Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter XII

Struggling with the paper bags in my arms, I somehow manage to open the door without dropping all of my groceries. While going home I realized we hadn't had much of a decent meal the last few days, so I decided to make a nice dinner tonight. Perhaps I could prepare it together with Haku…

I guess I wanted to hold on a little longer to what we had.

I had been overthinking our last conversation. But I had to conclude that this kid was truly so much more than I had thought he was and perhaps that was why I was so intrigued by him.

I also had to accept that even if he wanted to stay, I couldn't take care of him given the new circumstances. No matter what, I would have to go to Konoha at one point and taking him with me was out of the question.

But none of that matters, I remind myself, he doesn't want to stay.

My distracted mind doesn't even take note of the young boy waiting for my arrival in the kitchen.
In just a moment he's standing next to me to help, startling me a little. Taking some bags out of my arms, he politely asks me how my day has been. I give him a small smile.

It's strange to come home and be so blissful after such a strange, exhausting day.

But if anything helps to take my mind off of things, it's our little routine of cooking. As we decide on what to eat, I hear some noise upstairs. The sound of water running. Zabuza.

Babbling about small details and other things, we get started. Yet my ears never stop to keep up with every single noise happening in the background. I was a little uncomfortable, not quite sure how to behave when I'd see him again.

A part of me was easy with keeping a distance but deep inside… it wasn't my style to pretend nothing had happened.

When I head the loud noise of a door unlocking, I look behind me at the stairs. Zabuza appears in the hallway, obviously coming from the bathroom. He looks cleaned up and is wearing the clean clothes Haku had brought him.

I catch the smug expression on his face when our eyes meet. I can tell he's amused by how I'm looking at him.

Why bother… This guy relishes on me feeling uncomfortable.

I answer with a smirk and greet him with a certain politeness. He does the same but the aura surrounding him is new to me. He doesn't come off as threatening or mean. There is still a certain amount of… attractiveness between us. As if we both kind of enjoyed having a secret together.

I don't think Haku picks up on what is going on but he can tell something is a little off, catching us glancing at each other. Zabuza manages to stay in character by snapping at him once in a while and I stay in character by putting him in his place. I don't know why he's bothering to stick around, he normally never cares what we're doing.

'You should go upstairs,' I tell him when he stars ruining our nice little activity together. 'Someone could see you.'
'I know… through the window,' he sharply answers. I give him a certain look but he only seems to get more amused by it and even snickers at me.
'I want to eat my dinner fresh out of the kitchen,' he tells me while moving pass me. I could feel his hand on my back when he looks over my shoulder to see what I'm doing. A gesture I'd normally react to in an outburst but I stay silent, telling myself to not take the bait.

I tell him it will be ready in an hour.

'Don't worry, Zabuza. We'll tell you when it is ready,' Haku answers on a light tone, after I snap at him.
He only nods, not giving the kid much of a reaction. Slowly getting up the stairs, I see him disappear behind the corner and hear him entering Haku's room.

I give Haku a confused look.

'I'm feeling much better, so I told Zabuza to stay in my room. It's warmer and more comfortable there.'
'You still need your rest too, Haku,' I sharply answer with a stern voice. I almost sound like my own mother when speaking. The thought makes me feel old.
'I know! I know!' he smiles at my reaction while handing over the chopped vegetables.

'Thanks,' I mutter while my thought drift to Konoha. To home, mom, dad… Tsunade. My friends.

I hadn't seen them all for such a long time…

I had planned a trip home but never with the thought of me returning there. It was such a downer on the excitement of going to visit. I might not be able to leave again… I look at my old wooden kitchen, the gloomy sight out of the window.

I might not return to this place. I felt a terrible ache in my heart. I loved it here.

'What are you thinking of, Sakura?' Haku kind voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I give him a surprised look. Was it so obvious that I was getting upset?

'Not much… just thinking about Konoha. My other home.'
'You miss it?'

I stir in the pot thinking that perhaps I was indeed missing it after all this time. Lately I had been a so emotional, I for some reason did crave something kind and familiar.

But I had left it all behind with such opposite feelings...

'A little,' I eventually admitted to him and myself.

'Will you be going home soon?' he asks while handing over some spices.
'Maybe.' Yet I didn't feel joyous at the thought of it.

