Author's Note: Cutting this one down to the wire. I happen to love fairy tale movies, so I hope I did this one justice. And all the mistakes last chapter should be fixed by now.
Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama, the shuffled concept or the (most of) the characters.
And now, the reviews!
That British Guy: Such is the world we live in I guess. Victor will return in Rock'n'Rule. And the mistakes should be fixed.
Starheart Specials: Yeah... they should all be fixed by now. That should teach me to spend an all-nighter writing.
richboylion: Yes I know, that's why he said he thought that was the American phrase. Forgive me for not understanding your confusion.
Guest: Thanks! Don't worry Malcolm's parents are completely normal, if not a little overprotective. And I hope I live up to your expectations.
Current Castmates:
Boys: Alejandro, DJ, Duncan
Girls: Heather, Kitsune, Sugar
And one of them will live unhappily ever after..
Episode 19: The Princess Pride
"Last time on Total Drama Action!" Chris said over a shot of the film lot. "Just when the cast thought they were safe," the host was shown in his Batman outfit, "I swung in to surprise," his dramatic 'flying' was shown, "I mean antagonize them," the rope break, as well as his and Chef's fall were shown.
"The cast was forced to use their creative sides," Kitsune was shown elbowing Heather, then Alejandro and Sugar were shown working on their costumes, "while showing off their backsides," Sammy and Kitsune were shown working on their outfits, "as they made superhero costumes out of spandex," DJ was shown introducing himself as Captain Canada, then a close-up of the spandex rolls. "And some other junk," the pile of junk was shown.
Chris laughed as Alejandro was shown hand walking down the catwalk. "Nice tights!"
"Of course," Pythinicus, and Dander Boy were shown in their radiant background, "they were foiled by the diabolical Pythonicus, super evil alter-ego of the villainous Chef!"
"In a fight against evil, the cast proved they could be heroes," Chris continued over clips of Sammy making her way across electrical wires, and DJ catching a sack of potatoes in a dress. "And also, losers!" Kitsune was seen getting electrocuted by the wires.
"In the end the most diabolical of them all was Alejandro and Heather," he said a the two were seen talking from the window of the girls' trailer. "Who hatched a plan to split up Kitsune's new alliance by convincing Duncan," the queen bee and punk were shown talking, "to vote off Samey," the nice girl's goodbye with DJ and Kitsune were shown.
The recap footage ended and flashed to Chris in the monitor room. "Will Super DJ recover from his girl's betrayal?" he asked the camera. "Will Duncan convince Kitsune to take him back? Again?" he pressed a button and a picture of the former couple to appear on one of the screens behind him.
"Maybe you'll find out right now?" he said as the flashed to him walking towards the cast trailers. "Maybe you won't? On another, totally dramatic episode of Total Drama Action!"
XXXXX
[A stage light pops up in front of some fake buildings and turns on; a camera with a rat on top of it comes out of a manhole; another camera comes out of the hollow of a tree, along with some garbage and a very confused raccoon. A pair of hands claps a film slate in front of the camera, and the camera flies through the film lot; Chris drives a golf cart with Chef in the passenger side in the camera's path. The host grins and waves and the cook crosses his arms and scowls as the lyrics start]
Dear Mom and Dad I'm doing fine
[The camera passes through a tree and files down a road between the studio warehouses, dodging a farm backdrop and a sunset backdrop before flying through a costume rack]
You guys are on my mind
[The camera flies up the fake mountain and peeks over the edge to see a pool of water, then jumps in]
You asked me what I wanted to be
[As the camera lands in the pool, bubbles fill the screen and then disapate to show Sugar in her bikini with a large shark behind her. The pageant queen farts as the shark opens its mouth, then it chokes]
And I think the answer is plain to see
[The camera pans up to show Harold on a surfboard hooked up to some rigging. He tries to dodge seagulls that are shooting past him like bullets, only to take one to the face and be knocked in the water.]
I wanna be... famous
[The camera quick pans to the left, showing Duncan manning what can only be described as a seagull cannon with a sadistic grin on his face. The camera pans back to show Sky looking at the punk with contempt as he fires the rest of the gulls. The camera flies between them, then pauses in front of a large door as Sasquatchanawkwa runs across it in a pink dress and boa The door opens and the camera flies into a bright light.]
I wanna live close to the sun
[The light fades into a shot of the beach set where Leshawna sits on a pool chair. She is flanked with sharks in their own chairs The camera zooms in on Leshawna as she gives a huge smile.]
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
[The camera pans to the right and ending up on Noah in the confessional reading a book with a smug expression pn his face and his legs propped up on the table. He leans back and goes too far as he falls backwards.]
