Sirius grinned over at Remus before flinging his newly charmed hair over his shoulder. "So Moony what do you think of my fabulous new look?"

The long auburn strands looked faintly reddish even in the London fog. Remus rolled his eyes a bit as if he knew Sirius was fishing for yet another compliment. The other man's eyes were hidden behind large sunglasses and Remus had placed a Notice-Me-Not charm on him just in case anyone decided to take a second glance.

"Like I said already, I miss the black, but it's not half bad," Remus paused for a moment, thinking. "It reminds me actually of a portrait I once saw of Dumbledore. Did you know he had auburn hair when he was young?"

Sirius grasped his heart in an overly dramatic fashion and stopped in his tracks. "No!"

"You didn't know?" Remus said.

"That Dumbledore was young once?"

You git," Remus shook his head and continued walking, leaving Sirius to catch up with him.

Sirius hurried after. Though it was daylight, or what counted for daylight in foggy London, he hadn't been within a crowd in so many years that the thought made him a bit anxious. Luckily it was early afternoon on a weekday so most people were still at work, but Sirius still found himself glancing over his shoulder, wondering at those who looked his way, walking just a bit closer than polite company allowed, to Remus' side. Remus did not seem to mind at least.

Unfortunately they still had to talk about last night. Sirius shuddered, and not from the cold. The things he saw, or thought he saw, were not anything he felt right bringing up to the friend he had only just gotten back. He himself didn't even wish to dredge them up, even in the light of day. His mind played tricks on him, that he knew. It turned shadows into Dementors. Friends into enemies. Memories into ghosts. Whatever his mind thought it needed to heal or deal, it conjured.

Sirius shook his head. He really didn't wish to think about it before he had to. Remus said they'd talk about it once they were home and there was no way he was going to let it ruin their shopping trip. It had been over thirteen year since Sirius had set foot in a store and he was dead set on enjoying himself fully.

"Oh Moony a thrift store!"

Remus followed him in and walked down the first aisle after a practically sprinting Sirius.

"Do you even know what fashion is like these days? It's... horrible...baggy clothes, plaid, everyone ties their jumpers around their waist," Remus shook his head.

"Well I'm glad your jumper is on your chest where it belongs," Sirius laughed. "At least graphic tees and worn denim are still in." Sirius pulled out an arm-full of clothes to try on before his hands became full and he made Remus hold some as well. Shopping was such a welcome distraction.

After purchasing some shirts and jeans Remus and Sirius headed down the street to rummage through two more shops before stopping for coffee. Remus looked like he needed a break. Sirius chose a table in a corner with a good view of the door in case any shady customers walked in. He knew he was being paranoid but he thought he was allowed and Remus didn't question it.

"You didn't get much sleep last night, did you?" Sirius asked guiltily, sipping his coffee surrounded by bags of clothes.

Remus sat across from his stirring a cocoa. "Not really used to sharing a bed," he said softly.

"No? I'd think you'd pull enough girls to get used to it over the years," Sirius chuckled and searched for a hint of Remus' past in the other's reaction. The other man was so closed off about some things, personal things, it was impossible not to pry.

Remus merely shrugged, his eyes chasing marshmallows. "Not much game to be had for scarred unemployed professors I'm afraid."

Stretching his long legs under the table, Sirius clucked his tongue and shook his head. "Well they have no taste. You're a fine catch. Just look how well you take care of me. Feed me breakfast and take me shopping."

"Yeah, I'll make a great mum one day," Remus sighed and rolled his eyes as Sirius barked out a laugh.

"That's not what I mean. You're really giving Remus. You care more about others than you do yourself and you know it. I bet I'm wearing your best clothes now. Stop me if I'm wrong."

Remus didn't deny it and Sirius grinned wider. Sirius' eyes wandered as a man in a wide brimmed had turned his way and glared, causing Sirius to shift nervously in his seat, But then the man turned, grumble to his wife about the "bloody weather" and Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. At least he hadn't jumped at shadows that time. He hoped Remus hadn't noticed.