'Do you miss having a home like this, Haku?' I sincerely ask, giving him a serious look. To my surprise he doesn't look away or avoid the subject.
'Yes.' He nods with certainty not having to think twice about it.
'But Zabuza,' I mutter in response, knowing he was going to use him as an excuse to leave.
'He is my home, Sakura,' he answers making my head snap up in surprise.
He doesn't seem to be hiding behind his blank canvas this time. I can tell this is the real Haku, he looks a little emotional himself.

'When I was all by myself, Sakura… he was the one who bothered picking me up and taking me along with him.'
'Yes but he didn't do that out of the kindness of his heart,' I point out. 'He saw a good tool in you.'
'And maybe I am,' he mindlessly answered. 'But at least I'm no longer out on the streets, I don't feel alone or scared when I'm with him. And I do miss him when I'm not around him… Isn't that what home is about? Isn't home a person and not a place?'

I quirk up an eyebrow, stunned by his little speech. It silences me completely and let my mind wander to who I consider someone home…

I had caught a glimpse of it in Inui. But now even that was a bit uncertain and perhaps even a little… tainted. I always imagined it to be free of rules and reasons. Just home.

'That was beautifully said, Haku,' I tell him when coming to my senses.
Finally realizing that perhaps it didn't matter what I thought and that the only thing that truly mattered was how Haku felt. And he felt his home was with Zabuza...

And maybe it was, who knows…

Yet it hurt. It hurt I could no longer give him the option to stay. I had to fight of the sad feeling building up inside. I felt conflicted, angry and confused.

Either I stay here and go down with a starving town or I go back to Konoha… which for some reason was just as bad in my mind but a lot less selfish since the only person who'd suffer would be me.

I glance at Haku out of the corners of my eye.

My idyllic idea of him staying here with me was gone.

Ha, I guess that makes Zabuza a better option than me… Since I'm no longer an option at all.

'I do hope we'll see each other again soon,' I tell him. Turning around with a smile, I frown when seeing his serious expression. Before I can ask if everything is alright, I find two small arms around me. Another speech of gratefulness is mumbled into my abdomen. Wrapping my arms around him, I just hush him and tell him it is going to be fine.

'Thank you for everything, Sakura.'

Dinner had been strange to say the least. Zabuza was different. I kept catching glimpses of what had stayed the unknown for the longest time. Maybe my vision was a bit blurred but…

I sometimes saw a bit more of a mild and kinder version of him. I definitely saw a teacher.

Like when he questioned Haku on his studies. It explained his sudden strange interest in my medical textbooks. I thought it was something to keep him busy but it turned out he read them for Haku to learn from.

And Haku was one quick learner.

I told him he could become a doctor with his fast ability to learn and his strange interest in anatomy. He was precise too, remembering important details of difficult subjects. I had to stay sharp in order to not bring shame upon myself.

I felt a little proud when hearing him talk, as if I somehow had something to do with it.

However, Haku told me he would never be able to become an actual doctor. He was nothing, a sentence that echoed loudly in my ears throughout the entire conversation. It pained me to hear him say that.

Also everything always had to be done quickly, there was no time to take your time in learning something. Haku had been an orphan on the streets before he was with Zabuza, meaning he was worth nothing to the state. And since he had no papers to settle down, he couldn't go to any academy.

Get what lies to be taken before it's gone. I believe that was how Zabuza explained it.

I suddenly saw an entirely different world from mine and what I sometimes complained about seemed trivial compared to how they had to struggle to get certain things, which they in the end sometimes seldom got.

Teachings. Medicine.

A nice warm dinner.

I kept quiet, enjoying whatever it was that we had. I couldn't exactly say we were friends but I realized they had unavoidable changed my life. Haku certainly had.

I learned to not see thing so black and white.

Good and wrong.

It was all kind of a blur in the end.

Even the greatest innocence was a little tainted.

I could tell when looking at him, whatever he had left behind was far worse than the life he was getting himself into.

Haku insist on helping me do the dishes, however his sensei was a little less graceful and with gruff voice he announced he was going to bed. His own bed. I can tell Haku's bothered by the fact he's going to sleep in that cold room again.

When he passes me, he says dinner was nice. An odd compliment I don't know how to react to, so I only answer with a small nod and a stunned expression.

'He's stubborn! Says it too much of a risk...' Haku rants on. He was telling me with slight annoyance about why Zabuza insist on staying that attic, even though ANBU was no longer around..
'And sitting in the middle of the room having dinner, isn't risky?' I point out.
'Exactly!' Haku excitingly answers, happy to find a comrade in his argument. 'But he won't listen', he mutters while shaking his head. 'Though he should, if he wants his body to heal properly', he continues on.