Everything to prove, nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
[The camera quick pans to the right again to show Heather and a bald and camo cap wearing Alejandro on rock pillars against a dark backdrop. The two have dueling sticks, Heather's is blue and Alejandro's is orange. Alejandro hits Heather a few times and she responds with a jab to his face, his cap falls off and the camera quick pans down to show the hat falling perfectly on DJ's head.]
'Cause I wanna be... famous
[The camera zooms out a bit to show DJ stirring a metal pot with a smile on his face. He pulls out a small orange bottle and sprinkles something in the pot, takes out a spoon and offers it to someone off-screen; the camera zooms out more to show he was offering it to Sammy, who giggles and kisses him on the cheek. The camera pans out to show Amy watching the scene on one of two monitors in another room with a look of disgust on her face. She angrily presses a button and is surprised when an explosion rocks the other screen.]
(Na nananana nanananana nananananana)
[The camera cuts to the explosion as it fades away revealing a slightly singed Shawn nervously looking around... only to scream and run away to the right past a zombie in familliar clothing. The zombie reveals itself to be Kitsune, who giggles to herself as he runs past. The camera follows him as he runs past the Lame-o-sine then stops at the vehicle.]
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous (Na nananana nanananana nananananana)
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous (Na nananana nanananana nananananana)
[The camera zooms in on the limousine's window, which rolls down to show a smiling Mike and Zoey. The window behind them rolls down to show Victor smiling at the couple. He opens the door with an formal bow. The camera flies past a series of flashes as if it were going down the red carpet and stops at Chris in a blue tux on the amphitheatre. The host grins and opens an evelope, then looks over at a scowling dress-wearing Chef as he holds a tray of Guilded Chris's. Chris purses his lips and gives a look to the camera. The camera zooms out to show the scene was being watched on a monitor, then pans down to Gwen and Trent, the latter strumming the last few notes of the theme on his guitar.
The camera zooms out to show the non competitors on the center couch of what looked to be the set of a talk show, flanked by two double tiered couches. On the top left: Noah, Sammy, DJ, and Tyler. On the bottom left: Zoey, Mike, Leshawna, Harold, Duncan, and Kitsune. On the top right: Staci, Malcolm, Victor, Sky, and Alejandro. And on the bottom right: Scarlett, Sugar, Shawn, Amy and Heather. The feed on the monitor fizzles out and changes to the Total Drama Action logo]
XXXXX
The episode began with a shot of something brown and mushy falling on a plate, before zooming out to show that it was the innards of a burrito being eaten by Duncan. The camera zoomed out a little more to show that DJ and Kitsune were sitting at the same table as him, but with all of them far apart from each other.
"Man these burritos are rank," Duncan mused. "I bet you could do better big guy," he said to the brickhouse.
"And why exactly are you talking to me?" DJ asked rudely.
"Fine whatever," the punk said. He turned to his ex and asked, "And how are you this morning Foxy?"
She glared at him. "Did you miss the part where I dumped you after betraying us?" She asked. "And by the way, only my boyfriend's allowed to call me Foxy."
The camera moved to the other table, where the evil alliance all sat and watched the scene with sadistic glee. "I'd like to see'um vote together now!" Sugar cheered.
"I wouldn't get too cocky," Alejandro warned. "Kitsune is more than capable of working with someone she loathes of it will keep her in the game. And I suspect Duncan is the same way."
Heather spoke up, "It doesn't matter. Because for all he's 'changed' DJ's still an over-emotional wimp. And unless one of you betrays me," she added with a stern look to her allies, "they're all as good as gone. Now if you'll excuse me," she stood up, "I have better things to do than hang around with you losers," she went to sit by DJ.
Sugar turned to Alejandro. "When're we gettin' ridda her? I can't stand'er anymore!"
"The second she loses a challenge she's gone," he promised.
"Well I ain't gonna wait around for it!" The pageant queen declared. "I'm gonna find a way to make her lose." She stood up, "but first I'm gettin' some seconds."
"What's this I hear about Heather leaving?" Kitsune asked. The camera zoomed out to show her sitting at their table.
"What do you care?" Alejandro asked.
"You've been pretty clear about wanting to ally with me ever since you got here," she explained. "And now that I'm down three alliance members, thanks for that by the way."
"You're welcome," he said smugly.
"I need to make sure I'm not the next one voted off. So how about an alliance for as long as Heather's here?" She offered her hand to the charmer.
"Deal," he agreed, shaking the hand.
"And don't try to backstab me just because you think she's hot," she warned, causing him to sputter. The camera panned to the left to show Duncan watching the scene.