"If I could've taken your place...in there...I would have."

It was spoken so quietly that Sirius almost missed it. But he didn't. He frowned a moment before his expression softened. Then he sighed and shook his head. Sometimes Remus just made his heart ache. "Hey, we said no heavy stuff till later, yeah?"

Remus looked up at him then, his eyes tired and heavy lidded. He nodded once before turning to look out the large window instead. "Yeah, sorry."

Sirius didn't know what to do. Now, in this coffee shop, surrounded by a bunch of damn strangers was not the time or the place to get into it. He wanted to reach out to Remus but knew the other man wouldn't let him. And he didn't want to open up here, in case anyone overheard. It was just bad timing on both their parts. He sighed once again and turned to the window as well. And then he saw it.

"Moony!"

Five minutes later-Remus insisted on finishing his cocoa first- and Sirius had dragged them both across the street. Standing in front of the window of a consignment store, Sirius sighed over the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. A black leather jacket that seemed like it would be perfectly tailored for him, with just a bit of room to grow into for when he put on a bit of needed extra weight.

Sirius glanced up at it wistfully. It reminded him so much of his lost youth, of days when he was carefree. When a war sounded flashy and cool, full of heroes and battle scars he could brag about. Not full of fallen friends and wounds that never quite healed. A reflection in the glass caught his eye, startling him and he reached for his wand but Remus caught him arm first, frowning. Sirius didn't know what it was but whatever it had been, it hadn't alarmed his friend. He shrugged it off and shook his head and Remus raised an eyebrow in concern.

He decided to play it off and move on. "Kinda reminds you of my old jacket huh?" Sirius said in admiration.

Remus gave him a small smile before looking back at the window display.

"You should get it."

"Huh?" Sirius wondered if he'd heard the other man correctly. He had no idea how much Dumbledore had given them, but he was sure superfluous leather jackets were not in the allowance.

Remus shrugged. "I think you should get it. I know you want it. Pretend it's a gift. To make up for a backlog of Christmases. And birthdays."

Sirius swallowed and looked from the jacket to Remus. The other man looked strangely sad. Actually it wasn't strange at all, but he just wondered when thinking of their lost years would stop being so painful. He'd need to give it a lot of time.

"Alright. Moony, buy me a present," Sirius said, wrapping an arm around Remus' shoulder and strolling into the shop. Sirius grabbed the mannequin out of the window as they passed and dragged it along.

"Sirius…" Remus groaned, putting his hand over his face before a shop girl came up to stop him. Luckily within a couple minutes things were sorted and Sirius was in the back with the dressing rooms.

Sirius turned, grinning, admiring himself in the mirror as Remus stood behind him. "What do you think Moony?"

"It's pretty perfect," Remus admitted, smiling and shaking his head.

"Do we have the money?"

Remus thought for a moment as the shop girl strode over.

"Actually we had it in the window cause it's half off. A customer last week wouldn't take no for an answer when we told him it wouldn't fit, ripped a seam in the back, just there," she said, pointing. "It's only a little tear, but we had to put it on sale."

Sirius' eyes lit up. He knew a spell that could fix it in an instant. "Remus?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah, don't worry. You should get it."

"Do we have enough for something else?" Sirius asked, running over to another rack.

"Like what?" Remus asked, peering around skeptically as the other man came racing back.

"Well when we walked in I saw this coat and thought it'd look quite dashing on you." Sirius held up a heather pea coat expectantly until Remus took it in his arms.

"Sirius, I really don't need…"

"Just try it on...for me?"

Remus sighed. "Yeah alright."

Sirius watched as he shucked off his jumper and pulled the coat over his shirt, buttoning the large front buttons. Straightening, he strode over to the full length mirror to have a look. Sirius whistled. He'd never seen Remus look so incredibly stylish. The long lines of the coat did great things for his tall frame and the color went well with his sandy hair. The cut was perfectly form fitting, showing how fit he kept himself. He wondered if Remus would wear such a thing. It would definitely keep him warm against the London chill if practicality was an issue.