'Don't worry, we'll fix him up in time,' I tell the boy, reminding myself I have yet to give ointment to him.
'I know,' he nods.

We're almost done. Slowly putting the clod down, Haku gives me a bit of a shy look. 'Can I go upstairs?'

I hear some hesitance in his voice, afraid I'd be upset with him.

'Of course!' I laugh when I understanding he is asking me permission.

I only realize when hearing the shamble ladder that he wasn't referring to his room but was talking about the attic and keeping Zabuza company. He felt guilty about leaving me.

I silently continue to do my work while thinking about my rather odd evening.

Sipping from a nice cup of hot tea, I glance at the clock. I should probably go to sleep.
Putting down the book I had been reading, deciding I was done for tonight, I snuggling deeper into my bed. I enjoy the silence and the warmth of the tea in my hands.

I had a hard time letting go of what had been said. As a doctor I had always found myself somewhere in between sides and it was hard to keep balance at times… but now as just a person, I realized I was struggling to hold balance too.

A part of me wanted this to end and yet I couldn't bring myself to do anything drastic. It was all so complicated and fragile, it seemed too brutal to abruptly end it because it should be done.

Maybe I'd feel better if I know they'll be alright… Maybe then I can just move on without feeling regretful or worrisome.

I bite my lip realizing I had postponed to go see Zabuza and give him the new ointment for his leg. Looking down at my almost empty cup, I try to decide if should still go or not. He could be sleeping…

He isn't asleep yet, a sharp voice point out. I had heard him move mere minutes ago.
I wasn't attached to last night. And he wasn't acting unkind towards me either…

Without thinking about it for too long, I get up from my bed. I put on a robe when hearing the wind howl through the house and thus reminded me of how cold it could be in the attic. I grab the little tin container and with a tight feeling in my chest I go up the shamble ladder once again.

'Hi,' I mutter when entering. Moving up from his bed to sit up straight, his gives me a small nod as a greeting.
'I… I have something that could help your leg heal quicker,' I quietly explain.
'Good,' he answers with a smirk. 'It's becoming kind of nuisance.'
I didn't quite know how to interpretive his expression but I answer with a small grin of my own. The fact that he remained the same after last night eased the uncomfortable feeling that somehow had settled itself inside of my stomach. Perhaps I wasn't so well in untangling my feelings from actions as I originally thought.

Zabuza however was a hard person to change. He was still slightly arrogant towards me and still seemed to be in a hurry to leave.

'I need to start moving again. It's taking its toll on my entire body,' he started while rubbing his leg in pain. 'I'm getting out of shape because of all this resting.'
I nod understandingly. It seemed that just like most shinobi he didn't seem to realize that he needed to be physically well in order to get be back at his best potential. Start training too quickly and you were worse off but try and explain that!

I let out a sigh at the memories of those before them, stubbornness was a trait found it in every shinobi.

'I've been thinking that perhaps we could partially remove some stitches,' I tell him while signaling him to take of his shirt so I could take a look at his other wounds.

Examining his wounds, I start to hope the ointment does its magical work because time was taking longer than usual. Most had but some hadn't healed as well as I would've liked.

'Maybe two more days but once the stitches are out the healing progress should go a lot quicker.'
'I know,' he snickers in response.
I feel stupid, reminding myself that he of course had gotten stitches before and already knows this.

'Haku's right, you should probably rest in a better environment…' I tell, averting my eyes off his body when I realized my mind wasn't behaving professional. I kept reliving last night in my head.

'The doctor approves,' he answers sharply. 'She put me here.'
'Normally my patients leave after a few days,' I retorted.

I hand him over the ointment, 'This should help.'
Grabbing it, he takes a look at it.
'It's some kind of miracle cream that really speeds up the progress.'
Reading it with a bored expression before tossing it on the tiny wooden table next to his bed. I stare at the little tin box for a second before giving him a surprised look.

'I went through a lot of trouble to get that!' I angrily tell him. That was a bit of a lie but still, I had to do things I didn't want to do to get something for him. Something that would only benefit him and no one else. I had to lie again to get it.

He remained unfazed by my outburst, sitting up straight. Eying me from head to toe before moving closer to me. Sitting at the edge of his bed, his brown eyes looked up into mine. I could see the same hunger in them from last night.
A feeling of uncomfortableness comes over me when realizing that what had happened last night had crossed a border, something that couldn't be undone.