XXX
"Is that the real reason she dumped me?" Duncan asked the confessional in a panic. "Because she's got the hots for Alejandro?" He thought for a moment and said, "No way. Those two can't stand each other."
XXX
"I am not into Heather," said Alejandro as the shot cut back to him and Kitsune.
"And here I thought we were in Canada instead of Egypt," the goofball quipped.
"What?"
"You're swimming in denial," she explained.
A few off-camera footsteps caught their attention, and they looked towards the room's entrance where Chef had entered wearing a faded purple medieval-styled costume, complete with a simple horn bearing a flag marked with a simple black-and-purple shield. He blew an off-key fanfare and made an announcement. "Hear ye, and rise! For Sir Chris!"
"Sir?!" DJ repeated with disbelief as a few flies began swarming into the tent, watching something out of view as it moved past. "Just when I thought his ego couldn't get any bigger."
The shot moved back out to show Chris riding atop the same elderly horse that had been used for the western movie episode. He was wearing a knight's helmet and holding what looked to be a boot made of glass, and dismounted once Chef laid out a small rug for him to stand on.
"I'm gonna guess that the glass boot means we're doing a fairy tale today," Kitsune told the others.
"Kitsune, dude," Chris said with stern annoyance, "if you ever steal my intro again I'll have to personally boot you off the show."
"I'd prefer if you didn't," Alejandro said. "I'd rather she lose by my hand."
"And speaking of boots," Chris said happily, "this one," he pointed to the boot in his hand, " will determine the Princess for today's Fairy Tale movie challenge! The rest of you," he added as the camera panned across the tent, "compete for the honor of rescuing the fair Princess."
"I wanna be the princess!" Sugar announced. "I look good in tiaras!"
"I said the fair Princess," Chris repeated. "And what we think is fair is that the candidates be the ladies who done the best to boot ratings this season: Heather," he motioned to the scowling queen bee, "and Kitsune." The camera moved to the goofball, who pursed her lips.
XXX
"Now she's takin' my tiara?" Sugar asked in shock. "That tears it! Little Miss Heather has got to go!"
XXX
"Do I really have to do this?" Kitsune asked as the camera cut to the host and castmates gathered around her.
"Yep!" The host cheered, thrusting the boot into her hand. "That's the great thing about contracts!"
"Then can I have some privacy?" She asked gesturing to the boys and Sugar watching.
"Come on," Duncan said. "It's just a foot. We all have'em"
"Hurry up Faith!" Heather barked. "Some of us want to be done with this challenge before tomorrow."
The goofball sighed and the camera cut to her face as she removed her shoes. A loud 'pop' was heard and the camera cut to the shocked face of Chris, and then to the shocked faces of the non-candidates.
"Ay Dios Mio," Alejandro whispered. "That's a lot of hair." The rest of them commented at the same time, and it was unintelligible.
"Shut up!" Kitsune called with a blush. "It's genetic and I forgot to pack my clippers!"
"Just try on the slipper." Chris said with annoyance. "Ok Sasquatchasune?"
The host and other castmates watched with widening eyes as she grunted and began to sweat, trying to get the glass boot onto her foot. Eventually, she let out a disappointed breath and held the boot back up. "No dice," she told the host. "It's a miracle I can even fit into my sneakers."
"Too bad," he told her. "Heather?"
The queen bee took off one of her sandals and swiftly replaced it with the perfect fitting boot. "There," she said haughtily.
"If you made the boot to fit Heather, then what was the point of having me try it on?" Kitsune asked angrily.
"We didn't fit it to her," the host said calmly. "Sometimes things are just a coincidence. Anyway, Chef?" he looked back over his shoulder, and the cook arrived back on the scene. He had changed into a pale blue ballerina's outfit, and had strapped a pair of fake wings to his back that, along with the glittering 'wand' in his hand, made him look like a fairy godmother.
"I dub thee, Princess Heather," he said shortly waved the wand above the popular girl's head and releasing a cloud of sparkling dust that nearly choked DJ, Duncan, and Alejandro.
"Guess who just got a way out of the challenge?" Heather gloated, earning an eye-roll from Kitsune.
"If the challenge is to rescue the princess, then how are you gonna win?" The goofball asked, causing Heather's eyes to widen.
XXX
"Looks like Weird Fox Girl hasn't learned not to mess with me," Heather mused while two pairs of arms were putting make-up on her. "I'll have to show her."
XXX
An image of Chris' head and a large hardcover book appeared on screen in front of a yellow background. "It's story time, with Uncle Chris," the disembodied head said before the scene flashed to him seated in a large purple armchair with the same book in hand. His left hand was on a joystick built into the arm of the chair, and he seemed to be slowly rolling through the set.
