, she seems to really like me and Quinn." He said proudly.
"You are her parents. It's biology." Shelby said a little flatter than she wanted to. "Sorry. It's late, you should get going." She ushered him towards the door.
"Don't take what Quinn said to heart. She's just upset that she had to give up her child. I'm sure you felt the same way about Rachel."
"I still do." Shelby admitted softly.
The next morning, Shelby, with a bag of hot Vegan food from a local restaurant, went back to the hospital, this time with Beth in tow.
"Hi Rachel," Shelby greeted when she walked in with Beth in one arm and the bag of food in the other. Rachel lifted her head up from in between her knees. She involuntarily rolled her eyes when she saw Beth. She had nothing against the little girl, only that the only reason her mother adopted her was to replace Rachel. And that hurt.
"Here is your Vegan food, as promised." Shelby handed her the bag and Rachel slowly took it. She was certainly not going to eat, it was going to make her fatter than she already was. She had not cut in days and the pitted feeling that went away when she cut was coming back. She needed to get out of this hospital so she could cut some more. And the only way to do that was to pretend to be getting better.
"I, uh, already ate." Rachel lied.
"I thought you said you wouldn't eat any of the hospital food."
"Yeah, well I was hungry so I did eat it. It was okay, I guess. But thanks anyway." Rachel didn't even want to bother arguing over whether or not she was going to give the food back to Shelby. So she lazily threw the food on the table next to the bed.
"So do you want to hold Beth?" Shelby asked, knowing that was certainly not the way to get Rachel's trust but knowing that most of the tension was because of the innocent blonde headed baby who had honest to god done nothing wrong.
"No." Rachel said sharply. "I hate Quinn and Puck, why would I want to hold their offspring that wasn't supposed to exist?"
"Because she's your sister." Shelby said, getting irritated with Rachel's constant blows at the baby.
"No she's not. For her to be my sister, you would have to be my mom. Which you're not. That's what you said, remember?"
I'm your mother, but that doesn't mean I'm your mom
"Look, I said I was sorry for what happened the first time around. I didn't know what to do. Your whole life was already in front of you, I wasn't going to throw the mother you never knew into the mix. Your fathers didn't want me to contact you. Do you understand that? For all of these years, I had your phone number stuck on my fridge. Every time I went to go get something, I saw that number and every time I thought to myself, I wonder what she's doing right now, I wonder if she's thinking about me. But you weren't, because you had your own life and your own hopes and dreams that I would never get to be a part of."
"You were my dream. Every night when I would lay in my bed, I would look out my window and wonder if you were looking at the same stars as me. I wanted my mom so bad all of the time. What happened when I had my first period? Or when I had my first crush? I didn't have anyone to turn to."
"And that is my biggest regret. I never got to be by your side, or hold you when you cried! But there is nothing we can do about that now. It is what it is and I am here now. And I'm telling you that I want to stay here by your side. Understand?"
"Yes ma'am." Rachel bit out. If she could get her away out of here then she could throw herself off a bridge. Hopefully she wouldn't survive that because if she did...
"Rachie!" the two year old girl grinned. Rachel couldn't resist, she had to look at the little blonde eyed girl that looked so much like Quinn. Her smile was all Puck though, it was the goofy grin she had grown to love.
"Hi Beth!" Rachel faked in a happy voice. She couldn't be mad at the kid, she had done nothing to her. She was just the innocent piece of this entire mess.
"Rachie play!" The little girl squealed. How was she supposed to play with the kid in a hospital bed? She gave Shelby a look and Shelby looked back with a pleading beg. Rachel sighed and pulled the girl into her lap.
"Do you want to play patty cake?" Rachel tried. Beth squealed in happiness as the two of them indeed played patty cake.
Rachel felt bad about putting all of the blame on this innocent child. She wasn't supposed to be born in the first place by unprotected sex and then given to a woman who regretted giving up her actual child...
Beth was overjoyed at the aspect of getting to play with Rachel, and seeing Beth happy made Rachel a little bit happier. Beth was a prime example of what it was like to be free. She was happy and didn't have a care in the world. Yes, Rachel knew that Beth was two years old, but she wondered if it was possible to be happy when you grew up...
Finn was her happiness. And then he went and broke up with her. What was she supposed to do with her life now that the one person she cared about, and probably the only person who cared about her, was gone? Rachel was a bitch, she knew that, but it was really in result of being treated like crap all of her life. What was she supposed to do?
"So, I tried to call your house today in hopes of contacting your fathers, but no one ever answered. Is there something you want to tell me?" Shelby said, Rachel still entertaining Beth. Rachel tensed up at the mention of her fathers.
"I'm 18, a legal adult, so technically I don't need my fathers to watch over me while I'm confined to this hospital bed."
"That wasn't the point. They should know about this. What aren't you telling me Rach?"
"They're both gone. Daddy is somewhere in Illinois, and Dad is in Europe. They're there for work." She said through gritted teeth, not wanting to admit that they were really both trying to get as far away from each other until they could go through with the divorce.
It wasn't that they didn't love her, it was the fact that the three of them were all sick of each other and all of the bickering the three of them did that they knew they needed to get as far away as possible. Rachel was literally ready to pick up and leave for New York. There was no reason for her to stay in the hellhole she called home. She belonged on Broadway, or at least on the path there.
"Rachel, why didn't you tell me?"
"Because it's none of your business where I am! You gave up that right when I was born! You can't just waltz in her and start being my mom because I tried to kill myself!"
"RACHEL BARBRA! WOULD YOU STOP SAYING THAT YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF LIKE THAT WAS SOME FAILED TASK? YOU ARE NOT GOING TO END YOUR LIFE! I COULD'VE LOST YOU! AND WHILE THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU IT MATTERS TO ME! YOU'RE MY RESPONSIBILITY WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!"
"YOU HAVE NO LEGAL HOLDING OVER ME! YOU NEVER DID BECAUSE YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT SO YOU COULD GO TO NEW YORK AND BE FAMOUS! WE ALL KNOW THE STORY! ESPECIALLY JESSE, SINCE YOU SENT HIM TO BREAK MY HEART! I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT ONE EITHER!"
"Rachel," her mother growled, not wanting to yell anymore because the nurse had given a concerned look, but Shelby shook her off. "How many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry for what I've done? Whether or not you like it, you're stuck with me now."
"And how do you figure you'll enforce that rule?" Rachel questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"Because once you're released, you're coming home with me."