I swallow, wondering how to get myself out of this.

'You came all the way here to give me that?' he asks while his hand reached out to touch my knee.
As I stand before him, I feel something go through my entire body. Yet I stand frozen on the spot.
'It couldn't wait until morning?' When he speaks his eyes stay on his own hand, that travelled up.
'You couldn't have given it me earlier this evening?' he asks while he places his other hand on my hip.
I don't immediately respond.
Pushing me to him, I feel his lips on my leg. Kissing me lightly yet leaving a fiery mark each time. I feel flustered and a little confused on how to react. I didn't plan on this. I didn't think of doing this twice…

'Don't,' I weakly say while placing my hands on his shoulders, to push him off. But Zabuza isn't easily fought off. Aggressively answering my plea by holding me closer and kissing me more feverishly, boldly moving my dress up. I could feel his thumb go over the lines of my underwear.
'One little secret or two,' he says in between kisses. His breath is staggered, which has a strange effect on me. He moves his head up and when our eyes meet, I see something needy in them. 'Who cares?'

Nobody.

'I didn't come here…' I have to let out a gasp when I feel his mouth move further up.
Why can't I talk? Just tell him no.

'Sakura.'

I hate it when he says me name.

Though it is still said with a certain harshness, I can hear a begging undertone.
Pleadingly me to give in.

'I didn't come here—'Yes you did,' he answers, finally stopping his motions that were slowly driving me mad. I didn't know how much willpower I had left to walk out of the room without giving in.

'I didn't know how to behave—'you don't have to behave.'

A bold, arrogant thing to say. Especially with that perverse undertone of his.

I swallow again, feeling how I no longer felt disgust towards him.

His brown eyes went over my body again while biting his lip in excitement. Again I could feel myself get drawn in by how he did that.

In reaction, my hands move from his shoulder to his hair, something he enjoyed and let me know by groaning in response.

I reminded myself how much he had expressed wanting me. His snake tongue was becoming hard to ignore and I simply knew everything I'd say to object would be answered with a sharp remark. His hands told me how determined he was to get what he wanted.

Tired of waiting, he harshly pulls me in. Zabuza is daring, maybe even a tad bit perverse compared to others I've shared my bed with. Feeling his hands all over me before standing up completely to pull me in.

When our mouths meet, I give up.

Or rather I give in.

I give in into the soil ritual.

I stare at the wooden work, realizing this place needs to get some work done. It's old and cricked which is why the wind finds its way in so easily. The icy coldness on my skin is welcome for the coolness makes the sweat lingering on my body slowly cease and makes me catch my breath.

I take a deep breath to hold on to strange feeling that I suddenly held dear.

Letting out a sigh, I clutch on to the pillow underneath my head. I'm on my stomach, feeling his hand on my back making little drawings of nothing on it.

'I need a moment,' I tell him, still catching my breath.
He doesn't answer with much other than a short hum of approval by his own work. He places a few sloppy kisses on my shoulder, making me immediately reminiscence on what happened only mere minutes ago. I feel his breath tickle my ear and his hand moves up to play with my hair.

It was almost a surreal romantic moment.

'Why?' I ask him.
'Why not?'
'What do you mean why not?' I ask him turning my head slightly.
'What exactly are you asking me?' he asked in amusement. I turn around to face him.

I don't know actually.
There is so many questions running havoc in my mind.

'Why… this?' I eventually mutter up a question that was fairly innocent compared to the rest. Perhaps the answer was simple and something I wanted to hear.

'I believed I just said, why not.'

'I'm not special.' I feel like I'm on a high. I can hear myself talk without thinking. 'I don't have a certain body or look—'shut up,' he cut me off. His expression becomes bored and frustrated.
'Fuck, Sakura, you're a little too old for this shit.'

Shutting me up with his mouth by giving me a harsh kiss, he proves his point by letting his hand travel down until he is between my legs. His crude language and explicit reaction added to his persona and it numbed my mind until I realized he had indeed answered my question.

Why not.

'I guess it is in my nature to make sense of the nonsensical,' I mumble against his mouth. He answers with a smirk and steals another kiss. 'It is human nature,' I explain.
'I'm not human.'

The witty response and the arrogant expression made me temporarily forget what I was doing, something I deep inside longed for. I wanted to not deal with reality and I realized in this bed, I could do that.