"Once upon a time," he began slowly, the camera pulling back to show the host rolling up to the contestants minus Heather on a wheeled platform decorated to look like a cozy den. "Five brave knights went on a quest to rescue a Princess from her ivory tower." He pulled back on the joystick, and the platform came to a stop. "But, it wasn't gonna be easy! First," he motioned to a staircase behind him, "the knights had to get past my very good friend," the shot quick-panned up and left to Chef, now dressed in a tattered vest and breeches with a green wig and beard, "the Terrible Toothless Troll!" The shot zoomed in on Chef as he quickly blackened a few of his front teeth with a sharpie. "And, his Bad Breaks Bridge!"
The camera zoomed out even further, showing a large mountainous set featuring a rickety rope bridge over a treacherous and craggy fake waterfall. The contestants gulped.
"To get past the Terrible Toothless Troll," Chris read on, "the knights had to wear disguises! There was the Frog Prince," he grabbed a frog-like helm from behind his chair and tossed it to Alejandro, "and the Ugly Stepsister," he tossed a large red and wavy wig to Sugar who caught it with a scowl. "Sleeping Beauty," he tossed a pink sleep mask to an perplexed Kitsune, "and one of her Seven Dwarves," he followed that up by throwing a tall wizard's hat to DJ. "Aaand," the host finished by pulling out a bright red hooded cape, "Little Red Riding Hood."
He tossed it to Duncan, who raised an eyebrow as he caught it. "Can we at least change the name to Little Red Riding Hoodlum?"
"No dice dude, that's what it says in the script," Chris told him as an unseen intern delivered a plate of milk and cookies to the host's side table. He turned and grabbed one, saying "Good work, kid," before continuing with the story.
"And so, the Ugly Stepsister approached the Terrible Troll," he read as Sugar put on her wig.
"Hey!" the pageant queen called with alarm. "Who turned off the lights?"
"Oh yeah," Chris said with amusement, "for this challenge, each knight is blind." The five teens immediately began to protest, causing the host to snap at them. "Nowhere in this story does it say 'the cowardly knights complained'! So get it together Steppy, and get crossing!"
\
The footage skipped ahead to show Sugar slowly inching her way across the bridge while holding on to one of the the rope rails. "This ain't too bad," she said to herself. She was hit by several red apples in rapid succession, causing her to yelp in pain and cry out "I was wrong!"
"Oh, also," Chris said as the shot cut back to him, "those are Wicked Witch's apples, so, they're poisonous and rotten. You might wanna watch..."
He stopped talking as the shot cut back to Sugar slipping on one of the apples and falling off the bridge to the rocky set below. The camera followed as she fell and bounced off of several outcroppings before landing onto the hard ground. The shot cut briefly to the other contestants as they winced in pain before cutting back to the pageant queen lying awkwardly on the ground with an apple in her mouth.
"Well, looks like Sugar isn't fairy tale hero material," Chris commented, dunking one of his cookies into his glass of milk. The pageant queen writhed in pain.
XXX
"Quick question," Sugar, wearing a neck brace and bandages around her head and torso, "I'm havin' trouble rememberin' things after that fall. Does that mean I have a concussion? Also, does havin' trouble rememberin' things mean I have a concussion? Also, does-"
XXX
The footage cut back to the other five contestants standing at the start of the bridge. "Next, Sleeping Beauty," Chris said as he moved his platform around towards the far staircase. "She grabbed a fistful of courage and headed across the bridge."
Kitsune gulped, then glanced over at Chef. The man had hunched over, and was slapping a cat o' nine tails against his hand with a wild grin. She took a deep breath, put on the sleeping mask over her eyes and charging forward with a battle cry. Chef raised his eyebrows and rushed out to stop her, but she ran into and over him and kept running to get to the other side.
"Did I make it?" She asked having reach the other side.
XXX
"Like my dad always says," Kitsune grinned. "Just charge in and ask questions later."
XXX
The footage skipped ahead to DJ's attempt, the wizard's hat already jammed down over his eyes and his hands firmly on the ropes of the bridge as he walked forward at a steady pace. Chef squeezed a mother goose, launching a golden egg out of its rear like a bullet. It shot past the boy's shoulder. "What was that?" DJ asked as he moved his head to track it. A second egg hit him square in the chest, knocking him back a step and putting a grin on Chef's face.
