The elixir gives you a kind of fizzy feeling, and the sense that the world's fallen out from under you.

When it's finally over we're in bright light. The air tingles with something that feels like electricity but honest to fuck I think it's magic.

I wonder if Shiro is as impressed by this place as I am.

I've never seen trees this big. Or this GREEN.

And I've never seen a real castle before.

It looks like it's made of the moon. It shines like it casts its own light.

There might be people in there who know me.

"Do you think that's where he is?" I ask.

"I don't know," Shiro says. "But there might be someone there who does."

I really hope the fairs here are nicer than the one we talked to.

We head towards the castle through the trees and the crackling air. I wish I could spend more time here, but we have a job to do.

I might have lived here for centuries.

I wonder if some part of me remembers this place. If the smell of the air might activate some deep, primal recognition.

I don't feel anything like that. I just feel nervous.

It's not a requirement of the mission but I decide to hold Shiro's hand. His real one.

There's a gate around the castle, made from living vines woven into impossibly beautiful patterns. I guess it can be said that the fairs have way too much time on their hands.

There isn't a door anywhere. I'm about to say something about that when the vines retract into a gateway.

On the other side there's a man. Tall, stately, ginger. I'm guessing he's a footman of some sort.

"I thought I heard someone out here!" he says.

Yeah, with THOSE ears, I bet he did.

"Uh… hi."

"If it isn't a changeling! So, you found your way back here!" he says, motioning me inside. "Please leave your angel at the door," he adds with only a touch of disdain.

I look at Shiro before I go in. He nods at me. It's gonna be okay.

With a motion of his hand, the fairy man brings the vines together again. I don't even have a moment to watch them curl over each other before he starts fluffing my hair and tugging at my sleeves.

"Is this really the body we left you in? I simply LOVE what you've done with it!"

I'm starting to think the fair folk have a possessive, touchy streak.

"Um. Thank you."

Thank you for maybe being one of the people who decided to put me in a fucking BOY'S body in the first place.

"So, I expect you'll be wanting the grand tour?" he gestures ostentatiously.

I do but I don't have the fucking time.

"Uh… actually, I just want to meet… my human."

"Ah, the birdkeeper!" he smiles. "Right this way!"

I'm still nervous but so far I like this guy better than the fairy from the herb shop.

This side of the gate is filled with gardens, just as green as the outside forest but much more regularly arranged. I can't even see the end of the wall, the place seems to go on forever. I try to tell myself that I don't NEED to find Shiro again while I'm here, when the potion wears off we'll both be back home, with or without my brother.

And it sounds like he's alive.

We're passing some people through these gardens, tall, sylphy sorts, with pointed ears and a stern grace about them. I'm getting disparaging looks from all of them.

The further we get, the fewer there are.

In a patch there's a woman stooped over a plant, clipping leaves and humming to herself.

She doesn't have pointed ears. She gives me a strange look as we go by.

I'm sort of glad I don't live here.

Eventually we're in a quieter part of the estate. It's got a few trees, maybe average-sized for the human world but small for this one.

"Right where I thought," the man says.

It's so quiet I don't even realize anyone's there.

But then I look over and see.

There's a boy in the garden whistling a bird to his finger. In the other hand he has a treat. The bird picks it up, and he's whickering to it, the quietest conversation I've ever heard.

He's dressed in what by fairy standards must amount to a burlap sack. To a human, it's exquisite, even dotted with bird shit.

The man calls to him.

"Pidge! You're got a visitor!"

He looks up, startled. The bird flies away.

He looks so much like me.

My heart is pounding furiously.

The fairy man seems to know this is personal.

"Well, I'll leave you to your catching up. I'll be back at my post if you need me."

I'm not going to look for him again.

When he leaves I take a step towards Matt.

He looks just fucking like me. I've talked to vampires and werewolves and all kinds of shit but none of it has been stranger than THIS.

Is that really how tall I would be without the T-blockers? Or is it just the fucking magic you can taste everywhere?

The insides of his wrists are scarred. Some scars look newer than others.

And he looks like he's afraid. I don't even know what I should say to him.

But he's the first one to say something.

He edges a bit closer.

He reaches out with the curiosity of a child and the wariness of an injured animal. As gently as he would pick up a baby bird, he tucks back my hair, staring.

And that's his first word to me, the sound of his thumb brushing over my ear.

Lately I've been getting particularly sick of strangers touching me, but it's different this time. I've worn his clothes, I've slept in his bed, I've been loved by his parents. And all he wants is to see that I'm real.

His other hand moves to his own ear.

