My phone's buzzing. It's not a number that I recognize.

No one ever calls me. Whatever it is, it's probably important.

"Hello?"
"Pidgeyyyy," singsongs a voice on the other end. It takes me a moment.

"Lance?"

"Pidge, Hunk and I are going to the movies and KEITH'S NOT INVITED," and then somewhere in the background, "Dude, I can hear you."

Lance picks back up with a grin in his voice. "You want to be our third?"

I'd be more inclined to say yes if Hunk were the one asking. Or Keith. But he's not invited.
"What are you seeing?"

"Does it matter? Just come hang out with us!"

I guess I at least have to give Lance a point for being nice to me even though I'm not good friendship material.

"Why isn't Keith invited?"

"Pidgey-pie, don't you want to spend an afternoon with your auntie Lance and Hunk? We need to get to know each other better!"

That really doesn't answer my question. But suddenly I realize it's still daytime.

"You're really dying to see this movie, huh?"

"Hey, look, if you'd rather do something else, that's fine…"

"No, it's cool. I need a ride, though."

"Say no more, Pidgey-pie. Except your address."

Did I really just agree to that? That was almost an accident.

Well, this is gonna be a first. I start to compose a note for my parents. I don't think I should be more specific than "be back in a couple hours." All the better if I'm back before they are.

I give my hitch a short inspection before Lance gets here. Harold's right where he should be, Linda the dishrag is under a few things so I dig her out.

I think about it for a second and add another dishrag to my stuff. I'm not used to packing for spontaneous events like these.

Spare key. Probably should take one of those, too.

"Don't be a jerk while I'm gone," I tell Gunther as he prowls past me. I'm sure he won't, he's more of a jerk when I'm around than when I'm not.

A car pulls up on the street and it's… not my parents. I hope they don't ask too many questions when they get back.

Yep, that's Lance and Hunk. Hunk's been nice enough to leave me shotgun.

I open the door with Linda in one hand and the unnamed dishcloth in the other. It's kind of hard to be taken seriously when that's how you live your life.

"Hey, Pidgey-doodles!" Lance warbles, not taking me seriously. "I swear the car's not THAT dirty."

Maybe not but it's still a piece of junk.

"I get burned by iron, remember?"

"Of course I remember, Pidge, it was a joke."

Was it? I'm really bad at jokes.

I fasten the seatbelt with Linda and her friend. I'm starting to wonder if I don't actually have OCD about the things I touch, but of course there's really not a shrink in the world I can argue that to.

"So, Pidge, you ever sneak into an R rated movie before?" Lance pulls away.
"Wait, what? How are we going to do that?"

"Simple. We buy tickets for a kids' movie, hide in the bathroom for ten minutes, and then go to OUR movie."

My parents will be happy to know I'm keeping such wholesome company.

"What IS our movie?"

"Attack on the Midnight Sorority!"

Oh. I've seen ads for that. This is going to be a titties movie.

"So, you couldn't have waited a couple more hours so Keith could come too?"

Lance jerks at the wheel and I can hear a minor complaint from Hunk in the back.

"That little manwhore will find SOME way to entertain himself until we get back. Besides, the tagline is 'The hunter becomes the hunted' so you know it's gonna be good!"

"Is that really what you base your movie choices off of?"

"Don't even question it," Hunk mutters, hand on his face.

But of course I AM questioning it. That's a weird fixation, I wonder if Lance is autistic too. I mean, I really doubt it, but that would sure be something…

I suppose it falls more to the "quirky" side of the line, while me and my autistic traits tend to extend into "unpalatable."

Maybe it's ADHD. Maybe that's why, for all he is friendly and outgoing, I don't really see him hanging out with normal humans, either.

A hyperfixation on movie taglines sounds a bit more characteristic of autism than ADHD, but combined with his aggressively social behavior–

"Man, Pidge, what's THAT look?"
"Do you have ADHD?"

I hate when I say things like that without thinking.

But Lance looks surprisingly pensive.

"Probably, if you think so. I haven't been tested or anything."

I guess not everybody's parents are quite as obsessed with brain science as mine.

Lance seems entertained, though.

"Do Hunk next, what's Hunk got?"

"Um…"

I really wasn't prepared for this to go so far.

"No, really, it's okay," Hunk saves me. "Just drive."

I'll put Hunk's disorders on the back burner. I'm sure the guy has some.

The car stops and we enter the theater. I'm starting to think Hunk disapproves of Lance's driving.

"Three for the Care Bears movie," Lance says to the ticket lady.

I can feel her eyes sizing me up.

"Adults or kids?"

"Two werewolves and a fairy," Lance finger-guns at her. I think Hunk is facepalming.

"Okay," the ticket lady laughs. "Kids, then."

I start shuffling out some bills, but Lance lightly slaps my hand away.

"No no no, Pidgey, I've got this. Hunk, you're on your own."

Hunk snorts.

"I had a feeling."

"He's my best friend, I can do that to him," Lance says to me.

"Then maybe that's an honor I don't want," I joke.

Lance fake-swoons. "Pidge, you are a fucking SAVAGE."

"Hey, language!" Hunk puts his hands over my ears. "We're just kids, remember?"

He's pretending to look distraught but I think he's having fun. I can't help laughing a little bit, too.

"Pidge, you need popcorn or anything?" Lance asks.