DJ frowned for a moment, then took cautious step that was apparently at the bridge's weak point. The camera zoomed in on the bridge as it rippled, knocking loose every plank all the way to Chef. With a gasp and a scream the troll and his goose fell, and the scene cut to him as he grabbed something behind his back. "They don't pay me enough for this!" Chef yelled, pulling the cord of a hidden parachute and floating down safely.
DJ was unaware of the danger and took one more step, expectedly screaming and falling. The camera cut to Chris as he followed the brickhouse's fall and winced at the sound of an impact. "Awesome!" He cheered. "Prince Froggy, you're up next." The scene cut to the start of the bridge as Alejandro pursed his lips. "Then Captain Hood after that."
Alejandro sighed, then put on his helmet. "Might as well get this over with," he muttered, waving his arms in front of her as she slowly moved towards the bridge. He walked right shoulder into one of the posts holding up the bridge.
Duncan laughed. "Tough break Al," he jeered. "Go a little to the right." The charmer followed the advice and walked into the other pole, causing Duncan to laugh. "Sorry man!" The punk called before laughing again.
Chef was shown running past the center of the bridge with an ax raised and ready to strike, while Alejandro stayed at the bridge completely oblivious. Duncan laughed once more and pushed the charmer into the cook. "Let me give you a hand," he said as he did so. Chef brought his ax down and hit the charmer's helmet, causing the eyes to spin comically and Duncan to laugh once more.
XXX
"And with that," Alejandro told the confessional. "Duncan has sealed his fate. Buf first..."
XXX
With a growl, Alejandro rushed the cook and ran him over, safely making the other side. "Looks like Al's still in it!" Chris said as the camera cut to him. "All right the final knight attempting to enter Fairy Tale Land is," the shot cut to Duncan as he tied a blindfold over his eyes and facing away from the camera, "Little Red Riding Hoodlum! We're over this way!"
"Seeing? Good," the punk said as he turned around. The camera cut to his perspective to show that he could actually see Chef putting on a blonde pigtailed wig. "Seeing Chef as a transgender troll? Priceless!"
"Rapunzel dude, let down your hair!" Chris called, and Chef eagerly lengthened one of the pigtails and began swinging it around. He cracked it like a whip at the punk, who dodged it.
The camera cut to Alejandro watching Duncan avoid every attack. "Wait! He can see!" He cried.
"With what?" The host asked sarcastically. "His X-ray vision?" He thoughtfully added, "but that would be pretty cool."
Chef attacked one last time, but the punk grabbed on the the pigtail and swung across to safety with a whoop.
\
The footage skipped ahead to a close-up of the host's book as he began to narrate once again. "And so, the Terrible Toothless Troll knocked off two losers," the shot pulled back to show DJ, wearing a leg cast and his right arm in a sling, and Sugar sitting on the ground nearby. "But," the camera panned over to Kitsune, Alejandro, and Duncan on the left, "three semi-brave knights made it to the other side and continued on their noble quest. Whereupon I," he motioned to himself, "in my wisdom, inspired them with a vision of Princess Heather."
/\/\/\
[The shot pulled back even further, revealing that the group had assembled in front of a small stage with a pink-tinted backdrop depicting a large white castle off in distant hillsides. A slow piano melody began to play as Heather, now dressed in a regal-looking pink gown and tiara, was lowered onto the stage by a few wires.]
When I was a little girl, I'd dream of my first kiss
[Heather began to sing in a rather melodius voice the moment she hit the stage and the wired harness was reeled back up.]
It would come from my perfect prince!
[She spread her arms wide and a number of tiny birds and chipmunks gathered around her, the birds even landing on her hands.]
And in my dream, it went like this!
[The scene immediately cut to the three remaining knights as they watched the performance, all clearly thinking about something else.]
"So what's the deal?" Duncan asked his ex. "You're dating Alejandro now?"
"I don't see how that's your business," she responded bitterly. "It's not like you ever cared about me anyway."
"I did!" He retorted.
"You never told me," she argued.
"Of course I did."
"Duncan, the entire time we were together you never once told me how you felt about me. You never even responded when I told you I loved you."
"But I-"
"Save it," she said.
"Guys, guys!" Chris said, stepping forward and getting between the former couple. "There's no need to fight! At least not until after this break," he declared happily. "Will Duncan and Kitsune's relationship woes affect their performance? Find out, when we come back!"
\
(Commercial Break)
\
[The episode came back to a distance shot of the stage Heather was still singing on, her music resuming as the shot cut closer.]
My prince will be tall and handsome
[Heather sang and the camera panned down to show Alejandro wink at the camera.]
My prince will be tough as nails,
[Duncan cracked his knuckles and lifted Kitsune over his head with a smirk.]