"Well?" Remus asked when Sirius hadn't said a word.

"Okay, you look bloody brilliant," Sirius finally said, grinning. "You have to get it. Please say you like it?"

"I mean, it's not bad," Remus conceded, turning to look at the coat from all angles.

"I will go find more people in this store to tell you that you look hot if you need more opinions," Sirius said, making to leave before Remus grabbed his arm.

"No no! I...okay okay we'll get it. Don't make a scene. What about 'not drawing attention to yourself' wasn't clear earlier?" Remus muttered before starting to take off the coat.

"Leave it on! I want to wear mine out too," Sirius said happily and Remus sighed and conceded.

Both men walked over to the cashier and Remus allowed the girl from earlier to scan their coats and take off the tags before he paid.

"That's so cute that you're buying coats for you and your boyfriend," she said as she handed Remus his change.

Sirius came up behind Remus and put an arm around his shoulder and grinned. He was going to have some fun with this. "Yeah he's the best," he said, nuzzling close to Remus' face before winking at her and strolling away together. Only once they'd exited the shop did Remus pull away.

"That's not funny."

"What? Oh come on," Sirius said, edging closer, but Remus took another step away.

"Sirius, just...not right now okay?"

"Is it really that embarrassing?" Sirius asked in confusion, grabbing his bags and trying to keep up with Remus' long legs. He was just having a bit of fun and had no idea why Remus was acting so grouchy all of a sudden over a little joke.

"No that's...can we not? I'm just tired alright? Leave it."

There was a finality to Remus' tone that left Sirius hurt. He decided he wasn't going to get anywhere and that he'd best drop the matter before he hurt his friend more. He'd only just got him back, and despite their years of friendship, maybe with all the time missing in between, he didn't quite know Remus as well as he thought he did. He'd best figure out how to make up for that.

"Sorry," he said quietly, taking one of the bags from Remus to lighten his load.

"Oh," Remus said, as if he wasn't quite expecting it. He turned to Sirius, tilting his chin up and brushing his fringe from his eyes. "Thanks. And thanks for making me get this," he gestured to the coat. "I kind of like it."

"Well you look really good in it. I bet the shop girl would've asked for your number if you hadn't been my boyfriend," Sirius laughed and Remus shook his head and finally chuckled.

"Let's grab some groceries while we're out so there's food in the house then we can go back and...talk. Okay?" Remus said tentatively.

"Yeah. Sounds good," Sirius sighed. He knew they needed this. He was both dreading and looking forward to it.

An hour and a short tube ride later and the two men were back in Remus' flat laden with groceries and shopping bags. He'd stuck close by Remus in the market, attempting to focus more on the strange muggle foods and less on the people who may or may not be staring at him. He only jumped once, when an elderly woman crashed her cart into a display and toppled some tinned fish. Remus bent to help her pick them up and Sirius sheepishly followed suit after coming out of hiding.

The tube ride back was a bit of a challenge. He disliked the shadows that played on the sides of the walls, the flashing lights that went by so quickly. Remus told him to shut his eyes and after a minute he quickly did and laid his head on Remus shoulder. It was soothing and Remus did not seem to mind the contact since it helped him be less jumpy.

After opening the door, Remus first showed Sirius where he could store his clothes and newly bought toiletries before both men put away the food, a chore that was charmingly domestic after months of living in caves and abandoned houses.

"I like this," Sirius said, turning to Remus as he put away a can.

"Tinned mushy peas? I mean I only got them cause they were on sale and we need something to throw at the Death Eaters incase our wands don't work…"

"What? No. This!" Sirius said, waving his hands in an all-encompassing manner. "Being in a home, shopping, putting away mushy peas with you. It's...nice."

"Hmm, maybe you're the one who will make a good mum someday," Remus said deadpan as he threw some dried pasta into a plastic container.

"Ha ha." Sirius rolled his eyes and leaned against the counter, watching as Remus threw the empty grocery bags beneath the sink.