Maybe I didn't truly believed it myself that I was sleeping with him.

'If you want me to tell you things you'd like to hear,' he suddenly whispered in my ear, 'you asking the wrong guy.'
'I know,' I nod in agreement while trying to keep myself from stopping him what he was doing. Letting out a small moan, his mouth moves down my neck and I move my hand over his hair.
I feel a little juvenile, as if I'm not quite sure what I'm doing. As if we were copying the vulgar things we've seen others do in books or movies. I'm not exactly at the age anymore were I can realize that it is all fiction and those things did not happen or feel that way in real life.

Yet it did in this bed.

Again, maybe I just didn't quite believe what I was doing myself…

Why can't I detach my mind from my body? Seriously, shut up, Sakura.

Suddenly he stops his movements. Opening my eyes in surprise I see him hiss before angrily looking down at his leg.
'I hope that little miracle cream of yours works,' he mutters. 'It stopping from doing a lot of things I want to do…'
I see him flash his teeth before letting himself roam in my mouth again. While I always felt as if he was being a bit needy, his movements held a certain laziness. As if he was never in a real rush. I let out a whimper when he stops and moves to his back to take the pressure off his leg.
He holds on to it for second before deciding to grab mine instead, turning me around and pressing me against him.

'Fine, you want me to answer your question? I never thought I'd have doctor in my bed,' he snickers. 'A beautiful prodigy.'
I smirk in response, knowing he somewhat meant it all sarcastically.
'Normally the girls in my bed aren't as pretty and I have to pay them.'
I nod my head in acknowledgement to how ridiculous I was being. 'Touché.'

Being so close, I take a second to take a good look at his features. He wasn't some handsome man that easily swept women of their feet just by giving them a glance but he had something… dangerous. An attractiveness all women felt themselves drawn to at one point.

'You're supposed to say something nice to me,' he points out.

'You're…' I bite my lip to hold my laughter when I can't think of anything nice to say without sounding sarcastic or being a terrible liar.

'Don't take too long.' His dull tone makes me cave in and I burst out laughing. I see him smile in response.

It's weird how easy you let down your walls when taking off your clothes. I'd never picture Zabuza casting me a smile just because he was seeing me laugh.

I bite my lip daringly making him quirk up an eyebrow.

'Fine, you're really good.'
'Good?' he asks with fake confusion. I move up to give him a quick kiss that he response all too hungrily.
'I'm a demon,' he says in between kisses. 'I'm not good…'
'You're ego is already big enough as it is,' I say when we part. 'I'm not clarifying anything I just said.'

'Should I get off?' I ask when realizing I'm half on top of him.
'Your leg is just right,' he says while giving it a squeeze to emphasize what he meant. I'm quite small compared to his large figure, so I'm indeed not pressing down on him. I take look down his body noticing every other wound was healing just fine.

'What…' I halt, not sure if I want to get this personal. 'Where are you going?' I instead ask.
'Can't tell.'
'You can't tell me or you don't know?' I ask in confusion to his aversive answer.
'Both.'

'I'm going back to Konoha,' I tell him for no reason. I wanted to get the burden off my chest and though Zabuza wasn't exactly the person to talk to at the same time I knew he wasn't going to tell anyone. I didn't really want anyone's opinion. None of it mattered.

It was all a done deal.

I was going back, no matter how much I disliked the idea.

'What do you mean?' he asks with a frown.

I don't know if he really cares or not but I explain the situation without giving too much detail about why Inui insisted on me being back in Konoha.
'I don't get much of choice,' I angrily admit, hating how powerless I was.

He licks his lips before speaking up, a wide grin on his face. Placing my hair behind my ear, he sits up.
'Negotiation.'

He made sure to emphasize every syllable the word.

'They want you,' he points out. 'You want things done, get them done. Do it by playing by their rules.'
'I can't outsmart my—'they're doing it to you.'
I give him a bewildered look, never had I looked at the situation that way.
'You want to change the system? Get in and work from the inside out.'

He said it so determinedly I was a bit taken back. It all made sense but it wouldn't be as easy as he had just said it. But he was right, I didn't have to accept the first offer given to me.

'Well said but a bit ironic coming from you,' I point out. He could've been a great Shinobi for his country if hadn't scratched his headband and abandon everything.

'Why didn't you do that?' I ask him.
'Complicated,' he vaguely answers while playing with a strand of my hair. He seemed to be lost in thought for a moment. 'Doesn't matter, it's too late.'
'To go back?'
'To follow my own advice.'