My prince will have lots of money
[Heather continued, the camera moving back on her as she showered the stage with a wad of cash.]
My prince will tame wild whales!
[She flexed her own arms, Chris nodded to the beat, and the shot cut to Kitsune and a small orca give each other confused looks.]
[The shot panned down to Sugar and DJ who were watching the performance with annoyance and boredom on their faces. respectively.]
"Man, I wish it was Sammy up there...," the brickhouse mumbled.
"It should've been me," Sugar complained. "I got a way better singin' voice than that!"
When we kiss~, my prince will be you~!
[A close-up was shown of Heather reaching for a wary-eyed frog in a small crown, the queen bee pulling it closer to her as she finished her song. As the music ended she held up the frog and kissed it on the lips, but broke almost immediately in a fit of revulsion.]
"Eww, that's dis-gross-ting!" she wretched, throwing the frog away from her. It landed on on Kitsune's face, and she quickly pried it off and gave it a sympathetic gaze.
\/\/\/
"Poor little guy," she said. "That had to have sucked for you." The frog just croaked in response.
"Wasn't that song brilliant?" Chris asked as the focus moved back to him, Sugar, and DJ. "It was so brilliant, I know everyone wishes they could hear it over, and over, and over again! And now they can." He snapped his fingers, and a CD case bearing Princess Heather's picture on the cover was placed in his hands.
"Relive the magic of Heather for only $12.99," he told the camera. "Call 555-SELLOUT to get your authentic Princess Heather CD," he added as the camera zoomed in on the case, "before everyone else downloads it illegally!"
"That'd be thirteen bucks wasted," Kitsune commented.
"Only if you were the princess," Heather spat. "Which you weren't. I was."
"Wow, you fit a shoe," the goofball mocked. "That's real princess material there."
XXX
Kitsune was listening to the CD as her confessional began, and hummed a few lines before she finally started to talk. "Dang it. She is a pretty good singer. And this is a catchy song... You think anyone would judge me if I bought this?"
XXX
"You are a vision of true beauty!" Alejandro said in awe as he approached the stage. "And as your noblest and bravest knight I am ready to lay down my life to protect yours."
He offered his hand to Heather, who took it with a light giggle and blush. "You're taking this fairy tale stuff a little seriously aren't you?" She asked in an uncharacteristically shy manner. She recovered and said, "Thank you Sir Alejandro."
Duncan scoffed. "More like Sir Suck-up."
"You could stand to learn some things form him," Kitsune told him. "A girl likes to get a compliment every now and then."
"I compliment you all the time!"
"Being called 'hot' isn't a compliment ya jerk!"
The sound of hoofbeats caught the two's attention and the camera followed their gaze over to Chef, still in his troll costume but now riding the same fly-ridden horse from earlier in the episode.
"I still can't believe that thing's still alive," Sugar commented. "I thought it'd be turned to glue by now."
"Aww, don't say that," DJ said. "Just because it's a little old doesn't mean it's time for that."
The camera cut back to Heather as she hopped onto its back.
"Are we supposed to catch him?" Duncan asked.
"No, it's a classic princess abduction," Chris explained calmly. "As the villain makes a whirlwind getaway on a swift steed."
Chef kicked the horse with his bare feet, but it didn't react. "Guess ol' Betsy here didn't read the script," he said gruffly.
"Kick harder," Chris commanded, and Chef promptly complied. A stronger kick caused the horse to kick backwards, catching Alejandro... in the groin
"That did it," Chef said as the charmer groaned in pain and fell to his knees.
"So, that's how the three knight dudes lost the Princess," Chris narrated, "But fate, aka me, wasn't finished with them." He motioned to the three as Chef and Amy rode off behind him. "They followed the troll to a fight to the death, because that's how I like my princesses saved."
"I'll root for you Sir Alejandro!" Heather called out.
"We have to try and save you too ya know!" Kitsune yelled back.
Heather ignored her. "And for good luck, I'll give my a token of my favor!" She tossed the glass boot at the charmer. He was just getting up and didn't see the incoming footwear... until it hit him in the groin.
XXX
"I'm only flirting with Alejandro to distract him from Duncan and Faith," Heather explained. "That way, they can keep fighting and and not focus on winning the challenge." She crossed her arms. "It's just strategy." She nervously looked around, then blushed.
XXX
The footage cut forward to a close-up of the old horse chewing on some hay before the camera panned over to a small castle archway propped up against a tower of some sort. "Sir Alejandro, Sir Duncan, and Dame Kitsune reached the ivory tower in which the troll had stuck the manipulative princess," Chris read as the three remaining competitors walked into the scene and he followed on his rolling platform. The shot panned up the towers, where several other pieces of crenelated wall had been attached here and there, and at the very top there was a pink spire and balcony where Princess Heather waited.