"Regardless I'm going to do you a favor and teach you to cook. We're making Yorkshire Pudding tonight."

"Oh. I thought we needed to talk," Sirius said, taking a step forward.

"We'll talk while it's baking. Chop these for me," Remus said, handing Sirius a cutting board and some herbs.

"Err…"

"You literally can't mess this up. Unless you chop off a finger. Please don't do that," Remus implored, turning his head quickly from where he had preheated the oven.

Sirius yowled and made a face like he'd done just that and Remus came rushing over before smacking him in the head with an oven mitt when he found all his fingers still intact.

The two finished off the recipe with no loss of limb and Remus stuck it in the oven before flicking his wand to do the dishes.

"How come you use magic to do dishes but not to cook?" Sirius asked as they both sat down together on the couch.

"Might be just in my head, but I always think it tastes better," Remus said, shrugging and leaning back.

Sirius could see the stiffness of his muscles despite the reclined pose. He could tell the other man was not looking forward to this conversation any more than he was. Remus' overly long fringe hung over his face, a small layer of protection against a hostile world. What Sirius wouldn't give to read his expression now.

"Remus?" he said tentatively. He may as well get this over with.

A deep sigh preluded Remus sitting up and looking Sirius in the eye. "Alright then. You want to tell me about what I saw last night?"

Sirius sat up a bit straighter and turned on the couch, tucking one leg under the other to face his friend. He thought for a moment. Actually he'd been thinking all day. How much to reveal. How much he could say to Remus. He knew Remus was there for him, but he hated showing weakness in front of the other man, and last night, well he knew he had gone far beyond that. He'd appeared utterly broken. Shattered. There were things about his time in Azkaban he wanted, needed to share. But there were other things he couldn't. Not yet. Remus would think him mad. He had to weigh his options, lest he lose his only friend.

"I wish I was as good with words as you," Sirius said honestly, "It's just hard to know where to start."

Remus nodded sympathetically and gave him a patient look.

"I guess I don't have to tell you how frightening being locked up for twelve years was. But living in one small space, confined, it breaks your mind. The only changes would be when they'd slip food and water through the door each day, or Dementors would flit past the small window. The sun would rise and set, shadows moved. Sometimes a bug or leaf would find its way into the cell. And even then I didn't always know if they were even real. You can't even believe your own mind at times. Especially in the dark." Sirius swallowed back the pain. Remus scooted closer and put a tentative hand on his knee for support. Sirius was thankful for the gesture. He knew it didn't come easy.

"What did you see last night Sirius?"

Sirius swallowed against the tightness in his throat. This was harder than he'd thought. He'd practiced these words in his mind as they'd sat in the tube, while drinking coffee, as they put away groceries. He'd settle for a half truth for now and work up to the rest later.

"I'm not sure. I saw something. A shadow. I was half asleep and afraid and I just knew I needed to protect myself. It was mostly due to that blasted house with its awful memories."

"Did you have...episodes like this before you came here? Out on the run?" Remus asked.

"I...yeah I did. But it helped having Buckbeak there. Not that we could talk it out or anything. But he was comforting and I never felt alone like I did last night," Sirius confessed.

"Okay," Remus said, biting his lower lip as if working out a puzzle, "and when you saw me, did you know me?"

"You mean when you walked over to me?"

"After I'd blasted your door off its hinges," Remus said dryly.

Sirius frowned. "Wow I don't remember that."

"That's disturbing."

"At least I gave Kreacher something to do other than try on Mum's old dresses," Sirius chuckled.

"Sirius," Remus implored the other man to bring the conversation back on topic.

"Yes, yes I recognized you. Took a minute, but I knew I trusted you alright?" he said before raking his hands in the nape of his hair.

"Do you think it'll happen again?" Remus asked pointedly.

"Probably. Actually definitely. If you have a problem with that…"

"I don't," Remus cut him off quickly. "Just wanted to be prepared.