I didn't expect much of an answer but he surprised me with his sudden honesty.

'Is that why you are no longer obsessing about Haku?' he asks me. I feel his hand affectionally move up and down my back.
'I wasn't obsessed…' I mutter embarrassed. Feeling a little upset, I tried to not let my temper get the best of me.
'But now you're fine with him staying with me now that he can't stay with you,' he points out. His sharp tone cuts like a knife. I hated how he was determined to make me see it his way, rather I wanted to or not.
'I still want to but it's no longer possible. I'd have to go to Konoha soon and then he'd be all alone…'

He stayed silent for a second before pushing my head to his. Our foreheads meet and I never looked deeper into his brown eyes. I realized how nice they actually were. Warm, soft… a little bit of a hazy look in them. A least for the moment.

'Sakura,' he breathed my name into my mouth. Suddenly everything felt so intense. 'Do you realize you are avoiding yourself to keep a distance from the heartache of losing someone…?'

I widen my eyes.

'Don't worry,' he murmured, his nose nuzzling against mine. 'I understand.'

Losing myself in him wasn't as complicated as the words that had just been said. I don't want to dwell on his words or his confession.

Yes, as a doctor I saw too much heartache and perhaps that did make determine to keep a distance of having to experience it myself.

When realizing the impact the words had on me I made sure no gap was between us and numbed myself completely by continuing were we had left off. Zabuza seemed to regret his words and mirrored my reaction. Not speaking up again, only when letting out a sound of approval.

'Can I ask you something?' I whisper in his neck. 'Was this all planned out?'

Does Konoha have anything to do with you? Did they hire you…?

'Why me, Zabuza?' I added, finally asking what I wanted to ask the first time.

'I didn't plan anything…' he answers catching his breath. 'It just happened.'

Getting off of him. I ran my hand through my hair. It's wet and sticking to my forehead. I feel shiver come over me when the cold of the wind hits me. I sit up on the edge of the bed, looking over my shoulder at the man I had just repeatedly had sex with.

It's just that, I reminded myself. Just sex. Words meant nothing out of the devil's mouth.
Yet again, I couldn't help myself. I guess… I felt quite lost in the chaos of now. Had I bared my soul to him? I couldn't shake off what he had said, though I could see he'd swore to never repeat them again.

I wanted to know a few more things before leaving.

'Is ANBU really as dirty as I deem it to be?' I finally managed to ask him while voices were slowly creating a chaos in my still numbed mind.

It was my final question. Was I safe with the commander waiting for me in Konoha?

Had they truly hired you to kill a man they couldn't?

'Much worse,' he answers without having to think twice about it. I feel his hand roam over my back but I shake off his touch. Getting off the bed, I grab my clothes. He doesn't stop me from leaving.

Today had been a blur. I had responded to a letter send by Tsunade that I would be coming to Konoha soon but had pleaded for her to not wait for my arrival to send help.
I hoped she wouldn't be met with too much objection to the idea. I knew she would never willingly put so much pressure on me returning and approve to letting people suffer in the meanwhile.
However I also knew the power the Elders held over her. They were a lot less concerned about human rights then they were concerned about political justice.

I had read in between the lines that Tsunade was in no way backing up this forced trade but it seemed she had no other choice but to cave into the pressure of her superiors. I'm certain they had something to hold against her, something that held their disapproval.

Yet I knew deep inside, she wanted me to come back too… just not like this.

I had claimed some people were in need of my help and that I would leave as soon as I could, in maybe a week or so.

Now I was even lying to people that were miles away…

I felt tired of living this life full of… deceit.

Again and again I had to hear people complain about how our country was lead, how long it took for help to come and how false promises were the only certainty they had. It had been a tiring day, full of complaints, hurt and nods of understanding. All while knowing deep inside, that half of the truth was kept from them and it was much more grim and dishonest then they thought.

So I was more than happy to walk home. Especially because the last few days had been... nice.
The genuine feeling of coming home was new but also kind of old, I guess hadn't experienced it in years that I had slowly forgotten how wonderful it was.

Even in the immoral scenario I found it in, it still felt so good.

It made me truly begin to reconsider my life and how I was living it.

Because as always, Zabuza's words were hard to ignore. No matter how much I told myself not to listen to him. He always got under my skin.

I let out a sigh at the double meaning.

His hands on my skin had become a filthy habit.