"But there was only one way to rescue her," the host continued with a grin on his face. "One of the brave knights had to slay the dragon!"
"Ooh," Sugar said excitedly. "This just got good."
"Dragon?!" DJ asked in alarm. "Please don't tell me you got a real dragon for this!"
"We don't have a real dragon," the host replied. "So we're reusing the alien monster guy."
The brickhouse's eyebrows immediately shot up, and seconds later a few loud mechanical footsteps were heard. He and Sugar looked to the left and the camera pulled back, showing off the animatronic monster from the first episode. Chef was wearing the motion capture suit that controlled it, and it had been given a hood with horns, a scraggly 'beard', and two tiny wings in a poor attempt to make it look like a dragon. Chef raised his arms menacingly, and the monster echoed the pose and growled.
"Let the dragon slaying begin!" the host announced, pulling out a trio of wooden swords and throwing them to the knights. Kitsune caught the shortest, Duncan the thinnest, and Alejandro the largest, and the three turned to face the tower and dragon.
"I pray for your success, Sir Alejandro!" Heather called from above, smiling at the charmer and blowing him a kiss that he eagerly accepted .
"Fear not brave princess," he called back ,"I shall save you from this horrid beast." He began to charge the dragon.
"At this point I'm gonna need the Holy Grail as a puke bucket," Kitsune muttered.
"I wonder if she'll still be into Sir Bald-elot once one of us take the challenge," Duncan said. Kitsune laughed for a moment before steeling her expression.
"Don't make me laugh," she warned. "I'm still mad at you."
"Well if I stop Al," he said, 'then you have to forgive me." He charged at the charmer.
"I never-" Kitsune tried to say, but it was too late. The camera cut to the two boys sword-fighting and dodging stomps from the dragon.
"Once again," the goofball sighed, "I have to save that idoit from himself." She hid behind the fake castle wall and waited for the monster to come back around.
XXX
"Ha!" Duncan laughed. "Did you see how she tried to save me? I knew she still cared."
XXX
"My granny's got more guts than you!" Duncan said as the footage resumed to the two boys running from the dragon. "Man up and fight!"
"You aren't exactly fighting it either!" Alejandro shot back.
Kitsune rolled her eyes and ran out in what appeared to be an attempt to join the fray, but she passed the two boys and crouched down in fron of the dragon. It tripped over her and flailed its arms comically before starting to fall. Duncan saw this and ran to push her out of the way... only to be crushed by the falling beast.
"Duncan!" Kitsune yelled in alarm.
The punk managed to poke his head out from under the monster. "Don't worry about me. Just slay the darn thing."
"Right," Kitsune said as she ran over to a large red button on the side of the beast's neck. The perspective switched to show her head on as she readied her sword to finish it off, but a dull thud stopped her and she fell over. Alejandro stood in her place with his sword ready.
"My apologies," he told her unconscious form, "but I need immunity more than you do." The normal side view returned and he plunged his sword into to dragon's neck, causing it to fizzle and short out. "And so," he dramatically called out, "the brave, noble, and handsome Sir Alejandro shall save the princess."
"That wasn't exactly a noble display Al," Duncan mocked.
The camera panned to the right to show Chris' moving platform as he arrived with Sugar and DJ in tow.
"Wanna rescue Princess Heather too?" he asked the camera. "Now you can, for only $79.95!" he pulled out a pink-and-yellow striped box and held it up for the camera, a vaguely Heather-shaped doll barely visible inside. "Order your very own Princess Heather Limited Edition Glass Boot Doll! Playing with the Princess Heather doll is more fun and less dangerous than playing with the real Heather. Guaranteed!" He finished with a cheesy grin.
The scene cut to the top of the ivory tower as Lightning climbed up to the balcony where Amy waited and the two grinned at each other. "I have arrived!" Alejandro announced.
"Well then," she said, "it is my honor to bestow your reward'" and the two moved in for a kiss.
"Wait, wait, there's no kissing!" Chris interrupted, wagging his finger at the couple from his chair.
The camera cut to the other cast mates relieved comments.
"It says here that Prince Alejandro and Princess Heather must sword fight to determine the true winner!" the host explained.
"Which means I still have a chance at immunity?" Heather asked quickly.
"Correctamundo," Chris replied.
"But I thought all fairy tales ended with a kiss?" DJ asked in confusion.
"Well Deej, this is a modern tale," the host explained. "Gals have to fight for themselves."
