Chapter 16

D: WHEN BRUCE IS ANGRY 99% OF THE TIME ITS LIKE OOPS AND TERRIFYING, BUT THAT OTHER 1% PERCENT IS COMEDY GOLD

W: what'd he say

D: ahem. *clears voice*

D: Out of all the optional doors of life, that could lead you to a happy and successful and dare I say LIVING future... YOU CHOSE TO GO THROUGH A WINDOW OF A 20 STORY BUILDING

D: on my behalf, he should know that I don't like hospitals and am willing to go through any obstacles to get out

W: Bruce is still practicing the parenting thing isn't he

W: tell him I said good try

D: remember how Bruce wouldn't let me have a pet cactus

W: yes

D: well I have another idea for a pet that doesn't require the actual commitment to help provide one life

W: ?

D: I'm getting a pet roomba

W: gosh dang it Dick

W: so how's our sick buddy

D: I feel terrible

W: no worries doctor west is in the house

W: *Sends picture*

D: I feel slightly less terrible

D: thank you

(A/N: It was an image of a drawing of a little bird in a mask and a cape, but I can't put photos on . You can see the drawing, though, on Watppad.)

W: seeing a spider isn't the problem

W: it becomes a problem when it disappears

W: very much like you

D: *blush* thank you

W: my uncle just told me that he taught my cousin who was just learning his words to say

W: no taxation without representation

W: imagine a 2 year old screaming that around the house

D: I laughed and Alfred stared at me

D: I think he knows

W: but how the heck do I do it!?

D: step 1: grow confidence

W: grow!? Are you joking!? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST GROW CONFIDENCE

W: please let me water and add freaking sunlight and play freakin Beethoven's fur Elise and moonlight sonata to it

D: yes but I was thinking more Mozart

D: step 2: good luck

W: UGHHHH

D: okay so a country is like a lot of piggy banks

D: what about a small island

W: like a little less but still a lot of piggy banks

D: I'll just save up

W: Roy I need your help

R: I'm sorry, you are trying to contact 293-648-0304. The number you are trying to contact is unavailable right now. Please try again later.

W: wth

W: did you just text me the answering machine to your voicemail?

W: Roy this isn't how that works

Uploaded: 1/13/18