Four nights and suddenly it didn't seem as non-committal as I had first intended. It was nice to have someone around to ease the pain and take away the worry roaming in my mind by numbing it.

However it was the same person that made a few good points about me that I couldn't shake off.

It had all been kind of… hazy these last few days. Intense but enjoyable.

I was kind of in awe of what I saw in my own house. Realizing the complexity of Haku's and Zabuza's relationship didn't depend on abuse. It was more of a… bond. Something I couldn't quite decipher on how it worked or how on earth it ever originated but I did know I too secretly craved it.

But like Zabuza had said, I was avoiding the hurt.

Maybe that is why I am so reluctant to go back to Konoha… However, he had also said something that gave me strength, the idea of negotiating my return. I could do what they want but they had to obey me too. It would have to go by my rules.

But no matter what,

I felt the bitter feeling inside overwhelm me, I would never find myself here again.

I look around the empty kitchen as I enter the house. Normally Haku would be here to greet me. He must be with Zabuza upstairs.

I didn't understand his way of teaching but Haku enjoyed it thoroughly. Obeying every rule and knowing texts word by word without complaint.

I frown. It was little too quiet though.

I walk upstairs, aimlessly looking around and listening for their voices but I hear nothing but an eerie quietness. Opening the door of guestroom I see the bed neatly made. Not unusual, Haku was very polite boy and would clean things up without being told so.

I quirk up an eyebrow when hearing water in the bathroom run. Without thinking I walk to the other side of the hall, knocking on it with a certain enthusiasm. 'Haku?'

For a moment I had worried about them not being here anymore.

The thought confused me but I couldn't dwell on it for long as I got startled when, with a certain roughness, the door opened up and revealed a-just-came-out-of-the-shower Zabuza.

'Oh!' I yell out, turning around when seeing he had just come out of the shower. 'Sorry.'
I hear him snicker and instead of closing the door he leave it wide open. Glancing over my shoulder, I see how he gestured to me to come in.

I wait for a moment but realize he isn't planning on closing the door and remains waiting for me to come in. With a sigh I turn around.

'Where is Haku?' I ask when realizing he actually isn't home. He isn't here… I sharply correct myself.

'Out,' he answers. Staring in confusion, I can't help but notice how good he looks in the light. The dark of the attic left a lot to the imagination… I feel a blush rising to my cheeks. Not now, Sakura!

'You know what he's doing and why,' he adds, bearing a serious expression to emphasize the meaning.
At least I never had to expect Zabuza to save me from harmful words or a harsh truth, he didn't care about such things. I nod my head in agreement and acknowledgment.

'Out exploring a good route?' I mindlessly ask, keeping my eyes one the floor.

'Yeah, my leg is good but in no shape to use the quickest route. A save route, preferably one that little to no one knows about.'
I nod again. 'I know a few,' I mutter.
'Little to no one,' he repeated.
'You're not the first "bad guy" I help get out of town,' I sharply answer, looking up this time. My angry expression doesn't faze him.

'Temper, temper, Haruno,' he smirks. Moving off the closet he was leaning against, he came to stand before me. His hand grabs my chin, making me look him in the eye.
'You knew this was coming,' he muttered. Almost affectionately he puts my hair behind my ear. I can almost see his eyes change right before me. From hollow brown to something entirely else.
Though he doesn't give me much of a chance to think about it when closing them and put his mouth on mine.

Pushing me until my back meets the wall. I put my hands on his chest to stop him while trying to speak up but he doesn't listen and simply ignores my pleas. I admit to easily surrendering.

'You don't have to worry,' he says in between kisses. 'No need to be quiet either,' he smirks. 'No one can hear you.'
With that he pulled me up, pressing himself against me. Just one taste and I got pulled into a frenzy, feverish craze that wasn't based on anything other than the need to feel comfort. Embracing him with a need of my own, I forgot everything I wanted to say and everything that made me feel lousy inside.

Abruptly stopping, he curses underneath his breath. He gives me a disappointed look to which I just quirked an eyebrow.
'Your leg?'
'Haku,' he answers with a smirk.
At first I'm not completely sure what he means but then I hear a noise downstairs. Embarrassed, I just nod and tell him to put me down. He takes an agonizing slow pace to do so and playfully makes it hard for me to leave.

'Sakura?'

'Let go,' I whisper when I hear Haku coming up the stairs. His arms wrap themselves around me, as if giving me a big hug.