Alejandro looked at his ally with a dark grin. "Well if that's how it has to-" He was interrupted by his eyes widening. The camera pulled back to show the hilt of his sword buried in his crotch. "Mi cojones," he whimpered before being pushed off by Heather. He fell with a scream until he hit one of the 'towers' where he cried, "My sexy cheek!" More falling until he hit another tower. "My perfectly sculpted chin!" He fell some more until he hit the ground with a loud thunk.
The camera panned over to Chris and the other losers. "And Heather wins immunity!" the host announced to the annoyance of DJ, Duncan, and Sugar.
"Ha!" Heather laughed mockingly.
\
[A grand theme played as the camera zoomed in on the amphitheatre. Several film strips of the host highlights from the previous season flew past the screen, then the camera panne dout from a solid gold screen to show a Guilded Chris.]
\
"So," a tux-wearing Chris began with an award already in his hand, "with immunity, Heather is the first to win a Golden Chris." He tossed the statuette to the girl, sitting on the left side of the bleachers with her alliance, and she caught it with a smug grin.
"As it should be," she said.
"Well, it's not like you're getting any of the profits from the Princess Heather line," Chris said plainly, "so sure."
Heather's eyes popped open in shock. "What did you just say?" she asked.
"Also still in the competish," Chris announced with another two awards in his hand "DJ and Kitsune." The former caught his prize in his lap with a confident grin, the latter with a more bored expression as she held her hand up high to grab it as it went over her head.
"And Sugar," the pageant queen caught her award with a small smile.
Spotlights were put on Alejandro and Duncan, and they both opened their eyes in surprise. "Who will live happily ever after? And who will die penniless?"
"And the last Gilded Chris goes to..." The boys' leaned forward in anticipation.
"Alejandro!" The charmer caught his award with a smile. Kitsune looked at her ex with glistening eyes.
"Yeah I saw it comin'" the punk said as he stood up to take the Walk of Shame.
\
The footage skipped ahead to show duncan on his way to the Lame-osine. "Wait!" He turned around to see Kitsune running up to him. "I had to say goodbye," she explained softly.
He sighed. "And rub your new boyfriend in my face," he accused.
"I'm not into him. I still do love you," she told him. "But I can't be with you anymore."
His face fell even more. "I get it. Take care Foxy," she gave him a small smile and he got into the limo to be driven off the film lot.
DJ walked up to the dejected girl and gave her a sympathetic pat on the back. She hugged him and soft sniffles could be heard.
\
The footage paused there, and the camera pulled back to show it on one of the monitors in the control tent. Chris was sitting in his chair playing with a couple of Princess Heather dolls and had a few more scattered on the nearby desk.
"Marketing says our target audience is too old for dolls," Chris told the camera as the footage on the monitor cut to static. "They're just not selling!" He looked to the side, and the camera panned to follow and show Chef playing with a group of Princess Heather dolls dressed up as soldiers.
"Princesses, attack!" he said with a dark grin, lighting a miniature cannon with a match. The cannon fired, and took the heads off two of the dolls.
Chris gave him an odd look, then turned back to the camera. "Hey target audience! Make sure you don't miss the next kiss-filled episode of Total Drama Action!" As soon as he finished saying the title, he mashed the mouths of the two dolls he was holding together and made kissing sounds. "Now ya see, Chef," he told the cook, "that's how you play with dolls."
(Roll the Credits)
\
\
(Bonus clip)
The Delinquent sat in the Lame-osine with a calm and serious expression... before dissolving into racous laughter. "Don't look at me like that. She said she still likes me!"
He gave and exasperated sigh. "Because it means I still have a chance."
He crossed his arms. "Somehow, I will find a way to get her to take me back. And I'm not gonna mess it up again. Because even though I never told her..."
His shoulders slumped over and sighed sadly. "I love her too..."
Author's Note Post Script: And so ends Duncan's run at the million. I was back and forth over this one up until the end, but decided on Duncan to avoid any chance of Duncsune drama taking up anymore time.
I hope the Alejeheather stuff was satisfying. I really am useless at love/hate relationships, so I focused more on the secret mutual pining aspect.
As always there's probably more that I'm forgetting right now and will answer in reviews. I'm honestly not sure about this chapter.
With that I'm signing off
-TotalDramaFan14
RDA ELIMINATION TABLE:
16th Place: Mike/Zoey
15th Place: Zoey/Mike
14th Place: Amy
13th Place: Noah
12th Place: Sky
11th Place: Harold
10th Place: Shawn
9th Place: Victor
8th Place: Leshawna
7th Place: Sammy
6th Place: Duncan