"No, I'm fine."

"Well I'M not."

I leave them to their popcorn, hand over my stub, and shoulder open the bathroom door.

This isn't a theater I frequent but I'm glad to see the faucets are automatic. I might be the only person in the world who actually appreciates that. And, I'm not gonna lie, I'm fucking cute today. Maybe it IS true that happy people are the cutest ones.

It's not been ten minutes yet when a girl accosts me from out of a stall.

"Oh thank god, do you have a tampon?"

I shake my head. I don't want her to hear my voice.

She runs out of the bathroom.

Damn.

I had been feeling pleasantly un-dysphoric before this. Fuck the plan, I'm not staying in this bathroom for ten minutes. I hope our movie's entertaining enough to get my mind off it.

I dishrag the door open just in time to see Hunk handing the girl a tampon. She looks surprised but probably not nearly as surprised as me. Quite suddenly this moment might be sucking a bit less.

My heart's pounding when I reach them. Fuck the plan, it was stupid in the first place, and I have to know.

"Hey, Pidge, that was a quick ten minutes," Lance says.

"Yeah, I know." I turn to Hunk. "Why do you carry tampons?"

There was probably a better way to ask that.

He gestures in the direction of the girl heading off.

"For whoever needs them."

Okay, not quite the camaraderie I was hoping for, but that's still really sweet of him. I'd be lying to say I'm not a little bit let down, though.

"So you're the tampon fairy," I muse.

"He's not the fairy here, YOU are," Lance jabs. "By the way, Pidge, are you friends with the tooth fairy? Because I have some beef to settle with her."

Hunk rolls his eyes in a "not this again" sort of way.

"Lance, I'm pretty sure the tooth fairy's not real."

It kills me that I can only be "pretty sure" and not "totally sure" anymore.

"Well if she IS real, she stiffed me for an entire half of my mouth and I'm still not over it! You know what my mom called it? 'Exchange rate!' You know what would have happened if I'd invested that money?"

"Nothing, it was probably, like, a dollar."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT! That's like an eye from your FACE when you're a kid!"

I fish a crinkled dollar bill out of my pocket.

"Here, I'll be your tooth fairy. Buy some gum."

"No, no, no, Pidge, I only want it from that nasty elbow of a woman who ripped me off!"

"Lance, that was probably your mom."

"DON'T TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER LIKE THAT!"

"Well, she probably IS cheap, seeing as she didn't spring for your psych eval, either," I snort.

Oh shit.

That was supposed to be funny but I don't think he took it that way. Even Hunk looks mildly horrified.

This is why I don't tell jokes.

"Yeah, sure, fine," Lance shoves his hands into his pockets. It does not sound fine.

"Uh, guys, how about we just get in before the show starts?" Hunk says. I wish he hadn't said anything because now it feels too awkward to go back and apologize. I really hate interacting with people.

I wonder if they'd hate me less if they knew I was autistic. Part of me almost hopes that Shiro has told them.

The rest of me hopes this is a damn good movie because suddenly there are a lot of things I want to not think about.

It'll help if I don't have to sit next to Lance.

I'm sitting next to Lance and I'm having a hard time enjoying the movie. Seems all the explosions and naked people in the world can't distract me from how bad of a friend I am.

Shit, is Lance's mom DEAD? Did I just make a joke about a dead woman? No wonder I don't have any friends.

She's either dead or doesn't care about him enough to take him to a psychiatrist. Or maybe they can't afford it. Now I feel like shit for letting him buy my ticket.

I'm really not enjoying this movie. Seems like Hunk isn't, either.

"Lance, you said this movie wasn't gonna have any blood!"

"Okay well I didn't actually SEE it yet…"

I'm okay watching movies with blood. It's only in real life that the smell makes me sick.

But that's not why I'm upset. Fuck it, I'm going outside for a bit. I hope Lance doesn't think it's because his movie choice has offended me.

In the light of the hallway, I take out my phone. I don't have a shitload of contacts, so Shiro's number doesn't take much scrolling to find.

I don't even know what to say to him, I just want to talk.

My fingers are typing something for me.

Is the tooth fairy real?

That's officially the stupidest text I have ever sent.

I can hear the shrieking of the film through the wall, the girls are either getting murdered or fucking each other silly.

I wonder if Matt would have gone to this kind of movie if he were still here. Maybe in some ways I'm an improvement.

My phone buzzes with a wall of text that should have taken a lot longer to type with one hand. Maybe he got Keith to do it.

It says the fairy who earned that name has been dead for decades, but people were so amused by her fascination with teeth that they've been replicating her game ever since. He even tells me her name.

A special interest in human teeth. He really wasn't kidding about autistic fairies.

I wonder if other fairies have a hard time keeping friends.

I text Shiro again.

I think I've offended Lance.

He tells me not to worry about it.

I know Shiro wouldn't say something he didn't mean. It's a lot easier to enjoy the movie upon returning.

"Where'd you go, Pidge?" Lance greets me. "You missed the boobs!"

More of them?

I steal a fistful of popcorn.

"I was just on the phone with the tooth fairy. She says werewolf teeth are harder to sell on the black market than human teeth, so she had to cut costs somewhere."

"Ay, Dios mío."

The rest of the movie's actually pretty funny. But Hunk has already left us for the Care Bears flick.