"Oh. Okay," Sirius looked Remus in the eye and the man met his gaze steadily. He didn't seem to be lying which was nice.

"What can I do to help?" Remus asked, a question Sirius was unprepared for.

Sirius took a minute to ponder. Waking up this morning, feeling himself safe in Remus's arms, he'd never felt more secure, like Remus was a balm slowly healing his inner scars. The comfort the other man had offered had dispelled all the shadows, at least momentarily, and he wished for that again. If he was willing.

"What you did last night...that was good," he finally said.

"So... having the lights on?" Remus questioned.

"I don't like it being pitch black but we can try it being a bit darker," Sirius compromised, "but what I meant was...I always had Buckbeak there to...to hold on to at night."

Remus chuckled. "So you need me to be there to snuggle?"

Sirius looked down sheepishly. He bit the side of his lip.

Remus squeezed his knee. "Hey, it's okay. I'm only teasing. I'm here for you, I told you that. You believe me, right?"

Sirius nodded right as the timer went off.

"I've got to turn the pudding," Remus said, getting up from the couch. "Why don't you go have a shower, by the time you're done we can eat, okay?"

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. He needed a moment alone with his thoughts and this was a perfect excuse. If he didn't know better he'd think Remus had done so on purpose just for him.

Sirius got up and grabbed his new pajamas to change into, knowing they wouldn't be going out after supper. Glancing in the mirror he almost jumped back as he realized his hair was still charmed.

"Remus!" he yelled, poking his head around the corner from the bathroom, "Why didn't you change my hair back to black?"

"What, you don't like being Sirius Auburn?" Remus teased from the kitchen.

Sirius grumbled back something about hexing his bollocks and Remus laughed back. "Okay, after supper I'll change it back. And give it that trim I promised, alright?"

"Deal," Sirius said happily, bounding back into the bathroom.

Shucking off Remus' borrowed clothes and throwing them in the hamper he took a long look at himself as the let the water warm. Though he wasn't as gaunt as a year ago, he still looked a bit on the ragged side. Sirius at least now recognized himself when he looked in the mirror. His cheekbones had always been prominent but were now more so, standing out to offset his jawbone. His collarbone stuck out as well but at least his ribs didn't protrude as badly as before and his arms didn't look as thin, taking on a more toned and less skeletal appearance. Between foraging and Dumbledore checking in on him with care packages, he'd been able to make up for lost nutrition, but nothing like the home cooked meals that Remus was able to provide. He glanced down further, noting his pale hairless chest, his flat stomach. The vanity from his youth was long gone but he was still glad that he didn't appear as haunted and bedraggled as he had a year ago.

Sirius stepped into the shower, allowing himself long moments to simply luxuriate in the warmth of the water as it cleansed his weary body. It was such a small thing, something everyone probably took for granted, but he promised himself he never would again. He swore he could feel each and every warm drop on his skin, each beautiful pearl of liquid that soaked in and moisturized his body and somehow cleansed his mind. Showering was such a beautiful ritual.

After a few minutes of standing under the spray Sirius reached for the new shampoo, he'd convinced Remus to spring for the good stuff, and lathered his hair before conditioning it as well. He'd have to teach the other man a thing or two about proper hair care.

Though it had felt a bit liberating to partially tell Remus what was troubling him, Sirius still didn't feel like the weight was even the least bit lifted from his shoulders. He knew that time would probably heal some of it, being away from Azkaban, reentering society. Having someone who cared about him around to keep him safe, make him feel loved. Sirius frowned, glad he didn't have to pretend that he was alright for a few minutes. It was hard to wear that mask. He knew it wasn't entirely for Remus either, he had to convince himself he could get out of bed, put on clothes, be a real human being again. He couldn't remember it being so bloody hard. He hated feeling so spooked, like anything might set him off. Like a coward. He knew he'd been through a lot but it still felt shameful. Sirius glanced over to his wand, which he'd put next to the soap. It gave him a small measure of comfort to at least have something he could rely upon to defend himself once again. Perhaps that would help over time as well.