And then he speaks, in a voice that for years has made nothing but birdcalls.

"…Cowbird."

A cowbird is a nest parasite that lays its eggs with another bird's. The young cowbird outgrows its nestmates, the host parents feeding it at their own chicks' expense. Not infrequently, it ends with the other chicks pushed out of the nest.

He knows exactly who I am.

He could have hated me if he wanted to.

But he takes my hand and he closes it around the bird treat.

I sort of want to fucking cry. My parents lost a good boy.

"Matt…"

He doesn't seem to be paying attention.

Does he even remember that that was his name?

"Pidge," I say instead. He looks at me.

"Do you… want to come back home?"

He's looking at me but he just seems confused.

"To your parents?"

He doesn't respond. I'm starting to see it. There's something feral in his eyes, like he's lost his own native language.

I need Shiro. Shiro always knows what to do. I wish they'd let him into the garden.

"Would you, uh… would you come with me?"

I take a step away. He doesn't react. I motion for him to follow. He looks puzzled for a moment, then takes a step after me.

They always said he was a smart cookie.

The potion's not wearing off yet but I want to hold his hand right now. He seems like he doesn't hate me but I kind of want to deserve that.

And fuck, there's a good chance I'm about to get him in trouble if we're caught. We're taking a different path back, hopefully an empty one. I'm sure he knows the area better than I do but I can't really ask him for help. Though I like to think my spatial skills are at least decent enough to find another way there.

Every now and then he calls out to a bird. Normally I'd worry about our position being given away, but fuck if he doesn't do a flawless bird imitation. We're just a couple of robins passing through.

After a while we reach the wall. The castle is visible from a familiar angle so we can't be TOO far away from Shiro. Haven't seen the footman yet, but honestly I'm not even sure he would try to stop me from doing this. He HAS to know why I'm here. Maybe he knows something I don't. Or just maybe, he's okay with it.

I like to think my people aren't ALL bad.

But of course, no footman means the wall's still shut. But I know I can get us through here somehow.

Nothing fancy like the trick I saw. Just concentrate on something simple.

Combining one's magic with that of the natural world.

I touch one of the vines. Take a breath, close my eyes. Ask it if it's interested in a cooperative project.

For a moment, I can feel my awareness extend. Like my body doesn't end with me, like there's a new self made of the greenery and the magic and me.

When I open my eyes, the vine's moved just enough for us to get through.

I don't need to tell Matt to follow me here.

He looks at me like I'm the coolest person ever, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't flattered.

Shiro's not that far away. He comes over, but THIS time Matt doesn't look scared.

"You did good," he smiles.

I'm only smiling back a little bit.

"Yeah. Well… I think he doesn't understand me."

Shiro says something to Matt. Matt perks to attention and nods.

I have no idea what Shiro just said but he says something else and Matt nods again.

"You're right," Shiro says to me. "He doesn't. At least, not very well."

Will it really do him any favors to bring him home?

Shiro says something else to Matt in that strange language I've never heard. I don't know what it is but I feel like I'm intruding just by listening.

Whatever it is, Matt seems to understand it just fine. Even without replying verbally.

It's a language where every word sounds heartbreakingly beautiful. It's the language of the angels. Maybe if I were human, I'd understand it too.

Matt looks like he wants to cry. Shiro takes him into his arms.

I can only guess at what Shiro is saying – everything's going to be all right, we're going to take you home.

Matt holds him tighter.

If you could call Matt a bird whisperer, then Shiro is easily a whisperer of humans. I wonder if all angels are like that.

I would eventually learn that Shiro has a way of holding people into calmness. That that's what he was doing when the messenger came for his wings.

He runs a hand through Matt's hair and starts singing to him.

At first I figure it's a song that only the angels know. But I can tell just by looking, this is something Matt has heard before.

It's a lullaby.

I can feel my fist tightening a little bit. It strikes me that no one has ever sung ME a lullaby. Maybe that's why they've always made me a little bit angry.

I may have ruined Matt's life but that doesn't mean I have nothing to be jealous about.

It's a beautiful song. It takes me several moments to notice I'm rocking along to the rhythm.

I'm starting to see something in my mind's eye, not so much an image as a constellation of ideas. My mother with her hand on my forehead. My father talking to a god he doesn't believe in. Oxygen, morphine, the taste of my blood. And a song that sounds a lot like this one.

It's probably not a real memory, morphine can make you see shit. But just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

Matt is quiet now. He could practically be sleeping. There really can't be a better first responder out there than Shiro.

He tells me that we're ready to go.