'Sakura?' Haku repeats, sounding a little worried.

'Let go!' I hiss, feeling my embarrassment grow. If Haku would see this… Well, I didn't want to think about it. Holding on to my hips longer, I push him off using my nails in the progress. He smirks only widens, finding my reaction entertaining. With a red face, from both anger and humiliation, I turn around and move out of the bathroom.

'Haku!' I smile.

Seeing me come out of the bathroom and seeing Zabuza's half naked form behind me, he gives us a startled look.

'Sakura was helping me,' Zabuza said before I could utter up a lie to explain.

I could feel my face turn more red. 'Y-yeah,' I muttered, trying to avoid his innocent eyes. It took all my willpower to not turn around and give Zabuza a furious look.

'Oh,' he answered, not quite sure what his mentor meant by that. 'Well, are you alright, Zabuza?'
The concerned tone in his voice was a great reminded of how young he was and how he was still quite unaware of certain things.

'I am now,' Zabuza answered. I could hear him smirk.

'I got something for dinner tonight, I hope you don't mind,' Haku then says to me with a smile.
'Not at all,' I smile, grateful for that the subject was getting abruptly changed.

Though I frown when realizing what I had just hear him say meaning people would've seen him, talked to him. Remember him!
'But where did you get it..?'
'On the road to the next town,' he answered, using an easing tone to stop me from worrying. 'From a local fisherman…'

'You didn't pay for it did you?' Zabuza angrily asked.
'You did pay for it, did you?' I echoed on the same tone.

We give each other an angry look before looking back at Haku.

Haku's eyes go from Zabuza to me and back. He just let out a laughter that is unbeknown to my ears but makes me feel lighthearted. I can't help but smile in response to it.

'Don't worry about it,' he frivolously answers, not giving either of us the satisfaction of being right. Without much further explanation to where he has been, he turns around and happily announces that dinner would be ready soon to Zabuza as soon as I came down to help him.
I smiled at Haku's excitement for us cooking together. We always bonded a little every single time.

But it saddens me when thinking it was probably one of the last times we'd cook together...

With a sigh I move forward only to get stopped by Zabuza again, who found it amusing apparently to mess around behind a young boy's back.
'Don't you have any decency?' I sputter when feeling him grope me.
'No…' he answers, kissing my neck. 'I do like making you angry…'

It takes me second to realize Haku doesn't have anything to do with this, he was just messing around both physically and mentally with me.

I guess he forgot who he is dealing with…

'You're feisty,' he growls when I push him off again. 'I like that, remember?'
Knowing the perverse undertone was to set me off, I turn my head to see him wearing a satisfying smirk. I can see him frown for split second when realizing I was probably going to make him pay instead of complying to his wishes.

With a swiftness he didn't see coming I pulled off the towel around his waist and moved away from him. Walking away from his with towel behind my back.

'I'm in the bathroom,' he points out, giving me victory smirk, thinking I hadn't thought it all through.

I nod knowingly, halting a little, so Haku couldn't see what I was doing. 'Last. Clean. Towel.'
As I emphasize every words, his smirk widens finding the humor in it.

'Don't worry,' I quietly say. 'You can wear my pink bathrobe if you want to!' I then loudly add, giving him a wink in return to his surprised but still amused expression.

I throw the towel on the floor before turning around. Humming down the stairs, I didn't turn around to look when I hear him curse a little. He calls me out once or twice, making me halt for a second but I mercilessly decide to ignore his pleas.

When I hear his footsteps come closer from behind me, I do stop, surprised by how easily defeated he was. Curiously I take glance in his direction only to see him grab the towel while being completely naked.

'He's right there!' I mouth soundlessly to him.
'Boys,' he soundlessly answered, while shrugging to point out there was no big deal for either of them to see one naked.

I'm a little stunned but I can't help but laugh in response. Walking down the stairs, I decide to not acknowledge that Haku might see a shamelessly naked man behind me.

As get down the stairs, I get greeted by a smiling face who was placing the supplies on the kitchen counter. Still innocently unaware of what had just happened.

'You seem to be in a good mood, Sakura?'

My smile falters a little as I feel mixture of emotions overwhelm me. I had forgotten about my bad day completely. For a moment, I had witnessed a fragment of a life I that could never be.

I can't even imagine that this will be over…

I nod while dismissing the longing feeling growing inside. 'I'm just happy to see you so well, Haku.'

Trust me when I say you'll want to read the next chapter…..

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