Feeling fresh and clean physically if not mentally, Sirius exited and toweled off before slipping into his new pajamas. He'd picked them especially for Remus.

"No," Remus said, his eyes raking up Sirius body as the freshly showered wizard strode into the kitchen, grinning from ear to ear.

"What's the matter Moony?"

"Please tell me those aren't…"

"Wolf pajamas?" Why yes, yes they are," Sirius finished, plopping down at the table.

Remus rolled his eyes and grabbed the plate of Yorkshire Pudding away from Sirius' seat. "Bad dogs don't get dinner."

"What? They reminded me of you," Sirius said in his most pathetic tone. He'd thought Remus would appreciate the homage.

Said werewolf leaned against the counter and dug a fork into the flaky crust and ate a mouthful. Sirius decided to see if his puppy-dog eyes still worked. Apparently he'd lost his touch or Remus had built up an immunity while he'd been away.

Sirius looked down at the soft material, taking one of the cute howling wolves between his fingers. "I like them though. They look like you...they're...cute."

"You think I'm...cute." Remus looked over at him, his face deadpan.

"Well...I mean when you're not bloodthirsty," Sirius shrugged.

"Uh huh," Remus said, cocking an eyebrow.

"When you're playful you get this wolfy smile and sometimes you curl up like a croissant," Sirius grinned.

Remus simply stared for a half a minute before his lip twitched. Then he handed Sirius a plate of food and sat beside him. Sirius smiled triumphantly.

"Mmph this is incredible Moony!" he said around a mouthful of food. "The house elves have nothing on your cooking."

"Flatterer," Remus said, but Sirius saw a faint smile as the other man shook his head.

Sirius must have been more hungry than he'd thought for he went through two servings before sighing and sitting back in his chair.

"I don't ever want to move again," Sirius murmured as he closed his eyes.

"Well I'm going to cut your hair now, so that would be wise, at least for the next few minutes," Remus advised, coming up behind Sirius with the scissors.

Sirius heard Remus mutter the charm to turn his hair back to black before the other man stooped and began to trim his overly long locks.

"Want me to stand?" Sirius asked, realizing Remus was practically on the floor.

"In a minute. Just rest, I can take the ragged ends off first."

Sirius listened to the snipping of the sheers for a bit as the other man worked, wondering just how much Remus would take off. As long as it wasn't too short, he really didn't care. Although he recalled Remus saying he liked it long. Weird.

"Okay stand up," Remus instructed, so Sirius bit back a groan and stretched, sneaking a peak over his shoulder.

"Hey, you cut off practically nothing!"

"What do you mean?" Remus said, standing as well. "It was past your ass, now it's to your back. Be grateful. And hold still."

Sirius puffed air through his nose but settled into place once more as Remus took the jaggedness off the damp ends, stopping every so often to run it through his fingers to check the length. It felt incredibly relaxing. Every so often Remus would run a comb through, snip a bit, then brush his fingers through his scalp. Sirius let out a contented noise.

"All done," Remus said, but continued to touch Sirius' hair. It felt oddly familiar, like when Sirius used to lay his head in Remus' lap at Hogwarts as the other boy read and Remus would absently stroke his hair.

"Let's sit on the couch," Remus suggested, and Sirius wondered if the other man was remembering the same thing. Without a word Remus sat down,folding one knee up and grabbing a book while Sirius laid down on the other side, his head resting on Remus thigh. Remus reached out absently to resume brushing his long fingers through the damp strands.

"Want me to turn on the tv?" Remus asked, nodding at the box Sirius only now realized existed.

"Oh...yeah sure. Put on whatever," Sirius said. Not like he was caught up on any shows. Just having something mindless to focus on instead of dwelling on his own dark thoughts would be a blessing.

Remus clicked it on and put his hand back, nose still in his book.

Within five minutes, between the hum of the television, the soothing strokes of Remus fingers and the warmth of his body, Sirius was fast asleep.